RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged

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RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 9:41:39 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Not an easy thing to do what you just did, but it is the first step in gaining the confidence in your domination skills that you seek.

I have found that it is invaluable as a dominant to hone these skills:

To admit when i am wrong and to apologize, ( i am getting really good at this lol)
To seek knowledge and perspective when i dont have it
To strive for personal integrity that is beyond reproach
To keep anger well in check.

The more you invest in these four things, the more your own self worth goes up in your own eyes. That energy is something a submissive can intuitively sense and is drawn to like honey.

Remember making a wise choice when choosing a Dom is a life or death decission for a submissive.

To be able to trust their dominant is their whole world, so you can bet that their skill set is very honed to making sure to that the Dominant does keep every promice....and will absolutely call you on it if you dont, because the truth is at the very least you are not valuing them, and at the very worse you are dangerous to them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

I was the jerk. I posted in a fit of anger, insecurity and bad judgment. I would certainly not "sadistically step on his manhood",lol I was definitaly just venting.

I would like to thank everyone, for their thoughts and advice. I will learn to be more direct and not lead anyone on. And a mentor, sounds like a good way to bounce my ideas off someone with more experience.

Respectfully,

Miss Evy

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MissEvy74)

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Post #: 21

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 9:43:11 AM

MasterKalif

Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline

It is ok, we all make mistakes, and subs should know that too....but from mistakes we can learn and grow.

(in reply to MissEvy74)

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Post #: 22

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 10:59:31 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

First off it;s lying to blatently say I will call and have no intention to and it's dishonorable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

If you're not interested have a spine and say so, do not lead people on. A lot of us will wait and wait and wait for someone who said they w/ill call to do so. It is not honorable to say you have intentions of something when you do not and the other person ends up wasting a lot of time waiting on it

(in reply to MissEvy74)

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Post #: 23

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 11:59:54 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

I wait every day for the mailman to deliver that check from Publisher's Clearing house - but I don't build my life around it.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

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Post #: 24

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 3:44:04 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MissEvy74, Ladies and Gentlemen;

One of the best advice I often give new dominants that I mentor is, treating people with as much respect, dignity and honesty as you wish others to give to you.

For those dear precious few good slaves/submissives that approach bare their soul, emotions, spirit to a potential dominant. More naked and vunerable than most people in your life time. Rejecting a slave or submissive is crushing and more painful than any sadism you issue to them.

These lads/lassies are hurting, especially when hopes were lifted. Then you gave your word and broke it when you said you would call back or contact them back. Your word is your contract, your bond, your command and your responsibility to consider how others may take it.

If the chemistry wasn't 'there' up front, the conversation could have been kind and request that they move on and wish them much success.

I do agree with those posting, that a good many people here who are about as effective as a screen door on a submarine as 'submissive' and or 'slave.' However, each person should get the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise.

Unfortunately, society will always be judgmental. The scene and or lifestyle as far as it is spread across the globe, can be rather small at times.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MissEvy74)

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Post #: 25

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 4:20:35 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

I was the jerk. I posted in a fit of anger, insecurity and bad judgment. I would certainly not "sadistically step on his manhood",lol I was definitaly just venting.

I would like to thank everyone, for their thoughts and advice. I will learn to be more direct and not lead anyone on. And a mentor, sounds like a good way to bounce my ideas off someone with more experience.

Respectfully,

Miss Evy

There ya go; some harsh words were posted here in response to your actions but your own response to them is quite commendable - way to earn respect! :-)

There is an onus or even obligation for a Dom/me to always make the right choices but we all know mistakes are gonna happen. How you deal with your mistakes will define the person/Domme you really are and your sub will particularly take notice.... You can learn from other's experiences, such as these Forums (or a mentor if that's your go) but it's also true that sometimes we just have to (metaphorically) stick our own finger in the flame to appreciate that it does burn....

You're a Domme - say what you mean and mean what you say! And when you inevitably screw up, as we all do, stick your chin out and take it like a ma.... errrr.... Dom/me! And NEVER forget the valuable lessons of your own mistakes, they are the best teacher of all! Good luck. :-)

Focus.

(in reply to MissEvy74)

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Post #: 26

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 7:41:43 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

I was the jerk. I posted in a fit of anger, insecurity and bad judgment. I would certainly not "sadistically step on his manhood",lol I was definitaly just venting.

I would like to thank everyone, for their thoughts and advice. I will learn to be more direct and not lead anyone on. And a mentor, sounds like a good way to bounce my ideas off someone with more experience.

