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RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 10:47:24 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Going back to your original post and discussing people that feel they must grab on to "someone" before it is too late.. Well I guess that can happen when one realizes what they have been missing with BDSM for years. It also has happened with men that trade their 50 year old wife for two quarters too..smiles. You know, the person going through a mid-life crisis. I do not think it is more prevalent to do so in the lifestyle than in the vanilla world.

That being said, I find people are less inclined to compromise standards as they age for good reason, they are more settled in who they are and know what hasn't worked in the past.As I get older I feel less desperate, not more so. I am in no race, I do not plan to reproduce anymore necessarily (at least it is not an overwhelming desire, my clock isn't ticking). I have a "been there, done that" mentality mostly.

I just wanted to say that many of us on planet Earth when we get past 40 (and I am not even 40 yet!) feel as though being free is not the worst thing, being unhappy with someone is. Perhaps some of our categories develop from hard won wisdom and experience.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 11:01:47 AM   
afeathr


Posts: 248
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

6. I've never been attracted to physical looks, I cant once remember walking down the street and thinking "Wow, he's hot I'd love to have a relationship with him"...I cant even conceive of the idea, its ludicrous to me. I do however accept, men in general are visual creatures, much more so than women...I feel sorry for them in a way..Ive seen some men get together with women who were real bitches, total emotional basket-cases, manipulative and deceiful...just cause they were attracted to how they looked...poor guys...but then...when it all comes down to it...they do get punished for it..they have to suffer the consequences of their choices.


What is *really* interesting about this quote is that *this* is where jealousy lies... thinking that men look at beautiful women and then assume that they are assessing those women with the same criteria that we do men.  This has been a really really hard lesson for me to learn.  It finally clicked with me after visiting a strip club with my Dom, that he sees these women as objects, artwork if you will, rather than people.  When I talked to him about that, he agreed.  He can look at a beautiful woman and appreciate how she looks, but his desire for me stems from not only my appearance, but my mind and soul as well. He is constantly asking me, "How many women, in this room (or locale) do you think are like you?"  The answer is usually: few or none.  Then I always get a wink, smile or knowing nod that reminds me of who and what I am to him.  I realized that objectification is something that I do, to an extent, as well... I can look at a sexy man (in "societal terms") and appreciate the human form, but I have no desire to have a relationship with him at all...

The men that follow that objectification into the 'relationship' realm are the losers because they are effectively dating a idealized version of what they want... akin to dating a sculpture or painting... all beauty, no substance.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 11:26:34 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		True, but I have 2 observations about this.  One, I've been only a play-party and telephone Domme for over 10 years.  It's finally time to have a full-time, 24/7 slave, and darn it, that's what I WANT, and not a play partner.  Which brings us to point #2.  Play partners are a dime a dozen when you're a Domme.  I cannot begin to count the number of guys who have approached me who do NOT want to be a slave, but very happy to clean my house, have me do "(insert activity of choice)" to or with them, etc.  I'm not even counting the wankers.  I can play at the local dungeon any time I like (and do so), without any commitment being made.  Online here, I save my time (when not getting caught up in the vortex of flame wars on the forums, LOL) talking with those who at least have some interest in being a slave (and being my slave particularly), and with whom I have enough mutually in common to make that at least a possible outcome as we talk and get to know each other. 

Which is not to say I *only* talk to slave supplicants here; I have made some wonderful friends, M/F, D/s :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Fun, being fun to be around, being positive, being open; I've never seen that attitude fail. You'll have more fun being inclusive than you ever will being exclusive. You CAN be casual without compromising your long term relationship goal. Amazingly sometimes one helps achieve the other.


_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 11:46:52 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		You make some very good points ... as usual.
 
I don't have experience looking for someone online, but I think it's worth a discussion of how offline dating works, and making comparisons.
 
At least for me, when you meet someone offline, the first thing you know about them, is how they look. Are you attracted to them at all? To give the benefit of doubt, I guess you could say that the online picture surfers are doing that step ... or not. Who really knows.
 
