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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/18/2013 6:05:38 PM   
PeonForHer


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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/22/2013 7:21:28 PM   
Anatolium


Posts: 32
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline 		The problem expressed by the OP is similar to what I feel, in that testosterone drives me tremendously, where, it would be a blessing, in effect, were we to not have this drive (which gets us nowhere).

Women have no idea (they *think* they are driven, but, the proof is clearly in evidence that men are far far far far far far far more sexually driven than females, although there are *some* men who are not, and many who aren't as driven as the OP may be).

The only "pill" of sorts that I know if, is orgasm. What I mean by that is that all my tremendous kinky sexual drive dissipates at the moment of orgasm, and just seems "silly" for a few minutes.

So, whatever happens, biochemically, to create that orgasmic bliss just at the point after orgasm, is what that "pill" would need to replicate.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/22/2013 9:36:03 PM   
cloudboy


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The hardest thing is navigating the off road without a map or societal backing. I didn't start figuring anything out until later in life, and that is a real disadvantage. The end result is I am very tolerant of others and I try to be understanding (as opposed to judgmental) about their situation.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/23/2013 4:39:40 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		That's what I did 7-8 years ago and it worked wonders for me. I made the one mistake of finding a therapist who clearly wasn't kink friendly. After that mistake, I actually talked with a therapist who was kink friendly. Point is, find a kink friendly therapist. As for some "pill" to be vanilla, well, that's like the Maxtrix question, do you want the red or blue pill? Me,I am very comfortable in my own non-vanilla skin and I prefer it like that. But here's something even better, who said "vanilla" and "kink" can't co-exist in the same skin?
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

There is an alternative to trying to be vanilla: work with a kink aware or kink friendly therapist on how to be comfortable and even happy in your own non-vanilla skin.



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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/23/2013 7:13:58 AM   
imtempting


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Status: offline 		Its like a switch for me. I can turn on the bdsm side or turn it off again.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/23/2013 11:36:26 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I will say this much. If someone told me I had to choose between my "vanilla" side or my "submissive" side, I would have to can the submission. While I have certainly had a lot of fun with some very attractive Women, that's all it is, just fun. Other than that, I can't really say my submissive side has really benefitted me in any other area of my life.

What if someone wanted to just be "vanilla" but they couldn't? What if a person doesn't want to fantasize about always being dominated? Perhaps there is something a tad abnormal about only fantasizing about kink, if someone doesn't want to think of that. These sexual urges can become an addiction in its own way. I do wonder why is it I've only been able to fantasize about Dominant Women since I was much younger. I try my best to find a reason or to convince myself this is 100% fine. But if I wanted to live a "vanilla" only relationship but I can't, then maybe it doesn't hurt to reevaluate things from time to time.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/23/2013 12:29:52 PM   
Charles6682


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From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Really just sounds like a case of OCD really more than anything. Even the new current DSM-5 still leaves S&M in their diagnoses book for those where S&M has become an unhealthy way of life for over 6 months or more.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/23/2013 12:37:06 PM   
Charles6682


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From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		http://www.dsm5.org/Research/Documents/Krueger_ASB%20Feb%202011.pdf This is some good information on the DSM and sexual masochism.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 7/23/2013 12:43:19 PM >

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 7/26/2013 4:45:53 PM   
LookieNoNookie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: byejosh

I love my sex life and yet at the same time I often wish I was more traditional/normal/vanilla. I often don't like liking what I like, if that makes sense. Life would be easier, it seems, in vanilla-land. Anyone share those feelings?


Lithium.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/8/2013 11:21:30 PM   
misfittens


Posts: 14
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Status: offline 		I started out really not liking enjoying kink, but the more I explored the more I came around. It certainly was a battle but I am at the very least content with my tastes. I don't necessarily wear it on my sleeve but I feel confident and I'm ok with that. I hope you can come around and accept yourself and your interests.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 6:21:53 AM   
JustAMas


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quote:

ORIGINAL: byejosh

I love my sex life and yet at the same time I often wish I was more traditional/normal/vanilla. I often don't like liking what I like, if that makes sense. Life would be easier, it seems, in vanilla-land. Anyone share those feelings?