Respectfully,

Miss Evy

There ya go; some harsh words were posted here in response to your actions but your own response to them is quite commendable - way to earn respect! :-)

There is an onus or even obligation for a Dom/me to always make the right choices but we all know mistakes are gonna happen. How you deal with your mistakes will define the person/Domme you really are and your sub will particularly take notice.... You can learn from other's experiences, such as these Forums (or a mentor if that's your go) but it's also true that sometimes we just have to (metaphorically) stick our own finger in the flame to appreciate that it does burn....

You're a Domme - say what you mean and mean what you say! And when you inevitably screw up, as we all do, stick your chin out and take it like a ma.... errrr.... Dom/me! And NEVER forget the valuable lessons of your own mistakes, they are the best teacher of all! Good luck. :-)

Focus.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Focus50)

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Post #: 27

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 7:57:05 PM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

let me preface by saying im very new to bdsm, and i state so, CLEARLY, in my profile.

We all were at some time .... welcome to Collarme

quote:

after MANY attempts to get my attention, a "submissive" finally was able to chat w. me by phone.
something about him, his personality, did not seem to attract me. however out of common courtesy, we chatted laughed, but i cut our conversation short. i said id call... i didnt. i just didnt want to talk to him. sue me.

when i got home i received an email, of course saying that i did not call.

sounds like he wass trying to top from the bottom there but that just my opinion

quote:

i was wrong, and i said so in my reply...but i also told him, i didnt feel "chemistry"... besides he said several things in our conversation, that led me to believe he'd begin judging my aptitude as a Dominant.

Takes a really big person to admit they did something wrong . one of these days I might have to do that too . lmfaooooo

quote:

when he got online, we chatted and he certainly let me have it. after i explained i wasnt looking fwd to the possibility of being judged...he said i was insecure and weak.

my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?

your absolutely justified <as I sit here cringing at the stomping on the manhood comment> he was obnoxiously idiotic .... many of us talk on the phone and chat in IM's and we get along famously . but in person when the chemistry is set in place ..... well not always does it mix ... you did everything right ... maybe just next time be up front and tell him look it just isn't there for me .. but other then that you did well

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

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Post #: 28

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 9:18:16 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

If I am expecting someone will call sabella I will wait allday with in reason.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

I wait every day for the mailman to deliver that check from Publisher's Clearing house - but I don't build my life around it.

(in reply to Sabella)

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Post #: 29

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 10:43:35 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline

Our Respects to you MissEvy74 and so a lesson lernt and well accepted by you now is the beginign of your new direction and new lessons to learn but may they all be much easier and nothing but pleasure to you as you explore them.

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HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

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Post #: 30

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/28/2006 10:48:04 PM

KSControl

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

Evy,
Everyone makes mistakes. You made one by not being upfront with him. He made one by reacting so strongly to being rejected. The old adage 'live and learn' is certainly applicable here. That said, don't beat yourself (or him) up over it. Just move on.

For the future, remember that while you may be new, being Dominant is not as much a 'skill' as a 'trait'. Yes, you will learn skills, and develop more confidence in yourself as you go, but the core of being Dominant is that you *are* Dominant. Hence, when you start talking to a sub, you control the tone and direction of the conversation. If you are not feeling a connection, don't try to play along to keep from hurting his feelings - because in the end, it will hurt him more to feel he was betrayed and 'led on'. You can't control, of course, how others feel about you, or how they react to being told 'no', but you can control the messages you send, and one of the key messages you send as a Dominant is that you mean what you say. If we do not have the strength of honor, we will be seen as dishonest, and therefore weak. Best of luck in the future. Chalk this one up to experience. :)

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Post #: 31

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/29/2006 9:01:06 AM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

quote:

led me to believe he'd begin judging my aptitude as a Dominant.

Get used to it. Be prepared to be asked to provide references and to submit to a full background check as well. It will happen.

quote:

after i explained i wasnt looking fwd to the possibility of being judged...he said i was insecure and weak.

He is right. You will be judged, and why not. He is contemplating putting himself into your control, so he really has every right to judge you. Further, you already judged him and found him wanting...it is what the whole chatting then meeting process is about....giving both sides a chance to get to know the other so they can more accuratly judge if the other person is a match or not. Hell, that is the whole point of dating!

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

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Post #: 32

RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not... - 6/29/2006 10:26:31 AM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

Sheer sour grapes. Let it go. Some people have this knee-jerk reaction to rejection that makes them attack. Take it for what it's worth (not much) and just keep in mind that you already weren't interested in this guy! Don't let it bother you :)

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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