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chatting with people - 7/24/2013 11:37:43 PM   
kinkyswagger


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/29/2012
Status: offline 		I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: chatting with people - 7/24/2013 11:48:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't know if it's normal but I find it boring as hell. I take it as a sign of not much interest, lack of attention span, or a less than stellar personality.


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(in reply to kinkyswagger)
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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 12:47:03 AM   
splatterpunk


Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care


durrrr

human interaction how does it work

i can haz misterss now?




< Message edited by splatterpunk -- 7/25/2013 12:48:04 AM >

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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 12:56:54 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care


Is it normal any other time when you meet someone to be the one talking? Take the kink out of it. When you meet people at parties or get togethers, do you care to keep making conversation with them if you're doing all the talking?

If there isn't reciprocal participation in conversation then I'd say the other party probably isn't interested, or that their social skills are lacking and I'd not find that to be someone I'd pursue but YMMV.

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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 2:27:46 AM   
Kaninchen


Posts: 14
Joined: 7/18/2013
Status: offline 		Personally I find that I rarely get a message without initiating it with a few questions, but from then on in most of the questioning comes my way. Probably because questions are a good indicator of interest. If you're not interested, you don't ask questions.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 2:33:26 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Some people are too polite for their own good. This often applies to me too.

If someone messages me and I find them funny/engaging/interesting/whatever, then I will put in the effort to keep the conversation going.

If they message me and there is absolutely nothing engaging about them at all (IMO), then I will let the conversation die a natural death. It just feels a bit more polite than saying 'go away - you're boring me'.

Mind you, I do the same in r/l too. I will give little smiles and nods, yet avoid eye contact and make minimal responses to people who are boring the everlovin' crap out of me, before fabricating an excuse and getting the hell out of there.

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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 5:46:36 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		When my first date with B lasted 4.5 hours, I knew he was a keeper!

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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 5:51:19 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care


As a Dom, I feel more comfortable being in charge of the conversation. That includes asking questions. If I think I've been talking too much, I frequently will invite the other to ask questions as he or she chooses, but usually don't get takers.

It's normal if the other party is quiet. If they're not interested, it shows pretty quickly.

Note: I never get to asking sex/kink questions until we are very comfortable with each other. If you're asking about that, there's a very good chance the other one is not interested and just answering out of politeness.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kinkyswagger)
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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 6:11:01 AM   
Anatolium


Posts: 32
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline 		Maybe they're Laconian, while you're loquacious?

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 9:15:03 AM   
kinkyswagger


Posts: 6
Joined: 9/29/2012
Status: offline 		The thing is that they do reply to my messages. I just don't understand why they need to reply if they are not interested.
It is online so if you not interested you can just go silent and I won't bother you again.

(in reply to Anatolium)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 12:03:47 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I hate that. If I'm speaking to someone and I feel they are else where in the convo or give one word answers, I will politely ask if they are interested bc they aren't showing me. If it persists, I will tell them goodbye.



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(in reply to kinkyswagger)
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RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 12:08:04 PM   
SpyUnderCover


Posts: 208
Joined: 6/21/2010
Status: offline 		One-sided questioning doesn't happen with me that often, but when it does I tire of it quickly.

It could be that they're only nominally interested and have nothing better to do, but will offer halfhearted responses so long as you're pouring on the attention. I do prefer to control the flow of conversation; and sometimes submissives aren't sure how forward they should be. But if it's feeling like a one-way street, I'll either drop the conversation entirely, or return with, "And what questions do you have for me?"

Spy

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 2:10:47 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

The thing is that they do reply to my messages. I just don't understand why they need to reply if they are not interested.
It is online so if you not interested you can just go silent and I won't bother you again.


Ok, so they're replying to your messages in a very minimalistic fashion...does that work for you? Does their side of things inspire you to continue wanting to get to know the person? If so, keep on trying to get them to open up, if not move on.

I'm not sure why you have to understand what's going on if it's not something you're ultimately interested in. If it happens again, you could try asking the person if they are interested and see what they say.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: chatting with people - 7/25/2013 3:04:43 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Or...they're not who they purport to be.

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RE: chatting with people - 7/26/2013 4:50:21 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care


From what I've been able to discern, yes....it's you.

Pretty much....yeah.

(in reply to kinkyswagger)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: chatting with people - 7/29/2013 4:13:42 PM   
awwbummer


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/26/2013
Status: offline 		Some people are just nervous at first, or shy, or lack social skills so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. And as a man I feel to a degree that I'm expected to be the one to carry the conversation. I think most men learn that early on. But it does get boring, and it's nice if someone is actually showing interest in you. And at some point you have to start asking yourself, is she just not interested? Wouldn't she at least ask how I am?

I have a friend who is like that. She never asks me anything about myself. I mentioned I thought it was strange and she got a bit defensive, and said she would rather get to know a person through actually spending time with them and getting to know them, rather than asking questions about them. But the only reason she knows anything about me at all is because I volunteer things just to keep the conversation going.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: chatting with people - 7/29/2013 4:46:14 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger

I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning?
Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested?

Take care


Based on my data....they just don't fucking like you....it's probably the way you look.

Like, no matter what you wear....you still look like shit.

I could be wrong.

(in reply to kinkyswagger)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: chatting with people - 8/4/2013 5:29:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I wonder if you aren't pushing too hard. What kinds of questions are you asking? Solely sex/play oriented? If so, dial it back. Pretend this was a woman you met at a party. Try to connect as friends, talking about life in general.

Because women aren't going to usually ask you about your fetishes. There's enough basic info in your profile to tell them if you aren't at all compatible. Beyond that, we want to know we like you as people.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 18
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