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Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 12:46:37 AM   
hunter2470


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/1/2011
Status: offline 		I am a fan and often browser of CM's message boards. I don't comment much, but tonight I feel the need to do so. I often see the these 2-3 line questions asking something along the lines of "how many women are into this? or where can I find this?" Which from the start has no legitimate chance at a real discussion, but usually ends being more along the lines of a character bash. Well I'm not some internet perv looking for a quick jerk. That being said,I recently read an article stating that "Pegging or Strapon play" has entered the mind of 1/3 guys, and 1 in 8 in someway or another fantasizes about it (not sure how accurate these numbers are). Now being that this taboo fantasy is so popular among men, apparently there just aren't enough women willing to participate. The serious question I have is how would a guy like myself who's straight, attractive, and masculine find a girl that maybe vanilla (developed through relationships) or not who would be willing to experiment with "Pegging" without being freaked out, or her labeling myself "gay". I've tried with 3 women and have failed all 3 times. Yet when I do join a website like this to meet and get advice from experienced and like minds I seem to have no luck either. It's a kink site, but I mostly get negative feedback for having a "Kink" related question, or someone just asking for money. For everyone who reads this thanks for your time!!!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 3:58:25 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. There's a huge difference between "Which wimminz here are interested in XXX?" and your post of "How do I find a woman into XXX?" Your post states that there's a person involved, not just the act itself.

2. There are two ways to get a Dominant woman. Either you date vanillas and try to convert them, or you date women that are declared to be Dominant. The problem with the first part is that they may not be willing to experiment, and the problem with the second is that the supply of Dommes is low.

3. Personally, I believe that it's far easier to go to a munch or play party and strike up vanilla conversations with Dommes, and see where it goes.

4. If you date a vanilla, the general understanding is, should it become sexual, she signed up for vaginal and likely oral. Anything else, including kink, is not expected. So move gently. Try asking her what their sexual fantasies are, and see her reaction. If she seems to be relieved to be able to open up, take her seriously and see how you could meet her wants. And share yours as well. If she freezes and refuses to share her fantasies, it will be hard if not impossible to get her to try new things.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/12/2013 4:48:37 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to hunter2470)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 4:35:09 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

4. If you date a vanilla, the general understanding is, should it become sexual, they signed up for vaginal and likely oral. Anything else, including kink, is not expected.



I gotta respond to this... You have just sealed the deal, Steven.

Evidently I am far far far from vanilla.

Thank you for clearing that up.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 5:30:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It's difficult because you're still asking the basic question of "how do I find a woman to have sex with" and kinky sex at that. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but that's going to go over better asked of a friend than a stranger and just joining a site where nobody really knows you isn't going to change that much. It's kind of the equivalent of walking up to somebody that you don't know and start asking them questions regarding sex. You wouldn't walk up to somebody in a supermarket to ask about the subject and it really kind of works the same way.

I don't really have advice for you about how would you find a vanilla chick willing to engage in strap on play. Strap on sex kind of *is* kinky sex so I don't really consider that to be vanilla. That's something that could be explored during the course of a relationship *if* you met somebody who was willing to give it a shot.

I have to admit that I'm kind of wondering if you've tried being active in your local kink community to meet folks. There are some pretty decent groups out in your area, or at least there were when I lived just south of the state line about four years ago. (Yeah, I know you looked at My location now, but I haven't always lived here.) Have you tried meeting kinky folks through the groups locally?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 8:26:17 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hunter2470

The serious question I have is how would a guy like myself who's straight, attractive, and masculine find a girl that maybe vanilla (developed through relationships) or not who would be willing to experiment with "Pegging" without being freaked out, or her labeling myself "gay".



Okay, I guess I'll answer this one.

I'm a male sub, who has had the pleasure of participating in the fantasy that you desire. So I have a bit of advice that you might benefit from.

Firstly, I wish that all of the male subs out there would stop leading with their kink. It's a VERY BAD approach to finding a partner.

Don't get me wrong, I DO understand that you have fantasies. But you can't be led by them. In particular, you can't be led by them when approaching women. Women typically don't operate like that. If you approach a woman (even a kinky woman) with your kink, you're likely to strike out. Women tend to like to know that you're into them as a person, and not just viewing them as a kink delivery device. They want to like you as a person, and they want you to like them as a person. Once that is established, then you can start delving into the land of sexual experimentation. Unfortunately, men tend to start with the sex part, and then try to get to know the woman later.

If you join your local BDSM organization, you MAY be able to meet a woman who will be interested in a simple "play partner" relationship. That person may actually be open to pegging you with no strings attached. But in the absence of that, your best chance is to develop a RELATIONSHIP with a dominant woman. The relationship has to be complete relationship. It can't just be about pegging. If you make her comfortable in the relationship, she may consider experimenting with pegging. Heck, even vanilla women can be convinced to try sexual experimentation. But you have to make sure they know that you value them more than your kink.

