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RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/25/2013 12:08:26 AM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		To me, topping from the bottom is when the bottom is the dominant.

Too many people are confused and think that top and dominant are the same thing. One is physical and one is mental. If the bottom is mentally in control of the situation, whether by being manipulative or simply because their top gets off on pleasuring them, then the bottom is the dominant.

< Message edited by SerWhiteTiger -- 8/25/2013 12:12:16 AM >

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/29/2013 12:03:28 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrushME33

I'm a top from the bottom. I'll try to make large women sit on my face. I think it annoys them... Being a dom from the bottom is not good. I think. How do I change?

I'm glad to see someone started interjecting a bit of humor into this post. (Right when I was in the midst of formulating a serious reply) I wonder, though, just how manipulative do you have to get to convince BBWs to do this to you? Way dated comment, but like we used to say to one another in high school: Don't Ever Change!

Before I knew any better, back in the days when I was a vanilla cone sprinkled with a handful of mini Hershey kisses, both my former husbands were Topping me from the bottom regularly. Neither of them were real subs (nor was I a real Domme yet)--they were just kinky bastards. (Btw, HarryVanWinkle, substitution of the 'true' word is just for your sake, buddy. :) Personally, I don't have a problem with it, unless it's blatantly done with an unruly spirit of disobedience, such as deliberately acting up in the hopes of getting disciplined more strictly than I would otherwise be inclined to do. (In that case, NOT getting punished in a preferred manner would be his punishment. If he hates listening to Coldplay and can't stand Quentin Tarantino, guess what he'll be strapped into a chair listening to in front of the Plasma TV until Mistress decides when enough is enough? Hey, that would be considered cruel & unusual punishment for some. ;)

Shout Out Footnote for TnCuck4Mistress: "I guess I am lucky my contract ended". . . "I am sure she would have not taken no for an answer as that was back in my noober days when I thought I was a no limit slave like the typical noob who doesn't know better."
Whew, I'm relieved for you, dude. :o

P.S. Should I have split this into 3 posts? And earn my wooden paddle sooner?

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to CrushME33)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/29/2013 7:50:22 PM   
mona666


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/14/2009
Status: offline 		Topping from the bottom certainly does exist. Some people enjoy that little game others find it annoying. I agree to a certain extent it is a manipulation but too me it's more the sub not subbing. In other words, for me, a successful session has a certain flow to it and from a sub to be demanding or disobedient rather than communicating in a constructive way, then it completely ruins the rhythm of the whole scene. We all know submission is given but when the sub won't "give". Someone previously stated that they aren't true subs, more kinks or fetishists. There maybe an element of truth to that unless we an agree that there are control freak subs. Others are what I call the "know it all sub". No Dom or sub plays as much or as hard as the knowitall. They constantly are trying to micromanage the session because they think they are the world greatest experts on everything and will not shut-up about it. At lot of times these can be switches but not always. They need that tennis ball shoved in their ass in such a specific way or else they can never get off! You seriously need your gags handy!

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/29/2013 9:32:21 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mona666
Topping from the bottom certainly does exist. Some people enjoy that little game others find it annoying. I agree to a certain extent it is a manipulation but too me it's more the sub not subbing.

You can call it "manipulation" or the "sub not subbing" but either way it isn't ever going to happen in my marriage. If Carol chooses not to obey that's cool and I love her and all that and we'll be happily married still but she won't be my slave anymore. Once she's not my slave then there's no "topping from the bottom" because there is no top & bottom. In other words, I deal in reality.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to mona666)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/29/2013 9:51:59 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TnCuck4Mistress

In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom? Also if I may ask, do you believe that a person who tops from the bottom is a switch or what is your opinion of a persons true role who does this?

Thanks


My opinion is there is no such thing. My opinion is this is the millionth thread on this topic.

My opinion is if you think someone is topping from the bottom, you lack communication skills, big time, you are not in sync with your partner or you don't give a crap about the other person.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/29/2013 11:37:19 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
My opinion is if you think someone is topping from the bottom, you lack communication skills, big time, you are not in sync with your partner or you don't give a crap about the other person.

