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Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 5:13:14 PM   
skaterboy


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		Can a Domme and Dom have a relationship? If so, how, when they both collide in every way?
Has anyone experienced this and can it work?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 5:28:44 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yes it can work, if they love and respect one another, and are willing to put in the effort. If they are amenable to bringing in submissives to the relationship, that'd be a good way for them to have their cake and beat it too.

< Message edited by Level -- 6/29/2006 5:29:01 PM >

(in reply to skaterboy)
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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 5:32:15 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		I would say this could work as long as they have a good medical insurance policy.   On a serious note, I think the conflict of power exchange would be overwhelming and soon wear one down creating resentment to the other.  It's situations like this that make me want to apply for a federal grant to do a study on human behavior.  Talk about your reality show....................are you listening FOX executives?

LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 5:39:28 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I am a Gorean Master and my Wife/Free Companion is a Gorean Mistress. We work together just fine..... 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 5:41:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have read a few dommes state they are looking for a dom for a LTR. I do not know that submission is a necessary component for a dominant to be happy with a partner. I think they can be partners in crime, share submissives. I believe there is one such couple that own a slave jointly that post on CM. In fact I can see how a meeting of equals would work quite well for some people.. it does not change their orientation to love each other.

_____________________________

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 6:43:03 PM   
skaterboy


Posts: 58
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think I can pull this off?   Thank you all for the responses, maybe we can make this work?
Still, I worry as this is one hard headed Domme who hates to relinquish power.
However, she is loving.....butts head agianst the wall....I am sooooo confused!  As usual.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 6:55:59 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If they're at odds with each other before the relationship starts, it's probably not like to get any better. And, if they're constantly trying to manipulate the other into being submissive, that's not going to work either. However, if they come together as equal, responsible, caring adults, why COULDN'T it work?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 7:07:02 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear skaterboy, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I would strip the roles away and look at how you deal with each other as human beings.  If somebody cannot 'give' and 'take' in a equal relationship as vanilla folks and compound the problem with two dominants, then you won't make anything work and if it does-not for long.
 
You're dealing with personality conflicts and the such, you will need to negotiate through things like anything else.
 
If the other dominant is extremely 'bull headed' as you describe, you will either have to concede or she will.  You really need to sit down and deal with your needs, feelings and what are things that will be "a deal breaker."
 
True, dominants can co-habit together and slaves can serve them both.  However, the dominants are responsible for the peace and consistancy of the household.  So, both dominants must agree on household rules, protocols and such.  The same goes for discipline.  Each dominant must not waiver and undermine the other dominant.
 
Lot to consider when joining two dominants together.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 7:35:35 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I know personally, a few Dom/Domme couples that work together very well both
in their respective marriages and in the training of slaves. 
The main concern is about who takes the lead in particular
situations and how to resolve conflicts.  Communication is of course,
key to resolving the tensions that may arise.
 
YMMV,
 
Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 8:04:51 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Thank you LH that was a truely excelent post (as I have coime to expect from your pen). Neets and I were together prior to Gor and although we are both Dominant she prefered e to take the leadership role in our life as understandable seeing she is an Army Brat and her father is a very strong minded and willed individual (Shades of Ned Kelly there too)...

In HIB, I have the final say but most things are decided on a discussion basis and other things decides by Neets although she may run it past me first.. I value and respect her areas of expertise and she does mine. We are both happy to be able to speak for each other if necessary... We work on our relationship and marriage being based of friendship, respect, likeing each other and absolute trust.. Having a poly relationship has only strengthened what we have.....  

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 8:16:03 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I dont have any experience in this area, but I see the role of dominant as pretty much like a "manager". When there are managers working together towards the same goal, it works, so I dont see why it can't work with two dominants working together.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 8:49:18 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I've tried it with a Dominant switch, it was a disaster.

Never again.

(in reply to skaterboy)
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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 9:29:53 PM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		We're a Dom Domme Couple. It works.

