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Getting to know someone - 7/28/2013 7:02:23 PM

TheHeretic

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From: California, USA
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Over on another thread, the subject had come up of talking to a prospective partner's ex, in order to find out about them. I find that to be ridiculous and laughable.

If I want to get to know who a person really is in a hurry, I much prefer to get them drunk, and see what comes out to say, "hi."

What's your preferred method of getting to see the "real person," in someone new?

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If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

Post #: 1

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/28/2013 7:08:21 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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Talking to them...all the time about everything. I go out on dates with them. We get to know each other. You know...the old fashioned way. If I have to get someone drunk to find out who they are then I don't want to be with them to begin with.

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Everything has changed

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Post #: 2

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/28/2013 9:36:52 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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I don't have an 'in a hurry' method, but I like to watch their actions when it comes to the little things.

The way somebody parks their car, speaks to the waiter, talks about/to their mother, the jokes they tell/laugh at etc. Most people can talk and a good talk and behave beautifully towards someone they are interested in as a lover or friend, but they often give themselves away through tiny acts of casual selfishness or rudeness.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 3

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/28/2013 10:01:41 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
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I would think a full FBI, CIA, SPCA and Browncoat background check would be a start.

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Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 4

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/28/2013 10:31:38 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
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There is a saying old enough to come in Latin, that in wine you find truth. Drinking alcohol doesn't put anything new into a person's personality (unless you get into the whole range of addictive behaviors), and I've learned the hard way in the past.

I was started to get pretty heavily emotionally invested in the first woman I was seeing after getting out of the service, before I made some fuzzy navels with friends one night. What a vicious little hag she turned out to be.

Obviously, my little quirk method isn't going to work for a lot of people - especially anybody who has a history with/around alcoholicism and NEVER wants to see a potential partner get drunk again - but I've found it reliable. The wife was getting drunk all on her own, the night we met, and having seen that right off the bat, I felt much more comfortable moving forward.

_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 1:25:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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There is no short cut.
And just because someone is a mean drunk, or a sentimental one, doesn't mean they'll be like that the rest of the time.

But people who, on a first date, are pushing alcohol on me wouldn't get a second date. I'd assume either they want me unable to refuse or else they're alcoholics. And I'm not interested in either.

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(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 6

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 1:52:43 PM

Hillwilliam

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When I taught at a Uni, on the first day of class, I'd get there early and just sit in one of the seats.
I was the age of a lot of the students so they thought I was one. You can learn a lot from listening to people talk about (I wonder what the instructor will be like).
The look on their faces when you grab your back pack, walk up to the podium and greet them is priceless.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 1:57:16 PM

Missdressed

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Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
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I don't really drink alcohol so the "get me drunk method" wouldn't really work.

I have only ever been drunk 3 times in my life and the last time was years and years ago.

I had once glass of champagne 3 Friday nights ago, and the last alcoholic drink I had prior to that was half a glass of white wine at Christmas.

I'm not an alcoholic or anything, I genuinely don't like the taste. So I choose to not drink. Usually I drive.

But I agree with Athena - the way someone talks to a waiter, the way they act around others. That's a big clue. Also, people who tend to be mean with money, tend to be mean with their emotions.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 8

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 3:40:36 PM

awwbummer

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Joined: 7/26/2013
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The internet is a wonderful tool for stalking, err... gathering info on someone.

(in reply to Missdressed)

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RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 4:13:41 PM

pahunkboy

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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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I find I learn more by what is NOT said.

(in reply to awwbummer)

Post #: 10

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 4:39:16 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

Over on another thread, the subject had come up of talking to a prospective partner's ex, in order to find out about them. I find that to be ridiculous and laughable.

If I want to get to know who a person really is in a hurry, I much prefer to get them drunk, and see what comes out to say, "hi."

What's your preferred method of getting to see the "real person," in someone new?

Asking, looking in to their eyes, peering into their heart, holding their hands, lovingly seeking the truth, truly seeking what they believe and then.....hiring someone who can see past their lying sack of shit crap (but I digress).

(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 11

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 4:43:26 PM

MrRodgers

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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

When I taught at a Uni, on the first day of class, I'd get there early and just sit in one of the seats.
I was the age of a lot of the students so they thought I was one. You can learn a lot from listening to people talk about (I wonder what the instructor will be like).
The look on their faces when you grab your back pack, walk up to the podium and greet them is priceless.

'The undercover teacher' hey ! I am lucky I guess, I get sick before I get drunk...or at last very dizzy.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 7/29/2013 4:44:43 PM >

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 12

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 5:52:16 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

I figured my sweetie was "all right" (

) when I realized that he drove the speed limit and stopped at yellow lights.

Of course, I tend to run yellow lights, so i'm not sure what that says about me.

(in reply to MrRodgers)

Post #: 13

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 6:21:28 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
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I take it that using the "invite them out to dinner and dosing their drink with a truth agent" is unacceptable?

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 14

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/29/2013 6:55:44 PM

theshytype

Posts: 1600
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I've never noticed much of a change when a person drinks (besides getting louder) and I wouldn't really consider a drunk person showing their true self since they're under the influence.

I've never really seen anyone recommend speaking to a person's ex. I would hardly find an ex to be a reliable source.

Me, personally, I watch the person. Not just their interactions with others but also their eyes, hand gestures, walk, and body movement. The body always gives it away.

(in reply to TheHeretic)

Post #: 15

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/30/2013 1:12:04 AM

myotherself

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Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I tell them 'my joke'.

It is seriously a vile joke. Totally gut-churning but the punchline usually has them laughing through the nausea.

If they DO laugh and they can hold the contents of their stomach for the duration of the joke, then I know they're a keeper

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to theshytype)

Post #: 16

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/30/2013 1:51:25 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I watch what they do, not just what they say. I pay particular attention to how they behave when thwarted.

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Post #: 17

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/30/2013 4:20:42 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

FR

The alcohol method would be no use on me. I'm told I behave completely normally, right up until the point where I fall asleep. Which takes increasingly few drinks.

I'd be interested to know what judgments the OP would make about my falling asleep after my second glass of wine.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 18

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/30/2013 5:39:47 AM

MasterCaneman

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Joined: 3/21/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I take it that using the "invite them out to dinner and dosing their drink with a truth agent" is unacceptable?

Only if they (or the authorities) find out.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 19

RE: Getting to know someone - 7/30/2013 6:01:05 AM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

No need to rely on alcohol...Just watch their body language does it for me.

Oh, and taking me to my favorite restaurants...

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Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 20

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