Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

changing


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> changing Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
changing - 6/27/2006 9:40:19 PM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		I am a bbw submissive, and twice now, I have had a Dom inform me that if I truly wanted to be his, I would loose weight.  I am comfortable with myself.  Why do Doms feel necessary to say this?  Any one else have this happen to them?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: changing - 6/27/2006 10:13:56 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		It's his right to ask and it is your's to decline.  That's the whole consensual part.

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: changing - 6/27/2006 11:14:14 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Butterfly everyone is attracted diferant aspects. Chin up.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 12:12:15 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		A lot of us have had this type of thing happen to them in various forms, Butterfly.  Demands to gain/lose weight, change hair color, change eye color (after all, there are colored contacts available) change the sense of style, the way we talk, think, and act, how we look at the world.  You name it, at some point in time there's been some submissive who has had a prospective dominant partner who has told them "if you'll just change X... "  While I can't say for certain, I'm willing to bet better than even money that there's plenty of dominants out there who have heard the same type of thing from potential submissives as well, and if you were to check far enough you'd likely find plenty of completely vanilla people of both genders have also been faced with that type of quandry.
 
My standard responce to this type of comment from a potential partner is to smile and say, "Well, I hope you find what you're looking for.  Have a nice life."  Then I go my merry way, remaining content with myself and who I am, and put him firmly out of mind.  After all, it's his loss on an otherwise good partner.  I'm simply not interested these days in aquiessing to that sort of thing when there are so many people in the world who would NOT make such a demand/request of me to inherantly change.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 12:41:02 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I get it too, from people who want to be casual play partners.

I just tell 'em "Thanks for the interest, but I don't think we're compatable. Best of luck."

You'll find people who want you the way you are. It's their right to ask, and your right not to be interested.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 5:57:56 AM   
thisishis


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/11/2006
From: Southeastern MA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: butterflytatts

I am a bbw submissive, and twice now, I have had a Dom inform me that if I truly wanted to be his, I would loose weight.  I am comfortable with myself.  Why do Doms feel necessary to say this?  Any one else have this happen to them?
Not all dominants feel it necessary to insist that a potential submissive (or slave) lose (or gain) weight.
Some dominants feel it necessary to insist that a potential submissive (or slave) actually GAIN weight.
Some dominants actually end up lucky enough to aquire a submissive (or slave) who is just the right size for them.
 
And, low and behold .... some submissives (or slaves) are even so lucky as to be aquired by a dominant (or domme/mistress etc ect) who is just the right size for them too.
 
It's all about personal preferences.
 
And the challenge of finding a submissive (or slave, or dominant, or mistress, or domme .... please just insert whatever your prefered label may be) is to find that person whose preferences, expectations, desires, fantasies, realities, & hankerings are best matched to those of your own.

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 6:00:15 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I have never had it happen to me, but if they don't like you the way you are then it's their loss.  There are plenty of men/Doms that like bbw's you just have to find the right one for you.

Don't let it get you down. Good luck with your search.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 6:44:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: butterflytatts
I am a bbw submissive, and twice now, I have had a Dom inform me that if I truly wanted to be his, I would loose weight.  I am comfortable with myself.  Why do Doms feel necessary to say this?  Any one else have this happen to them?

You are allowed to have whatever criteria you want in a partner.

They are allowed to have whatever criteria they want in a partner.

If what they want from you is not something you have or feel is right to give- then you just aren't a good match.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 10:50:46 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I haven't had this happen.. yet. I am not a BBW, but I am not a skinny gal either. I have a theory as to why doms get with subs and pressure them to lose weight even though the sub is happy and secure within themselves... my theory is as follows:

There are more dominant men than sub women looking for a partner in the lifestyle. Because there are more dom men that makes women within the lifestyle harder to attract. There seems to be more heavy people in the lifestyle than in society at large (at least that seems to be the case), so if a dom wants a thin sub they think they can just "order" a sub they hook up with to lose weight. They do not think about whether or not the sub wants to lose it, they think because they are the "dom" that you should just comply.

If a sub wants to lose weight and it is helpful for her to be ordered into it, no biggie... everyone consented and is happy. If a dom is just waiting to get a collar on your neck so he can order you on to a diet and never discussed that this was going to happen before you committed to him I think it is EXTREMELY  dishonest. It is like the bait and switch. If the dom knows your happy with yourself, and he can't be happy with you the way you are, well he shouldnt go there. Thats my opinion and even though I am a sub I am entitled to it...smiles.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 11:21:53 AM   
lttlgirllost


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the replys you've already received. Tell them well it was nice to meet you." I like me. Sorry you don't. Bye."
The long and short of it is if you like you then all is well. If others have a problem with you that's their issues.
You just keep on keeping on!

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 12:05:49 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		This depends entirely on the dynamic.

If some fellow wants you to change for a superficial thing like a play relationship-I would tell him to screw off.

If you are into M/s, and are owned....I DO personally know Masters who  have taken on BBW women and slimmed them down to suit.

But this is not done from the view of "take me as I am".

But from the outlook of "I am raw material, mold me."

Big difference.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 6/28/2006 12:06:20 PM >

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 1:45:16 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

This depends entirely on the dynamic.

If some fellow wants you to change for a superficial thing like a play relationship-I would tell him to screw off.

