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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/7/2006 8:39:14 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Lovely robe, MD.

(in reply to MistressDior)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/8/2006 3:23:03 AM   
FourInchHeels


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Yes.

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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/8/2006 3:59:25 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greeting all
 
I am in love with someone i have made up my mind not to go there. but i am falling for my pup he is so sweet with his ways and wow i am floor but i guard my heart well i must know he has the same feeling he has siad it but we need to work out some thing we are going through. but he is so sweet and kind and makes me  laugh so hard. it is  so funny i will be mad at him and he will make it turn around but he is good wish me luck ladies this willbe somethingwild but the other person i must tell him no.I know i am not important to him so oh well
 
take care ladies it is great to fall in love real love
 
mons/jane

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 6:32:23 AM   
seeks2serv


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As a sub/slave i would hope to find Someone to serve that i love. i believe when one serves from the heart he strives harder to please. In return i would hope the Mistress i find would love me also. So many associate love with sex and that does not need be the case.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 7:25:22 AM   
MiladyLily


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Joined: 4/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
My experience has been one of what we often point out as "sub frenzy".  Even though many boys feel they are over it, they are not.  They may not be in the "frenzy" any longer, but the fantasy expectation still lives on.  And they are very afraid of moving from behind the monitor and keyboard and into real time.  It is all about the being submissive or slavish, which should be a natural part of themselves that they joyfully give, and less about an actual relationship in which they are supremely happy, even though it is not the typical relationship. Most of the boys I have interacted with, even briefly, have hit Me wrong.  It is hard to describe, but there is never any patience about getting to know someone or about taking the time to develop a real relationship.  It has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with communication.    Either they can't communicate at all, or else they can only communicate about "What would you do to me?", "How would this or that work?".  It is not that these are not valid and important questions.  It is that these are the only questions.  And, always, the hints about how the Domina should be reacting, or what She might be wearing, or "How many toys are in the toy bag and which are your favorites?" is all that keeps coming up as any sort of solid question.  In other words, and I am sure I am putting this poorly, there is no real flow of energy.
I have received too many petitions over the years.  I have met too many boys for coffee, or lunch, or dinner...and the feeling just isn't there.  It takes a lot of trial and error.  Mostly error.   I can play with anybody I enjoy and with whom I feel safe.  But that emotional connection is very elusive.  It is easy to play for an hour or two.  It is not so easy to live day to day, and completely accept and love Me for who I am and vice versa.   
In the time I have been on this site alone (I have other sources for petition) I have probably received about 3000+ letters and notes.  Mostly one liners asking Me to chat or cam.  I believe I have had maybe 6 boys that I seriously considered, although there were more that made it to the telephone with Me as I continued to take that flying leap of faith.  They always wash out very quickly.  Because I was not being viewed as a Woman who is also Dominant...I was being viewed as the hot Lady who would do kinky things, provide a roof, and make a fantasy come true.  And the fantasy of this lifestyle!  So much romanticism and unrealistic expectations.  Well, I can't even get into that! However, the boys who did get on the telephone with Me, and got past the fantasy, suddenly found they did not so easily obey, and complained about when they could call or something simple I asked for them to do (as easy as reading an article onlione so we could discuss it) and they never have the time, or things come up, or they are too tired.  Not just once, as there can always be an exception, but over and over and over.  The boys do not seem to want to put any work into creating a viable relationship.  They want instant Domina of Dreams to be commanding them to pack up and move.  *Sigh*  Of course, if that even happend (which it would not with Me! *Smile*) then we would have the reasons why moving is not possible.  Etc., Etc., Etc.

i could certainly relate to what you have said here.  sometimes i feel like the submissive male is like the unicorn, a creature of fantasy that does not really exist.  i have definitely met men with some submissive tendencies, but they all seemed to expect a domme to turn it on and off like a water faucet.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 9:43:30 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Avocation

I would say,that you should not fall in love with a person that you regard has being your actual property. He/she is there to please you in any way you wish, you dont need to fall in love with them in order to obtain physical/emotional fulfilment. Doing so often creates problems in the dominant and submissive relationship association. Familiarity breeds contempt and often destroys that otherwise special and effective status quo that you originally sort to aquire.


Three major problems with your theory here:

First off, not all of us think of our submissives as being property. 
Second, everyone's needs and desires are different - what if both sides WANT and/or NEED to have that love connection (not just to love each other, but to be in love with each other - there are differences).
Third, if "Familiarity breeds contempt" then explain all of the marriages that have lasted 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, or, like my grandparents (both sets) 55+ years ... Holly and I have been together for 7 years, living together for almost 6 - we have absolutely no contempt for each other.  Our boy has been with us for just under 3 years - no contempt there either ... and honestly, it is WITHOUT love that your phrase is most likely to become true.  If someone is around all the time, and you have no emotional attachment to him/her, you are going to get tired of having that person around ...

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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 10:02:53 AM   
MistressWolfen


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Sternberg forwarded a "Triangular Theory of Love" and further theorised that consummate love must include each of the apex' (these being intimacy, passion and commitment). It has been my experience that submissive males often present with two of the apex; for example common ones are passion and commitment but true intimacy is often lacking. I would suggest that the environmental and tempremental factors that developed the submissive male (indeed to a much lessor degree all males) also inhibited their ability to be intimate. It has further been my experience that this is not such a down fall with submissive females as intimacy seems to be better nurtured in females.

Dusty has articulated some of this very clearly, examples are varied (as I am sure you understand). For myself it is the difference between a male sub/slave that is "present" all the time in all situations. Not just (as other Dommes have stated) when I am in leather etc. I have included a link to a brief article  and a table that neatly illustrates this theory.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love



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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 1:13:25 PM   
LadyRope


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I fell for the most extraordinary submissive,he was a wonderful partner,understood who and what he was and gave me his best...we had an exceptional, albeit short life together,that intertwined Ds and vanilla effortlessly,it was a joy to have loved and own him...I miss him terribly,he had a higher calling....

(in reply to MistressTheaZ)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/9/2006 1:26:16 PM   
MistressWolfen


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It is truly extraordinary when that connection is made LadyRope, I too had it once...please accept my heartfelt condolences.

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Quoth the raven

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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/10/2006 1:44:11 PM   
Minino


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Joined: 1/24/2004
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Hi MiladyLily:
Yes Of course if the relation are honest ...sincere and respectful.
Why not ? friends...
just a note:
You never forget that the distance between the love and the hate have a short step.
Regards:
Minino


(in reply to MistressWolfen)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 7/12/2006 2:18:55 PM   
IronDipstick


Posts: 40
Joined: 2/3/2004
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Dear Ms. Lily.  i just tried to message you on the other side and for some unknown reason you had me blocked and i have no idea why.  i have never before contacted you but did wish to do so today and could not get through.  Could you please send me a message explaining why i have been blocked.  Thank you, irondipstick.

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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 1/10/2008 8:00:57 PM   
JamesScorpio


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Joined: 3/22/2006
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Opportunity is always there, the risk is finding one that works with mind heart and soul. wish we connected in LA

(in reply to AnnW)
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RE: Dommes fall in love with submissive men? - 1/10/2008 10:25:57 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
~~FR~~
Happy to say that I am still completely head over heals in love with my pup. This thread was started almost a year ago and is now active again due to James Scorpio answering the question. Welcome to the boards btw James <s> Thanks for bringing back a memory.


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