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Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/6/2013 5:34:17 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Here is the object of this thread: This is not an actual advice thread but one where the more absurd the advice you give, the better.

How it works: After you have given your Really, Really Bad Advice to someone, then you must ask for some advice.

The Disclaimer: Please be aware that the advice given in this thread is not to be followed. If you, in fact, do follow the advice given to you, you only have yourself to blame if you are maimed, killed, molested by a small woodland creature, ridiculed by children or adults, arrested, involuntarily committed to a mental institution, dragged out into the street by 12 angry Chinese men all named Earl and beaten severely about the head and neck with stuffed pink bunnies, or asked to move from your City, State, Country, Continent or Planet. Additionally, if you do follow this terrible advice we here at CM will have a hearty laugh at your expense and we promise to never let you forget it. One more thing, if you do follow the advice you should be sedated, stuffed into a trunk and forced to listen to every song by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj for the rest of your natural life... and on into the afterlife.

The Beginning Question:

My neighbor has a dog that does nothing but bark all day and night. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/6/2013 7:10:32 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Tell them to move to the country in west texas so they can hear the coyotes sing all night, then dog has someone to talk to. Simple.

How do I get my PitBull pup from eating shoes, rugs, walls....?

< Message edited by jlf1961 -- 8/6/2013 8:10:06 PM >

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/6/2013 7:18:06 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		Then you're supposed to ask a question, so someone else can give you bad advice.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/6/2013 7:37:51 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		How can I get people to follow instructions for posting on this thread?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 12:23:35 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		staple it to their forehead

how can i buy my island and retire there comfortably?

_____________________________

20 fluffy points!

flightless cherub


(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 1:10:22 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KMsAngel

staple it to their forehead

how can i buy my island and retire there comfortably?


Invest heavily in my pyramid scheme. It's awesome. All you have to do to get started is send me two hundred bucks and I'll get you a starter kit and once you recruit six people and they each recruit six people...

I want to use tampons but I'm afraid I won't be a virgin any more, what should I do?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to KMsAngel)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 2:50:09 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		(Hahaha, I literally died laughing when I read your question.)

You should insert the tampon in your mouth and turn upside down. That way, nothing goes in the other end and steals your virginity.

I have this *thing* on my lip, it keeps leaking...how do I get rid of it?



_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 6:23:01 AM   
tommonymous


Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline 		No need. I can tell from here that it's just fine.

My girlfriend had the police tell me she doesn't want me hanging around outside her window at night anymore. How do I win the bitch back?

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 7:43:08 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		That's easy. Go find a biker bar and walk up to two of the biggest, meanest, most psychotic-looking guys there. Extra points if they have "1%er" and "TCOB" patches on their vests. Pay them to "kidnap" her and take her to their clubhouse, where you'll swoop in to "rescue" her. She'll think you're her hero and love you forever and ever, guaranteed.

I'm sick and tired of paying my taxes and all these durn laws and regulations tellin' me what I can and can't do. What should I do about it?

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to tommonymous)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 10:11:04 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

I'm sick and tired of paying my taxes and all these durn laws and regulations tellin' me what I can and can't do. What should I do about it?


What I would do is declare your home a sovereign country separate from the United States. Put up large border fences around your property and be sure to patrol because you have just written your new laws abolishing taxes and establishing new laws and regulations that you like. Then call the press, announce what you have done and encourage other to do the same.


I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 10:25:09 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas?


Oh, this is an easy one. All you have to do is to go around a wealthier neighborhood late at night while everyone is sleeping. Make sure you're wearing dark clothes and have surgical gloves, so you don't leave any unsightly fingerprints, break into ten houses at random and see what kind of coffeemaker they have. If no one's home, brew yourself a pot of coffee and sample it. If you start getting a little jittery from all the coffee, take a break and use their shower or hot tub to relax a bit. Use their computer, maybe have a little snack.

Then leave and go on the next one. After you've sampled at least 8-10 different makes and models (do try to avoid houses with the same coffeemakers that you've already tried out), go online at one of the houses and order one for yourself using your credit card and have one sent to your house. Take all the time you need to shop around for the best price, especially if they're out of town or heavy sleepers.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 10:32:01 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas?


Find a submissive on the other side, message her demanding she be your personal coffee maker. A true submissive would be happy to oblige. Once you set her up in your kitchen, put some coffee grounds and warm water in her mouth, grab her hair and shake her head back and forth until coffee is at desired strength.

How can I make my local news station show only happy news?



ETA: crap, MC, you beat me to it.

< Message edited by theshytype -- 8/7/2013 10:35:35 AM >

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 1:12:47 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

How can I make my local news station show only happy news?



Take a lot of LSD.


My house renovations are taking forever. How can I speed up the process?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to theshytype)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 1:20:06 PM   
tommonymous


Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


My house renovations are taking forever. How can I speed up the process?


The quickest way to be done with your project involves matches and lots of gasoline.

I'm interested in damsel-in-distress. What's the best way to rescue my girlfriend from the clubhouse of a gang of angry bikers who I may or may not have paid to kidnap her? (Keep in mind that she won't know I'm coming, and may or may not recognize me from just outside her window.)

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to Gauge)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 1:30:18 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tommonymous
I'm interested in damsel-in-distress. What's the best way to rescue my girlfriend from the clubhouse of a gang of angry bikers who I may or may not have paid to kidnap her? (Keep in mind that she won't know I'm coming, and may or may not recognize me from just outside her window.)

Remove all risk from her life by blowing up the clubhouse lock, stock & barrel. That'll keep her safe.

What should I do if I try to release my slave and she refuses to be released?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to tommonymous)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 1:46:48 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

What should I do if I try to release my slave and she refuses to be released?


Feed her to a giant python.


I am not sure what I should get for dinner and I need to make up my mind soon. What should I do?


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 3:34:59 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Funniest thread ever!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 3:41:50 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I am not sure what I should get for dinner and I need to make up my mind soon. What should I do?

First,get real smoked up to help with the decision process. Then, because anywhere but the fridge is way to far, eat that old bologna lurking in the back of the meat drawer. Don't mind the expiration date or green fungal coating. Extra protein usually costs extra!

They've had my street closed for water main repairs for two months solid. It's super annoying. How can I get the city to speed up the work?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TNDommeK)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/7/2013 3:48:33 PM   
tommonymous


Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline 		Simples. You don't worry about the City's pace. You just drive through your neighbors' yards until you hit a decent road. Also, you might like to tap into a good water supply on one of the adjacent streets, and move your bathroom out over there.

So, now that I've rescued my girlfriend, she keeps asking who I am. I was trying to explain, I came clean about hiring the bikers, for some reason she's REALLY pissed. Hey, look! Here comes her dad with a shotgun. I'll bet he's coming to help ward off the bikers. What do I say to him?

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel - 8/8/2013 12:32:42 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tommonymous

So, now that I've rescued my girlfriend, she keeps asking who I am. I was trying to explain, I came clean about hiring the bikers, for some reason she's REALLY pissed. Hey, look! Here comes her dad with a shotgun. I'll bet he's coming to help ward off the bikers. What do I say to him?


Say, "I bet you won't shoot me!" After shouting that, reach your hand very quickly behind your back.


It is terribly humid outside and inside my house it feels like I am walking through a wet cotton ball. Is there any way to get rid of this humidity?


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to tommonymous)
Profile   Post #: 20
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