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njlauren -> RE: Trouble meet sub/slaves (7/7/2013 9:13:38 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AngelsCry
I have been on and off this site for 8 years my question is why do so many sub/slaves that seek a Dom/me not take the time to get to know a Dom/me when they show a interest in seeing if there's a connection. I seem to find most of the sub/slaves here to be quiet shallow
First of all, there are a number of flakes on a board like this, looking to wank off (those 'female's subs who contact you in e-mail could well be men with a fake picture), or women who put a profile up to have fun and flirt but no intention of doing anything.
I have to agree with what others posted, though, I think you need to look at yourself as well, your profile, and maybe your attitude (the last is a a hypothetical, since I don't know what you do IRL).
To be honest, your profile reads poorly, it comes off to me (who has no stake in this game, since I am not looking for anyone), as what I used to call the pseudo doms, who would show up at a meeting of the local leather group, who would be wearing their leather vests and harness boots, who would greet each other like superior beings, and everyone else would sort of shrug their shoulders and have nothing to do with them.. It doesn't mean you are fake or a jerk or whatever, but keep in mind whether you are dom/me or sub, you are putting out who you are to find the right person. Spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes make it look like either someone is illiterate or doesn't care enough to do a good job, and a profile that is simply a list of the likes/dislikes CM provides can make someone's profile look like *blah*. Keep in mind that anyone with an ad on here seeking other people is basically wooing the other person, and that applies to dominants or subs or whatever:).
Even though I am not looking for anyone, I still get e-mails from supposed doms, and it is pathetic. "Hi babe, saw your profile pic, your hot, let's play", "U R sexy, I M dom, luv to play"....like, WTF? From what I read and hear from others, they get the same thing. I think the real answer to your question is another one, and that is, do you take the time to get to know the sub as a person, do you do what you have to to woo her? Your profile wants someone with a public picture (I suppose to prove somehow they are real), but what that can come off as some guy who wants to see what the sub looks like because they want only a hottie and don't want to waste time on 'losers', which, to use your term, can appear shallow.
It does't mean there aren't flakes, fakes and so forth on CM, there are a lot of them, but if you want to really find someone, you need the effort to meet and woo them, to find out who they are and let them know who you are, especially if you are looking for a LTR rather than a play partner.
Commenting on the profile itself, the block red text comes off pretty badly, as I and others have mentioned the grammar and usage errors doesn't come off well, and it really doesn't tell much about yourself other then your/weight, name, and that you are a dominant, without explaining anything else. It says you are strict, what does that mean? Does that mean you are looking for someone to be more a lifestyle sub/partner, following some sort of protocol, or is that only in the play room? From your personal, I cannot tell. And how about the non BD/SM stuff? If you are looking for a LTR, you are dealing with women, and if you were looking for a vanilla LTR, would you write something like this? Or would you try and say what you are looking for and describe who you are. The mistake with an ad like this is what we hear time and again on these boards and elsewhere, it puts the kink on top of everything else and wipes out the relationship side almost totally, it is very one dimensional, and it doesn't come off as well.
Here is how I would rewrite part of your profile, to make it more attractive. "Young, dominant male, H/W, name, I am seeking a life partner who would wish to share the love and joys of a dominant/submissive relationship. While I can be strict when needed, my dream relationship would be one where we both grow into it and form our own kind of magic that works for us and where things would be done without being said as part of the natural profession of our roles. Needless to say, in seeking a LTR I am seeking to experience all that life has to offer myself and a potential partner, and while the dynamics of our relationship will always be there, I would want our life to be full of the many other joys out there, cuddling at the end of a long day, talking, touching, holding and having a lot of fun as we grow and mature, it is that I seek a relationship that happens to be dominant/submissive in orientation, not a dominant/submissive dynamic that secondly happens to be part of a relationship".
The text probably isn't your style, and shouldn't be, but if you are looking for an LTR it has to be a lot more then the D/s stuff; I would suggest thinking of it as wooing a woman for a vanilla LTR that has D/s as a context, and do what you would with any other woman. Subs make the same mistake with Dominants, they see them as an image, rather than people. In a very different context, I faced that when I was trying to transition from M to F, and I would be at clubs and such, and would be approached by men supposedly interested in me. Most of them were creepy, because all they saw me as was a sexual object, someone they could get to jump into bed with them, and it was a turn off, because they totally ignored I was a person. More then a few times one of them would ask a group of us T gals "Why don't you ever talk to us, sit with us", and the answer they would get is "if you went into a club, and saw a pretty girl at a table, would you go up to them and tell them your dick size? Would you go over and start fondling them? Well, then why the fuck do you think we would react well to that?". Even though I wasn't looking, I can tell you the only time I was ever really tempted were the couple of guys who sat and talked to me, we talked about everything from music to I don't know what, we danced, it was quite heavenly and yes, made them a hell of a lot more attractive, among other things, I would trust them to treat me as a sexual partner, not an object.
I hope this helps, I think cranky old Socrates said it best, when he supposedly said "Know thyself".
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