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Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 10:46:56 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I dont have any experience in this area, but I see the role of dominant as pretty much like a "manager". When there are managers working together towards the same goal, it works, so I dont see why it can't work with two dominants working together.


Yep, yep yep and yep all the way Good on yer jali....... Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/29/2006 11:10:52 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		We're a happily married Dom/Domme couple, so in our experience, yes it can, and does work....FOR US.  We're "Partners in Crime" as well as partners in life, companions, lovers, confidants, etc etc. 

We believe there are two important things that enable our relationship work:

1.  Mutual Respect - As IB said, we respect each other as people, each others' expertise in certain areas, and trust one another and their judgment completely.
2.  Like-Mindedness - As LH touched on, we're both on the same page as far as expectations, likes, dislikes, rules, protocols, discipline, responsibilities, etc.

We feel like if we don't have AT LEAST these two things, our relationship couldn't possibly be peaceful and mutually gratifying for all parties involved.  If the two Dominants are butting heads on every front, it can be very difficult to find the common ground and move forward.  Too much in-fighting and jockeying for position doesn't bode well, in our opinion.

We would advise a serious, sit-down, lengthy negotiation between the two of you in order to find that common ground before someone gets hurt.

Hope this provides some insight,
TheShadows

_____________________________

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/30/2006 6:08:05 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skaterboy

I think I can pull this off?   Thank you all for the responses, maybe we can make this work?
Still, I worry as this is one hard headed Domme who hates to relinquish power.
However, she is loving.....butts head agianst the wall....I am sooooo confused!  As usual.


If I may add My two cents here-(-there is IMHO a difference between Tops and Dominants)---
 
However,the number one issue in normal relationships is what I call the "tug of war" that society has brought us to---in many BDSM relationships that tug of war doesn't exist because there have been agreements made as to who fills what roles--and when--note I said when---I am not saying "switching"--I am talking of agreements as to who is best suited for certain "tasks".
 
In Your post I see an expectancy on your part immediately that She has to give up power---I believe as has been said that You need to look at the Two of you and recognize the strengths and weaknesses---the Yin and the Yang of what you bring to the table, without thinking anyone has to give up power---eventualy however the manifestation of the Dominant/submissive dynamic WILL need to be addressed--many here have said you might work as a couple with submissives, there are a variety of alternatives that you can look at--
 
perhaps you should look at surrendering some of your control---try it you might like it.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/30/2006 6:18:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		To answer the question you have asked.... yes I have seen it work very well.

Would it work for you... only you can answer that.

I can only say it doesn't work for me, regardless of the feelings I may have for her. When I care to that extent, taking control is just part of how I do so. Part of who I am and yes, in the past I've tried to compromise. It didn't work, I was fighting who I am every step of the way and ended up resenting her AND me.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

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RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/30/2006 6:22:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skaterboy
Can a Domme and Dom have a relationship? If so, how, when they both collide in every way?
Has anyone experienced this and can it work?

My aunt and her husband are both dominants and they've been very happily married over 5 years now. They simply respect eachother and learn how to work together.

They also find lovely little subs to own who enjoy a lot of pain.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/30/2006 7:08:21 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		On a non lifestyle example.. In the Military and especially in special units as reven Muse will verify, it is not uncommon to have several lads who are equally pig headed, hard nosed and strong individuals. Yet they bond and wortk as one not just because their lives depend on each member of the team, but more often than not due to a fierce loyalty, trust and respect to and of each other as a group and as individuals..... Same things happens to ordinary folk too and especially in relationships... Every one gives a little and everyone gains a lot.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Two Tops colliding? - 6/30/2006 7:51:19 AM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skaterboy

I think I can pull this off?   Thank you all for the responses, maybe we can make this work?
Still, I worry as this is one hard headed Domme who hates to relinquish power.
However, she is loving.....butts head agianst the wall....I am sooooo confused!  As usual.


If you're both Dominant... then it has absolutely SQUAT to do with relinquishing power... it just became a partnership. Equality is the key. And the same as in all relationships... Trust and Communication.

Good Luck,
T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

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