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6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 4:41:25 AM

ShaharThorne

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From: Somewhere in TX
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...my father passed away, doing what he loved doing, fishing on the river.

I was over 200 miles away, with no way to get to him, no job because I was dealing with my own problems.

Mom and I will probably cut some crepe myrtle flowers from his trees and toss them on the river. I know she misses him.

I miss him in my own way...fishing with him, catching either the biggest one or more than him...after all, he started taking me fishing when I was 2 days old...

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 4:45:48 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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August was my dads month- he was born on the 12th- passed on the 21st. We always went camping too.

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Post #: 2

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 7:11:07 AM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my dad's passing.

Still hurts like hell, but I'll be going out to lunch with mum and pasting on that good ol' British stiff upper lip

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 7:28:05 AM

freedomdwarf1

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FR~

I never really mourned the going of either of my parents.
I didn't feel the need to.
I was always brought up not to revere the dead.
They both passed away quite peacefully and without pain.
In my world, that is a merciful way to go.
I don't even remember the year either of them went, let alone the actual date.
I miss their wisdom at times, very much so.
But I don't respect any anniversary of them passing.
I don't visit where their ashes are spread.

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Post #: 4

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 8:21:35 AM

pahunkboy

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From: Central Pennsylvania
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^ seems cold. my 2 cents...

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 8:44:06 AM

igor2003

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Also six years since my dad passed. (March 6) He had a heart attack while we were out on a short bicycle ride. I still miss him pretty much every day. Personally, I don't believe in an after life of any type, so I have never revisited his grave. Doing so would do neither him nor me any good. But even after six years, when something new happens that I want to share with someone it is him that I think of first.

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 8:57:14 AM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

^ seems cold. my 2 cents...

I would quite agree if I had been brought up differently.
My parents never mourned the passing of theirs, nor their siblings.
We go to the funeral. That's our mourning and time to say goodbye.

When my time is up, I want to be cremated in a re-cycled pampas coffin.
After that, a good drink and celebration of my short time on this earth.
Remember what good deeds I did and what happiness I brought to some in my life.
Beyond that, live your own life - don't mourn me or my passing.
That doesn't imply to forget - that's a whole different ball of wax.
I can no longer help you so you need to help yourself.
I'm very pragmatic.

Many people see that as cold. In my family, it isn't.
That doesn't mean we were starved of happiness or joy during life.
Death to us is the ultimate end and that's how we view it.
Very simple and uncomplicated.

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Post #: 7

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 10:15:43 AM

TheHeretic

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From: California, USA
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I'll offer my comments with the intent of adding perspective, and hope they won't be taken as a turd in the punchbowl.

When my stepfather passed a year and some back, I was quietly pleased to hear that it didn't happen in a peaceful way, and on the night before his children gathered, I went to a strip club and drank to the dead at last. I don't even recall the exact date he died. Mid-Novemberish

My bio-dad is still around, and we have established a fairly good relationship now, but when his time comes, I'm not going to have any childhood memories whatsoever to look back on fondly and treasure.

Mark the passing as you feel best, but be grateful as well that you had him at all.

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 10:15:56 AM

ShaharThorne

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From: Somewhere in TX
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We have my dad's ashes here. When Mom goes, she wants to be cremated and mixed with his, then buried between her parents in Arkansas.

As for me, cremation and dumped into Lady Bird Lake in Austin. That is where my heart is.

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Post #: 9

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 1:40:00 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
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Sending you all big hugs

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 1:44:25 PM

MistressDarkArt

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My dad passed Sept. 21, 2009. The very last time he visited me at age 90, he installed a hook on the back of my bathroom door so I could hang my robe. Every time I hang my robe on the door, I feel a little stab of grief as well as a gentle smile forming. The rawness of his passing has softened, but I miss him more than I can say. So too, my mom.

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Post #: 11

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 1:58:43 PM

freedomdwarf1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

My dad passed Sept. 21, 2009. The very last time he visited me at age 90, he installed a hook on the back of my bathroom door so I could hang my robe. Every time I hang my robe on the door, I feel a little stab of grief as well as a gentle smile forming. The rawness of his passing has softened, but I miss him more than I can say. So too, my mom.

I think that sentiment is the sort of thing I was trying to put across.
It doesn't need any special day to 'remember' someone special - and that's why I don't.
Little things like this is what brings warmth to the hearts of those who had a care for you.

Every little domestic hiccup that happens in my life, I think "mum, what would you do?" and I get my answer.
Every other practical problem I happen across, I think "dad, what would you do?" and the answer pops into my head.
I don't need to mourn or have to remember any certain date, they are my constant inspiration.
And I'm not religious so don't believe in all that or anying to do with the afterlife or spirits etc.

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Post #: 12

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 4:55:14 PM

Politesub53

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

^ seems cold. my 2 cents...

Big hugs Shahar

Pahunk......Not cold, just different strokes.

My dad passed 20 years ago. My brother goes to the grave now and then, he usued to visit regularly. I have only been once, on my own and during a thunderstorm. I just had an inkling I had to go and visit.

My brother gets upset on my dads birthday, I dont. My brother crosses off the day on his calender, I dont. I prefer to remember him when I pass someplace we went together, or when I watch the football team he took me to as a four year old.

