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RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 7:07:45 AM

goodgirlmary

Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline

First, hugs to you. I know how confusing things can be, especially if you over analyze without thinking.
Personally, I was with a couple and we always played there, do I offhand know the address? Nope.
In Vanilla dating, I dated a guy who still drives by my house twice a week. We dated one day. Coffee creeped me out. He found my address, and drives by. People do that stuff for some reason.
Im not married, but to me, my home is my home and no one needs to know what I do. I get it was for safety, but I wouldnt have given you the information either if I were him. He doesnt know you, you are already giving out the info once for no reason and now he has to worry about cops.
i dont do munches, not that I wouldnt,just that I havent. But I really believe you should always meet somewhere public first. And always always take you car, at least in the beginning. Should something be wrong or go wrong, you need to be able to go. Water,maybe a brush,(toothbrush and body spray if you are crazy like me),cell maybe, your keys. Dont take in anything you cant afford to lose. Bring your own water.
Ive learned the hard way on this.
Dont spook them off by coming off like you are scared or you are a risk. Just be prepared.

Also, are you sure it was an actual invite so much as an extending if dirty talk. Thats how I would take it. Like he really wanted to see you and hopes it goes well so you can go from there. If you like him, go. Just take your car.
if you want the escape phone call,then thats fine. But why tell him its coming? If he was really a dangerous person hed wait till after that call.kwim?

< Message edited by goodgirlmary -- 7/5/2013 7:33:11 AM >

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 41

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 7:41:29 AM

SweetAngel43211

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline

He had already given me his phone number and had said he would be fine with giving me his address if we ended up there, but when it came time to actually give it to me he changed his mind and said it made no sense for me to have it or give it to anyone while I was there because he had said he would pick me up and bring me home so that is all that should matter. I do not have a car, nor can I drive right now due to some physical issues that make it dangerous for me to do it. He never came back and said one way or the other why he felt that way. In regards to others who posted, I live with family and he says he lives alone so it made more sense if we were going to go somewhere that it be his place. In the future, I will either take a bus or have my sister drop me off and pick me up. Thanks for all of your replies. I can see things from both sides and I will be doing things differently in the future.

Thanks,

SweetAngel43211

(in reply to goodgirlmary)

Post #: 42

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 7:55:46 AM

cutiewithabootie

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline

I have a few ways of checking a person out. Repeating questions in different ways at different times can tell you how honest a person is. For some stupid reason liars like details or are very evasive with basic questions.

Little things like what color their brand new bmw is can be forgotten by a liar.

Another thing I never give my address first. If I meet you, you have a nice nuetral location to meet me at. Or nothing.

I don't take more then can fit into a my pocket on a meeting. I'd, money, keys. That's it, incase I need to go quickly.

I also have a plan on where to go after an initial meeting and never go straight home.

I have plans after a meeting. Maybe an appointment at a beauty parlor or something else that is hard to follow me on but I can easily cancel if things go well.

I am hesitating on calling a predator whistle on this guy. Chances are he has something to hide. Maybe he doesn't have status he said or maybe has an ongoing relationship or maybe he lives with mom. Most people thankfully are not masked rapists or oddballs that will kill you.

A girl has to watch her back though. I'd say there is a lack of respect and something fishy going on. Maybe you will have better luck with the next one.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 43

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 9:47:59 AM

SwitchNSpanky

Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAngel43211

I was supposed to be going on a date tomorrow. But, when he mentioned maybe ending up at his place at some point I asked him for his address so that I could give it to my sister for safety purposes. He refused to do so stating that he doesn't give his address to strangers... I then asked if he would even give me a street close to his place I could get to and give to her if I needed to leave for whatever reason and have her come get me. I told him that I didn't see that happening, but that while I always hope for the best I always plan for the worst. He said it made no sense because he had already told me that he would pick me up and bring me home... I didn't feel comfortable with that answer so I told him that he wouldn't be picking me up then. He didn't answer back and promptly went offline. My question is was it too much to ask for his address or even a street name close to him for safety and peace of mind purposes?

Haven't read any comments from other poasters yet.

My reaction is... Hell no! Hellno he diddnt. That guy is prob up to no good. Avoid him at all costs. I'll bet big money he's a predator. Hope your safe.

< Message edited by SwitchNSpanky -- 7/5/2013 9:48:50 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 44

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 9:55:19 AM

SweetAngel43211

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline

Thank you for your reply :-). I am avoiding him and I am safe.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)

Post #: 45

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 10:00:45 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallullahHk

To each their own but I wouldn't go back to someone's place on the first meeting.

^^^This.

And I also wouldn't be having him pick me up either. You've just given a complete stranger your home address.

Please use some common sense when meeting strangers.

Get there on your own. Meet in a public, well lit place. Make it something simple and short, like coffee of ice cream, so that you're not stuck having dinner with someone you don't like. Then go home and figure out if you actually like him (as opposed to your genitals making the decision) before deciding if you want to see him again.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/5/2013 10:54:05 AM >

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(in reply to TallullahHk)

Post #: 46

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 10:39:27 AM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

I was picked up all the time too, did that for 13 years and no harm ever came to me either. I felt safer being picked up, my reasoning was that people had seen me leave with the person, seen what they looked like, seen their car, seen their license plate, knew what time I took off. In public if they some how manage to drag me off, not so much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Having said that, when I was first meeting people, I did not have a car, so I either borrowed one or was picked up.
No harm came to me.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 47

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 11:36:28 AM

Dyfrynt

Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

You were fortunate LGH. Glad it all went smoothly, but know it could just as easily have gone very differently.

