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when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wan... - 6/28/2006 1:40:29 AM   
MissEvy74


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		 let me preface by saying im very new to bdsm, and i state so, CLEARLY, in my profile.


after MANY attempts to get my attention, a "submissive" finally was able to chat w. me by phone.
something about him, his personality, did not seem to attract me. however out of common courtesy, we chatted laughed, but i cut our conversation short. i said id call... i didnt.  i just didnt want to talk to him.  sue me.

when i got home i received an email, of course saying that i did not call.

i was wrong, and i said so in my reply...but i also told him, i didnt feel "chemistry"... besides he said several things in our conversation, that led me to believe he'd begin judging my aptitude as a Dominant.

when he got online, we chatted and he certainly let me have it. after i explained i wasnt looking fwd to the possibility of being judged...he said i was insecure and weak.


my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 1:50:27 AM   
Contesaluv


Posts: 173
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		If you're failry new to this, they you will be mad and it's okay to be so.  Just means your still human...lol...which the last time I looked this was a good one.  However, I have to warn you that there will be more creeps and ass wipes out there that will attempt to get your attention and then act as if you should be so enthralled at the mere fact that they sought you out.  Take it in stride and just remember that there are more male subs than female Dominants and that you can be just as choosey as you wish.

Don't let him get to ya!  Just because they're in BDSM doesn't take away the fact that they're jerks or whatever they are naturally.  Also, on the flipside, you'll meet plenty that are charming, wittiy, and hopefully who you will have chemistry with.  It just takes time.

Happy Hunting!

_____________________________

Mistress C.

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
William Shakespeare
------------------------
In a world of so many variables, why do you have to be the norm? Anonymous

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 1:57:48 AM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		MissEvy don't sweat it. The Domme to sub ratio is staggering. Remember it has to go both ways. You accept them they accept you. By being picky you saved both of you a lot of hassle.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 2:06:08 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I have had similar experiences with female "'submissives" in the past. And they were every bit as submissive-as a mack truck.

"Do me subs" abound-be glad this one never got any closer-and let it go. It's not worth losing any more thought over.

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 2:08:53 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		G'Day and Welcome MissEvy74 of course you have every right to be mad at him as you will with many others but as you said you were wrong for not doing as you told him you would in geting back intouch so please remember this on other occasions and that will show them you are strong even if its to say you are not intrested or feel that you and they will not work out.
But please do not feel that you are being judged when you meet someone who has been in the life style for a lenght of time and contacts you which then becomes time together for your pleasure.
Our idea on this would be to just both sit and talk and you ask them for guidence and some tips in what you could have done better or in what way it would have been better in their mind not on past experiences just use them to your advatage to gain knowledge and help.
Do the same also if the other person has not been i the life style for very long either as you both can learn to explore it all and to develope new ideas.
Enjoy it all.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 2:17:19 AM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I have had similar experiences with female "'submissives" in the past. And they were every bit as submissive-as a mack truck.

"Do me subs" abound-be glad this one never got any closer-and let it go. It's not worth losing any more thought over.


LOL!!! I have had a few mail me to tell me I am an asshole because they did'nt like my profile. As if it was some kind of divine revelation.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 3:35:18 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Evy,

You don't owe anyone anything, except yourself.  You didn't even owe the guy the phone conversation you had, as you weren't interested.  Don't let people like him get under your skin and don't give them anything you don't want them to have.

Yes, you have every right to be angry at him, but honestly, you should be angry with yourself too.  You allowed him to put you in a situation you didn't want, ie. the phone conversation.  I understand it was out of being nice, but as you learned, that can get you trouble.  Stand your ground and be honest.  If you're not interested, tell him so succinctly.  "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" may seem hurtful, but in the end, it's best.

Good luck to you!

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 4:19:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Lass, I'd hazzard a guess that 99% if the time yoiu reject a sub, they are going to slap you and ghet nasty and rude.. Human nature being what it is, is not naturally wired to deal gracefully with any rejection.... It's about egos y'know.... Just a thought, but you could learn how to reject some one so they still feel good about themselves and how to deal with assholes ~ gracefully too. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 4:33:19 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I think maybe this hit so close to home because you are a wee bit insecure of your domination skills....and that is totally normal. I am reading through the lines a bit here, but you seem to be saying that you wish you were a bit more confident. And trust me that is totally normal and i believe every single caring dominant in here can relate. You want a relationship that feeds your soul and yet it is all so new, and parts are so contradicting...
 
Might i suggest a Domme mentor? it is a long standing tradition for newbies to find some one they like and kinda fly under their wings a bit as thiers grow.
 
A mentor is a friend, and a coach as well as a person that can help you hone your skills. Books are great dont get me wrong, as are forums and chat rooms and so are local munches and parties but as far as really developing an impeccable set of skills nothing beats a mentor simply because so much of this stuff is mental and to be honest very little is written from that perspective.
 
 



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 4:54:53 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Why be mad at someone you don't even know?  why give him that much power over you? 
It's a learning process, as you grow and get more r/l experience you will weed out the bad.  In the meantime, don't sweat it.  It's not that big of deal.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 4:57:13 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome to the Forums... :-)
 
I think you should just give yourself a break and lighten up on judging and being judged etc - everyone does it; how else does one make informed choices and decisions, esp the Dom/mes in this lifestyle?
 
