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What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 11:46:01 AM   
Grabengag


Posts: 5
Joined: 4/22/2013
Status: offline 		I'm new to all this.and.can't figure it out.

Some say they want to be an obediant pet, some just wanna be spanked sometimes, some say they want to be property, some say they wanna be treated like a child, so on and so forth.

To the subs, what are you looking for?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 11:54:30 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag
To the subs, what are you looking for?

You've already figured it out. The word "sub" covers an awful lot of ground. For most it means "bedroom submissive" or "bottom"... eg: "Please do a bunch of kinky things to me." For some it extends outside of bedroom/sex and then on top of it there are "flavors" like "pet" and "property".

Ask yourself this... "What is a wife looking for?" I mention that because "wife" is a MUCH, MUCH better defined term than sub yet that question still is wide open.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 11:56:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		The answer is.....it depends.

It's a very individual choice. Just like in vanilla relationships, there are thousands of variations.

Figure out what you want from a relationship, then go looking for someone that you connect with.

And I would suggest that you start with the vanilla values before looking at kink.

Seriously, get out to the community. Watch how other people interact within their relationships.

There are no set answers.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 12:09:23 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		When I was looking, I had a pretty good idea what I wanted.

When I met Master, I changed my mind. Not about everything, but about some things I thought were 'absolutes'. That wasn't because I was some kind of a flake, but the dynamics of the relationship we started to build together inspired me down different paths.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that subs are looking for a man to fit what they want, and to inspire what they actually need.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 12:23:45 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

I'm new to all this.and.can't figure it out.

Some say they want to be an obediant pet, some just wanna be spanked sometimes, some say they want to be property, some say they wanna be treated like a child, so on and so forth.

To the subs, what are you looking for?



Hmmm.... it's almost as if they're all individuals with their own taste and preferences.

There's no quick and easy answer. Best thing you can do, is figure out what YOU want your relationship to look like (at least as a starting point), then look for someone with similar ideas. Then, together, work out all the creases and communicate until you end up with something that makes you both happy.

Asking what subs are looking for is like asking what type of clothes women like to wear. It varies greatly. All 'sub' implies is that they like their partner to take the lead to some extent.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 2:35:05 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is truly only one way to discover the answer, go down to your local Barnes & Noble bookstore, wander around and see how many books interest you, notice how section after section is full of bookcases stacked with books wouldn't want even if they gave them to you?

Women are the same.

The question YOU need to answer is which ones YOU want...

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 2:45:17 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

I'm new to all this.and.can't figure it out.

Some say they want to be an obediant pet, some just wanna be spanked sometimes, some say they want to be property, some say they wanna be treated like a child, so on and so forth.

To the subs, what are you looking for?


Why are you trying to figure out a common ground on what all women want, instead of trying to figure out what you want in a woman, and then finding somebody who is compatible to that?

Do you want to spank a woman some times? Treat her as property? Treat her as a child?

If not, the ones who want that aren't compatible to you.

What do you want from a woman?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 3:05:47 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Why are you trying to figure out a common ground on what all women want, instead of trying to figure out what you want in a woman, and then finding somebody who is compatible to that?

gold... pure gold.

In my opinion this comment applies to everyone... men and women, doms and subs. Of course the caveat to this is, "but don't get so tied up in what you thought you wanted that you pass on the actually great thing in front of you." I'm glad I was smart enough to toss my list into the proverbial garbage can when I met Carol because she was nothing that I was looking for :)


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 4:04:56 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

I'm new to all this.and.can't figure it out.

Some say they want to be an obediant pet, some just wanna be spanked sometimes, some say they want to be property, some say they wanna be treated like a child, so on and so forth.

To the subs, what are you looking for?


People whose likes, dislikes, limits and personalities are compatible with mine.

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 4:18:08 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Much like dating...some women are looking for "the one" some want a sex partner, some just need a date for the company Christmas party... Some women like the "bad boy", some like "the boy next door". Some like Republicans and others want Dems... You will go crazy trying to adjust what YOU want by what women are looking for!

I don't want to be rude...but you ARE 25 so you should have an idea of what YOU like or want in a partner. Do you like serious or carefree? Extroverts who like to be on the go or the shy type who likes to spend time at home? Rap music or the symphony?

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:24:29 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Why are you trying to figure out a common ground on what all women want, instead of trying to figure out what you want in a woman, and then finding somebody who is compatible to that?

gold... pure gold.

In my opinion this comment applies to everyone... men and women, doms and subs. Of course the caveat to this is, "but don't get so tied up in what you thought you wanted that you pass on the actually great thing in front of you." I'm glad I was smart enough to toss my list into the proverbial garbage can when I met Carol because she was nothing that I was looking for :)


Jeff, what is the point of figuring out what we want, then looking for someone compatible with that, if the best thing to do is to toss that out the window when we meet a great person who is nothing like we are looking for?!

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:26:48 PM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag
To the subs, what are you looking for?

To be just as vague, you could ask "what are men looking for?" or "what are Caucasians looking for?"
"Submissive people" is a very large group.
Try wikipedia if you're confused about what domination and submission are. It has good basic info.

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:31:11 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Someone who they are happy with.
However, what makes someone happy is totally different with every person out there. That's why there are so many choices on pizza, because we're not all the same.

As far as that subs are happy as long as the dom is happy bs. Not true. If it were true then we'd be fine with the first guy who came along. We have needs and desires also. And that's why we seek relationships with a lot of compatibility, to give better odds of both our needs and desires being met.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/22/2013 6:40:07 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to wittynamehere)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:37:30 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

I wasn't looking.

So when we met, I decided the only way I'd be in a relationship again is if someone added to the happiness that was already in my life. He did. And here we are.

Like others have said, it's too generic a question. Be yourself, and you'll attract those who like who you are.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:43:06 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

To the subs, what are you looking for?

Me.Which leaves you out in the cold, son.
Sorries.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Grabengag)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 6:51:19 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

To the subs, what are you looking for?

Me.Which leaves you out in the cold, son.
Sorries.





Kana...you NEVER fail to amuse me no matter how crappy a day I have!!!

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 7:23:16 PM   
Anatolium


Posts: 32
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline 		Q: What are you looking for?
A: To serve Woman!

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/22/2013 11:10:57 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Anatolium

Q: What are you looking for?
A: To serve Woman!


If that's really all you're looking for, don't look any further, you've found your dream girl.

Hit me up on the other side for the address, I've got a couple tons of gravel you can come and start moving tomorrow...

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Anatolium)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/23/2013 8:32:36 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
Jeff, what is the point of figuring out what we want, then looking for someone compatible with that, if the best thing to do is to toss that out the window when we meet a great person who is nothing like we are looking for?!

The map is not the terrain.

That is the point. A GPS in your car is a good and useful thing. But if my GPS tells me to turn off a cliff I ignore it because ... "the map is not the terrain". In talking to people my general assessment is that people get so wrapped up in their lists that they are no longer actually meeting people. They are simply checking off check boxes.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What are subs looking for exactly? - 7/23/2013 11:48:50 AM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Anatolium

Q: What are you looking for?
A: To serve Woman!


And just how do you want to serve them?

I kind of prefer serving them barbecued.

(in reply to Anatolium)
Profile   Post #: 20
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