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Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 3:35:25 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		What do you do when you are feeling irrationally blue and it seems to just linger?

There is some stuff going on in my life. Mom is at the end of her lifespan, but not yet at a place where I know it will be any day. More like any month or even year, since I have changed her diet. I am in love with a man who has toyed with me in the past and does not love me in the way I love him. Worse on this part is that I am unable to stop loving him and staying in his life. Right now, it is a holding pattern because finding another job is difficult at my age and when my mom does pass I will be moving to the other end of the state.

I plan to move, not so much because I want to, but because I know I have to leave him so I can move on with my life. I can't get over him but I will get passed him eventually. I will be going back to a city I love. Part of me is looking forward to that and part of me is fearful of being without his support. My own health has been not too great since talking care of mom is taking a lot out of me. I hurt. I am exhausted. But I know these things will pass.

For me this feeling of sadness is becoming insurmountable and it is not like me. I am not bi-polar, I am not normally depressed. I have a perpetual smirk that is a result of living a happy life. Right now though, that seems so far away, my eyes and lips have not caught up to my current feeling of irrational sadness.

What do you do when you are feeling down and there does not seem to be an outlet? I need suggestions. Watching the squirrels isn't working for me at the moment.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 3:46:00 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I just made a pot of coffee.

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 4:02:30 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		I started a thread a while back on how to relieve stress. There were a lot of good suggestions that might help in your case as well. I'll post a link when I'm on a computer instead of my phone.

One thing that really helps me when I get down and in a funk (and I am bipolar) is to do things that I know I enjoy. Even if I'm not in the mood, I'll force myself to get out of the house and do it. I'll find that by the end, I'm actually enjoying myself. It might take some effort and commitment to actually do it, but I know that I need to not let myself get stuck in my mood.

Sometimes it will be something as simple as going to a friends house, or going to a local bar that has live music, going to the local pool to swim laps and get a bit of a work out.

If it's feeling like more than just a little slump, personally I would go to my doctor and talk to him. He's recommended a B12 shot in the past, which can help with my overall mood.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. You seem to have a good attitude though. I hope you find something that works for you.

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 4:07:45 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I cant tell what this tread it about.

Mom, the bf, or lack of a job, or breaking up, or moving, or being too old, or squirels...

(in reply to lovethyself)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 4:12:07 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		Let's see if I can post a link from my phone. Sorry if this doesn't work.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4437470

There's a link in there early on from DesFip on the stress hormone cortisol. I found it an interesting read, and it really helped me tailor my stress relieving activities to things that would work for me. Understanding how stress, particularly bad stress, works helped me a lot.

Good luck!

(in reply to lovethyself)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:26:29 PM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Snap out of it.

A great idea, but, when you most need to, it can be hard to think how. Unfortunately, the answer is, manually. Doing nothing leads to staying put. Newtons Laws apply to ones mood as much as they apply to a baseball. What you need to do is keep your eye on the ball and bring the bat out to meet it.

1/ Check your posture. A saggy, depressed looking posture is not what you want. Try to stand tall and walk with purpose. The way you hold yourself affects the way you feel.

2/ Check your diet. If you're not eating right, then you're eating wrong. This too, has an effect. Drugs and alcohol are part of 'diet'.

3/ Go, do. You do NOT need a reason to go have fun. I suggest a visit to that little Theater Company that almost surely exists in your town too. If the actors are kids, so much the better.

Best wishes.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:47:52 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I haven't been out in ages. This last one sounds good and doable. Our town is rich in theater.
quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake


3/ Go, do. You do NOT need a reason to go have fun. I suggest a visit to that little Theater Company that almost surely exists in your town too. If the actors are kids, so much the better.

Best wishes.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to FrostedFlake)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:52:43 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		FR

I've struggled with depression for decades, so I feel for you. I hope the gray clouds life soon!

I'd strongly suggest jettisoning the phrase "Snap out of it!" It the sort of thing clueless ordinary folks say, and the inducement to guilt only makes things worse.

I'd also drop "irrationally blue." You've identified some real sources of stress and sadness in your life. Being sad about them is in fact an appropriate reaction. Again, feeling guilty about your feelings only makes the misery-go-round spin faster.

If this continues for more than a month or so, you might want to see a shrink or therapist and consider whether medication might help for a while. Nothing shameful in that, though many folks seem to think so.

Hope this helps!


_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to FrostedFlake)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:53:00 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the link. As I was reading down, the one about music struck me. Lately I have been listening to an album that I heard for hours on end when I was married long ago. It has been sparking a curiosity about my ex husband I find disturbing. It is almost like poking a wound. lol I need to delete that!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The stress hormone is cortisol. Recommended ways to reduce it are in here:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201301/cortisol-why-the-stress-hormone-is-public-enemy-no-1




_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to lovethyself)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:55:17 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I should have said irrational for me. I have always been the fixit person in my family and not being able to fix this does not sit right on my soul. I get what you are saying though.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:58:31 PM   
lovethyself


Posts: 1818
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, delete it! Or, hide it somewhere where you won't be tempted to listen to it until you can hear it without thinking about him.

