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Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 3:45:27 PM

desrtmouse

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Joined: 7/1/2013
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I've just finished reading "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain (a very interesting read if anyone is looking for a new book) and it's made me think about a few things. I was hoping I could pick the brains of a few of you if you have the time.

First off, I should say that I know that things aren't black and white, there isn't just introvert and extrovert but layers. Also I know that different people see the Dom/sub relationship differently and look for different things, personally from what I've learned (bare with me, I'm still fairly new) I see it as two different sides of the same coin, each being equal but very different and both are needed.

When listening to this book (I love audio books, great for walking the dog) my first thought was that the nature of a introvert seems to fit better for a sub then a Dom. After thinking about this for awhile I realize that doesn't really hold true. But it did make me wonder, as a sub, do you see yourself falling more on the introvert side, or the extrovert side? If you feel comfortable saying, do you see your Dom (if you have one) as more extrovert or introvert? Do you think the relationship works best to have introvert and one extrovert, or would you feel better in a relationship with same type of Dom as you are? Sorry, I know they seem like odd questions, I have just been wondering about it all day.

Post #: 1

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 5:09:15 PM

slavekate80

Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
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I don't fit neatly into either box. I consider myself a mixed type - not mentally drained by either interaction or solitude (nor particularly energized by either one), able to have a good time and keep occupied whether I'm socializing with others or alone. Most people who don't know me very well would guess I'm an introvert because I appear shy, but that's just because I don't like to intrude on others or make the first move. When someone talks to me first I'll happily engage in a conversation.

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 2

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 5:11:57 PM

WebWanderer

Posts: 255
Joined: 5/20/2011
From: Fort Worth, TX
Status: offline

Sure. In fact, I'd wager most submissives/slaves are introverts. I am, in any case.

That said, there are many types of introverts and extroverts. Read up on MBTI - it's pretty interesting. For example, an INTJ (intuitive thinking type) wouldn't go well with an ESFP (dumb but amiable party animal), and an INFJ (quiet romantic) probably wouldn't be at ease with an ENTJ (extroverted intuitive power-grabbing fiend like Jack Donaghy from "30 Rock").

_____________________________

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(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 3

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 6:17:24 PM

petitespot

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

I am introverted in new social settings.
With him, the only way he could shut me up was with a gag and my hands tied (Italian).

_____________________________

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 4

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 6:23:22 PM

OsideGirl

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From: United States
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I'm not an introvert and I tend to be an Alpha personality. I am outspoken, strong, run two companies, will sing in public, love parties and a good debate.

_____________________________

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(in reply to petitespot)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 7:11:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We're both introverts. Meaning we recharge in quiet not in company.
It does not mean either of us are socially incompetent or passive. It has no bearing on our preferred relationship dynamic.

It does however mean we're compatible in this manner. If he needed to be in company, to go out most of the time as an extreme extrovert, that would be a problem because I wouldn't get the alone time I need to be able to be happy in company with others. Or else we'd spend most of our time apart which would weaken, not strengthen, the relationship.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 8:53:28 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Submissive here.
I'm extroverted and Alpha at work, running a household, and community service. I'm outspoken, speak frequently in public, and enjoy intelligent debate.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/13/2013 8:56:15 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I am an introvert and submissive. I prefer being with extroverts, both friends and lovers. It is a more enjoyable fit for me, better energy. But then I need time alone to recharge.

< Message edited by Spiritedsub2 -- 7/13/2013 8:57:14 PM >

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
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Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 8

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 12:00:16 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: desrtmouse

I've just finished reading "Quiet - The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain (a very interesting read if anyone is looking for a new book) and it's made me think about a few things. I was hoping I could pick the brains of a few of you if you have the time.

First off, I should say that I know that things aren't black and white, there isn't just introvert and extrovert but layers. Also I know that different people see the Dom/sub relationship differently and look for different things, personally from what I've learned (bare with me, I'm still fairly new) I see it as two different sides of the same coin, each being equal but very different and both are needed.

