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The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:00:37 AM

MasterMechi

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Do you feel that the Internet has done more good for the lifestyle or bad?

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:08:20 AM

myotherself

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For me, the internet allowed me to research my inclinations, come up with an idea of my orientation and explore it gradually without having to jump headfirst into a munch or play party.

I don't define myself as being part of 'the lifestyle', however. I'm in a monogamous committed relationship and we don't go to clubs or munches. We have both done it before, but don't feel a need for it now, and haven't done so for several years.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:15:19 AM

MasterMechi

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I feel the same way. I was a kid as the Internet started to expand and grow so my first "education" of the lifestyle came from the Internet. The lifestyle events even the same way. For me it did alot of good.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:41:03 AM

MasterCaneman

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A little bit of both, in my opinion. When I started (mid to late 80's), the Internet wasn't as easily accessible as it is today. I learned the ropes (pun intended) the old-fashioned way, by going out and getting into The Scene in person. It's good that there's a lot of information and resources available that were only accessible through paper catalogs and the mail before.

It's bad in that it's commercialized it in so many ways, from the slickly produced porn and the proliferation of fashion accoutrements that were once only seen in the dungeon or bedroom now becoming day wear. I'd say that the porn alone is probably the worst part of it, because it gives folks who don't have a clue about it a highly unrealistic idea of how it's practiced.

It was more fun when it was still taboo. I liken it to the gentrification of the Harley culture. Once upon a time, only the real hardcores would be on a bike, now anyone with a decent credit score can go out and pretend they're a biker.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 9:01:22 AM

Missokyst

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I discovered this stuff we do well before the internet, so for me the internet has not been good or bad. Doing it my way, I had a more of a reality based lifestyle. Normal.. save for the extreme kink and control. When the internet came I saw the fantasy aspect, and while it was not totally for me it did introduce another level of discovery.
What is good about the internet exposure is that people can find others more easily.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 9:01:46 AM

LadyPact

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It's both. Just about every positive that's been related to the internet also brings a negative with it. Two of the biggest advantages, being accessibility and education, also bring the issues of misinformation and the problems associated with the 'open cattle call' approach that has led to so many difficulties in our clubs and groups.

Like MC, I wasn't on the internet first before I was associated with kink. It was a much different learning environment. That's why I'm a bit backward when folks come here asking for net resources on how to learn some topping skill or another. Before I ever knew what Google was, we had books from Greenery Press and folks who would teach you whatever kind of play you were interested in and show you how to do it. A lot fewer accidents that way.

The last couple of years, in My opinion, there's also been an increase in problems in a particular area that started out innocently enough. It's what I've been calling the extension of the feteratti. For those who don't know, the "feteratti" is what some of us leather folks used to call those who would give the impression that S/m stood for 'stand and model'. In other words, the folks who dressed in the leather outfits and went out clubbing mostly to show folks how hot they looked in the outfits and pretty much staged kink. There's been a huge escalation on the net in this area about who's got the most impressive looking play pics and the dangerous things some folks have done to capture those shots where the picture is sometimes more important than the safety aspect. The gal in Florida who scarred a woman for life because she wanted a neat shot of birthday candles on a woman's back because "it would look really cool on Fet" (those were her words after the incident) is an example of this.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 9:09:26 AM

Missokyst

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LOL oh fine. Thanks for the coffee bath I just took when reading this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
the "feteratti" is what some of us leather folks used to call those who would give the impression that S/m stood for 'stand and model'. [/color]

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 9:10:30 AM

LadyPact

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It's an oldie but a goodie.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 9:21:10 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

"feteratti" is what some of us leather folks used to call those who would give the impression that S/m stood for 'stand and model'. In other words, the folks who dressed in the leather outfits and went out clubbing mostly to show folks how hot they looked in the outfits and pretty much staged kink.

Yup, lots of Stand and Model parties in South Florida. http://www.thefetishparty.com/

The Western Massachusetts munches and play parties were really helpful for me and my now ex husband when we were noobs, as was the Internet, which suggested we join local groups and then helped us find them.

