Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: seeking a "good" dom's input


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: seeking a "good" dom's input Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 2:20:05 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		What you seek is attainable; but you will have to grow some yourself. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship. I am afraid I will have to agree with others here who have essentially said you are reaping what you are sowing. I once had a woman who was seeking exactly what you are. Her name is sharon and she lived near Atlanta. I told her I would not begin a relationship with her until she had met my wife and me and that her husband would have to meet us before any play began. She fought that idea for over a year and had numerous disasters; just like the ones you seem to be having.

She finally could not deny that it was what I had to offer that she most craved and consented to having dinner with Head Bitch Barbie and me and to bring her hubby along. She had told him nothing; but we told him everything. I assured him of her safety and Barbie assured him that his relationship would not be threatened by sharon's relationship with me. He cried and thanked us for our honesty. He said he and sharon obviously had a lot of things to work out and that he would call me when he had time to "think it through".

He sent his wife to me a month later. She stayed 5 days and was totally fulfilled. Her next visit to me was to attend her first munch and play party. Her hubby came with her to see others in the lifestyle and to get a better idea of what his wife found so appealing. To make a long story short, he ended up being topped by Mistress Marla and my 18 y/o sub/switch marie.

Six months later Sharon had begun to explore her dominant side and is now her hubby's Domme. We are all still friends and she still bottoms for me when she comes to Black Rose.

The key is honesty. Relationships cannot grow without it. Neither your marriage nor your D/s relationship.

I hope my story gives you hope and gives you courage to find someone who values your current relatinoship as much as he wants to use your body.



_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 9:29:48 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

i have been searching forever and i have become very disheartened -
are there really any fine, upstanding doms left in the world?????


I don't believe your situation or profile will ever attract a good or "fine, upstanding dom". I may be taking a different tangent on this then others. you are a married woman looking to fulfill an submissive 'itch' by compromising your wedding vows.

By my definition a Master requires commitment, trust, and honesty to support a relationship. And those traits should be mutual. you offer none of these.

What you will attract are men, perhaps dominant, who want sex with BDSM overtones. Or other type of "dom" who just wants to add another conquest to his total. Appreciate that the traits of these people are what you've been experiencing. They will communicate up to getting what they want and once that is accomplished - move on. Yes, that's what may define 'doormat', but your situation doesn't lend itself to more.

It is terrible that your marriage is not fulfilling and your partner is unwilling or unable to meet your desires. But don't expect to find a committed, honorable partner when you can not offer what you seek.

(in reply to princess4Sir)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 3:03:13 PM   
LadySonelle


Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

sssdxsssssxxxssssssddddsssssssssssdddddddddddddddrrre yytruuuuut hgjjjg kktthhhhjyyhu9iiuuuuuoooooooiiiiiiilllllo
ooooopppppo[[[[[[[[[ppppp[[[[[----[[[oooppppiuikkkuuuujjjjyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoiiiiiiooooooooipppooooooppppooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooob]

How do you pronounce that?

~stef


"Chumley"


Lady Sonelle

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 4:19:37 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDerek5

I do not know you well enough to tell you what to do... but if you are unhappy about anything you owe it to yourself to bring this up and use open communication to speak with your dominant. If you do not have open communication you do not have a real D/s relationship in my opinion.

Your comments are dittoed in every corner of every site and forum I visit as well as many people in real life. I make it a point to help everyone I can so please feel free to contact me, I have very large ears and broad shoulders so I'll be glad to let you lean on my shoulder and talk all night long.

A slave's submission is a terrible thing to waste...


thank you masterderek for your response - i agree about the need for communication and i realize that by keeping those feelings of disappointment to myself that i did myself (as well as my partner) a great disservice

...and thank you for the shoulder - i truly appreciated it

(in reply to MasterDerek5)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 4:23:37 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

The problem you are seeing here boils down to a basic Dom tbing.

Ownership in a primary relationship is what we take seriously. You come legally pre owned,so you won't be taken very seriously.

Sorry, but the best you are likely to attract is a "service Top"......And those sorts aren't exactly "serious" anyhow.

Regards,Terry


such condescension...tsk tsk tsk - but thank you for your response - you are certainly entitled to your opinion - as am i

best wishes, princess

(in reply to RealityFix)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 4:26:32 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

Princess, you're gorgeous; I'm really very surprised you haven't found a man who wants the exact type of relationship you seek? I run into more than my share of men that want discrete play(though I'm a Domme)...
I think It's just the married thing/needing discretion are problematic for a lot of folks...
The truth is there is a LOT of flaky people (subs and Dom/mes) who simply don't have the integrity or backbone to be honest.
Sorry if we all sounded too judgemental.
Good luck, Ms M


thank you ms m - and thank you to your two-year old for his advice as well - LOL

take care, princess

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 4:31:44 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

People who promise things they know they can't deliver are basically lying. And people lie because they are too weak to tell the truth. (Often they deceive themselves by dressing their lies up as something less than lying, but that's only because they are conflicted about being dishonest.)