I've been listening to a bunch of new music that I recently picked up. It's amazing how a song can sometimes snap you out of a funk just by making you think about something from a different perspective. But, that might just be me. I tend to get more out of music than the average person.

I'm glad the link helped.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 5:58:42 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I guess I should have said irrational for me. I have always been the fixit person in my family and not being able to fix this does not sit right on my soul. I get what you are saying though.

That's tough, I know.

Shortly after 9/11 (which took the lives of two colleagues), I was terrified that I was sinking into a new bout of depression. My therapist had to point out that being bummed was a perfectly understandable response. That hadn't occurred to me!

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 6:29:35 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You should prioritize your list of concerns.

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 6:37:12 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I cant tell what this tread it about.

I will not violate TOS.
I will not violate TOS.
I will not violate TOS.
I will not . . .

But damn, it's tempting.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to pahunkboy)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 6:51:49 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		^ be a sweetheart and prioritize the OP laundry list for us.

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 7:06:45 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		Some first impression thoughts upon reading your OP. Your sadness isn't irrational. It would be really odd under the circumstances if you DIDN'T feel lingering sadness.

I know it's an uncomfortable and unpleasant state of mind and heart and it's natural that you want to change it. I don't think that is where your best efforts lie. I believe there are some things we just have to live through until they change naturally by the sheer passage of time and changing circumstance.

My experience has been if I accept however I feel and live with it and keep moving on, when it finally passes through me and out, it is really gone, no setbacks or lingering detritus. In the meantime you do what that book says: just chop wood and carry water. And spend as much time with dogs or cats as you can.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 7:35:48 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		What do you do when you are feeling down and there does not seem to be an outlet? I need suggestions.

Not sure what you missed about this but when I don't know what the answer is I just don't respond.
I do find it odd that considering your history of rambling posts, you cannot understand when someone has to put a background on things. But, not a problem.


quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

You should prioritize your list of concerns.

quote:

What do you do when you are feeling down and there does not seem to be an outlet? I need suggestions. Watching the squirrels isn't working for me at the moment.


< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/7/2013 7:37:10 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 7:43:23 PM   
DadD4SubFems


Posts: 7
Joined: 2/11/2013
Status: offline 		As someone who was suicidally depressed for a 9-10 month period in his adult life, I can share what worked for me.

First of all, I needed a confidante, someone who had also experienced depression in his or her life. Someone who I could be totally honest with and who was probably 90% listener and 10% respondent. I found that in a woman friend who had a hot tub at her house. We would sit in the tub and talk, and talk, and talk. She never judged me or gave me simplistic solutions. She had been through a similar time in her own life and she shared with me what had worked for her. That helped me to not be so down on myself, for my inability to "just snap out of it." And it really helped me to know that she had been at least as depressed as I was, and yet at the time of our countless conversations, she was an inspiration of recovery. It showed me that my misery truly wasn't going to last forever. (And the hot tub sessions made me sleep better, as well.)

Second, I started seeing a therapist. I could only afford to do so every second week on my health plan at work. He provided a nuts & bolts approach that kept me moving forward. He also helped me to understand what parts of my experience were common among depressed people and which were unique to me. We eventually figured out that my bout of depression was due to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), from my two tours of duty in Vietnam... in those days, the term PTSD had yet to be coined. Being able to assign a "why" to my depression was very helpful, as I'm a very analytical personality. It helped me to see that I wasn't just "losing my mind." My therapist was a tremendous help and anticipating those sessions gave me something to look forward to.

Third, at my therapist's recommendation, I started going out and walking briskly EVERY day... rain, shine, snow, or blow. In the beginning, I'd log up about a mile, round-trip. Sometimes I'd do it twice a day, if my mood was darker that day. Very soon, I was briskly walking 2-3 miles every day. Within my first couple of weeks of daily walks, I started to feel a mood uplift, after each walk. It would come along about 20-30 minutes after I 'd get home. I'd take advantage of that mood elevation to see to it that I was eating properly. Throw in about 4-6 ounces a day of semi-sweet dark chocolate, spaced throughout the day. It contains a powerful natural anti-depressant and mood elevator. I've been doing that chocolate routine daily, ever since I elevated myself out of that depression in the early 1980's and it still works beautifully!

Frankly, I give a huge amount of the credit for my 9-month recovery to the walking and other forms of aerobic exercise, such as a Jazzercise class that I also signed up for (upbeat music plus exercise combined to be a great healer for me, and I made some new friends, too.). Exercising dumps feel-good chemicals, called endorphins, into your bloodstream, shortly after you complete the exercise. Plus, when you physically exhaust yourself, you sleep better. At least I did.

And bear in mind that the bleakest part of the day is when you get up in the morning. Your morale will typically improve as the day progresses, to the point that the evenings can feel almost normal. My personal mantra, upon awakening in the morning was: "This can't last forever." I would repeat it aloud at least 15 or 20 times every morning, upon awakening. That helped to give me hope, also.

