RE: How Do I get my wife to agree????

RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:22:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam OK, kids. here is what I just did. I did a search for the word "cheater" I went back 100 occurences. In 2 cases, a woman was denigrated. Both times by a male poster. 2 of our regular female posters admitted to having done so in the past. Noone said shit. In threads where people were just talking about the term without any particular person in mind, the words "She" and "Domme" never appeared once. "He, Him or Dom" was always present. One thread was particularly telling. A single Dominant was seeing a married woman. HE was the one who was scum. No one said squat about her. Are you going to keep on about there is no huge bias among posters here? By the way, I never found those threads where woman were getting a rough time. And your surprised by these results?! Shit... That should of been as expected as men cheat because they are scum and women seek affairs due to lack of appreciation. ;)

Missokyst -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:26:27 PM)
Not everyone has this view. I still think a cheater is a cheater. Unless both parties are in on it and agree to things, doing it under cover of darkness is cheating. I don't get that mentality and I never will. For me cutting ties makes sense for survival, not just for the marrieds, but any family who might be involved. quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam OK, kids. here is what I just did. I did a search for the word "cheater" I went back 100 occurences. In 2 cases, a woman was denigrated. Both times by a male poster. 2 of our regular female posters admitted to having done so in the past. Noone said shit. In threads where people were just talking about the term without any particular person in mind, the words "She" and "Domme" never appeared once. "He, Him or Dom" was always present. One thread was particularly telling. A single Dominant was seeing a married woman. HE was the one who was scum. No one said squat about her. Are you going to keep on about there is no huge bias among posters here? By the way, I never found those threads where woman were getting a rough time. And your surprised by these results?! Shit... That should of been as expected as men cheat because they are scum and women seek affairs due to lack of appreciation. ;)

JeffBC -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:27:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I'd have rated it neutral. Without the comment about the profile, I'd have rated it positive. Perfect (from my standpoint). Thanks for giving me an independent view.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:33:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I explained my parameters. I used the first 100 occurrences of a certain word "cheater". You went looking and found what you wanted to find and ran back here with it. Note the search parameters "cheat + Husband" Do you honestly think that if I expanded the search to "cheat, cheater, adultery and cheating" and looked at the first 100 results, I would find different data? I'm sick in bed, got nothing better to do, and am interested in the data results, so I'm going to take on that task and find out. A couple more questions about your methodology though, because a preliminary search of the first dozen has brought up some questions: - Are you only counting instances in which the poster themselves uses the word in question, or are you also counting posts in which the word was in the quote the post replies to? - If the topic of cheating was brought up in relation to a specific person/poster of either gender, and a person of either gender replied condemning cheating in general, did you count that as condemning, or neutral? - If a poster of either gender condemned cheating in general, not specifically in relationship to an instance of a specific person, did you count that at all? Thanks... results to follow at some later point in time...

littlewonder -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:39:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam A couple of years ago, one of our regular posters was in I admit" basically saying that her husband had found out something she had done and her marriage was probably over and it was all "OHHHHH you poor dear, if you need anyone to talk to, we're here for you" I remember that and I also remember telling her the same thing I tell men who cheat...either fix their marriage and be happy or divorce. I an equal opportunity hater.

catize -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:42:59 PM)
~~Fast Reply~~ To me it doesn't matter what the OP has done in the past. He obviously has reached a point in his life where he wants to change it. I think he should talk (as in communicate) with the wife, lay it all out, what he wants in order to keep the marriage. I don't necessarily believe finding a 'slave' to take said wife's place is the answer. I'd suggest an approach of asking her if she would be interested in whatever it is he wants to do with the 'slave'. If not, can they compromise? (what a concept for a marriage!) If she is not interested in anything he wants as far as D/s or kinky sex goes, then he has a few choices. As someone else suggested, tell her he is leaving and get a divorce lawyer. Or stay; which gives him another few choices of asking her if she would mind that he has outside relationships, learning to accept his life as is, or going behind her back. And his choices will be based on whether or not he values his wife and marriage, or if he has already emotionally distanced himself from the marriage. I don't envy the OP or his wife; there may be a happy ending here but it is gonna mean some pretty difficult decisions, hard things to say and hear. Warning to the OP, getting your freedom does not mean you will end up any happier; you may, but chances are not optimistic.

