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Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 3:07:50 PM

Fightdirecto

Posts: 1101
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline

(I recently posted this to another Lifestyle Internet Forum and got some interesting responses. So I though I should ask submissives here for their comments as well)

I recently "celebrated" my 62nd birthday. I have not been in a serious relationship, kinky or vanilla, in a few years, since losing my girl to cancer.

I have gone to various Internet meeting/dating sites, kinky and vanilla, over the past 6 months and, when I come across someone who looks like they might be interesting, I write. Often I get no reply at all (I can understand that - women on Internet sites get a lot of guys writing them and they can't respond to every note) - but i have received several responses that have really bugged me. They are all slightly different but similar:

quote:

"I don't get involved with men over age 55. Men over that age are washed up, can't get it up or keep it up and don't have it anymore. Frankly, you're too old for me".

It's especially troubling to get a response like that, at age 62, from a woman who is 65 or older (like I just did yesterday)!

As a submissive, is there a chronological age which, after the Dom/Domme passes it, they are "too old"?

< Message edited by Fightdirecto -- 7/14/2013 3:08:51 PM >

_____________________________

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.””
- Ellie Wiesel

Post #: 1

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 3:56:17 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Oh come on. You know the answer to this.

It depends.

Some 18 year olds will get a wettie at the thought of a senior citizen groping them, while plenty of 40 somethings will only date people in the range of 40-45.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 2

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 5:21:39 PM

petitespot

Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline

I tend to keep my search to five years older than me max.
I find that there becomes less in common above that range....music, activities, etc.

_____________________________

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 3

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 6:00:53 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto

quote:

"I don't get involved with men over age 55. Men over that age are washed up, can't get it up or keep it up and don't have it anymore. Frankly, you're too old for me".

If the message really WAS worded that way, it was rude as hell and made assumptions which may not apply to everyone. A simple, "thanks, but I'll have to pass" would have sufficed. Don't let it get to you, other than to feel relieved that someone so ill-mannered has shown her (?) true colors right up front. Be grateful

Age is a preference like any other qualifier.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 4

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 6:05:32 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I tend to stick to an age range, 10 years in either direction of my own. As I age, my range naturally changes with me. At the outer edges of my range in either direction, I would have some concerns, concerns of course differing at either end. As I have seen here repeatedly, we are entitled to any preferences we have regarding intimate partners, no matter what they are. In such a youth oriented society, we all face some "dwindling popularity" for various reasons as we age. Just makes our search less easy, which is probably a good thing.

Edit: your quotation marks around "celebrated" suggest to me that your negative feelings about your age might be souring some of your online communications with women. I am only guessing about that.

< Message edited by Spiritedsub2 -- 7/14/2013 6:09:13 PM >

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 5

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 6:09:07 PM

slavekate80

Posts: 362
Joined: 7/4/2013
Status: offline

I think that's a very rude way for someone to respond to a message, and says more about the person sending such a response than it does about you.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 6

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 6:42:29 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I was never interested in anyone that much older than me and even stated my acceptable age range in my profile...but still, if someone writes the POLITE thing to do is send a courteous "I am not interested, but thank you for emailing me. I really do not understand people's needs to be mean to someone.

(in reply to slavekate80)

Post #: 7

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 6:51:14 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I agree that the compilation of responses OP showed us was mean in parts. But as for telling him the reason they were saying no (his age), maybe I'm weird, but I would rather hear the real unvarnished reason like that than be left wondering.

On the other side of that spectrum are all the ridiculously young men messaging me telling me they love older women!

I use LadyHibiscus's line on them: if I could have given birth to you, I won't meet you.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 8

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 7:30:42 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I've always dated men my own age, within a 5 year range. Anything older than that and I find we simply are not compatible.

ETA: Men complain that they want to know the reasons why a girl doesn't like them but yet when they do they complain. The way I see it, she was just being honest. He should be glad she was. He's able to know why and move on. Otherwise, a few months go by and the next time he posts we get "why doesn't anyone like me?". Now he knows.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/14/2013 7:33:09 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 9

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/14/2013 9:57:07 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

OP, back as far as 2004 in your collarme journal (maybe further even than that), you have been complaining that subs, even those your own age, have been rejecting you because of your age.

May I suggest to you that something else entirely is going on, and you are hiding it from yourself with this "age" smoke screen. If I were in your place I would consider getting some professional help in uncovering and dealing with the real issue.

My unsolicited two cents.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 10

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 1:54:27 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Since I'm about to be 60 in a few months, I'm saying 62 is not that old these days.

But if you think you're washed up, you are.

That you felt the need to come here and ask about this says you have doubts about yourself. And Spiritedsub's critique of your journal entries is spot on.

Learn to be a much less negative person, b/c the great, positive, not washed up people our age don't have time for it.

_____________________________

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 11

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 2:49:37 AM

Fightdirecto

Posts: 1101
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline

I think the thing that bothers me most is being told "you're too old for me" by someone older than I am.

_____________________________

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.””
- Ellie Wiesel

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 12

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 4:55:03 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto

I think the thing that bothers me most is being told "you're too old for me" by someone older than I am.

