RE: Contracts (Full Version)

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tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 5:41:18 PM)

Thats sorta what I am trying to figure out. Are we talking about scene/play contracts or are we discussing ownership contracts?




kalikshama -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 6:08:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

...Relaying on a contract and a promisse to illicite obedience from somebody is the first step in the loosing battle of the Top completely loosing control, because all it does is reenforce the fact that the bottom really doesn't have any good reason to obey you, other than her wanting to, which you've somehow already momentarily make her loose the desire to do, and now instead of addressing that, you're plainly expecting obedience despite her no longer wanting to obey, instead of making her desire to obey again.


Well said.

Hey, did you happen to catch the parts in Perfect Victim that related to the contract?




Focus50 -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 6:47:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Thats sorta what I am trying to figure out. Are we talking about scene/play contracts or are we discussing ownership contracts?


The smart money says we ain't gonna get it "straight from the horse's mouth".... lol

Can't remember the OP now; was that distinction made or discussed?

I s'pose I could go read all the thread...., but...., you know.... [sm=givemebeer.gif]

Focus.




lovethyself -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 7:15:21 PM)

FR

When I started in my current relationship, I had no experience with protocols or rules and guidelines. We created a document that I could reference to refresh my memory. It wasn't a contract, per se, but it did outline the rules that I had agreed to follow. Nothing was ever added that wasn't discussed beforehand, and if anything needed adjusting we talked about it. I asked for it, because sometimes my memory sucks or gets swamped with work details, and it helped to me remember the current rules. Sometimes they changed from visit to visit (specifically the orgasm denial type rules). I haven't had to reference it in months, now that I've gotten used to the protocols that He likes.

It was never something that either of us signed, nor has it been thrown in my face. Since we aren't in the same city, it's a google doc that either of us can reference and change as we discuss it (I wouldn't change His rules for me without His permission, of course). It's also nothing that was written with the intent of being (even in semblance) held up in court.

I'm not sure if this is the same thing as the contracts that are being discussed.




ForgetToRemember -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 9:57:07 PM)

Contracts can be very fun. They are great for Chastity!




tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/11/2013 10:30:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Thats sorta what I am trying to figure out. Are we talking about scene/play contracts or are we discussing ownership contracts?


The smart money says we ain't gonna get it "straight from the horse's mouth".... lol

Can't remember the OP now; was that distinction made or discussed?

I s'pose I could go read all the thread...., but...., you know.... [sm=givemebeer.gif]

Focus.



lol.. I know I wont... apparently I am an "offensive creature" according to the OP. [:D]




SimplyMichael -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 7:10:39 AM)

It isn't a tough question, and when you ask in a civil way I will gladly answer.




SwitchNSpanky -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 9:23:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

So you contract the play sessions between you two? I have a feeling we are discussing different types of contracts.


Not the majority of the time. But if we are changing up the dynamic in some way then we sometimes write a short term contract that defines the new game. For example my wife is a happy slave. So on my birthday I play for me like normal. No contract needed usually cuz it's bizness as usual. But on her birthday I gave her two contracts. One where she got to top (just to spice things up) and one where I topped but would do all her fav things I could fit into the time before bed and after kids. Then she got to choose one to "redeem". The contract sets the stage when we're doing something new.

During this fathersday we were in the middle of an experiment. We tried me subbing to see if that was more/different fun. But for fathers day it seemed like the usual dynamic would be better/more fun. So because we were playing with this temp dynamic we wrote a contract to define a temp switch to the usual dynamic. This the status qoue was maintained. (that night we realized that sex with each other is fun no matter what. But our usual dynamic was best. Guess you can't improve perfection).




tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 10:05:11 AM)

I thought we were discussing Master/slave or D/s contracts.....




SwitchNSpanky -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 2:57:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I thought we were discussing Master/slave or D/s contracts.....


Me too. But thats the closest I've been to one since my first Slave. That one was a funny combination of fake old English and legaleese. Didn't refer to it often but I felt I had to make one to be real. Lol. It did get us talking about our wants and needs more than we would have done so otherwise.




Focus50 -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 3:15:22 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

It isn't a tough question, and when you ask in a civil way I will gladly answer.


That was you being all civil (and fair and reasonable) with the "woof woof" non quote, yeah? And telling littlewonder how silly and idiotic she's being etc.... That's your standard?

The fact you are dodging it makes it a tough question and my "smart money" looks safe as houses. You got nuthin - prove me wrong or be gone.

But here you go.
Pretty please with sugar on top, what's the SimplyMichael take on contracts? Just for play or personal relationships, too? Or both?

Look at that; you've got the fossil Focus dancing to your tune. Give me hell. [8|]

Focus.




Focus50 -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 3:23:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I thought we were discussing Master/slave or D/s contracts.....


