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PonyGroom -> RE: I'm very new and very confused (8/6/2013 8:18:37 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine
I'm neither a sock nor a mod, and this sounds real to me. I don't know for sure. But I would rather try to help than ignore what may be a genuine need for help.
It sounds unreal only because it is classic.
1. She meets him online. He is charming, convincing, and very appealing from a distance.
2. She moves a distance and immediately to live with him.
3. She has no one to ask questions of about what he is doing. He knew that would be the case, in advance.
4. She cannot immediately get away from him, and he knows that.
5. His behavior suddenly changes, now he is demanding and controlling, without her consent.
6. She objects.
7. Her objections are overruled. The unwanted behavior continues.
8. She realizes she is trapped in her suffering because of several things: she is attached to him, loves him, and although it becomes slowly clearer to her he does not really love her but played the role for a while to win her heart, he never loved her. This is hard to accept. Secondly, she has commitments to school, work, or other people that hold her in place until she can make other arrangements.
Some people - this happens with the genders reversed too, but not as commonly - at this point bail out. They had a secret plan in case something went horribly wrong. They gather up their things and take a bus ride back to where they came from, for example.
Some people, at this point, go to the cops. Women get raped, or beaten badly, and take it to the police. Severe enough injury trumps all other considerations and she "wakes up". Guys leave behind possessions and hit the road.
Some people ride it out for a period of time, until they can physically leave.
The longer you stay, the more likely you are to become seduced into believing you deserve what you get, or, that this is normal, or, that you really want this abuse, or some combination of these. You come to believe a lie. This is Gaslighting.
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