When listening to this book (I love audio books, great for walking the dog) my first thought was that the nature of a introvert seems to fit better for a sub then a Dom. After thinking about this for awhile I realize that doesn't really hold true. But it did make me wonder, as a sub, do you see yourself falling more on the introvert side, or the extrovert side? If you feel comfortable saying, do you see your Dom (if you have one) as more extrovert or introvert? Do you think the relationship works best to have introvert and one extrovert, or would you feel better in a relationship with same type of Dom as you are? Sorry, I know they seem like odd questions, I have just been wondering about it all day.

I am a sub who is very, very extroverted, and I find that subs and domes span the entire personality spectrum. I don't think there is any real formula to a relationship. You need to find each other attractive, share values, and enjoy each other's company and see where it goes from there.

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 9

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 12:26:12 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I'm a slave and an extrovert. I have a job where I am in charge. Master is somewhat of an extrovert, but less so than me.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 12:41:12 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

As I've mentioned a time or two, I'm very much a dual natured person, in every way. So I'm an extrovert or an introvert, depending.

I veer more towards the extrovert, yet I need alone time. When I'm in a heavy creative mode, I can go several days w/o talking to anyone except Himself.

Attempting to attribute certain personality traits to dominance or submission is an exercise in futility. What holds true for some won't hold true for all.

JMO

_____________________________

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 11

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 1:50:48 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hmm, interesting topic.

My Master is most definitely an extrovert. Very outgoing, confident, assertive, social, never shy. He thrives as a leader and is an energetic story teller. He has a very "loud" personality. Alone time doesn't usually "drain" him, but he doesn't crave it either.

Me, I am somewhere in between. Not sure what I'd call it. I tend to be shy with people at first and don't really like interacting with strangers. I dislike crowds and prefer the company of a few close friends over a large number of acquaintances. But I am assertive, lively, and quite outspoken once I get comfortable with someone. I need people and I need social interaction. I never crave alone time, and while I can certainly occupy myself, being alone definitely "drains" me. Being with people is what gives me energy, and I am most happy when in the company of others. Being alone is exhausting for me.

I feel that our personality types complement each other well. They don't clash, as neither of us is wishing for alone time or social interaction when the other is not. And I find that being in his "shadow" in social interaction often speeds up the process of me becoming comfortable with new people, thus allowing me to open up and enjoy myself more.

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 2:42:23 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

FR~

I'm a bit of an odd-ball. lol.

In new surroundings, I'm more likely to be a wall-flower, quiet and very introverted.
Once I find my feet though, I can come across as very assertive, confident, talkative, very self-opinionated, but still not an extrovert.
I like a lot of alone time but never more than an arms length from my partner.
I also hate crowds of people too (as in, more than 3).

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 8:52:46 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Not me. No introversion with this here kittykat.

I can't even pull your legs and claim it,because the Mouse would expose me in like point five seconds flat. And smirk while doing so

< Message edited by Kana -- 7/14/2013 8:53:12 AM >

_____________________________

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HST

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Post #: 14

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 9:57:49 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Not me. No introversion with this here kittykat.

I can't even pull your legs and claim it,because the Mouse would expose me in like point five seconds flat. And smirk while doing so

Master an introvert???

Me thought, I'm definitely an introvert in every sense of the word.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 11:13:49 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

Overall, I identify as an introvert.

I love social situations and I also love being by myself.
Large groups do not bother me unless it's so crowded, we're all standing shoulder-to-shoulder. I can't stand when people are infringing upon my personal space.
Sometimes, in social situations (whether familiar or not), I get into a strange mood where I'm almost like that of an extrovert. This is far less common than my introvert moments. With people I'm comfortable around, it's the same way. It really depends on the mood of the group. If, for example, I was with a group of quiet individuals, I may feel the need to step-up and be the extrovert of the group. I become highly animated, a talker, a comedian - whatever the group needs in my eyes. If there is someone already taking that role, I am just as happy (if not happier) to sit back. I do tend to be attracted towards extroverts as friends, probably because I don't feel as though I need to be.