In a way, you should be glad when it turns out that someone has promised more than he can live up to. It tells you that that person can't be trusted even if his intentions are good--and something like that is good to know.

Lam

Edited to add: Gorgeous avatar, princess.


thank you...and thank you Lam - it definitely is something that is helpful to find out about a person before the "relationship" (if there is truly a relationship) becomes more involved - although there are exceptions to every rule, most times people do not change and if this is the behavior they exhibit at the start of the relationship it is not likely to improve

and i like your av as well - elephants are one of my favorite animals and that pic has amused me since i first saw it

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 4:44:36 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I don't believe your situation or profile will ever attract a good or "fine, upstanding dom". I may be taking a different tangent on this then others. you are a married woman looking to fulfill an submissive 'itch' by compromising your wedding vows.


you are correct - i am a married woman with an unfilfilled need - i wouldn't call it an itch - and i fail to see a problem in seeking to fulfill it
quote:



By my definition a Master requires commitment, trust, and honesty to support a relationship. And those traits should be mutual. you offer none of these.


i must beg to differ with you mercnbeth - i do indeed bring commitment, trust and honesty to a relationship - i am not seeking a 24/7 relationship nor will i ever be - i understand that your situation works for you - but because my situation doesn't work for you does not mean i have nothing to offer

quote:

What you will attract are men, perhaps dominant, who want sex with BDSM overtones. Or other type of "dom" who just wants to add another conquest to his total. Appreciate that the traits of these people are what you've been experiencing. They will communicate up to getting what they want and once that is accomplished - move on. Yes, that's what may define 'doormat', but your situation doesn't lend itself to more.


i was trying to be gracious in my response but i am having a difficult time - you will most likely chalk it off to me hearing something that i didnt want to hear, but excuse me, I AM NO DOORMAT - nor will i allow myself to be treated like one - my situation does not make me a doormat - it makes me a married woman with a submissive part of her heart and spirit that yearns for more

quote:

It is terrible that your marriage is not fulfilling and your partner is unwilling or unable to meet your desires. But don't expect to find a committed, honorable partner when you can not offer what you seek.


it is not terrible that my marriage is unfulfilling in every aspect - it's a fact of life - and again...i am seeking only what i offer - i am not seeking a single dom who will dedicate his life solely to training me and keeping me as his sub - i am asking for no more than i am willing or able to return



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 6:55:42 PM   
MasterDerek5


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/24/2004
Status: offline 		I thought I would chime in here for a moment.

I have counciled couples before in various types of relationships, not because I have a PHD but because they trust me and I listent o what they have to say.

I am married yet I have slaves... I do not have sex with my slaves, sex is seperate. I can reward a slave with unbelievable pleasure for a very long time and not have sex with them. D/s is not about sex, go home an have sex with your husband but when your husband is unable to fulfill certain postions that you need or desire as a human being, that's where I come in.

Case in point, I love to race motorcycles and cars. The last time I had my wife on a motorcycle she ran away screaming. I tore it down to rebuild it but it still sits there. I don't have as much of a desire to ride because she does not share my excitment but I still love to drive really fast when she is not around. It's all relative.

The point is everyone needs their space and I like not sharing everything with my wife, this makes us seperate people with our own seperate interests.

Many people live in many different situations, I try to learn about other lifestyles and not condem them.

Regards,
Master Derek

(in reply to princess4Sir)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/17/2004 11:21:16 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well there you go princess. Hook up with Derek and all your problems will vanish.

(in reply to MasterDerek5)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/18/2004 10:17:01 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Well there you go princess. Hook up with Derek and all your problems will vanish.


Yup - Karmic Fulfillment!

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/19/2004 3:24:21 AM   
lovingmaster45


Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline 		There is an old John Prine song that fits this situation; "Dear Abby". The chorus goes like this; "Stop wishing for bad luck, then knocking on wood."

Seems all of us are guilty of putting ourselves in situations that our heads tell us will not work; yet our horny little parts take over and overrule the head that is on our shoulders. I have a built-in "reality checker"; it is my Head Bitch. She can spot a problem long before it becomes a problem. I have learned to listen to her. I have had a few friends over the years who have fulfilled the same function.

Perhaps this sweet woman needs a friend she will listen to; she certainly has no intention of listening to anyone here.

Master Jerry

_____________________________

Master Jerry


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/19/2004 1:52:58 PM   
MemphisDsCouple


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: princess4Sir

why do so many doms make promises that they can't and/or don't intend to keep? more than once i have begun exploring a relationship with someone who without me asking, tells me we will have daily contact - by phone, by email, by messenger - i am a sensitive and vulnerable person (which i wish i could change but haven't had much success) so when they fail to follow through, i am hurt


it seems i have been searching forever and i have become very disheartened -
are there really any fine, upstanding doms left in the world?????



