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Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:09:05 PM

Maybeher

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How many times have you released the same sub? Is it okay to occur frequently? Why do you think people do it? Is it about not wanting to find someone to replace her with fast enough?

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:14:45 PM

OsideGirl

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In the 13 1/2 years we've been together, he has never released me. And quite frankly, I would have no interest in someone that would play those kind of games with my emotions.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:16:30 PM

DesFIP

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It's highly unusual.

Now it's not unheard of for married couples to separate and get back together.

But after a certain amount of time, you need to realize the problems are insurmountable. And that you need to be wiser and smarter in choosing a partner in the future.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:23:30 PM

Maybeher

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OsideGirl, if you're married not really possible to release you

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:25:44 PM

DesFIP

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Look at the divorce rate in this country and rethink that.

Married or not, anybody can say that they want out. That it isn't working for them. That the relationship is over.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:28:40 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

OsideGirl, if you're married not really possible to release you

Sure it is.

He could decide to end the dynamic and stayed married. He could decide he wants a divorce.

And really, releasing someone over and over would be like someone that constantly threatened me with a divorce. It wouldn't be too long before I decided to walk, if that were the case.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:33:33 PM

Maybeher

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All I have to do is look at the amount of separated doms who don't wanna or refuse to divorce due to kids, finances, religion, parents,, etc... Lol all I meant was in marriage people seem a little more dedicated to making it work. I get for some release and divorce are synonymous but for me when you marry you take a good while to learn the person even 5 or 10 years to avoid the possibility of divorce. In D/s you take hopefully a month to a year but I've known people to release for something like adding friends on here... No one is going to divorce over that so I guess I just don't see it being likely to release multiple times in marriage. I could be wrong, often am lol

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:36:32 PM

getoutnow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

finances.....

I learnt my mistake young. There is no way now or ever that I will intertwine my finances with another. If there must be a joint account its for household bills. My money is mine, her money is her's. If she is irresponsible with money, then I'll take it and put it in another account for her. The rainy day fund for when she needs it and will give her pocket money. I have enough of my own.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:36:36 PM

DesFIP

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Then maybe you need to rethink your getting to know someone process. If after a month, you discover you didn't know them well enough, then next time don't be in such a hurry.

Some people get married quickly. Some people are friends and slowly date for six months before they decide to be exclusive. Vanilla or kinky.

If what you're doing isn't working, then do something different. Don't blame it on being d/s.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:36:41 PM

Maybeher

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you two bring up a good point treating possession as a marriage. I bet relationships would last longer and consideration would too.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:39:57 PM

DesFIP

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So what should you have done differently to not wind up in this place now?

Not what he did wrong, but what part of the failure of the relationship was your fault? And it's never 100% one person's fault and 0 the other. It's always closer to 50/50.

Figure out what you did wrong. And determine how you won't make that same mistake again. Because so far, you're putting all the blame on him.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:43:12 PM

Maybeher

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lol I didn't say anything about me personally or about a month in my experience please re read my post

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:44:43 PM

Maybeher

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I was just curious if frequent release occurs often sheesh

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:45:41 PM

lizi

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So what you're asking I'd say, is how many times would you let someone break up with you and you still go back to him.

I"ve never done that. If there was a time in my relationship history when someone let me go and then came back later and said they wanted to get back, I was already on down the road. I don't have time for that crap. Honestly, why would anyone do that multiple times - let someone break up on a whim and then get horny or lonely and crook their finger and you come running...?

What does it say about a so called Dominant that you can't take them at their word? How Dominant is it that they can say they're done with you and then change their mind multiple times? No, I wouldn't say it's ok at all to occur frequently, seems extremely immature. People do it if they can get away with it I suppose or if they want a bed companion or a hot meal, or someone to talk to.

People treat you however you let them. If you want to play that game go ahead and get back. If you think it's crap, move on.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:46:31 PM

Maybeher

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thanks lizi

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:48:51 PM

Maybeher

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DesFIP I know what I did wrong lol and its so odd you see me blaming when my question was VERY general hmmmm

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:51:11 PM

angelikaJ

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I think many people see relationships as being disposable from the beginning.
I also think that in D/s relationships there are a lot of people who believe in instant collars: just add sub(missive partner).
I think there are lots of people who want a D/s relationship but don't really know what they want beyond that, and they choose people who they are incompatible with.
I also think that some people release someone and take them back when the new relationship doesn't work out.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 5:54:09 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher
but I've known people to release for something like adding friends on here...

Well, then, it couldn't have been much of a relationship...

quote:

I just don't see it being likely to release multiple times in marriage. I could be wrong, often am lol

JeffBC has attempted to release his wife more than once.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 6:33:51 PM

littlewonder

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I was never "released". I walked away. And I never, ever go back to relationships that are over. If Master ever released me, I would consider us over and we would both move on. Neither of us look back. We're the type that if we separate it's not something we do just off a whim or when something goes wrong. We work it out. If it can't be worked out then it would end and that would be that.

If someone released me and then kept taking me back, I would see him as weak and not worth the time of day.

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RE: Pick a number - 8/20/2013 7:30:39 PM

SerWhiteTiger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maybeher

All I have to do is look at the amount of separated doms who don't wanna or refuse to divorce due to kids, finances, religion, parents,, etc... Lol all I meant was in marriage people seem a little more dedicated to making it work. I get for some release and divorce are synonymous but for me when you marry you take a good while to learn the person even 5 or 10 years to avoid the possibility of divorce. In D/s you take hopefully a month to a year but I've known people to release for something like adding friends on here... No one is going to divorce over that so I guess I just don't see it being likely to release multiple times in marriage. I could be wrong, often am lol

The problem here isn't the releasing, it's the frivolous collaring, and that anyone would allow themself to be collared so frivolously. Are you saying that marriage takes more trust and knowledge of a person than giving yourself to them as a slave? A SLAVE?

Personally, I would never play this game of collaring and releasing, because I have no interest in slaves that I cannot respect. Any Dom playing this game is laughing at the slave in question and has no respect or value for them.

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