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 1:09:32 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Sort of a tangent, but I wanted to share an observation. I am talking about male subs as that's the only experience I have (being a femdom).

I used to think that many were "shy" or "introverted" and that's what attracted them to dominant women - the idea of not having to pursue or make mistakes in the process of courtship.

But after reading more, I think the reality is that many have 'social anxiety' which is totally different. Still, to them, the idea of a dominant woman is appealing because it removes a lot of the stress and anxiety of pursuing or making moves or leading in a relationship. The idea is absolutely a good fit for them. They can communicate very effectively via email and in safe environments and often do very well at the initial stages.

Then when it comes to meeting, they don't show up. We call them "flakes," but in reality, it's social anxiety. They may have started to feel absolutely comfortable. But the time comes to meet and it's not that they just were stringing her along, they are terrified of meeting because of their issues with social anxiety. And as much as they felt like it was going great, when it came time to actually meet, the social anxiety was too strong. Then comes the overwhelming sense of disappointment in themselves and letting down the lady, and they cannot face her or themselves so they vanish. Until they get the courage to start over with someone else and the cycle continues.

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 1:33:56 PM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

Introversion/extroversion are distinct and separate, from the qualities of surrender and dominance. (But of course complete introversion, even to an autistic extent, kinda restricts one from forming much of any-sided relationship.)

We can never mention this enough: Newbies and outsiders often confuse sexual dominance personalities with social leadership personalities. A serious mistake that commonly persists. Those misinformed many, will then mistakenly expect to see extroverts more dominant and vice versa. (Paying attention to the D/S orientation of CM forum posters is the quickest way to disabuse yourself of this fallacy.)

My experience with various regional power-exchange organizations, actually shows that these organizations very often are organized, founded by members who are themselves strong subs. So those founder submissives were extroverts.

< Message edited by Extravagasm -- 7/14/2013 1:45:15 PM >

_____________________________

BDSM operates on submission. Not on love, fairness, or convention.

The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to desrtmouse)

Post #: 18

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 2:38:41 PM

Moonlightmaddnes

Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline

I am! Every time I take a personality test it comes out as ISFP. I took it several times over the years to see if it changes or rather me trying to fool it. Nope always stays ISFP. The I is for introvert. Actually ISFP means Introvert-Sensor-Feeler-Perceiver. The part of traits that makes me laugh the hardest is, ISFPs feel confined by schedules, rules, regulations and people with limited imagination. Yeah so :p get an imagination already. LMAO

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 7/14/2013 2:39:36 PM >

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken

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Post #: 19

RE: Do you see yourself as a introvert? - 7/14/2013 3:59:16 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

I am! Every time I take a personality test it comes out as ISFP. I took it several times over the years to see if it changes or rather me trying to fool it. Nope always stays ISFP. The I is for introvert. Actually ISFP means Introvert-Sensor-Feeler-Perceiver. The part of traits that makes me laugh the hardest is, ISFPs feel confined by schedules, rules, regulations and people with limited imagination. Yeah so :p get an imagination already. LMAO

For fun, I decided to take a personality test online just now. According to it, I have been labeled an INTP (the "thinker") with only an 11% favoritism towards introversion and a 1% favoritism of thinking over feeling.
Yeah, the description was actually spot on. My favorites, though:
-sarcastic
-unusual sense of humor
-highly self-critical
-no interest of leading or following others
-not interested in small talk, instead conversation that sparks imagination
-doesn't speak up often but gets annoyed if ignored when I do
And my absolute favorite:
-puts off chores for more favorable, interesting projects and when going back to post-poned work, completes them in an extraordinarily short amount of time.

Since I have yet to discover the next scientific breakthrough, though, I feel as though I have to step up my game after reading it.

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)

Post #: 20

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