I didn't find any South of Boston munch groups that I clicked with, and since my man would rather practice BDSM than talk about it, I'm not going anymore. That might change if we get more free time and a munch with an educational aspect develops near us.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 12:47:51 PM

DesFIP

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No, obviously things were much better when the only way you could meet someone was to answer the personal ads in the Village Voice and wind up in a strange guy's apartment. The idea of having easily accessible safe places to meet like a munch you found out about online should be discouraged.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 1:02:43 PM

Kana

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Met the mouse on here so in my case, I'd say,all in all, that the net's done me some minor good :-)

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 1:06:08 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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I'm glad I actually read through the thread before writing out the rather long involved reply I was thinking of. First thing, I was going to point out that there's no such thing as "The Lifestyle". There are millions of people involved in kink and they live many different lifestyles.

Besides that, everything I was going to say to this has already been said by MasterCaneman and LadyPact. So, rather than repeat their comments in different words, I'll just endorse what they said.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 1:31:57 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

I'm glad I actually read through the thread before writing out the rather long involved reply I was thinking of. First thing, I was going to point out that there's no such thing as "The Lifestyle". There are millions of people involved in kink and they live many different lifestyles.

Oooh c'mon man-let them keep their illusions :-)
Now, for fun, cuz I'm cruel like that and get my kicks watching others suffer, send em in search of the instruction manual/One Twue Rulebook.
It's between the steam-catcher and the left handed lemon peeler on the 13th floor, right?

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 1:36:23 PM

kiwisub12

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I found my late dom and my sweetie online - so I;m all for it!

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 1:56:36 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
No, obviously things were much better when the only way you could meet someone was to answer the personal ads in the Village Voice and wind up in a strange guy's apartment. The idea of having easily accessible safe places to meet like a munch you found out about online should be discouraged.

I think there's a happy medium. I'm actually still in favor of groups vetting their members, rather than the approach of anybody who feels like it showing up and gaining immediate access to the group's play events. To be honest, I still prefer groups that do sponsor memberships, probationary periods, and/or groups that provide an orientation. When these practices exist, the groups have lower incidents than the groups that don't.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 2:07:24 PM

TNDommeK

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I'd say both. It has expanded my knowledge of things and met new people, however I think it cripples ppl from getting out and going to munches or parties. Experience is great practice.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 2:56:52 PM

Kana

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quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
No, obviously things were much better when the only way you could meet someone was to answer the personal ads in the Village Voice and wind up in a strange guy's apartment. The idea of having easily accessible safe places to meet like a munch you found out about online should be discouraged.

Remember the old kink swinger mags with contacts?
Yeah, those days were fun

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 3:19:34 PM

Arturas

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In general it has been good and bad. One website close to us here does well on the other side by giving individuals a date site for meeting that special other who shares their kink and two is better than one for kink.

That other website promotes the lifestyle by being a "group" oriented communication medium so those with common interests can actually share info freely since they are not limited to a single "Ask a Master" group but can move to an "Ask a Master" (or Gorean, or whatever) group that is run by someone like them and is attractive to those who share the same needs, outlooks and kink and if that should fail they can even start their own if they cannot find one they like. Two Goreans I know run a Gorean group that would not flourish here, for example. Clubs are also represented there and are special groups that further the lifestyle as well as the club agenda.

So, both these websites and others serve the lifestyle better than printed communication mediums for social needs but not yet our learning needs as your favorite kink books are not yet in Kindle form and besides, in person learning is so much richer an experience.

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:45:47 PM

slaveluci

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I don't know anything about any "lifestyle," but the internet has done wonders for me personally. I met my Master/husband here on this very site in early 2006, moved to Him 14 months later, married Him the next year and am still living happily ever after with Him now. Since He lived 800+ miles southwest of me, I would have never known He existed but for this site online. I'm still thankful for that every.single.day.

I don't care to be involved in any self-described "lifestyle." I just live my life and let others do their own thing. So that part, I can't speak to.....luci

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RE: The Lifestyle and the Internet? - 7/31/2013 7:51:23 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I'd say both. It has expanded my knowledge of things and met new people, however I think it cripples ppl from getting out and going to munches or parties. Experience is great practice.

With or without the internet, I wouldn't step foot in a "munch." Blech, even the word annoys me. "Experience is great practice?" Not even sure what that means but I'm 110% sure I didn't need any practice to make my own M/s relationship work. I had no "lifestyle" practice at "munch" parties......shiver. General life experience prepared me to have a healthy successful relationship, not meeting up with other self-described "kinky" people to see how they do it and if they approve of how I do.........luci

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