Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (Full Version)

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MalcolmNathaniel -> Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 1:56:21 PM)

The cat ignored me.

Make of that what you will.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 4:37:38 PM)

Another way to tell that story:

A black person assaulted me and attempted to steal my legally purchased narcotics.

The thing is, there is no way I could keep a straight face when the cops tried to put handcuffs on my kitten.



DesFIP -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 4:38:36 PM)

You're an addict and apparently kitty's an addict. Just can't trust an addict.



PeonForHer -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 5:03:02 PM)

My brother's cat regularly steals whatever ballpoint pen he leaves around, and hides it under the carpet.

Cats are thieving bastards with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, as far as I'm concerned.



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 5:04:58 PM)

The cat is telling you that IT IS TIME TO QUIT!



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 10:12:39 PM)

Another way to tell that story:

Aarg! I was just attacked by an animal! It had lots of claws and very sharp teeth! I was lucky to get away with just a few scratches.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/11/2013 11:28:57 PM)

The truth:

I wanted a smoke so I opened up my pack and had a cigarette. The cat saw a moving object.

What do cats do when an object is moving? ATTACK! KILL! KILL! DESTROY!

What she didn't realize is that my pack of cigarettes was on a very slippery desk. She attacked my smokes and slid head-on into the wall.

She dusted herself off, gave me a look that said, "I meant to do that." Then she went off to sulk.

And Peon: you are right. Cats are thieving little bastidges. Never trust them.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 1:22:42 AM)

Black pussy, fiending for drugs, attacks owner and makes off with legally purchased narcotics.


Following a lengthy domestic violence incident, both pussy and its pet human are now attending court ordered Rehab and believed to be making a full recovery from their addiction until the staff found a pack of opened menthols buried in the litter box. Found in contempt, they are now serving 6 months in a minimum security fascility.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 1:35:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

Black pussy, fiending for drugs, attacks owner and makes off with legally purchased narcotics.


Following a lengthy domestic violence incident, both pussy and its pet human are now attending court ordered Rehab and believed to be making a full recovery from their addiction until the staff found a pack of opened menthols buried in the litter box. Found in contempt, they are now serving 6 months in a minimum security fascility.


I really like the way you put it.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 4:07:53 AM)

Hah! Ya think that's bad! My house was attacked by a cat burglar - who stole my pearl earrings, and dropped them in the bathtub.....

now, if I could just figure out which one is the master thief................................[8|]



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 4:10:23 AM)

See..none of this would happen with a dog...My Chewie only steals things he can eat or...shoes that he chews on...very expensive high heels..but he just looks puzzled when you take them away.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 11:24:39 AM)

And now she stole my pants.

Lest any UK members think I'm talking dirty: your word for that would be "trousers."

I took a shower and the cat stole my pants.



mnottertail -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 11:33:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

My brother's cat regularly steals whatever ballpoint pen he leaves around, and hides it under the carpet.

Cats are thieving bastards with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement, as far as I'm concerned.



I cannot fathom that every cat the world over is a Tory, old cheese.



LadyPact -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 11:48:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel
And now she stole my pants.

Lest any UK members think I'm talking dirty: your word for that would be "trousers."

I took a shower and the cat stole my pants.

The cat is trying to teach you how to pick up after yourself. Had you hung the pants, the cat wouldn't have been trying to take them to the laundry basket.




MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:12:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The cat is trying to teach you how to pick up after yourself. Had you hung the pants, the cat wouldn't have been trying to take them to the laundry basket.




I don't have to pick up my pants, or hang them. That's what slave girls are for.



tj444 -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:18:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel

And now she stole my pants.

Lest any UK members think I'm talking dirty: your word for that would be "trousers."

I took a shower and the cat stole my pants.

ummm.. If you were in the shower then how could you know it was your cat that stole your pants?



VideoAdminAlpha -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:21:28 PM)

Apparently you need to get that slave girl to get on the ball and move faster than the pussy...............



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:22:23 PM)

Again...dog WOULD not do such a thing....and if you are waiting until our slave girl gets there to pick up your clothes....you are going to run out of clothes before I get back there.



VideoAdminAlpha -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:25:00 PM)

**whispers, sorry I wasnt trying to be ugly about you, just funny!!!***



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Me to the cat: HEY! STOP STEALING MY SMOKES! (7/12/2013 12:28:38 PM)

No worries Alpha. I am not offended.



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