Is it any easier being told you're too fat, dark, short, etc? If the person who wrote it to you had a double standard, I'm sure they felt they had a reason for their preferences, and why would you feel you could argue it? People can want what they want, for well thought out reasons or crappy ones, it's their right. You may be shocked at the hordes of men on this site that are looking for younger women - that seems to be an overwhelming trend. I'm sure they all have their reasons why they want that.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 13

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 9:09:12 AM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Learn to be a much less negative person, b/c the great, positive, not washed up people our age don't have time for it.

I haven't read the journal entries, but I very much agree with the above.
Someone having a negative view regarding any particular aspect of their own self, will automatically leave the same impression in my head.
Someone who is older than me, who has confidence in his own self regardless of his age, will be very much more attractive to me than someone who is the same age, more attractive, but negative about his age.

I personally believe the comment(s) you received was in poor taste, but I can't fault them for having their personal preferences.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 14

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 4:11:18 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto

(I recently posted this to another Lifestyle Internet Forum and got some interesting responses. So I though I should ask submissives here for their comments as well)

I recently "celebrated" my 62nd birthday. I have not been in a serious relationship, kinky or vanilla, in a few years, since losing my girl to cancer.

I have gone to various Internet meeting/dating sites, kinky and vanilla, over the past 6 months and, when I come across someone who looks like they might be interesting, I write. Often I get no reply at all (I can understand that - women on Internet sites get a lot of guys writing them and they can't respond to every note) - but i have received several responses that have really bugged me. They are all slightly different but similar:

quote:

"I don't get involved with men over age 55. Men over that age are washed up, can't get it up or keep it up and don't have it anymore. Frankly, you're too old for me".

It's especially troubling to get a response like that, at age 62, from a woman who is 65 or older (like I just did yesterday)!

As a submissive, is there a chronological age which, after the Dom/Domme passes it, they are "too old"?

This is a weird response. In my experience, women on most web sites -- kinky or vanilla -- will generally not respond to an inquiry or give some mild, perfunctory response if they are not interested. It's hard to fathom why someone would give that gratuitous remark about your age. Did you make a big deal of your age in your letters to them or something?

Otherwise, age is relative. I have seen some dommes who prefer much younger men, and some who prefer someone their own age. I wouldn't say there is any hard and fast rules.

For the heck of it, I did a search on this site and it seems like there are far fewer older dommes for what it's worth.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 15

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 5:58:03 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I am 41 and my Master/husband will be 67 this fall. There are young "doms" who, to put it pejoratively, "wouldn't make a pimple on his ass." Anyone who is truly ignorant enough to believe that ALL people past a certain, arbitrary age are "washed up," etc., is too stupid to be involved with in the first place. Consider such bullshit statements as a good way to weed 'em out. Ignore those and continue searching for ladies who love and appreciate age and wisdom, as I do

Oh...and the bit about "can't get it up or keep it up?" Extra stupid. Doesn't she know you can buy any size dick you want in any color these days? Consider yourself lucky this twit outed her own dumb ass.......

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 7/15/2013 5:59:57 PM >

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 16

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/15/2013 6:02:18 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I will be 44 in a few months and a month after that my Master will be 63. We have lots in common. As in the sexual department no problems thwre.

I have always liked older men up to a point i would not be wih an 80 year old that is a little too old for me.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 17

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/16/2013 8:25:53 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto

quote:

"I don't get involved with men over age 55. Men over that age are washed up, can't get it up or keep it up and don't have it anymore. Frankly, you're too old for me".

Yes, the response is cutting, but it is a response and it is her preference and her opinion.
You simply can't change a thing about that.
Move on and focus on the women you might intersect with in likes and preferences, not those you don't.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 18

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/16/2013 8:42:10 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fightdirecto

I think the thing that bothers me most is being told "you're too old for me" by someone older than I am.

which is probably why the reply you got explained in more detail (than you wanted to know?) why someone older than you was looking for someone 10 years younger than herself.. I stopped replying to emails that were from guys outside my preferences cuz when I did, too often they would want to know why..

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Fightdirecto)

Post #: 19

RE: Seriously asking for objective feedback - 7/16/2013 9:51:25 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I've always dated men my own age, within a 5 year range. Anything older than that and I find we simply are not compatible.

ETA: Men complain that they want to know the reasons why a girl doesn't like them but yet when they do they complain. The way I see it, she was just being honest. He should be glad she was. He's able to know why and move on. Otherwise, a few months go by and the next time he posts we get "why doesn't anyone like me?". Now he knows.

She wasn't being honest, she was being a nasty bitch and was being deliberately cruel. First of all, there are a lot of men over 60 who are still quite sexually active, and to say that is just mean, I wonder how she would feel if someone corresponded with her and said that older women were either all looking to hook another husband to leach off them, or were a bunch of dried up old prunes whose vaginas make the sahara desert look wet and whose boobs redefine the term bulbous so piss off? Somehow, I suspect she would blow a gasket.

Quite honestly, all she had to say was "I'm not interested" and leave it at that.Kind of sad, given how much crap older women take about their age and how much time many of them spend trying to look younger.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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