Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Contracts


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Contracts Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 5:31:20 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

Well if you weren't doing as you agreed to do in the contract. It should be thrown in your face


This I disagree with.
If a slave isn't doing as told, there are steps we take to ensure she does. If still no, then she is released.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 5:38:39 AM   
wckdmnd


Posts: 37
Joined: 11/11/2011
Status: offline 		Wouldn't the steps you take be throwing the contract in her face? Because what you say there I totally agree that that's how it's done

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 5:58:28 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Life changes to much and a contract is to limiting. Blah I don't want our life put in a box of silly sentences. I don't even know why I am answering anyway, I seriously don't think IM a sub at all anyway. One time deal.

But if you like it why not!!!?

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 6:00:00 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

you want to argue "legalities" your Master takes a cane to your backside and causes deep bruising. That's illegal. In some states it's felonious assault and battery. you gave consent. Which means you both entered into an illegal act with full knowledge it was illegal. A lot that's done in BDSM is illegal on the books. Especially now that extreme use is becoming more popular. So your point about legality is what exactly?


Her point is that it proves premeditation. Courts will come down harder on a defendant if premeditation can be proven.

The language of a contract could be used to prejudice a jury further against a defendant. That will result in a greater chance of a conviction, and higher penalties after conviction.

Edited to add:


quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

Wouldn't the steps you take be throwing the contract in her face? Because what you say there I totally agree that that's how it's done



Part of my issue is the term "throwing it in her face." That sounds like your main focus is winning an argument.

Now read what TNDommeK wrote. "If a slave isn't doing as told, there are steps we take to ensure she does. If still no, then she is released. "

No anger, No argument. Simply a quiet, confident summation of what is done.

If your emphasis is on proving to your sub that you're right and she's wrong in an adversarial situation, you've got a way to go.





< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/9/2013 6:04:07 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 6:12:41 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		FR

I can't speak for the US, but in the UK 'deep bruising' would most likely be a common assault - an assault in which no serious injury has occurred. Consent is actually a defence for common assault, so if he could demonstrate consent then he wouldn't be convicted. HOWEVER if I were to go to the police about this, I'd obviously be saying it was non-consensual. The contract in that case won't prove consent because I can say 'he made me sign it'. Worst case scenario, it shows intent on his part and could even hint at a false imprisonment case.

By definition I can't consent to any assault causing serious injury - in which case the contract can't be of any use anyway, except of course, to establish a pattern of behaviour. I wouldn't have committed a crime by saying 'yes please break my arm' - the law just wouldn't accept my consent.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 6:41:23 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Contracts are a tool, and like all tools skill in both their use and an understanding of when and where to use them is important.

Most people who cant use a tool dismiss their usefulness.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 6:53:30 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		I personally don't see much truth in that last line, but I'd be interested to get an idea of when/where and how would be a skillful way of using them.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 7:03:34 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

Wouldn't the steps you take be throwing the contract in her face? Because what you say there I totally agree that that's how it's done


I'm thinking its the "throw it in her face" I'm having the issue with. I can't see myself grabbing the contract and saying " see! You signed, do what I say"
I just don't work that way. I believe in communication, teaching...if needed, punishment. Then if warranted...the door. She knows she signed, I don't need to remind her.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 7:06:41 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Most people who cant use a tool dismiss their usefulness.

Not true. I have a law degree. I've owned my own businesses where contracts were required to protect (And this is so key-that's what contracts do-protect the interests of both parties). I evaluate contracts and terms for a living.
I use these tools all the time, understand exactly what contracts are.
And I see no use for them in my relationships.

Used em before-found they limited me and the relationship. What had started out as a good idea turned into something that was stifling.
Add in that they are unenforceable and they are essentially useless to me.
Now, if I had a hundred laws and rules, that might be different. But I only have three and I think she can remember them, no need to write em down.

Question-Would you require a contract before marriage?

ETA-I'm not knocking anyone who does use em-just stating, as asked by the OP, my perspective from a personal POV


ETA PT 2 (The Temple of Doom)-Hell fucking yes I throw the terms in her face when I used contracts. You bet your ass I did. And laughed and jeered at her as I did. Fuck-I'm a sadist, HTF else did you think I'd react? I cackle as I rub her nose in that shit

< Message edited by Kana -- 7/9/2013 7:09:15 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 7:12:12 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		But as the dominant, couldn't you and slave alter the contracts when needed? I look at it like this, if a king makes rules that his kingdom must follow, can't he change the rules at any time? He is the king, after all. Now of course this is on a much smaller comparison. But I find that whatever works best for you is what you go with.

Lets say at the beginning of relationship, said slave signed a contract stating hard limits of anal (first thing that came to mind) and throughout your relationship, you've managed and she has been turned onto a little anal play and eventually she has tossed out the notion that anal is a limit, wouldn't it be ok to redo that part of the contract?



_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 7:36:27 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

But as the dominant, couldn't you and slave alter the contracts when needed? I look at it like this, if a king makes rules that his kingdom must follow, can't he change the rules at any time? He is the king, after all. Now of course this is on a much smaller comparison. But I find that whatever works best for you is what you go with.

Lets say at the beginning of relationship, said slave signed a contract stating hard limits of anal (first thing that came to mind) and throughout your relationship, you've managed and she has been turned onto a little anal play and eventually she has tossed out the notion that anal is a limit, wouldn't it be ok to redo that part of the contract?