As others have suggested: Meet at a public place, like a Starbucks. Arrive separately. Leave separately. If all goes well, there is plenty of time for more get togethers. If it didn't go so well, all one has lost is a few hours of your time.

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Post #: 48

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 12:31:29 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

Yes. I was. If I had it to do over, the one thing I would re do is bring cab money, just in case. I never needed it, but it's better to have it if you don't need it great an not have it and need it.

These days I qualify for the disabled bus, so if I couldn't be dropped off , I'd take a bus to meet them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

You were fortunate LGH. Glad it all went smoothly, but know it could just as easily have gone very differently.

As others have suggested: Meet at a public place, like a Starbucks. Arrive separately. Leave separately. If all goes well, there is plenty of time for more get togethers. If it didn't go so well, all one has lost is a few hours of your time.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Dyfrynt)

Post #: 49

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 1:05:31 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

That is not my definition of a safe call. I would never give out my full name before I met someone, it's just too easy to find out my address and phone number.

So I can't recommend that at all; stalkers are known to exist.

My safe calls have been simply a call to a close friend with yes, they are here, no, they don't look like a stalker or an axe murderer, and yes, I will call back in an hour.

I keep a safe call going until I feel very comfortable with someone. If I don't reach that level of comfort in the first neutral date, there is not a second date.

Generally, that second safe call is unnecessary, b/c I feel comfy now. But I let them hear me make it.

Safe calls are a great way for someone to find your body.

Meaning: That's all they are good for. By the time someone realizes you're missing or whatever, you're most likely dead.

For me I never used safe calls for that very reason. When my daughter was young and I needed a sitter, I just told them I was out on a date and if there was a problem to call my cell phone. If they couldn't reach my cell phone they were to call my sisters, friend, next on the list. I figured there was no reason to know exactly where I was. Maybe before the advent of the cell phone it would have been useful but with cell phones being what they are, there's just not a need imo.

Now a "safe call" was useful when I would call a friend while on the date and say "HELP! Call me up and pretend my house is on fire. I can't take another moment longer listening to him tell me all about his ex-wife".

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 50

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 1:18:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he wants your address so he can pick you up, then he needs to give his also. If he's not willing to give it, then he doesn't get mine.

But I really suggest you don't give out your address until after you've met. You don't need a stalker.

Once you've met and have enough chemistry that you're sure you want to keep dating, that's when you exchange info.

However, since you had said you weren't going to have sex with him and he ignored that and kept pushing for you to return to his home, that for me is a red flag. He didn't care enough to make sure you felt safe with him, which says to me you probably wouldn't have been safe.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 51

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 3:22:23 PM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

I'm not sure whether kink was involved here; if it was, then he sure as hell has no right to call himself a dominant. Either way, throwing a strop because you ask for a basic security precaution to be covered and then going offline is not only petulant, it screams to me that this is not someone you want in your life. His continued refusal to understand your position is a definite red flag.

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Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 52

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 6:18:03 PM

LeatherBentOne51

Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallullahHk

To each their own but I wouldn't go back to someone's place on the first meeting.

^^^This.

And I also wouldn't be having him pick me up either. You've just given a complete stranger your home address.

Please use some common sense when meeting strangers.

Get there on your own. Meet in a public, well lit place. Make it something simple and short, like coffee of ice cream, so that you're not stuck having dinner with someone you don't like. Then go home and figure out if you actually like him (as opposed to your genitals making the decision) before deciding if you want to see him again.

Now I know why I always like OsideGirl's posts.

Common sense: Never get in car with stranger. Never give address. Always meet in public at least first time.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 53

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 6:20:12 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAngel43211

Thank you I will be doing things differently from now on!

Don't do things too differently, from the looks of things you made the right call on this one.

Sure, it would be wise not to give your address to someone before you've had a chance to meet them in person, but your willingness to stick to your guns deserves a tip of the hat

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 54

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 7:03:11 PM

SweetAngel43211

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline

I meant that I will be meeting them in a neutral place and not giving out my address until I know them much better.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 55

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 7:33:28 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

He has already lied to you. You want to trust that?

There are far better men that will consider your safety before you get a chance to. Find one of them. Be valued.

(Amen to that.)

(in reply to Rawni)

Post #: 56

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 8:03:38 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Why does he get your address (he's picking you up) and you don't get his?

It would make more sense if you had agreed to meet in a public place, but you've already trusted him with yours.

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)

Post #: 57

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/5/2013 10:30:43 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

The man stopped talking to you after you pressed him for his address. Was it too much to ask? According to him, it was. That's all that matters at this point. The drama should have been over the very next day. I promise you he was already over it.

Next time, use some common sense.

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Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

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Post #: 58

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/6/2013 8:25:30 AM

SweetAngel43211

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/27/2013
Status: offline

I posted this right after it happened. I have thanked everyone for their advice and will be using my common sense more. Thank you for your reply.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 59

RE: Was it too much to ask?! - 7/6/2013 8:33:16 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Oh some people, ROAR. ROAR. Attitude Attitude. WHy don't you use some common sense bucko?

Nice even reply though Sweetangel

Unlike you I get a burr up my butt sometimes.

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My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to SweetAngel43211)

Post #: 60

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