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What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 9:45:28 PM   
SilverKit


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline 		I feel like every Dom's profile I come across on this site is looking to train a new sub. I don't understand that one all that well. Are the only interesting and desirable subs the ones who have no training?

I've been in and out of life style since my late teens. I've gotten more focused on it, and working and learning with in the last year, but I typically think of my self as having been life style for about 2 years.
I am active, as in I have a mentor and a couple people I train with, as well as a couple play partners. I have a sub I'm training, as well as a young Dom I'm coaching.
I feel like I have a lot to offer.

But I don't understand this large majority of Dom's who are looking and offering training to newbies.

Am I just looking in the wrong places, or is that just how this site is?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 10:16:14 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Perhaps a bit of both.

I'm about to make a few broad sweeping generalisations, so common sense required, not everyone is like this, etc etc.

A lot of the people on this site are just looking for a quick shag. Some are only looking to get some cam sex. And, this being the internet, a lot of people misrepresent who they are. So you have a large pool of clueless horny dudes out there looking to score some quick easy kinky fun. If they get involved with someone like you, with some real-world experience and some friends in the scene, they might expose their ignorance and/or have to actually get involved in a proper relationship. If they go only for people who are brand new and know no-one, they have better odds of manipulating that person with lines like 'a TRUE sub would always do x' or 'if you don't do this then you're not really a sub' or 'you have no right to ask me x because I'm the dom'. Much greater odds of say, getting her to audition on cam, or agree to never talk to another dominant out of his presence. Much greater odds of her not being able to tell that he doesn't know how to use that particular toy.

I am always suspicious of people who deliberately seek out very new partners. Someone new to the scene might make a great partner, but I can't think of many valid reasons why they MUST be new. The exception perhaps is if the dom also admits to being new, and wants the experience of both learning and discovering together. Much like someone who deliberately seeks out 18 year olds even though he/she is considerably older - it often seems like preying on vulnerability.

People will probably be offended by this and point out that they don't want to bother with all the work of removing the training put in place by a previous dom, but I always find that to be a weak argument. We're not talking about retraining a guard dog to be a therapy pet. It doesn't take that much work to teach a sub how you like your coffee and your blow jobs, regardless of who she made coffee for before.

This is just a risk of the internet, I think.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 10:32:29 PM   
SilverKit


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline 		Sigh, I guess that's kind of the answer I was afraid of.

All the Dom's I've played with in person have really enjoyed the couple bits of training that I've had. There is always room for change, I think every Dom should change something and make the sub's protocol their own, as it were. Yeah I have a couple of pages of instructions, doesn't mean things can't be changed.

The Internets is exasperating at times.

_____________________________

This my D/s dynamic: I am me, you are you, and I respect someone based on how they wear their hat, not which one they pick.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 10:40:16 PM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit

I feel like every Dom's profile I come across on this site is looking to train a new sub. I don't understand that one all that well. Are the only interesting and desirable subs the ones who have no training?

I've been in and out of life style since my late teens. I've gotten more focused on it, and working and learning with in the last year, but I typically think of my self as having been life style for about 2 years.
I am active, as in I have a mentor and a couple people I train with, as well as a couple play partners. I have a sub I'm training, as well as a young Dom I'm coaching.
I feel like I have a lot to offer.

But I don't understand this large majority of Dom's who are looking and offering training to newbies.

Am I just looking in the wrong places, or is that just how this site is?


I'm going to get myself in trouble here (Gee! That's never happened before! )

The issue is that when someone is new and inexperienced, they need to focus on the even newer and more inexperienced so that their inexperience doesn't stand out like a sore thumb.

It's the old joke about: "Younger chicks are better 'cause you can do stuff with them that they don't think is kinky; they just think it's stuff they haven't learned yet"



Peace,



Woody Allen

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 10:41:38 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		What Athena said. I'm not looking, as per se, so I can be a bit more objective about what I've observed. A lot of the "Doms" who post here are just that, horny vanilla guys looking a quick and freaky fuck. Then there are the bitter and lonely men who either haven't had a "real" relationship or have exited one because they lack basic social skills. Too many of them have this idea that what they see in the reams of porn they view is the reality, not fantasy. When it's shoved in their faces, they (usually) flee the site or post rants on the boards about not finding anyone suitable.

They want to find a fawning "yes" girl who won't give them any trouble or say no to them and their sometimes impossible fantasies. When they discover that a lot of the submissive/slave women are, in fact, just as demanding and picky as a "normal" woman (which they are, just kinkier), they disappear, only to be heard bitching about fakes. Then, there are the "Twoo Doms", who have this idea that what most folks see only as a bedroom game is a daily-daily event that requires micro-management on a totalitarian scale. Again, they tend to discover that most women won't bother to play their games, and once again we get another "Fakes and Posers" thread.

< Message edited by MasterCaneman -- 8/3/2013 10:43:13 PM >

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 10:53:30 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

It personally does not matter much to me the experience level of a new potential partner. I've worked with the gamut from more years experience than I have to brand spanking new novice. For me, it's more about the person than the number of years they have under their belt. When I do ask about experience, it's generally so that I have a rough idea of where and how to start with the person. But that's about it.