When I (we) happen to cross the path of women who act similarly (unreliable, unfaithful, untruthful, etc.) I'm just glad for it to happen as soon as possible. Think about it. When what you describe happens - you just managed to weed out a man who isn't what you need. The sooner someone shows his/her true colors the better I like it. Be happy you found out and go on.

(in reply to princess4Sir)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/19/2004 6:51:44 PM   
MommynDaddy


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/7/2004
From: Northern California
Status: offline 		Interesting that, while many insightful comments have been made, noone has pointed out the obvious. Whenever you are working with large numbers of people, and in a forum such as this you certainly are, the rules of statistics apply. Each of us who search for others must understand that in the end it is a numbers game. The Bell Curve applies here and in that I mean what each of us seek represents a small percentage of the people who will read our messages. Call it at least one standard deviation from the mean. What that means is that the vast bulk of people we contact or who contact us do so for purient reasons that may have nothing to do with actually enacting their fantasies.
Patience is not only a virtue it is an absolute neccessity in any kind of search and this is no different. The bottom line here is don't give up hope. Realize that you may have to wrok through hundreds of people before you find somebody that clicks with you. Don't take it personally, think about the fact that our sexual tastes are already way beyond the understanding of the majority of people and that narrows our pool of prospective partners considerably, beyond that there are many who are simply curious (not trying to be rude or insensitive) who quickly get out of their depth when they realize that there is a real person behind the neatly typed e-mails. Beyond that there is a lot of fear in general in our world and the BD/SM community is no exception to this. Online can be a good place to meet people intellectually but it is not a good place to play or to become emotionally attached.

Ciao-
M&L

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/30/2004 3:53:32 AM   
TheWarriorSage


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Willard
Status: offline 		princess, before I offer a response, I would like to ask a question. You eluded in one of your posts about people making assumptions without knowing you. So I would like to be free of any assumption before offering an opinion.

You have expressed that your husband does not share your interests, but have you told him that you are actively looking to have them fulfilled outside of the relationship?

(in reply to princess4Sir)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 11/30/2004 2:00:05 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		Whatever you are or consider yourself to be when someone breaks their word to you, always ask why. If they are disrespecting you by lying to you ,you certianly have no need to worry about their opinion. People who tell lies like that and are dishonest are too insensitive to be a safe Dom in my opinion anyway. You are probably well rid of them as a flaw like that may just be the tip of an iceberg anyway, It could have been something as simple as a missed subway connection also so ASK ...Mike

(in reply to princess4Sir)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 12/1/2004 6:46:50 AM   
DomN8Master


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		My dear princess,

It is the nature of the internet, and no failing on your part. As for how you respond to such things,... you must seek that answer in your own heart. Let your submissive desires guide you. That is a part of being who you really are. If you are unsure, there is no harm in NOT responding to it all all!

The real question here for you as I see it is about you wanting to be the best submissive you can be, and that is admittedly a difficult thing to do without the guidance of a collar.

But understand that internet relationships lend themselves to cybernaut abuse. By their very nature the individuals in any such relationship risk being disposable. That is the double edged swaord of cyber space. Yes,... you can reach out to a greater number of people,... but most of them are not really worth reaching!




Attachment (1)

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 12/2/2004 8:35:29 PM   
princess4Sir


Posts: 51
Joined: 4/15/2004
Status: offline 		thank you for the input DomN8Master but this is not a cyber relationship
about which i am asking - it is a real time relationship

(in reply to DomN8Master)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 12/3/2004 11:24:37 AM   
juicycute


Posts: 42
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Hemet, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

Ownership in a primary relationship is what we take seriously. You come legally pre owned,so you won't be taken very seriously.



I don't think that is entirely accurate. I am married (or "pre owned" as it were) in a poly relationship and have been taken seriously, just as many times as I've gotten HNG's just wanting an easy lay. It just depends.

YMMV,
jc

(in reply to RealityFix)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: seeking a "good" dom's input - 12/3/2004 12:12:46 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with you Juicy. I don't see the being married as the problem. The difference being you are in a poly relationship, so everyone involved is aware they are involved (at least according to way I understand a real poly relationship to be). In this circumstance the problem is more (in my mind) the lack of knowledge of some of the participants. 'Cause like it or not, your spouse is *involved* even if you don't tell them what you are doing.. they are just involved in non realized way.

And yes, this *is* a judgement of the act of the origanal poster. Changing the post so that it no longer mentions what I consider the primary problem (lack of honesty in her primary relationship drawing lack of honesty in her secondary relationships), does not change the fact that I *can* look at the act and find it wrong, and yet still have nothing personal against the person doing it.. I mean if she can justify it in her own mind, more power to her.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to juicycute)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: seeking a "good" dom's input Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094