I think that a lot of people can actually relate to this. They're attracted to BDSM but at the same time, they're horrified that they're attracted and get off to it. It's only natural. Because it IS disturbing sometimes.

It's not impossible to "go back" to vanilla, but it probably won't be a pill and it will require some training. Unfortunately for you, your brain has been rewired and re-calibrated for BDSM. You think of BDSM when you think of sex, and you think of sex when you think of BDSM. Since presumably you've been getting off to BDSM sex for so long, you now equate sexual pleasures with BDSM activities. So you now equate sexual pleasures or orgasms with pain or something like that. You may even NEED pain to get off, because the association has become so strong. You think that vanilla is "boring" because your brain is no longer equating sexual pleasure with just normal sex. It's just like the Pavlov's experiment with the dog, where he makes the dog salivate by just ringing the bell. It's called the classical conditioning. Your brain has been conditioned to make a certain response (orgasm) when there is a certain stimuli (pain).

We are what we do and what we fill ourselves up with. What you do every day, it is strengthened in your brain, and what you don't gets replaced by something else.

If you want to go back to "vanilla"... then I suggest that you just totally get away from BDSM... and start having vanilla sex... even if at first it seems boring to you, or even unarousing. But like with anything, you will "get used to" it... just like you got used to BDSM.

< Message edited by JustAMas -- 8/9/2013 6:23:52 AM >

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 7:01:34 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		You actually make some good points. Even now, I still have my moments where I wonder if I'm on the right path or not. But those moments are much rarer than they were many years ago. I think it's normal to question where we are at from time to time. But do I wish I could just get rid of my submission? I don't know. For me, I've been attracted to "Women of Authority" since I was young. So sexually speaking, I have really only always been attracted to Dominant Women. Whether this stuff is nature or nurture, at this point, I know I am already too "hard wired" for this just to change.got to

The biggest issue I have with being a male sub isn't that I think there is anything wrong with me. And plenty of studies have been proving people in the kink community are not as crazy as when first thought decades ago. My biggest problem with being a male sub is social stigma to being a male sub, both in mainstream society and even the kink community. After awhile, I just got to the point where I simply don't care what other people are thinking. It sort of does have to come down to that after awhile.

While I realize I will probably always be a submissive and I accept that fate, I don't have to accept that male subs are weak or I need to submit myself to just anyone. Perhaps the biggest question for a male sub, is what do they do when they aren't collared?

While ideally, I would love to find the right Domme for me to submit myself to and live happily ever after, I am also realistic enough to know that is clearly fantasy for many subs and the Domme/male sub ratio no doubt favors the Domme,clearly. I've come to the realization that finding the true dream Domme may never be a reality for me. And sadly, for now, that's a grim reality I think a lot of male subs need to consider.

In the meantime, I'm still going to enjoy every other aspect of my life. I still like going to the Beach, movie's, museums, nature parks and so on. I mean, think of all the "vanilla" guys who aren't married or are single and them seem perfectly happy. So can a single sub. Besides, as far as "kinky play" goes, I've already been able to do that and then some and I still can. I guess I still get my "sexual" needs met without having to sell my soul or pay a pro dome hundreds,if not thousands of dollars just to have alittle "fun".

If there really was a pill to go vanilla, I actually wonder how many people would take it and how many wouldn't. If you live a great life in kink, why would someone want to change the outcome to that? If someone is miserable in kink, then looking for an easy way out is understandable. But for me and I'm sure many others, there really is no "easy way out". People are who they are.


quote:

ORIGINAL: JustAMas

quote:

ORIGINAL: byejosh

I love my sex life and yet at the same time I often wish I was more traditional/normal/vanilla. I often don't like liking what I like, if that makes sense. Life would be easier, it seems, in vanilla-land. Anyone share those feelings?