No offence to those who do only work with newbies, but I kind of think along the same lines as AthenaSurrenders does. Im skeptical by nature, so I wonder if the insistence of someone new to this is because its perceived that newness equates with easy target. Or maybe that person questions their dominant skills, so a more experienced submissive might ask "who the fuck does this dipstick think he's fooling?" while perhaps a novice sub might not notice that the dominant looks like a monkey fucking a football with their cluelessness (thank Days of Thunder for that hilarious little piece of imagery).



< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 8/3/2013 10:54:36 PM >

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/3/2013 11:39:03 PM   
SilverKit


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline 		It's so strange to me that anyone would want newbies. I know that sounds awful, but my sub is about 2 months old in lifestyle, and 20 years old in RL, and she drives me freeking nuts. I love her little face, but at the same time, I doubt I'll be taking on a baby again any time soon. It's too much work. You first get the question, whats a safe word? Why do I need a safe word. And the current one we are on, is how do I use a safe word. Let a lone when.

I feel sorry for people who deal with newbies all the time, personally I feel like dealing with a newbie is like unwrapping a chocolate bar, you get to see and smell it, but you don't get to eat it quite yet.

_____________________________

This my D/s dynamic: I am me, you are you, and I respect someone based on how they wear their hat, not which one they pick.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 12:01:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi there.

I don't understand why you're looking to meet online. Denver has lots of munches and play parties.

I don't mind newbies in the least. A bit of extra effort, and you've created a brand new kinkster. You've strengthened the community. Do that a few times, and word gets around that you've helped them. A good reputation in the community is gold.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 12:19:53 AM   
SilverKit


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline
quote:



I don't understand why you're looking to meet online. Denver has lots of munches and play parties.



OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.

It's not actually that bad, but the thing is, 90% of public players in Denver are in relationships.

_____________________________

This my D/s dynamic: I am me, you are you, and I respect someone based on how they wear their hat, not which one they pick.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 12:39:32 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit



OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.







_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 1:09:20 AM   
CHF73


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit


quote:



I don't understand why you're looking to meet online. Denver has lots of munches and play parties.



OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.

It's not actually that bad, but the thing is, 90% of public players in Denver are in relationships.


Ok, so you don't want people who only trains newbie cause you dont' consider yourself a newbie but you don't want anyone who goes to munchies and play parties cause they look "weird" in your eyes...
I might be wrong, as often happens but...are you sure you are not looking for a vanilla man?

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 1:22:08 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit
OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.

What a hideously judgmental thing to say.

It amazes Me what some folks will type out before thinking it all of the way through.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 1:52:18 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit


quote:



I don't understand why you're looking to meet online. Denver has lots of munches and play parties.



OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.

It's not actually that bad, but the thing is, 90% of public players in Denver are in relationships.


What makes you think people on the internet will be more appealing? In reality, you'll only find a small percentage of the population attractive. At least in person you get a better idea of who you are dealing with.

And I agree, that comment made you come off as shallow and judgmental.

It's a shame that you find inexperienced people too much work, since you are 25 many people in your age range are going to be inexperienced. I always found that if you could find a person that you clicked with, the rest could be worked out regardless of experience level.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 4:51:41 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit


quote:



I don't understand why you're looking to meet online. Denver has lots of munches and play parties.



OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.


Uh, yeah. I'm one of them.
quote:



It's not actually that bad, but the thing is, 90% of public players in Denver are in relationships.


Agreed. But I contend that that's still better than searching online.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 7:12:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Inexperienced doesn't have to mean stupid. If the op's sub had bothered to do her due diligence prior to seeking a relationship, she could well have been more knowledgeable than opie.

The Man said he was happy I was inexperienced because he had come off a string of first dates who said nothing but "Gee, that's not how my ex did it". He got tired of that. He wanted someone who didn't expect him to be a mix of their ex and some guy in porn.

The op should seek out a TNG group where she won't have to look at older folks who offend her tender sensibilities.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 8:35:36 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The op should seek out a TNG group where she won't have to look at older folks who offend her tender sensibilities.


Ok, SilverKit, here ya go.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 8:55:30 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		You know what Stevie - you are a gentleman. Even after the OP insulted you and your friends with her nasty, bigoted comments you still went out of your way to help her.

The OP could learn a hell of a lot by hanging out with people like you.

Kudos

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 9:17:39 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverKit

OMG have you seen the people that go to that stuff? Lol you wouldn't be asking if you have.



Wow, that was totally uncalled for. And it was extremely judgmental and rather rude. None of things are lol worthy AT ALL. He tried to help you...and you respond by insulting him?

Wow

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 9:51:28 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

But I don't understand this large majority of Dom's who are looking and offering training to newbies.


You can probably safely substitute "I want to train" with "I want NSA sex which I think will be easier with noobs."

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to SilverKit)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What are people looking for? - 8/4/2013 12:17:16 PM   
SilverKit


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/25/2013
Status: offline 		Oh dear. Ok, I attend a large amount of events around Denver, I am an active partisan at a couple of Denver events. A large majority of people who go to events are in relationships. That was my point. If ya'll are going to take the comment in part with out the full context, then you can make my comment say what every you want. Which has now been done.

I was expressing my confusion with Dom's who only want to work with newbies, and expressing my own experience with newbies. I love my girl to death, I have no issue with her, I'm just surprised with the desire for the newbies over others. And My question was:
Is that the trend of this site, or is it just my luck with how I'm chatting with people?

_____________________________

This my D/s dynamic: I am me, you are you, and I respect someone based on how they wear their hat, not which one they pick.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 20
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