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ORIGINAL: princess4Sir

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ORIGINAL: jillwfsub4blkdom

you talk about qualities you are seeking in a Dom. Qualities you find desirable and honorable but yet as others have pointed out you are married and seeking something that is clandestine. i find that a little bit at odds myself.

why do you assume it is clandestine?

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ORIGINAL: RealityFix


Sorry, but the best you are likely to attract is a "service Top"......And those sorts aren't exactly "serious" anyhow.

Regards,Terry

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ORIGINAL: princess4Sir

why do so many doms make promises that they can't and/or don't intend to keep? more than once i have begun exploring a relationship with someone who without me asking, tells me we will have daily contact - by phone, by email, by messenger - i am a sensitive and vulnerable person (which i wish i could change but haven't had much success) so when they fail to follow through, i am hurt

i am mature enough to know that there are always situations that can arise that would prevent the communication at any given time, but not time and time again - i have found that it not usually an attempt to "let me down easy" - it's just that he does not feel the importance of following through and that as the dominant, he is entitled to do as he pleases

princess,
A simple answer is that there's a lot of psychological distance between people online. That contributes to folks not thinking very much about their effects on others. So this dom may not consider skipping contact to be a big deal.
In addition, people are complex critters. Your perceptions and that of the Dom are crucial here. The Dom may think, "I can do what I want" as you said, or may have a looser definition of "daily" than you do. Perhaps you expect "daily" to be every 24 hours on the dot; that he must IM or email at exactly 10:42am each day. On the other hand, the Dom may thinks that as long as he contacts you each day, it is sufficient. This is a recipe for hurt and anger. I'm not saying that you are this way, just using it as an illustration.

Another example- I once worked for someone who had a loose definition of "on time." She'd get there generally within 10-15 minutes of when she said she'd be, but she was almost always late. She'd say, "I'll be there at 8"; I knew that meant anywhere from 8 to 8:15, & sometimes much later. I'm the sort who is on time, so this could have been a real pain. But, I just learned that this was who she is, & accepted it as such.

Definately get your expectations out there. So when J. Random Dom says "I'll contact you daily," let him know what that means to you, both emotionally and in terms of timing. Eg-"Since you've said that you'll contact me each day, please stick to that or let me know why. I feel hurt when someone tells me something & then does not do it." Especially if you have very precise expectations, like the "each day at 10:42" example, but in general, let him know.

I also echo the other folks who've said that your profile suggests dishonesty, & that can attract less honest Doms. I think it would be a good idea to change your profile & be more clear about what you mean by "discretion." As one of those good, upstanding, Doms you're looking for, I'd pass you by if your husband did not know and approve of what you want to do. It would fail my own personal ethics. So, let folks know what you mean & you might attract a better class of Dom!

(in reply to princess4Sir)