Two brothers..... Neither one cold, or indifferent....... just different strokes.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 13

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 5:56:24 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

FR~

I never really mourned the going of either of my parents.
I didn't feel the need to.
I was always brought up not to revere the dead.
They both passed away quite peacefully and without pain.
In my world, that is a merciful way to go.
I don't even remember the year either of them went, let alone the actual date.
I miss their wisdom at times, very much so.
But I don't respect any anniversary of them passing.
I don't visit where their ashes are spread.

Seriously? Why someone would post a reply like this on a thread where someone is honoring their dad by remembering him, well, it makes no sense at all to me, in fact it seems to be quite self serving and just down right rude.

To the OP, my dad passed away in 1985, some days it is like it was another lifetime, and some days it is like it was yesterday. ((((((((hugs)))))))

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RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 6:01:31 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

^ seems cold. my 2 cents...

Big hugs Shahar

Pahunk......Not cold, just different strokes.

My dad passed 20 years ago. My brother goes to the grave now and then, he usued to visit regularly. I have only been once, on my own and during a thunderstorm. I just had an inkling I had to go and visit.

My brother gets upset on my dads birthday, I dont. My brother crosses off the day on his calender, I dont. I prefer to remember him when I pass someplace we went together, or when I watch the football team he took me to as a four year old.

Two brothers..... Neither one cold, or indifferent....... just different strokes.

This makes me wonder if there is a cultural thing on grieving. Or maybe we just wear our emotions on our sleave more in the US

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Post #: 15

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/10/2013 6:16:56 PM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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My mother's gone over 23 years. I grieved enormously the first few years. Then for a while I didn't miss her so much. These days I feel the need to talk to her more than I have in a while. Grief comes and goes, and if they need to have you celebrate their life and not grieve their death, then doing that is honoring them in the way they wanted. And really, what could be more loving than doing just that.

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Post #: 16

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/11/2013 7:49:38 AM

MasterJohnSteed

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Joined: 2/17/2010
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Interesting Post

10 Years ago, I was dealing with a marriage that was ending, I came from a so called "Broken Home" and I was damn determined I wasn't going to be like my lousy father, so I wanted to stay and make things right. (She on the other hand was a mental case Bi Polar, OCD and Borderline personality disorder)

5 Years ago, I lost my Grandmother at age 102. This was a woman who had been taught by her family to work till her hands bled and to get up the next morning and do it again because you have to take care of yourself and your family. (Hand Picking Cotton, Chopping Wood, Carrying Water, tending a farm). I was raised by her to be like that. You never let them see you sweat, you find other ways to vent your anger but you never show it to others.

6 Years ago I lost my mother, I learned from her that no matter how bad a hand that you have been dealt by the universe you keep getting up, you keep trying.

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Post #: 17

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/11/2013 7:59:33 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

FR~

I never really mourned the going of either of my parents.
I didn't feel the need to.
I was always brought up not to revere the dead.
They both passed away quite peacefully and without pain.
In my world, that is a merciful way to go.
I don't even remember the year either of them went, let alone the actual date.
I miss their wisdom at times, very much so.
But I don't respect any anniversary of them passing.
I don't visit where their ashes are spread.

Seriously? Why someone would post a reply like this on a thread where someone is honoring their dad by remembering him, well, it makes no sense at all to me, in fact it seems to be quite self serving and just down right rude.

To the OP, my dad passed away in 1985, some days it is like it was another lifetime, and some days it is like it was yesterday. ((((((((hugs)))))))

I'm just saying it like it is - for me.
There was nothing rude about it either.
I still honour both my parents - if you bothered to read the whole thread; just differently.
And if you cared to read my post #12 perhaps you might have a better understanding of where I'm coming from.

Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 18

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/11/2013 8:08:05 AM

freedomdwarf1

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy
This makes me wonder if there is a cultural thing on grieving. Or maybe we just wear our emotions on our sleave more in the US

That's quite possible.... in general.
Obviously, there are many exceptions to any rule one tries to construct. lol.

A lot of Brits are still very much 'reserved', introverted, and 'stiff-upper-lip' on things like this.
My friend is very outgoing and seems a happy-go-lucky type of guy.
But when his mum died of cancer last year, he barely mentioned it at all.
But his wife (a french lady), was all tears and woe-is-me in grief for weeks.

In my case, our family are just not religious and don't believe in mourning the dead.
In fact, cut flowers and the like are actually banned from any of our funerals.
We do not believe in mixing the living with the dead (not sure where that came from).
If anyone brings flowers, we ask them to donate them to a hospital or hospice where they would be more appreciated.

Grief is a very individual thing.
What works for one may not work for another.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 8/11/2013 8:12:30 AM >

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Post #: 19

RE: 6 years ago... - 8/11/2013 8:10:09 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My mother's gone over 23 years. I grieved enormously the first few years. Then for a while I didn't miss her so much. These days I feel the need to talk to her more than I have in a while. Grief comes and goes, and if they need to have you celebrate their life and not grieve their death, then doing that is honoring them in the way they wanted. And really, what could be more loving than doing just that.

I find the "cold" alarming. Why? When my dad passed- I did not let the pain out. It came out in destructive ways. Had I let the pain out- I would have made less mistakes and been about 50k richer today.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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