Sure. And I do and have. I call these "State of the Union" moments-every few months we'll sit down (Well, I sit and she kneels naked) and hash out what's up and where we are going.
But then you're writing a new contract, the new negotiation (Hehehe-its some negotiation-"From now on out, we're going to be doing this.") voids the old one.
Legally, it's the same as offer/counteroffer. The counter voids the initial offer once made.

And really I'm speaking only theoretically at this point-we work within a no limits structure-if I decide to nail her tongue to a coffeetable, it's my choice. We don't really discuss this sort of stuff anymore. But we have had to alter how and what we do due to health concerns, issues with getting older and other factors that have certainly impacted our play.

And WTF signs a no anal contract? I mean shit, would you?
I want a bitch to serve me, that gal, she giving up that ass. And the more she dislikes it, the more I'm gonna want it.
I suspect you may understand....

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 7:45:12 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

Wouldn't the steps you take be throwing the contract in her face? Because what you say there I totally agree that that's how it's done


I'm thinking its the "throw it in her face" I'm having the issue with. I can't see myself grabbing the contract and saying " see! You signed, do what I say"
I just don't work that way. I believe in communication, teaching...if needed, punishment. Then if warranted...the door. She knows she signed, I don't need to remind her.


I found that phrase alarming too. Throwing something in someone's face suggests lashing out or being spiteful. Even when something is going wrong in a relationship and it needs fixing, I think taking a confrontational and aggressive attitude about it is counterproductive.

K doesn't strike me as the type of person who throws things in people's faces in general - that's a sort of whiny, spoilt attitude to have.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 8:21:58 AM   
wckdmnd


Posts: 37
Joined: 11/11/2011
Status: offline 		I was just using her words. Perhaps I won't do such things in the future. Live n learn

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 8:49:30 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kana,

You confirmed my point. There was a time you found them useful...

(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 8:59:00 AM   
FeetKing


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline 		Nothing wrong with a well detailed contract between a sub/slave and their owner

(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 9:03:22 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Contracts are a tool, like all tools, knowing when and why to apply them determines your success with them. They do not create obedience, nor do they substitute for dominance

New people can use them as tools to enhance communication and create clarity, around limits, responsibilities, defining outside relationships and a host of other issues.

Like all ritual, they can be used to enhance a submissive mindset, to provide structure and safety, to have a tangible presence of the relationship.

To make clear secondary roles, to outline the scope and limits of a part time relationship.

Putting thoughts to paper requires one to clarify those thoughts, to say yes or no and can force people to reckon with unspoken needs and expectations.

One doesn't need a ring or a priest to be married nor do either of those ensure a better outcome than a pinky swear, but many find them important. I see contracts in the same light.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 9:15:11 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

-Contracts aren't legally binding so they aren't worth the paper they're printed on, much less the time to write one. They're just so much wank fodder. The point of a contract is to protect the involved parties. Since a contract isn't enforceable, no protection is given-thus, they are beyond worthless.
-The only contracts I've used are verbal. Why would I need otherwise. She gives me her word and that's that. Because, you know, if I didn't trust the slut, why would I want to be with the cunt. The agreements tend to be pretty basic too. She promises to serve, please and obey. I plan to be worthy. That's it.
-In a million billion years, I wouldn't have expected a thread with this title to devolve into BBT


1. Total agreement, but if a couple wants to make it an outline of expectations rather than a binding agreement, I'd be okay with that. For some people, the act of making/signing a contract is a big part of their kink, irregardless of it's legality.
2. Ultimately it all boils down to that.
3. That one caught me by surprise too. Love the way threads can drift here. Just as long as there's no hotlinking to BBT Mary Sue slash fanfics arising out of this.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 9:34:53 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		FR~

We started out without having a contract.
That was fine for a while until we ran across several sub/slaves that insisted on having a contract.
When I asked why, they all said it was so they knew where the boundaries were, what their duties were, and what to expect from us.
We were getting several a week like this (across several sites) - so we wrote one, a very simple one.

It basically said: we own you mind, body and soul, ...lock, stock and barrel - the whole nine yards.
We say jump, you jump first and ask how high for the next time. No questions, no arguments; you just do it.

That was fine for a while. Then we were getting caught out with a lot of "what-if's".
It didn't take long for it to start overflowing into two pages.
I reduced the margins to minimum, I reduced the font to size 9; and it was still expanding!
At this point, it was utterly useless.
Who is going to read two or more pages of wall-to-wall small-print for something that isn't legally enforcible anyway?
Like many contracts that I've come across over the last few years, it had gotten too specific and too complicated.
I drew up another one that was a lot more generic, more concise, and could easily fit onto a single readable page.
Since then, we've had very few "what if's" or other questions.
One thing we always say to everyone that asks about it: it has no legal teeth whatsoever and cannot be enforced in any court of law; it is designed to be a fun document that saves many questions and is for mutual guidance only, a token of trust between us and nothing more.

So far, for those that want a contract, it seems to have served its purpose.
Personally, I don't think one is necessary.
I say.... You do. What else is there to explain or remember?

(in reply to wckdmnd)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 9:40:51 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		What were Frosted Flakes Terms-something like we practice YDWTFITYTD (You do what the fuck I tell you to do).
That's my contract. Right there. :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Contracts - 7/9/2013 10:41:37 AM   
LeesaLove


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/2/2008
From: Chicago/Cincinnati
Status: offline 		It may be a good thing to go back to, but a contract does nothing other than that.

I find it very laughable, especially when people try to use them for rape play.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Contracts Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109