forcing me to out myself... please need some input (Full Version)

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Theredmusiclover -> forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:24:35 AM)

Im new, have my first Dom. Things have been going really good. I asked him last night for a new rule. Something to move us forward a bit more. Today he told me my new rule. A little back story... No one knows who he is to me except my mentor on here. My loved ones have judged me in the past when i told them of my need to submit. Even my best friend doesn't know he's my Dom. My rule is to refer to him as daddy to her and to tell who why when she asks. He also considered me telling my coworkers too because we talk about sex and our personal lives. Honestly im stunned about this rule. This will put a strain on my friendship because she will judge it and talk bad about it. Plus it feels like its forcing it down her throat. I honestly am really angry about this rule. To meddle in my relationship with others i think is wrong. He's my Dom but he doesn't have full control over my life and we've only been seeing each other about a month. Maybe im being a drama queen or something but honestly i just lost a lot of trust and respect for him. He knows i don't talk to anyone aabout being a sub because i don't feel like i can. When i have in the past i was judged for it. For him to try and force me to do it honestly makes me want to cry. It was hard enough last go around when i wasn't even a sub just thought i had sub tendencies.



getoutnow -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:29:38 AM)

Just because he is a Dom, doesn't mean he isn't an idiot.

If you are not comfortable outing yourself, then don't do it. Simple as.

Jeeze, what is it with these people who think having a kinky relationship means common sense goes out of the window?

You've only been seeing him for a month. Tell him to STFU, that if he pushes you more tell him you are done. He obviously doesn't respect or care about you, let alone your boundaries.

Remember, a lot of the Doms out there, could careless about subs. I'm sure this clown couldnt Dom his way out of a paper bag.



OsideGirl -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:30:28 AM)

Are you kidding me?

1) Involving someone else in your kink without their permission is tacky, rude and lacks ethics.

2) Engaging in activity that could cause problems with your job and future employment. (Keep in mind your co-worker could file sexual harassment charges against you for dropping this on them)

A good Dominant sets their submissive up to succeed and should have their submissive's best interest as a goal.

This person clearly shows a lack of concern and a lack of good decision making.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd flat out say "no" and ignore the temper tantrum and accusations of "you're not a REAL submissive" and most likely walk.



Hillwilliam -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:32:40 AM)

No one has a right to involve the general public in their kink and that's exactly what he is trying to do.



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:39:51 AM)

FR~

I really have to agree with everyone else's comments.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him to sling his hook into another pond.
As OG said, a good dominant will have their subs' best interest at heart.
Your dom is an idiot asshat and has no concern for you at all.
I would tell him to go jump and have nothing more to do with him.



DaddySatyr -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:46:22 AM)

For my ladies, there are only three appropriate answers, when I ask them to do something:

1) Yes, Daddy/Michael Sir

B) Can we talk about this, please?

3) I can't serve/be with you, anymore.

If you try the second answer and you tell him honestly exactly how you feel and he doesn't relent, use the third answer.



Good luck,



Michael



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:56:11 AM)

Have you ever heard the phrase 'with great power comes great responsibility'?

Do not give someone more power than they have responsibility.

If he isn't planning to cover all your expenses if you lose your job, he shouldn't have the power to interfere with your work. If he isn't willing to nurse you back to health, he shouldn't have the power to do things that could make you ill. Do you see where I'm going with this?

My husband wouldn't give me orders which could potentially ruin my relationships with friends and colleagues because he cares about me. He doesn't want me to be sad and lonely. He is invested in my life - his happiness and success depends on mine and vice versa. Sounds like this guy is getting his jollies without thinking about consequences, because he doesn't have to. He's not that invested in you.



bella9 -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 11:57:46 AM)

I think you need to tell him exactly why this makes you uncomfortable. He should be willing to discuss it. He may not agree with you, but, at the least, he should be open to discussing it. Of course you may not like his answers.

I also agree with the other posters, forcing your kink on others is not a responsible action. If people ask me intelligent questions, I answer. But I don't randomly volunteer info to coworkers, friends or family.



DesFIP -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 12:52:43 PM)

Sounds like a good thing you've only known him for a month. You could have wasted a lot more time before discovering he's an untrustworthy asshat.

And now you have something else to add to your list of what to ask potential dominants about before you commit.



sexyred1 -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 1:54:27 PM)

Your profile says you are a spunky redhead.

From one spunky redhead to another, tell him that was not the type of "rule" you were seeking.

If he doesn't like it, use your spunk to to tell him to get over it or you are done.



panodragon -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 4:04:01 PM)

Just reading up this thread and I agree with most here. Never do anything you really not want to do. First rule, in my opinion, is mutual respect. Before you become a slave make a good contract as base, that will force you also to think over what you like and don't like.

Btw I am curious what happened?



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 4:30:44 PM)

Have you actually met this clown or is this some cyber-dom determined to fuck up your life from afar?



Theredmusiclover -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 4:46:11 PM)

I have actually met him and seen him quite a few times. Basically he has admitted he did it cause ego was hurt that i didn't tell my bff all about him. He felt like a shameful secret. He never really figured id actually do it. He's said he made a mistake and he's sorry. I know that everyone makes mistakes but i don't know what to really think about it. Im pissed and hurt.



OsideGirl -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:09:45 PM)

And I'll tell you what I tell everyone:

Actions speak louder than words. His actions say that he lashed out in anger or as revenge.

Since a Dominant is the person in control, that's not a good trait.

Apologizing doesn't wipe out the fact that he did that. While accepting an apology is gracious, you need to watch the behavior, not the words.



angelikaJ -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:22:01 PM)

If you are being self-protective because of past hurts, then why would he personalise your choice to stay quiet about the nature of your relationship?

And why couldn't you tell your bff about him; not as your master, but as your new boyfriend?


There are a lot of people in my life who know [my] Master as my boyfriend... and I have been with Him for over 4 years.



Theredmusiclover -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:25:54 PM)

That's the thing... I DID do that. I told her all about him. The only thing she didn't know was he's a Dom. I told her his age and job and about his house. He says he was hoping id be proud i had a daddy. He even knows I told her details about us having sex. Yet that wasn't enough.



DarkSteven -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:29:47 PM)

I'm a Dom. As such, I resent you calling him one.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Theredmusiclover

I have actually met him and seen him quite a few times. Basically he has admitted he did it cause ego was hurt that i didn't tell my bff all about him. He felt like a shameful secret. He never really figured id actually do it. He's said he made a mistake and he's sorry. I know that everyone makes mistakes but i don't know what to really think about it. Im pissed and hurt.


Lemme get this straight. His feelings got hurt because you didn't tell your vanilla best friend that the guy was kinky? And then he deliberately gave you an order, figuring you wouldn't do it?

If I give an order and my sub refuses, it shows that she's lost respect for me. No way would I give her an order that would have that as a likely option.



Theredmusiclover -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:33:34 PM)

Yes you have that correct... He said "it was highly probable you wouldnt do it". I don't get the point then. It made me feel like Shit because I wanted to move forward with my submission and i automatically think hell no! Then i got angry for questioning my own submissiveness on top of everything else.



angelikaJ -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:38:57 PM)

You were not keeping him any kind of secret then.

You were proud you have a daddy.
You just did not identify him as such.



Theredmusiclover -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (8/6/2013 5:47:25 PM)

Yes exactly. He was no secret. And honestly i don't get why the hell he care about her or anyone else knowing i have a daddy. I see him as a man first and Dom second.



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