I think that a lot of people can actually relate to this. They're attracted to BDSM but at the same time, they're horrified that they're attracted and get off to it. It's only natural. Because it IS disturbing sometimes.

It's not impossible to "go back" to vanilla, but it probably won't be a pill and it will require some training. Unfortunately for you, your brain has been rewired and re-calibrated for BDSM. You think of BDSM when you think of sex, and you think of sex when you think of BDSM. Since presumably you've been getting off to BDSM sex for so long, you now equate sexual pleasures with BDSM activities. So you now equate sexual pleasures or orgasms with pain or something like that. You may even NEED pain to get off, because the association has become so strong. You think that vanilla is "boring" because your brain is no longer equating sexual pleasure with just normal sex. It's just like the Pavlov's experiment with the dog, where he makes the dog salivate by just ringing the bell. It's called the classical conditioning. Your brain has been conditioned to make a certain response (orgasm) when there is a certain stimuli (pain).

We are what we do and what we fill ourselves up with. What you do every day, it is strengthened in your brain, and what you don't gets replaced by something else.

If you want to go back to "vanilla"... then I suggest that you just totally get away from BDSM... and start having vanilla sex... even if at first it seems boring to you, or even unarousing. But like with anything, you will "get used to" it... just like you got used to BDSM.


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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 7:23:30 AM   
JustAMas


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2013
Status: offline 		I think that you can be attracted to dominant or submissive types, and still be in totally vanilla relationships. I think that most people are more or less dominant or submissive, without the BDSM labels. But I also think that we are balanced, we're not 100% dominant or submissive all the time. We all have sides that are dominant or submissive, or neither dominant nor submissive, and I don't mean it in a "switch" way. Sometimes it's a good idea to assert yourself, and other times it's a good idea to accommodate, it depends on circumstances. I think that it becomes a problem when you become too rigid in your behavior, when you can't adjust more appropriately and try to become 100% dominant or submissive in all situations.


About the kinky sex, think of it as this way. Like with the Pavlov's experiment, it's just like ringing a bell to achieve a certain response (orgasm). What's the difference between kinky sex and vanilla sex? Nothing, except that with kinky sex, you're just ringing a bell (pain, etc) to achieve an orgasm, while with vanilla sex, you're actually having sex in its own right! So this is a philosophical question as well as a realistic question. Which do you actually "enjoy" more? Which is more "real"? Is BDSM sex just an illusion, like ringing a bell to achieve an orgasm? You're going out of your way and jumping hoops to achieve an orgasm, when you could just achieve the same orgasm by having regular sex. It certainly takes more effort, but for what?

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 7:26:26 AM   
mnottertail


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Status: offline 		One pill makes you larger;
and one pill makes you small.

And the one that mother gives you,
don't do anything at all.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 8:18:23 AM   
roguetrip


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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/9/2013 3:09:30 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		For me, kinky sex is only part of it. When I find the right Domme to truly submit to, the level of being of service will most likely outweigh anything else. But I can't just seem myself submitting all of who I am to just anybody. Sessions,videos,stuff like that, that's more or less just about the kink,profit motive and is not what I would consider to be a true form of D/s.

As for most people being dominant or submissive at some point or another, I do think your right. Take the labels out and I've seen plenty of marriages where its clear the Wife or Husband controls the relationship. We don't call these D/s by name but without the kink, there's a lot in common really. I can be rather assertive when I need to be. It doesn't mean I like to be an ass but it also means I won't let people think I'm a doormat either. Maybe because I am a male sub, I do feel sometimes I have to go the extra mile to make my point clear and I hate being like that but its there. If I see injustice in front of me, no, I doubt I would be all too quiet then. And any Domme that I would submit myself 100% to, would probably already know that part about me anyways. If I see someone lying on the ground, I'm not just going to keep walking and pretend like nothing is happening. I am going to help that person out.