That may be generally true but I can name at least one case where Carol was at least attempting to manipulate pretty strongly. It was at least attempted "topping from the bottom" in my view. I think it's probably not reasonable to say we lack in comm skills etc. It was more a personality quirk of hers that I noted and fixed. I wasn't offended by it because unless I agree to bottom from the top then it goes nowhere.. just as it did. That's exactly why I see that line as a sign of a weak dom more than a bad sub.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/30/2013 10:35:16 AM   
hwbellyfan


Posts: 8
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline 		If I go to a pro-domme and tell her what I want in a session, is that topping from the bottom or just good business? lol... It seems that these labels are silly to an extent...there are varying degrees to every relationship dynamic and every single person is different. Is anyone sane really 100% submissive or 100% dominant? But what do i know...I am a closeted fetishist...

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/30/2013 11:03:47 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hwbellyfan
If I go to a pro-domme and tell her what I want in a session, is that topping from the bottom or just good business? lol... It seems that these labels are silly to an extent...there are varying degrees to every relationship dynamic and every single person is different. Is anyone sane really 100% submissive or 100% dominant? But what do i know...I am a closeted fetishist...

Yeah well, whatever you know I happen to agree with you. That's why I just prefer to call it by it's real name rather than some made-up BDSMism. Either she is rejecting the command entirely which is called "disobedience" or she is trying to twist out of it somehow which is called "manipulation". Or, in a healthy happy relationship she just does the command and we call that "obedience" and probably also "happiness".

oh... and to answer your question, I see it as "good business" but I readily admit I got no clue how anything like what I'd call "D/s" could happen in that sort of a relationship.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/30/2013 11:09:00 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to hwbellyfan)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 8/30/2013 1:56:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hwbellyfan
If I go to a pro-domme and tell her what I want in a session, is that topping from the bottom or just good business? lol... It seems that these labels are silly to an extent...there are varying degrees to every relationship dynamic and every single person is different. Is anyone sane really 100% submissive or 100% dominant? But what do i know...I am a closeted fetishist...

Is anybody either 100% straight or gay? Some people say yes and others say no. As a straight chick, I have to say there are folks who don't fall into the "everybody's at least a little bisexual" theory. Same goes for those of us who don't have any desire to submit or (on the other side of things) dominate in any way.

I'd agree with good business. However, depending on how one looks at the situation and circumstances, some would consider a professional to be a service top. Some practitioners do exactly what the bottom wants when they are paid. Others understand that the bottom doesn't want the feeling of directing the session and give the professional free reign within their designated limits and pay for the privilege of not being in charge. All depends on how you look at it and what the parties involved do in regard to the situation.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hwbellyfan)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/2/2013 6:26:46 PM   
flirtycrazykinky


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/25/2013
Status: offline 		For me , topping from the bottom is not communicating effectively or negotiating as an adult. I am a normal person who you are talking too and quite frankly I find topping from the bottom frustrating . If you have desires or tastes discuss them with me in open communication.

Bratting on the other hand in non consensually forcing me to react to your behaviour. I don't mind cheeky fun playing around however, when it comes to beating for attention you are forcing me to react against my will.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/5/2013 1:28:16 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

To me, topping from the bottom is when the bottom is the dominant.

Too many people are confused and think that top and dominant are the same thing. One is physical and one is mental. If the bottom is mentally in control of the situation, whether by being manipulative or simply because their top gets off on pleasuring them, then the bottom is the dominant.


I was all gung-ho after reading this precise definition, thinking to myself: Hey, so that's what those mofos were doing all that time. Give somebody an inch and they'll take a mile. . . .
Then I discussed the whole subject with a wonderfully hedonistic (yet not of the promiscuous variety) sub I used to have before he was transferred elsewhere, whose opinion I value highly (and whom I gave permission to find a new Domme; it was the least I could do, although he still considers me his Mistress).

A two-tour Iraqi war vet, he has this to say:

Top and Dominant vs Mental and Physical offers no such definitive distinction. I think you and I may have had a conversation about different titles: Superior, Top, Dominant, Madame, Mistress, etc. Each is defined by the person in charge. Furthermore, you cannot have the physical without the mental. It is impossible in any D/s relationship. Perhaps this is a result of my military experience. Thanks to that, I have a true understanding of what it means to be in charge and have someone in charge. People need to have this perspective in life in general. Natural curiosity is an asset that every good leader appreciates. Natural curiosity that negatively affects leadership vision needs to be squashed - including anything in these relationships.