KnightofMists -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:43:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I'd have rated it neutral. Without the comment about the profile, I'd have rated it positive. Perfect (from my standpoint). Thanks for giving me an independent view. I think you paid him off!

littlewonder -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:45:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam By the way, I never found those threads where woman were getting a rough time. eeerr...you obviously did not search hard enough. Look up chatterbox's first posts. People to this day still remember what she did and still give her a rough time because of her views still.

cloudboy -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:48:47 PM)
The marriage police have all the answers about LTRs, marriages, honesty, and cheating.

littlewonder -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:52:55 PM)
well being that those who respond to such things are in long term relationships or marriages, we seem to be doing something right.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:55:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt I still would like to know how the OP feels about the wife having her own male slave, to start. Yes, I'd like to hear about that.

KnightofMists -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:57:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize ~~Fast Reply~~ To me it doesn't matter what the OP has done in the past. He obviously has reached a point in his life where he wants to change it. I think he should talk (as in communicate) with the wife, lay it all out, what he wants in order to keep the marriage. I don't necessarily believe finding a 'slave' to take said wife's place is the answer. I'd suggest an approach of asking her if she would be interested in whatever it is he wants to do with the 'slave'. If not, can they compromise? (what a concept for a marriage!) If she is not interested in anything he wants as far as D/s or kinky sex goes, then he has a few choices. As someone else suggested, tell her he is leaving and get a divorce lawyer. Or stay; which gives him another few choices of asking her if she would mind that he has outside relationships, learning to accept his life as is, or going behind her back. And his choices will be based on whether or not he values his wife and marriage, or if he has already emotionally distanced himself from the marriage. I don't envy the OP or his wife; there may be a happy ending here but it is gonna mean some pretty difficult decisions, hard things to say and hear. Warning to the OP, getting your freedom does not mean you will end up any happier; you may, but chances are not optimistic. This post reminds me of a women I came across online over ten years ago. Yup she was married and looking to explore. Yup she was like the op considering the cheating route. I asked her one question... Was she willing to throw 35 years of marriage down the drain without at least giving her husband a chance to come to and have an adventure with her. It really doesn't matter why she came to this point or the op for that matter. But there they ate standing at the abyss. Some jump in without a second thought some back away and make a different choice. As it would happen the lady I befriended backed away and approached her husband. Even though I crossed paths with her online in a chat room i know her story to be true. For a few months later I met them both at a munch. I spent time privately talking to him for a time as he was having trouble with it all. I don't know what said, but it must of been good. For a week of so later she came into the chat room I use to visit and thanked me greatly. Apparently her ass was well redden and she was a happy clam. Ironically she thought her husband was rather straight laced. But what she failed to take in account was the depth of his love for her. Sadly, it's a rare story with a happy ending like this. Lots jump in the abyss and carry at cross. Many back away and share only for it to go badly, others still bury the desire and it is a different cross to carry. In the end... Look in the mirror. And make the choice that person can live with... Regardless of the outcome!

cloudboy -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 6:57:34 PM)
That sounds like a lot to ask. Your description of your wife looks pessimistic to your plan. There are two things to think about. 1: What's in it for your wife. 2: What's in it for a younger potential slave? Here is the last thing, you really won't be able to tell if these two women would get along or tolerate each other. You will only find this out after the fact. Switching to something polyesque is complicated. If you try this, just know that you will make mistakes. The question then becomes, can your work through them? Last thing, consider a plan B, i.e.. maybe something outside the marriage that you can negotiate to shield your wife from shit she doesn't want to see or know about.

cloudboy -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:15:07 PM)
Don't you think recommending divorce on a message board is a bit insane? Honestly, we don't know shit about this guy's marriage.

littlewonder -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:19:21 PM)
No I don't. One could say telling him to stay with his wife and be unhappy with the rest of his life while his wife stays miserable as well, to be just as equally insane.