If anything I've shared here might work for you, too, use it with my blessings. Though it might feel that way now, your mood issue truly is NOT going to last forever. The day will come when you can serve as that trusted confidante for another person who is struggling then, as you're struggling now.

And, as was mentioned above in a preceding post, spending time with household pets that love you unconditionally, can be very therapeutic as well.

< Message edited by DadD4SubFems -- 8/7/2013 8:10:46 PM >

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 8:21:08 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

What do you do when you are feeling irrationally blue and it seems to just linger?

Mom is at the end of her lifespan,


Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. Twice with my birth parents, and once w/my adopted mom-in-love. The best statement I heard was from a counselor the same age as my folks. "This process sucks and there is no way to make it pretty. You can't fix it, you can only love them the best you are able." Just hearing someone her age affirm what I felt to be true was such a relief; then I was able to do exactly that, love them to the best of my ability.

quote:

I am in love with a man who has toyed with me in the past and does not love me in the way I love him. Worse on this part is that I am unable to stop loving him


Every woman I know at sometime in her life has had some unrequited guy get under her skin and stay there, including me. Eventually, the hold over us passed and we moved on to MUCH better things. You will too. In my case, I decided that unrequited love would no longer be welcome in my life and I took steps to make sure there is always (and only) 'good love' in my life. Even if I tried, I now can't love a man who doesn't love me.

quote:

My own health has been not too great since talking care of mom is taking a lot out of me. I hurt. I am exhausted.


Rule #1: the caregiver needs care...first. Without it, you cannot continue on. You will deplete yourself. Carve out time to sleep, meditate, have fun and be cared for (get a massage, have a spa day if that's your thing, spend a day at beach by yourself letting the fresh air and sunshine rejuvenate you.)

Yoga is accessible to anyone at any level. Whatever issue(s) you'd like to address, "there's a class for that!". If you're unable to get away for a class, online yoga is a godsend. Three free or inexpensive sites I can recommend:

yogaglo.com
myyogaonline.com
doyogawithme.com

You just type into the search box 'depression', 'exhaustion', 'sadness'...whatever you want...and it pops you back classes that are appropriate for you.


quote:

For me this feeling of sadness is becoming insurmountable and it is not like me. <snip> my eyes and lips have not caught up to my current feeling of irrational sadness.


Oh honey, you're completely normal! Sadness does its own thing rational or not. It's a teacher. I consider myself to have a story-book life right now. I live in paradise, am comfortably retired, have a wonderful band, two great partners and a 'fancy man', friends I can count on who make me laugh and prop me up when I'm listing to starboard...what on earth would I have to be sad about? Yet sometimes, sadness overtakes me for some 'irrational' reason. I surrender, have a good cry, then remind myself deep feelings are good. Sadness/happiness: same mechanism. If I can feel deeply sad, I can (and do) feel deeply happy. When you surrender, the joy will return. I promise. Lunch on me if this time next year you aren't celebrating something.

quote:

What do you do when you are feeling down and there does not seem to be an outlet?


Trust that there's always an outlet within your grasp. For me, those are yoga, hiking, swimming, contra-dancing (this is a guaranteed pick-me-up, because you cannot do it without smiling), riding my bicycle, cuddling with my kitties, writing a song, taking a beach day, playing music for seniors, get my 'reading' done via audiobook while I'm outside enjoying nature. None of these depend on whether I'm partnered or not.

Sounds to me like your depression is situational. That means it will pass. You can help it move along with appropriate medications if you choose. There's no shame in asking for this type of help.

'Snap out of it' only makes you feel worse about yourself, and deprives you of a somewhat uncomfortable experience that could be transformational. What would happen if you said, 'Hey you, sadness! Come visit me and stay in my house as long as I need you. You're here to teach me something, and I like to learn. How 'bout I make us a cup of tea?'

May your joy return soon. Feel free to pm on the other side if you need an ear or virtual hug!

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Snap out of it! - 8/7/2013 8:34:31 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Caregiver burnout is almost a given.
You need to find someone else to sit with her for a bit while you go out. Go for a walk. Go to a funny movie. Get coffee with a friend.

I'm not surprised you're clinging to the bad relationship. Because you have feelings for him, even though you know better, you expect him to give you support in return. And if he does do so on occasion, that really teaches you not to leave him. Intermittent reinforcement works to keep people, or lab rats, hooked on doing the unhealthy behavior over and over believing that this time they'll get the treat. A classic example of this is a slot machine.

But yes, exercise really is essential. As is getting some sun on the face and hands for 20 minutes a day, but not between 10 and 2:00. They won't make you happy, but you shouldn't be happy now. But these are coping skills that will help re-energize you. And you need that.

There's also nothing wrong in doing some of the grief work prior to her passing. It will have to be processed eventually, why not start the process now.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/7/2013 8:35:25 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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