GoddessDustyGold
Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pollux
quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressWolfen
<snipped> I have noticed a definite lack of the ability/personal makeup to love and be loveable (at least what Sternberg defines as consummate love) in submissive men. Just my experience not meaning to give offense.
I'm surprised no one has commented on this. It seems like a pretty valuable insight, if it's true.
No offense taken here, but I wish you would've elaborated on this some more. Can you give us some examples? Do you think submissive men who have this problem can do anything about it (assuming it's true)? What do you think they should do differently? And if they did something about it, would they still be submissive? Do you think one follows from the other? Problems consummating love, therefore submissive... Or submissive, therefore problems consummating love?
Do other dominant women notice this too?
Interesting post -- thank you for it.
Yes, I have noticed this, but I don't think I ever went so far in My thought process is make it tangible in words. And it is a very good point.
My experience has been one of what we often point out as "sub frenzy". Even though many boys feel they are over it, they are not. They may not be in the "frenzy" any longer, but the fantasy expectation still lives on. And they are very afraid of moving from behind the monitor and keyboard and into real time. It is all about the being submissive or slavish, which should be a natural part of themselves that they joyfully give, and less about an actual relationship in which they are supremely happy, even though it is not the typical relationship. Most of the boys I have interacted with, even briefly, have hit Me wrong. It is hard to describe, but there is never any patience about getting to know someone or about taking the time to develop a real relationship. It has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with communication. Either they can't communicate at all, or else they can only communicate about "What would you do to me?", "How would this or that work?". It is not that these are not valid and important questions. It is that these are the only questions. And, always, the hints about how the Domina should be reacting, or what She might be wearing, or "How many toys are in the toy bag and which are your favorites?" is all that keeps coming up as any sort of solid question. In other words, and I am sure I am putting this poorly, there is no real flow of energy.
I have received too many petitions over the years. I have met too many boys for coffee, or lunch, or dinner...and the feeling just isn't there. It takes a lot of trial and error. Mostly error. I can play with anybody I enjoy and with whom I feel safe. But that emotional connection is very elusive. It is easy to play for an hour or two. It is not so easy to live day to day, and completely accept and love Me for who I am and vice versa.
In the time I have been on this site alone (I have other sources for petition) I have probably received about 3000+ letters and notes. Mostly one liners asking Me to chat or cam. I believe I have had maybe 6 boys that I seriously considered, although there were more that made it to the telephone with Me as I continued to take that flying leap of faith. They always wash out very quickly. Because I was not being viewed as a Woman who is also Dominant...I was being viewed as the hot Lady who would do kinky things, provide a roof, and make a fantasy come true. And the fantasy of this lifestyle! So much romanticism and unrealistic expectations. Well, I can't even get into that! However, the boys who did get on the telephone with Me, and got past the fantasy, suddenly found they did not so easily obey, and complained about when they could call or something simple I asked for them to do (as easy as reading an article onlione so we could discuss it) and they never have the time, or things come up, or they are too tired. Not just once, as there can always be an exception, but over and over and over. The boys do not seem to want to put any work into creating a viable relationship. They want instant Domina of Dreams to be commanding them to pack up and move. *Sigh* Of course, if that even happend (which it would not with Me! *Smile*) then we would have the reasons why moving is not possible. Etc., Etc., Etc.
Perhaps some of the other Ladies can weigh in, and put into words something that is based in emotion. Feelings are always hard, and a sense of people is sometimes difficult to explain. But I think Akasha always nails it when she states that many of the boys have absolutely no social skills, and do not wish to make any effort at all. The others, who do, (they are few and far between!) do not have the ability to give themselves completely over to the Power Exchange I need. I love them, and I love their wit and humor and honesty, but I know they are not the boys for Me.
I am lucky. I believe I have found the boy with whom I will spend the rest of My days. But it has not been easy!
_____________________________
Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom
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