I've probably had more sexual experiences with dominant women than any 10 guys combined. So I know what I'm talking about. STOP LEADING WITH YOUR KINK. Be the strong, smart, interesting, chivalrous guy that she's always dreamed about. Place HER wants, needs, and desires ahead of your own. Pamper her. Make her feel special. Treat her like a goddess (even if she's not a Domme). Once you do that, introducing kinky games into the relationship will be a piece of cake. It's such a simple concept, yet so few male subs seem to get it.

I can summarize it by saying this: "The best way to get what you want, is to give her what SHE wants".

Stop leading with your kink, and instead, focus on HER fantasies. If you want to get pegged, start by giving her the best foot rubs and massages she's ever experienced. If she even hints that she might like something, do your best to give it to her. It may sound counter-intuitive, but I can assure you that it works.

I hope that helps. Good luck to you.
-Roch

(in reply to hunter2470)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 8:46:15 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Great Post Roch!

We need a way to "Like" or "Love" a post...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 9:50:30 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Hunter, I can see that you are young and really trying to ask your question in a way that is courteous and I appreciate that. Thank you. Something that no one has mentioned is that liking this is not gay. Young women especially can go through what I call the prude stage. Where anything but what is thought normal to them is freaky and they find it unacceptable. Many of us can look back and remember... and in my case that is a real challenge some days... like today, but when we look back we can see how closed off we were to some things that we later on think very differently on. We have concepts that evolve as we get more experience.

What you need is something I cannot provide here, but maybe someone can help both of us. I am not allowed coffee right now and have been real sick, so I am not human yet and the brain cells have fled.

Can someone explain to him the physical aspects of how a man finds pleasure in this, with the words I cannot find at the moment? I really think Hunter is sincere and needs some instruction that he can use to help him evaluate all this and maybe understand a couple of things.

I'm sorry, Hunter, I can't do it at the moment, but if no one answers, I will try if I can get my brain kick started.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:18:18 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No coffee? Geez, man. Even I feel bad over that one. God help MP when somebody tells Me that I can't have caffeine.

OK. I'll give this a shot. OP, the bottom line of this is that EVERYBODY has the same nerve endings inside the rectum. It doesn't have anything to do with being straight or gay. Males have the extra bonus of having a prostate, which when stimulated can produce a great level of excitement and pleasure. Think of it in the same way that you would of the g-spot. In other words, instant fun. They even sell specific vibrators that are made of a certain bent to be able to access it for males. Again, nothing to do with straight or gay. It just plain feels good, regardless of orientation.

Where Rawni is talking about the prude stage for younger women, I'm going to call it the "some just don't know better yet" stage. This is one of the advantages of having been around the block a few times for kinky women. We've had the opportunity to have learned about anatomy and how the body works (to some degree) and have had the chance to put some of this knowledge to practice. It's really just different ways to have sex and frankly, the various reactions that can be produced can be rather neat.

In fairness, even not all Dominant women are into strap-ons or prostate play. It's still a compatibility thing. Some women enjoy doing these things to men and others don't. There are a range of reasons for either side, so you still have to get to know a woman to see where her feelings are on the subject.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:23:51 AM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Thank you LP.... I fried my brain with research yesterday and then got really pissed when reading a book I spent ten dollars on, for research and the author, a former CIA agent that did lie detector work made every feminist cell in my body go off and I think my brain got damaged. I can't find a lot of my words.

The dingy domina thing could be here for a while.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:27:03 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		On the topic of "feeling like you may be gay".

I have several thoughts on this,

What you are desiring is the manipulation of one of your physical pleasure centers - the prostate.

Now, just because gay men discovered that hidden joy button first, does not give them rights of full ownership over the prostate, nor the labeling thereof of anyone who chooses to engage with it.

Further, are you physically attracted to men and to dicks in general? Do you have any desire to suck a cock? Do hot guys turn your head on the street?

And if so - "So what?" There is no dishonor, no shame, no compromise in masculinity, no sin in being attracted to men - even just a little.

Are there things that you might do for the right Lady that you would never do just by yourself - let's say some forced bisexual activity with another male? Congratulations, it means that you are a good partner and are willing to put your own inhibitions aside for the pleasure and benefit of Her. Does it make you a little bit gay? Who the fuck cares, it makes you a great partner - see above.