I certainly think you erred in saying you'd ring when you obviously knew you weren't going to - so consider yourself sued!  lol  Any self-respecting dominant leads by word and deed so being deliberately deceptive yourself can definitely send the wrong message to those you'd have serve you....  Actions DO speak louder than words!  I'd suggest in future that if someone isn't pushing the right buttons for you, politely cut your losses and move on.  They may still get nasty but you get a clear conscience and respect for honesty regardless....  Treat them as you'd expect to be treated - if you don't appreciate others telling you fibs or being evasive etc, don't set that example for them.
 
Unfortunately, you gave "this creep" fair reason to be mad at you.  Though I gather you're just lettting off some light-hearted steam, vindictively stepping on a male/sub's manhood is definitely not a smart move.  For all the female supremacy propaganda baloney out there, men generally still have a distinct physical advantage that could end disastrously for you!  All bets are off when it ain't consentual.... 
 
Welcome to the lifestyle but don't think Dom/mes get a free ride - you quicky become "slave" to your own standards and expectations, dammit!  lol
 
Focus.

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 5:35:17 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I'm with a few of the others who commented...

Your actions caused this hostility. You baited him along. You said you would do thing when you had no intention of following through & then you baited him along some more.

If you have no interest, simply state it & move on. If they they fail to respect this, then you block them.

You were very weak & indecisive in your handling of this man & I can see where he could be angry & wish to lash out.

For all of those that wrote mentioning the large number of jerks out there that are do-me types & such... you have to appreciate that there is also a large number of women out there playing games & claiming dominance. These submissive men have just as much right to be pissed off when they are the ones that feel they have been played by the domme.

<edited to add>

I noticed by the title of this thread that you feel you were judged. Hmmmm, I'm wondering how you will respond to the comments here seeing that you posted this & clearly you are asking a bunch of strangers to judge your actions. Is it ok that you are mad? Well you can be mad at whoever you wish... that is ok, but that doesn't mean you are correct. Wouldn't it better to learn that this whole situation can be avoided by correcting your own behavior & choices?

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 6/28/2006 5:59:35 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 5:40:23 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		OFF WITH hIS HEAD, I SAY! Seems that he doesn't use his top one so ya might as well take the head that he'll miss most. wefg
M. Gentry

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 6:31:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74
my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?

Why?  Because he's right?

You admitted you were wrong.  You admitted you did the cowardly thing because you're new and didn't want to face up to the consequences of being honest.

You lied to him and then purposefully missed an appointment with him.  I really don't see what ground you have to stand on here.

Learn and get stronger.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 7:24:02 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		OK If I can impart some wisdom here as you appear to be new to all this:
 
First of all, welcome to the boards--we look forward to many more postings from you and hope you will find counsel here as well.
 
I do not believe here YOU  were dismissed---you did after all say that there was no chemistry--so you excluded him to start--now, You did say you would call him, IMHO not doing so and facing the situation at that moment was not a good thing---if there is no chemistry from the start, do not agree to calls etc--that only prolongs the expectation on the other end.  He does have a right be a tad miffed as there was a planned call you did not honor--however, as the big boy that he is, he should realize that shit happens--deal and move on.
 
As you go forward, remember you are the Dominant--you have every right to choose as you see fit, just remember that you are human and there is also a human at the other end of your chats--try to maintain a good rep by not overly encouraging those that don't fit the criteria.
 
Good luck!

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/28/2006 7:25:34 AM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 8:04:32 AM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		No matter what you think of some person it is just proper to be honest with someone and telling them where they stand. So if you did not feel any chemistry and did not want to continue than you should have respected him enough to tell him that in the first place.

A lot of men will not take rejection well in this lifestyle. Men out number the women so much that once they have a woman they are talking to and to see it go away no matter at what stage can cause some men to be jerks and lash out at you. Must take it for what it is worth and move on.

The way you handle the situation, I cannot call what he did horrible. Wrong yes, but your wrong even if it was lessor does not put you on the high ground.


_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 8:49:43 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		No, it's not OK.  It means you're overreacting.  You cannot be dominant unless you can keep your emotions in check.  It's a basic rule: whoever expends more unfocused energy loses.  Being furious at someone is unfocused energy.

You're a pretty woman and you'll find plenty of desirable subs.  Just be patient and stay in control.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 8:57:20 AM   
MissEvy74


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Focus50,

I completely agree. This has certainly been a learning lesson. Thank you for setting me straight.

Miss Evy

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 9:00:05 AM   
MissEvy74


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		MstrssPassion,

I can admit I was wrong. I will definitely learn from this unfortunate experience. Thank you for your sincere reply.

Miss Evy

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 9:08:49 AM   
MissEvy74


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		I was the jerk. I posted in a fit of anger, insecurity and bad judgment. I would certainly not "sadistically step on his manhood",lol   I was definitaly just venting.

I would like to thank everyone, for their thoughts and advice. I will learn to be more direct and not lead anyone on. And a mentor, sounds like a good way to bounce my ideas off someone with more experience.

Respectfully,

Miss Evy

(in reply to MissEvy74)
Profile   Post #: 20
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