Yeah, that actually read more like short-story scripts.

I spose if writing is your thing.... It'd be punishment to me, but. lol

Focus.




tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 3:36:01 PM)

lol... I suppose if I was playing with someone I didnt exactly trust... then again, I dont play with people I dont exactly trust.. so I still dont see a need for a contract!




njlauren -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 5:18:16 PM)

I think with contracts it depends on the people, it can be a tool to focus on what the relationship is or isn't, and it does force the people to think about what they want, what they are getting into. I kind of wonder when they are married if people should do a marriage contract before they are married, not to have legal weight, but actually set out what they expect going into the marriage, what they want, what they see as the future, ask any relationship counselor and they will tell you that most people go into marriage with their eyes firmly shut, lot of unsaid expectations, expecting their mate to read their minds, etc.

It also is a way to ease into D/s relationships and to make it mutual. Strict D/s people see this as a copout IME, that you don't need one since what the M or S says is law, but that is people who have gotten to that point. Besides focusing on things, it can act as a guideline, to allow them to ease into things (for example, that the contract can be renegotiated in x months).

It also can be part of the fantasy, taking the time to write one, coming up with neat language, can make it that much more interesting. When I say fantasy, I don't mean non real, what I mean is it is living into something that in a sense is a fantasy, since no one would argue that an M/s is 'real slavery' as in the sense of chattel slavery, since there is no legal standing to it, but rather in the words we used when we had a contract, it is of the heart and spirit:).




Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 5:38:51 PM)

Personally, I've never used contracts before. I find most of the canned contracts and slave rules floating about the internet rather Entertaining.




Focus50 -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 7:36:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

lol... I suppose if I was playing with someone I didnt exactly trust... then again, I dont play with people I dont exactly trust.. so I still dont see a need for a contract!


Oh you're just too much hard work...! [;)]

Focus.




tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 7:42:55 PM)

Why, yes, yes I am [:D]




Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 8:41:37 PM)

Talk about signing your ass away.. (to make a joke)...




tazzygirl -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 8:53:32 PM)

Ass play... an extremely hard limit!!!

Where is my contract!!!




hrxxx -> RE: Contracts (7/12/2013 9:02:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wckdmnd

So as to not hijack a different thread. How do people feel about the use of contracts? Personally, I find them to be something tangible to refer to. As they spell out what's expected and what's not in no uncertain terms. However, others find them laughable. So how do you feel? Are they worth doing in a D/s or M/s dynamic? Or are they just something that gets in the way of you making it up as you go along?


Here is a funny story about contact

quote:

After signing an explicit agreement that she would become her husband's "slave," a saleswoman in Padua is suing for divorce, claiming that her partner physically abused her during their marriage and that he's stalked her since their split. Insert your obligatory Fifty Shades life imitates art imitates porn imitates a waking nightmare universe where E.L. James is graciously requesting that her Nobel Prize for literature be affixed to a black leather strap and used to choke her in front of a titillated audience.

According to the Telegraph, the couple celebrated their very specific slave/master nuptials in 2006. The marriage contract specified that the woman would refer to her husband (who was ten years her senior) as "padrone" or master, and further stipulated that "the slave agrees to obey and to offer herself for the satisfaction of the desires of her master." Though the woman was to "place her body at her master's disposition, to be used at his pleasure," the contract made exceptions for "coprophilia, bestiality, asphyxia/restriction of breathing, branding by fire, any activities involving weapons and any acts in general which could permanently mark her physically." Otherwise, anything was apparently fair game and, if the woman refused to keep to the agreement, certain vague and creepy-sounding "punishments" would be in order.

Since the divorce case is currently before the courts, the couple has remained unnamed, but basically what the slow-cogs of Italian justice are trying to figure out is whether the woman simply tired of the arrangement she agreed to ten years ago (when she was just 24), or her partner violated the contract himself by physically abusing her in a way that the couple had not previously agreed on. Observers have drawn parallels to Fifty Shades, obviously, but also to The Story of O, which is a dirty, dirty book about a Parisian photographer who lets herself be blindfolded, tied-up and whipped. People change A LOT in ten years, so it seems plausible that this sadomasochistic arrangement started to become a little less exciting and a lot more abusive over the course of the marriage. Signing a piece of paper still doesn't give someone carte blanche to abuse a partner (or anyone, for that matter), it just probably makes it way harder to ensure that an abusive partner faces justice.

Italian woman sues husband for seven years of ‘slavery' [Telegraph]

Image via Gunnar Pippel/Shutterstock.</small


In a D/S relationship is just for fun, you can write what you want, but the submissive can always just walk away.

In M/S relationship there is not much point in having a contract because the relationship is built on total power exchange. so there is no real need for a contract




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