_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/5/2013 10:01:42 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily
Top and Dominant vs Mental and Physical offers no such definitive distinction. I think you and I may have had a conversation about different titles: Superior, Top, Dominant, Madame, Mistress, etc. Each is defined by the person in charge. Furthermore, you cannot have the physical without the mental. It is impossible in any D/s relationship. Perhaps this is a result of my military experience. Thanks to that, I have a true understanding of what it means to be in charge and have someone in charge. People need to have this perspective in life in general. Natural curiosity is an asset that every good leader appreciates. Natural curiosity that negatively affects leadership vision needs to be squashed - including anything in these relationships.


YAY! I always love the rare times when actual, real-world leadership is discussed in BDSM.

To support the point, I actively build teams that disagree with me... as any good leader does. But there are ways to disagree that are constructive and ways to do it which are destructive. A few months ago I threw a guy off the team summarily because he'd chosen the destructive option.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/5/2013 11:13:45 AM   
Domnotica


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/25/2012
Status: offline 		Like all relationships you must know your subs wants, likes and desires. Communication is necessary HOWEVER there is a time and a place to share these tid bits of info. If shared during play I find it a turn off and consider that topping from the bottom.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 5:21:45 AM   
TnCuck4Mistress


Posts: 51
Joined: 8/10/2013
From: USA, Tn
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotica

Like all relationships you must know your subs wants, likes and desires. Communication is necessary HOWEVER there is a time and a place to share these tid bits of info. If shared during play I find it a turn off and consider that topping from the bottom.


I like that you consider that both sides has needs, desires, and wants. Don't see that a lot here anymore. I also agree & understand your point as to how it should not happen once in a scene. Same with me when a Dom bottoms from the top...

(in reply to Domnotica)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 6:29:01 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TnCuck4Mistress
In your own opinion what does it mean to top from the bottom?

It means the person "in charge" bottomed from the top.

Honestly, what is so hard about listening to information and then deciding to do something else instead? If someone's bottoming to me, I want to know what she wants, or doesn't want, what she thinks might get her to orgasm for example. If I decide to follow her lead and "rub her right there" until she comes, it's a bitch-ass move on my part to complain later that she topped from the bottom. Either follow the request because you want to, or don't follow it because you don't want to, but OWN YOUR SHIT.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 6:59:29 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily
I was all gung-ho after reading this precise definition, thinking to myself: Hey, so that's what those mofos were doing all that time. Give somebody an inch and they'll take a mile. . . .

Regarding this ^

If you're looking for a genuinely submissive man, I'm not sure CM malesub profiles are the best place. You'd probably be better served by a "vanilla" guy who owns a well-worn copy of She Comes First. There's a tremendous self-centeredness in "I am going to be tied up and used, and not have to do anything except lie there and take it."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TigressLily)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 11:25:48 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Haven't read all the posts but I know I have been guilty of topping...and I am pretty submissive both sexually & in personality. Usually, for me, I notice it if I have lost respect for the Dom. It is almost like a survival type thing..if I don't feel "safe" or "controlled" then I start trying to put the structure into place myself. Now the problem is that I SUCK at being the dominant and we are not going anyway good, fun or safe with me leading the way for too long!!! I don't think it is a matter of a "true" or "real" Dom or sub but a matter of the strength of the bond. If you hook up with someone and don't know them...hard to turn over that level of control and I think, naturally you keep looking out for yourself. Second...if you are in a longterm relationship and the bond is broken (somebody cheats, continuously shirks their responsibilities, allows things to get out of control...) then, it is hard to maintain the balance. With my ex, when I started feeling like he was no longer doing things he should do..was deferring too many decisions to me...I started to mentally go my own way which led to me demanding more control during play... I didn't feel like I could trust him to do the job so I stepped in and did it.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 11:59:03 AM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline 		Very interesting! Thanks for the perspective.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie


(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 3:07:40 PM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		Topping from the bottom (although there seems to be MANY answers) is the person that calls themselves the bottom (sub or slave) attempting to arrange the situation ( by whatever means) so that their version of  what should be happening does indeed happen. I usually have this type stand on their tip toes with their nose in a circle and their hands behind their back...ok that's only because it amuses me to see them so "not in control" and of course they must have the standard pink panties on.

(in reply to TnCuck4Mistress)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Topping from The Bottom - 9/7/2013 3:33:26 PM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

If you're looking for a genuinely submissive man, I'm not sure CM malesub profiles are the best place.


You're telling me! . . . Appreciate the advice, though.
Btw, 'mofos' refers to my 2 former husbands. As for vanilla--Been There, Done That, Never Going Back to Square One
(Although one of them did eventually get with the program )

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 40
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