If you are into M/s, and are owned....I DO personally know Masters who  have taken on BBW women and slimmed them down to suit.

But this is not done from the view of "take me as I am".

But from the outlook of "I am raw material, mold me."

Big difference.

 
I know many people agree with those words I highlighted in your post, but the OP is a submissive looking for a dominant, not a slave. She is happy with her weight so why should she seek someone that wants to change something about her that she is satisfied with? It does not make one less submissive to seek a dominant that accepts them the way they are and doesn't desire to "mold" them. The dynamic for many of us is power exchange, not changing a person's hair, body, clothing, or character. Some doms seek subs that are already fairly close to their ideal and negotiate what sort of changes are acceptable BEFORE they collar a submissive, not after. Just because something can be done, meaning a BBW can be ordered to lose weight, does not mean it should be done.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 1:48:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I know many people agree with those words I highlighted in your post, but the OP is a submissive looking for a dominant, not a slave.

Why do you think that makes a difference?

I know that this toes the line into dangerous "sub vs slave" territory, but I don't see how one's orientation really changes an answer from "I"m a sub and therefore will not be in a relationship with you" into "I'm a slave and therefore will be in a relationship with you."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 1:56:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		To be frankly honest I do not think it makes a difference as a slave has the right to declare limits too and the right to maintain their body wieght the way they like as a precondition to becoming a slave.. The post I was responding to said "Ms" dynamic, I was pointing out that the opening poster was a self identified submissive looking for a dominant, not in a Ms dynamic... and that she had declared that she was happy with herself. In fact if I were her I would declare my desire to remain a certain weight  upfront before I become attached to a prospective dominant if it seemed to be a problem.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 1:59:46 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

This depends entirely on the dynamic.

If some fellow wants you to change for a superficial thing like a play relationship-I would tell him to screw off.

If you are into M/s, and are owned....I DO personally know Masters who  have taken on BBW women and slimmed them down to suit.

But this is not done from the view of "take me as I am".

But from the outlook of "I am raw material, mold me."

Big difference.

 
I know many people agree with those words I highlighted in your post, but the OP is a submissive looking for a dominant, not a slave. She is happy with her weight so why should she seek someone that wants to change something about her that she is satisfied with? It does not make one less submissive to seek a dominant that accepts them the way they are and doesn't desire to "mold" them. The dynamic for many of us is power exchange, not changing a person's hair, body, clothing, or character. Some doms seek subs that are already fairly close to their ideal and negotiate what sort of changes are acceptable BEFORE they collar a submissive, not after. Just because something can be done, meaning a BBW can be ordered to lose weight, does not mean it should be done.



I was helping her to realize the differences in dynamics-I offered an insight. Do you think that I was being unsupportive in doing so?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 2:14:41 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Not necessarily unsupportive, but it isn't applicable to her situation because she stated that she is happy with herself the way she is. I do not know how much difference there really is between Ms and Ds as I have not seen the difference definitively defined. You have a definition, others have another definition. For example, if my Daddy told me to lose 10 lbs, I would and I am not in an Ms relationship. I do not really think that has much to do with her situation that other subs/slaves have slimmed down because she has stated she has no desire to do so.

A dominant/Master only has control over what you surrendered control over..... and we all have limits.. like my Daddy has said, if a slave/sub told him they had no limits he would always respond "Are you into death play?" and when they respond..."That doesnt count as a limit" he would respond.."Oh yes it is a limit". And yes there are some slaves that will not surrender control over their diets.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 2:24:38 PM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		WOW, so many posts.  While I think some of you have some great ideas, I didn't think it would spark so many different versions.  I am always upfront and honest with potential Dom's.  I always tell them i am a bbw, and that I am happy with myself.  Most say cool, while just a few have stated a dislike, or like I said yesterday, they want me to loose weight.  My response to those have been, see ya.  Thank you for your time, but no thanks.  What I really wanna say is fuck off......but...lol          I am me.  I do not want to change me physically.  End of point.  Molding my mind, my spirit, my likes and dislikes is what I crave and desire.  Not someone to tell me they want me to loose weight.  I want someone who can be with me, for me.  Not think in the back of their mind that they will get me to loose weight one day.  Well, thanks for the posts everyone.  I was just wondering if anyone had ever run across the same situation as I.  Hope everyone has a great day!  Butterfly

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 2:30:03 PM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah I get that crappydom.....I was just wondering if a SUBMISSIVE had ever experienced this.   

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: changing - 6/28/2006 3:41:25 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Don't you know Crappy, that only submissives are supposed to answer when a thread is started in the ask a submissive/slave forum. You are relegated to answering the questions in the Ask a Master forum. 

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: changing - 6/29/2006 10:55:48 AM   
sothernnyte


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		i have experienced this once long ago. but not for vanity's sake. i was having health issues and so was my Domme, so... She gave me an assignment so to speak. i lost 15 pounds. now that doesnt sound like a lot but when you deal with high blood presure and bad kidneys, it can make a world of difference.
to this day i am still overweight. and if a Domme ordered me to lose weight just for the sake of the appearance She wanted me to have then obviously we are not a match. but if a Domme showed concern for my weight for other reasons such as health, etc, i would be more receptive. not to mention i would feel cared for instead of feeling ugly and unattractive.
i wouldnt want to be chosen because i looked good in a tux as Her escort.
sincerely
sothern

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> changing Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094