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:22:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox Yeah but you're ignoring the differences in how the two OPs have presented their situations. There's a huge difference between a 50 yr old looking to introduce a young hottie into his 30+ yr marriage and a 22 yr old asking for advice on what to do when she realizes her spouse isn't into kink. The 50 yr old OP is blaming his wife's asthma for their sexless marriage whereas the younger OP is basically saying, what do I do about this situation? She didn't try to justify cheating, though she did express a willingness to do so. I think if she'd presented herself differently, she'd have gotten a different response. ETA I'm not arguing that there isn't a bias against males on this and most other forums. In most situations we accuse the man of being a scum bag, a jerk, etc and the woman is usually the victim of the big bad man but in this case, with these two OPs, it doesn't quite measure up. She was given the same advice but the tone was different because she presented her situation differently. So do you honestly think the fact that she was a young cute female and he is an older male had nothing to do with the tenor of the answer?

kalikshama -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:23:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam By the way, I never found those threads where woman were getting a rough time. eeerr...you obviously did not search hard enough. Look up chatterbox's first posts. People to this day still remember what she did and still give her a rough time because of her views still. Yes, and she wasn't even sneaking around behind her husband - he knew about it. Once she revealed she was married, I gave her a hard time myself, but I didn't use the word "cheater."

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:24:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam By the way, I never found those threads where woman were getting a rough time. eeerr...you obviously did not search hard enough. Look up chatterbox's first posts. People to this day still remember what she did and still give her a rough time because of her views still. They didn't show up with my search parameters. ( "Cheater" first 100 posts.) I did find a couple of female forum regulars who admitted cheating in the past but no repercussions at all. ETA, no, I'll not name names. you have to find em yourself.

Hillwilliam -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:26:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam I explained my parameters. I used the first 100 occurrences of a certain word "cheater". You went looking and found what you wanted to find and ran back here with it. Note the search parameters "cheat + Husband" Do you honestly think that if I expanded the search to "cheat, cheater, adultery and cheating" and looked at the first 100 results, I would find different data? I'm sick in bed, got nothing better to do, and am interested in the data results, so I'm going to take on that task and find out. A couple more questions about your methodology though, because a preliminary search of the first dozen has brought up some questions: - Are you only counting instances in which the poster themselves uses the word in question, or are you also counting posts in which the word was in the quote the post replies to? - If the topic of cheating was brought up in relation to a specific person/poster of either gender, and a person of either gender replied condemning cheating in general, did you count that as condemning, or neutral? - If a poster of either gender condemned cheating in general, not specifically in relationship to an instance of a specific person, did you count that at all? Thanks... results to follow at some later point in time... Have fun. Remember to choose gender neutral search words so as not to skew the resultseither way. I hope you feel better soon.

deliriuminabox -> RE: How Do I get my wife to agree???? (8/13/2013 7:31:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam quote: ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox Yeah but you're ignoring the differences in how the two OPs have presented their situations. There's a huge difference between a 50 yr old looking to introduce a young hottie into his 30+ yr marriage and a 22 yr old asking for advice on what to do when she realizes her spouse isn't into kink. The 50 yr old OP is blaming his wife's asthma for their sexless marriage whereas the younger OP is basically saying, what do I do about this situation? She didn't try to justify cheating, though she did express a willingness to do so. I think if she'd presented herself differently, she'd have gotten a different response. ETA I'm not arguing that there isn't a bias against males on this and most other forums. In most situations we accuse the man of being a scum bag, a jerk, etc and the woman is usually the victim of the big bad man but in this case, with these two OPs, it doesn't quite measure up. She was given the same advice but the tone was different because she presented her situation differently. So do you honestly think the fact that she was a young cute female and he is an older male had nothing to do with the tenor of the answer? Honestly? No .... I really don't think her age or potential cuteness had anything to do with it. The advice she was given was essentially the same as the advice given here. The tone was different because her tone was different.

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