What you want is to share something incredibly intimate with another person. Society has no place in that decision, so I will encourage you to not let inhibitions you may have learned get in the way of something that is what you desire, is totally wonderful, and has only positive effects on who you really are as a person. :)

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:32:54 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
Thank you LP.... I fried my brain with research yesterday and then got really pissed when reading a book I spent ten dollars on, for research and the author, a former CIA agent that did lie detector work made every feminist cell in my body go off and I think my brain got damaged. I can't find a lot of my words.

The dingy domina thing could be here for a while.

No problem at all. My brain isn't exceptionally functional without a diet pepsi jump start.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:41:01 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Excellent post, Roch. An example of why *you* can eat crackers in my bed any day.

_____________________________



(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:49:48 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		That must be a private or past reference joke. I'm sure eating crackers is *way* down on the list of things that Roch would be allowed to do if he happened to be in the bed.

(Sorry, couldn't resist.)


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:54:41 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Urban Dictionary sheds some light:

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers

A woman who meets an attractiveness threshold above which you would easily forgive minor transgressions such as eating crackers and leaving the inevitable crumbs in your bed.

The British version "I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting", while similar in spirit, lacks some of the subtlety of this version.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 12:17:01 PM   
hunter2470


Posts: 4
Joined: 2/1/2011
Status: offline 		Ok this is going to be a short response with a longer one to come. I've been taking care of a sick dog all night (the reason I was up so late posting) with very little sleep, then a full work day. I made the mistake starting this convo in "ask a Mistress" instead of the General Discussion. I take complete blame. I wasn't referring to submission, but to the Kink act of Pegging. But let me please Express that I in NO WAY meant any disrespect to Women. My plan wasn't to hook up on CM. it was to have an actual discussion and educate myself through conversation

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 12:41:22 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OK, now I'm confused. OP, you list as a submissive, so I'm going to guess that you are interested in RECEIVING strap on play. What's the issue?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hunter2470)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 12:50:11 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hunter2470

I wasn't referring to submission, but to the Kink act of Pegging.



Nobody said that pegging was necessarily a submissive act. IMO, most acts are neither dominant or submissive. It's the context that makes them so. For example, I know several Dommes who also enjoy being tied up. And I know one in particular is a mashochist. She even refers to herself as a "pain slut".

Reread my post. I think you'll see that I specifically said that my approach has worked with vanilla women. The fact that you don't understand that the principles that I outlined are universal may be part of the problem.

On a different note, I agree with those who said that the male rectum has a lot of nerve endings. But strap-on play has the added benefit that it can be both a reward or a punishment. If done one way, it can cause pleasure, and if done another way, it can cause pain. So there is an aspect of mind fuckery that is also involved with strap-on play (or "pegging", as you call it).

Personally, I get a very strong sense of power exchange from strap-on play. There is just something very primal and powerful about a woman grabbing your waist and thrusting into you with her strap-on. That feeling of "being fucked" is a unique sensation for a man. It has elements of power exchange, physical stimulation, and just raw sexuality. This is particular true if your partner enjoys strap-on play. There is nothing better than being taken by a woman who gets off on fucking men with her strap-on. I've heard that it makes some women feel very powerful and sexual, even though they can't actually feel what their strap-on is feeling.

But once again, there are women who don't identify as Dommes who enjoy strap-on play. Just ask any lesbian. ;-)

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to hunter2470)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 12:53:55 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I really am attempting to behave Myself, but I swear, if you become unowned again, My hat's in the ring.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/12/2013 12:54:49 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 2:20:13 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't see pegging as dominant or submissive or hetro or gay, but some people certainly do. I know quite a few very kinky males who wouldn't go there, even though they know where there prostate is located and on an intellectual level realize the act itself doesn't 'mean' anything.

Females also have weird biases about pegging, even more so than male to female anal (my opinion).

I think the OP should look for more sexually open-minded females.

_____________________________



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:22:44 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		There's absolutely no excuse for not having any in-person experience with a dominant woman when you're 27. If you're as healthy and in shape as you claim to be (read - attractive), there are plenty of women out there in the real world who will take you for a spin for an hour or two if you actually show up to a play party. That usually requires that you go to a few munches and get to know people so that you can get an invitation, but there are some groups that don't care as long as you follow the rules.

As for being 'pegged' (I prefer saying fucked in the ass, but you might feel delicately about it), I'm not seeing a problem. Like I said, make time for the things you want to experience in life, go out and get some real world experience in person with real human beings, and then once you've made it well known that you're a charming, interesting guy who can carry a conversation and has a rad body to boot, doors will open for you to explore the kinks you're interested in.

I fucked my guy in the ass a few weeks after meeting him in person. I chained him to the foot of my bed and had my way with him. If some hairy guy from Wisconsin can get laid like he wants so easily, so can you.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 20
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