That's probably a rare example but a good one. I prefer to have a kind hearted Domme and I know for sure they are out there. Its just a matter of finding that particular type of Domme. No, I won't sell myself short just for anyone. I would prefer to stay single than resort to desperation in that manner.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustAMas

I think that you can be attracted to dominant or submissive types, and still be in totally vanilla relationships. I think that most people are more or less dominant or submissive, without the BDSM labels. But I also think that we are balanced, we're not 100% dominant or submissive all the time. We all have sides that are dominant or submissive, or neither dominant nor submissive, and I don't mean it in a "switch" way. Sometimes it's a good idea to assert yourself, and other times it's a good idea to accommodate, it depends on circumstances. I think that it becomes a problem when you become too rigid in your behavior, when you can't adjust more appropriately and try to become 100% dominant or submissive in all situations.


About the kinky sex, think of it as this way. Like with the Pavlov's experiment, it's just like ringing a bell to achieve a certain response (orgasm). What's the difference between kinky sex and vanilla sex? Nothing, except that with kinky sex, you're just ringing a bell (pain, etc) to achieve an orgasm, while with vanilla sex, you're actually having sex in its own right! So this is a philosophical question as well as a realistic question. Which do you actually "enjoy" more? Which is more "real"? Is BDSM sex just an illusion, like ringing a bell to achieve an orgasm? You're going out of your way and jumping hoops to achieve an orgasm, when you could just achieve the same orgasm by having regular sex. It certainly takes more effort, but for what?


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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/10/2013 5:05:21 AM   
ShaharThorne


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Status: offline 		Depakote ER for me, but then I am not in any form of relationship...my sex drive is nil.

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/11/2013 1:41:11 PM   
AAkasha


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne

Depakote ER for me, but then I am not in any form of relationship...my sex drive is nil.



I was put on Depakote ER as a treatment to see if would make migraines go away and I read it could have some bad side effects. It turned me into a zombie almost immediately. This was over the 4th of july weekend. I had no moods at all, my mood levels were so flat, I was unable to enjoy anything or do anything, my motivation was zero. And this was on the lowest dose. I called the doctor and got off of it immediately.

Ironically on the other thread "can a pill make you kinky?" the med they switched me to for migraines is topamax (topirimate) and now that I have reached peak dose coincidentally my kinky side is all haywire and I can't stop thinking about kinky things, but it could just be a coincidence.

Akasha

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/11/2013 9:29:26 PM   
incubusboy


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/4/2013
Status: offline 		I'm not sure I follow the point of the pity party. It is not easier to be vanilla. It is not easier to be celibate. It is not easier to drink oneself unconscious every day to avoid the challenge of dealing with other people.

There isn't anything real that is easy. That's why people invented games, so that we can struggle without consequence and without worry before we go back to our real lives.

Vanilla people struggle with what they like, no different than kink people do. In fact, the only real difference I've identified between kink and vanilla people is this: kinky people say what the want, out loud, specifically, where other people can hear them. Vanilla people hope to like whatever happens. I like being specific, and it (sometimes) gets me where I want to go. But it isn't "easier."

Life of every description is hard. You want easy? Jump off a bridge.

(Please don't jump off a bridge. It would come back to me and I would NEVER get laid again :P

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RE: Is there a pill to make one vanilla? - 8/11/2013 9:47:02 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: byejosh
I love my sex life and yet at the same time I often wish I was more traditional/normal/vanilla. I often don't like liking what I like, if that makes sense. Life would be easier, it seems, in vanilla-land. Anyone share those feelings?


Paxil may be indicated for the feeling worthless part. I can't tell if that's just "humiliation speak" or if you really feel that way. If you do, you may want to see a psychologist.

In your profile it says you define yourself by giving oral, by being used as an instrument of pleasure to others, by not receiving pleasure yourself, and by sucking cock. I'd like to point out that you don't need BDSM for any of those.

Perhaps I could be more helpful if I understood why you think life would be easier in vanilla land.

Maybe the simplest solution of all is just to decide to like liking what you like.

Also, I think you said on another thread that having orgasms depresses you. If you still feel that way, I'd like to second the opinion that you might want to see a doctor.

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 8/11/2013 10:01:38 PM >

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