Then, perhaps you interact with them via small talk and at some point, someone asks the other person out on a date. At that time, you don't have any idea what they are interested in, if they like spanking, if they have a hard limit of nipple clamps, or whatever. All you really know, is that you are attracted to them, and if there is a date, then each thinks the other isn't a complete jerk.
 
Only after you date a little, do you really get to know each other at all. Now, I'm only speaking for me here, but it's going to take a lot of dates before any edgy topic concerning sex comes up. We may even be physically involved, and still not be talking that much about our sexual likes, dislikes and desires. I would bet though, that some of the more relationship mature people on here, have no problem bringing those topics up right from the start.
 
Ok ... so as a contrast, there is this online thing ... not just Collarme, but any online match making service ... where you actually see a list of personal information, in order to help you make an "informed choice." Again, speaking only for me, I'm not sure that is a very good idea, and not so sure it's really all that "informed."
 
When I first joined here, I had about a five line profile, and had some interests listed. Funny, every email I got, was from people with exactly the same interest. Now, that may have been a good thing ... it may be that informed choices were being made. It may equally be that when you look under the rug, and in the corner of the closet, and search high and low for "X", you will probably find it eventually, even if it doesn't really exist. I sometimes get the idea that when you put a list of your interests out there, you are telling everyone what they have to be for them to like you ... as opposed to really being what you are looking for.
 
Then, there are people that muddy the waters, who are here for completely different reasons. I fit into this category. I really enjoy the message board, and speaking very bluntly, I'm not even sure if I'm into any of this lifestyle at all. I've had some experieces, yes that's true. Some of them, I really liked. I also used to like cartoons and used to like black clothes. Those were not things that lasted with me. There is obviously a chance that this whole BDSM thing, at least for me, may be a cartoon or black clothing.
 
The question is ... if you think that, are you here playing games or wasting people's time? Are you supposed to remove your membership here, because some people don't like your level of interaction?
 
Clearly, some people feel that way, because when you put in your profile, that you aren't currently looking, you get a TON of email, asking why you are here, and why you are fucking with people's head.
 
Ok ... I think I switched topics about ten times in this thread ... and sorry for writing a book. 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 2:49:37 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Buyers & Sellers

Im a Buyer here.
Those who desire to sell what I buy will gain My attention period. I dont put restrictions on what others sell
nor do I judge their products they sell that has nothing to do with the item Im buyin, nor not buy it because of
another issue that has nothing to do with the item I am buying from them. If they bring the item Im looking to buy
Ill buy it. If I seek a concensual slave I buy that product based off of how well that person is a concensual slave, not their looks,age,race, not their gender or any of the other izuum skizzums. Those kinds of opinions thrown into the transaction are biased acts and have nothing to do with the transaction. I have no criteria except what covers the item as a buyer I am looking for. If I seek slaves I have no need for a sub no matter what kind no matter how perfect that sub might be or how much that sub likes Me. Thats the kind of limits a alternate lifestyle site address not how someone looks. That is just so vanilla an issue.
quote:

A relationship isn’t their goal. Why else would physical appearance be given so high a priority?
Not only is a relationship not what they seek but alternate lifestyle is not their priority either and in My opinion they are not on the right site to find what they seek.
quote:

I think basing one's main criteria on a partner on something that is short-term is indeed short sighted.
Not if basing the taking of a partner involves a short term contract for service and the partner seeks the same thing. But if you come here to seek a partner first for long term aside from your alternate differances and basing that on looks, your on the wrong site.
quote:

It's interesting that I am seeing the all inclusive attitude here now-when we come here seeking specifics
When the specifics dont cover alternate ways of living yes you will see Our inclusive attitudes. Go find your
perfect servent where perfection sits that fits your opinion of perfection that has nothing to do with alternate Lifestyles.
quote:

everything is so throwaway and conveniant.  When you don't want it - you just toss it and get the better and newer version - and if you don't - then there must be something 'wrong ' with you
Im an Antique collector and of a mindset that hard work, patience and inconveniance an inperfections gains you much more then something newly bought. The stock I invest in is of the best quality and lasts more then one lifetime. Not a item I would invest in then throw away. What a waste.
quote:

The problem I see often on sites like these and in general dating patterns is that all of us struggle to understand our own needs.
Actually many here know what they seek and the problem here is not about dating or finding a mate for life or sex even but about fullfilling the alternate needs that are not found in the vanilla
world or on vanilla sites. IF looks are a persons top priority this site is not where they should be to find such.  Any one of Us especially the Dominants can go out into the vanilla world and gain easily those who havent a clue about Us. We seek more then such a type of interaction with other humans.
quote:

I am not about to be with someone for instance,-who is wonderful inside- but makes me cringe every time I look at them. That's not tolerance-it's masochism.
No actually thats shallow and cringeing is not painful nor an action that brings pain hence not a masocistic act desired. I can only think of one instance that cringeing might of been a masocistic act and that was when your mother was giving birth to you. You perceive yourself perfect. If you got close enough to someone to know they are beautiful inside but makes you cringe says much about you and trust Me a body and soul thats only held together by perfect skin with nothing inside is a incomplete human body and very ugly.
On the inside your value is the total sum of what your skin outside shows and that is oh so gonna change for you as it does all. I feel sorry for you. No Im actually very happy for you because I know
even as a Sadistic, Old, Wrinkly,Jolie laid of a Woman inside I will be far off better at finding a seller of what I buy here then you ever will find not only here but in life in general. Your life will be filled with emptyness totally and complete. Hows THAT for Judging ? ~smiles~
quote:

On those criteria, they would have come out even- with the same attitudes.
OOOORRRR if they had simply stopped looking away and turn to each other would of found  what they were sent out to search for.
quote:

Unless you making choosing your partner more like a business decision.

All My decisions are business based, cant anyone tell by My Profile?
quote:

Shallow as it may seem, appearance is one of the key pillars of consideration for me in selecting a prospective servant. From my point of view, it makes little sense to acquire a human ill-suited to my standards, the visual among them.
Well that puts it all in a nut shell. Those who seek looks above all other things are shallow.Those pillars are made out of sand that will soon slip.
I come to a Alternate Lifestyle site because My considerations are Alterante the norm of US society which also puts perfection at the top of the list for standards in looks and call perfection anything smaller then a size 12. To Me the
service is what would be the perfection I would seek if a servant is what I was here for and not how any of them looked. Course Im the Biased Bitch against those who tempt to put Our Differances into the box that society will accept
for the sake of society and its acceptance. And dont say its strictly for self because We all know its not true in any scence of the word. Perfection is a posession that desires to be showed off, and those who seek such perfections in looks only
desire a trophy first not a servant or partner and will throw such a posession in the garbage the moment it gains a nick in it.
quote:

I feel all should stand before the reflection of mirror and mind in sober appraisal and ask, would I buy me?
Id be the first to buy Me just as I am however I know My value and My value doesent just stand in My looks, ( Which to Me are great! Course again Im biased. ) most others do not.
Where I come from those who are thin and sickly or those who are overly beautiful are the ones who are not desired. Its deemed a curse and those who were, were used to sacrifice to the Gods because it wasent normal and were burned alive.
The fact is the majority of humans are normal and plain and unassuming and to seek a perfection of looks alone where there are none is in itself to Me a masocistic act. Those who were plump and curvy and affluent looking were what were desired in general in the vanilla society I grew up in and came from.Thats what I find appealing and a normal appearance however when I seek out that which I want to serve Me it is not with an issue that has nothing to do with the service to Me in mind. \
quote:

Well I can understand that. If somebody, for whaever reason, wants a natural blonde, 5'10", who weighs X pounds, they will never be happy with something else, so who is anyone kidding pretending it's "shallow"?  If that's what they want,
it does mean they may have to look a little harder to find it, but if they are willing, then it's their time and effort involved. I guess I was being a little dishonest in another post when I said looks don't matter to me - if everything
else I look for is equal (and most of it is pretty personality based) then looks will sway me. Who doesn't like hot?- Susan
Yes but theres a differance in looks being at the top of your pyramid then down at the structures bottom holding everything else up.That building will fall pretty quick.Not only that but if you seek the discription above first and formost
wouldent you have better luck at a site that caters to such things as blonds like a dutch site or site where the majority are blond and then seek out of those  the one whould be willing to serve? This site is for those who are different
from societys norm. society deems thin the norm. If you seek what societys norm is you are not on the right site.
quote:

We are a species who rely most on visual stimuli.
I disagree, the Male species are who most rely on the visual. Get it right Mercnbeth.
So many here are just vanilla or partimers that just dabble in a alternate way even if it is not in real life at all but just online but bring so many of their vanilla ways and attitudes and opinions that have nothing to do with this
society of alternates, kinks, extreams, and unacceptability then resent when a lifestyler brings such things to light. Helloooo!! We are NOT the ones who conform to whats concidered right and perfect!
Resentment is like taking poision and waiting for the other guy to die. Dingdong, We 24/7 Lifestyler Nonconformists who go against all things thats concidered normal and socially not accepting are not gonna be the ones to die or hide
anymore and that covers race, color, creed, size, age, social standing, religion, gender,disability/ability or kink practice,. Nor will we ever be normal or be accepted by the majority in society. You either accept you as you are
and find others who accept you as well or stand up alone and fight for whats right for you against societies wheel. And for some of Us We are even forced because We are extreamists to fight against even those who are a part of Our
Lifestyle but do not accept those of Us who are also different in their ways but different in others they dont accept. Its a dog e dog world and I love dog meat. JMO

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 6:14:09 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD



quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
Shallow as it may seem, appearance is one of the key pillars of consideration for me in selecting a prospective servant. From my point of view, it makes little sense to acquire a human ill-suited to my standards, the visual among them.


Well that puts it all in a nut shell. Those who seek looks above all other things are shallow. Those pillars are made out of sand that will soon slip.


While I'm quite chuffed at the indirect accusation of being a shallow and heartless reptile, I think you may want to re-read the above quote slowly—particularly the end.



quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos
I feel all should stand before the reflection of mirror and mind in sober appraisal and ask, would I buy me?



Id be the first to buy Me just as I am however I know My value and My value doesent just stand in My looks...


Focus upon the central alliteration; you may discover a reference to both external and internal virtue.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 6:27:04 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I read somewhere that people are psychologically imprinted or something at a young age as far as what will eventually sexually attract them. Like if you are a hetero female and your father was tall or wore glasses (and you loved him, maybe), then that might really turn someone on. I am not sure if that's true, but if it is, than the issue of whether it can ever be considered shallow is moot.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/29/2006 6:28:35 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 7:04:33 PM   
nzaurelia


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/18/2006
Status: offline 		Excellent post!  I couldnt agree more.

aurelia

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 7:19:31 PM   
MstrFury


Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		Mercnbeth....I rarely post anymore...but I couldn't let this one pass...you've done more in this post to make a mind think...than any I've seen in awhile...my hats off to you....well done


pulling my cloak around me and slipping back into the shadows

_____________________________

Fury

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 7:24:38 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		You have a very good point here, Mercnbeth.  We may not be able
to change all the external physical factors or become rich and famous;
but we can control our own mental space and attitude.
 
So many of the popular people I see at dungeons and play parties
are not the most physcially attractive.  They are the persons most
at ease with themselves.  Being angry and defensive or desperate and
demanding are not qualities likely to bring success in the dating pool,
whether vanilla or kink.
 
I am always up for making new friends and having a good conversation;
whether those moments lead to more shared
experiences, meeting new people or new adventures.

YMMV,
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Another aspect of casual-ness is allowing for the opportunity for fun. Not every contact should result in marriage or "collaring". Both should be much rarer than then are. Opening up to the experience with someone outside your physical appearance requirement can be done just for the shear mutual enjoyment. Who knows, that casual friend and play partner may be the source of the beautiful relationship you seek, you just couldn't see it from a distance.

Fun, being fun to be around, being positive, being open; I've never seen that attitude fail. You'll have more fun being inclusive than you ever will being exclusive. You CAN be casual without compromising your long term relationship goal. Amazingly sometimes one helps achieve the other.


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Buyers & Sellers - 6/29/2006 9:42:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
I wouldn't *buy me* because I'm bloody hard work....lol


I'm with you there, sister...

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 51
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