RE: where has all the respect gone? (Full Version)

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Kree -> RE: where has all the respect gone? (7/2/2006 1:43:01 PM)

LH,

The person from WI made a post about respect in front of a varied audience, including people with real life significant experience, and people who are just now discoving this lifestyle.  You are concerned that she should be allowed to make any kind of comment she likes, and that others should simply shake their finger and say "no, no, no.. it isn't necessarily that way" while singing Kumbaya.  My concern has nothing to do with outlandish comments that perhaps DO apply in her community, but would most likely create a HUGE altercation elsewhere.  You have seen a reaction from people who know what would happen in MOST places if another Dominant were to touch their submissive/slave, let alone provide correction without first obtaining permission.  

My further concern, is contained in my first sentence.  There is a varied audience reading these posts.  To me, perhaps most of the purpose for posting things to these forums is NOT to gently correct someone speaking in absolutes, but to help inform those who are new and still learning that there is no one "twue way" or "twue <insert noun>" anything. 

Had a male Dominant made the same comments demanding respect, posters would have been far harsher, and he would have undoubtedly been called a poseur, abuser, or wannabe. 

Just as power whispers, respect is earned.





BeachMystress -> RE: where has all the respect gone? (7/2/2006 10:54:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistressinwis

Even in this "venue" as you refer to it, I am a Domme, and as such, demand the respect of submissives. You don't have to respect me personally, because you don't know me, but you give respect to my station. It is the same as the President, you don't have to respect the man holding Office, but you have to respect the Office. By disrespecting the man, you disrespect the Office.

If you tell people you are a submissive, then I will expect you to act like one whether in the company of your "Sir" or not.

In my BDSM community, respect and protocol are the first thing a slave and sub are taught. Punishment for disrespect is swift, and carried out by the Dominant that the disrespect was toward, whether that Dom/Domme owns the sub or not. It is to teach respect for all, and get them out of the habit of only respecting their Owner.

Mistress A



I'd like to know how your local community rationalizes such non consensual acts. Do subs attending your function have to sign a consent to all form or something? Is this just a clique consisting of you and your friends, or is this just common practice in your area.

If it is common practice, then you need to know that it is considered very disrespectful in just about any other venue to touch a submissive that isn't yours. Personally, my sub is not even allowed to refer to another Dominant as Ma'am or Sir. He is not allowed to offer any more than common courtesy to anyone at any party or event. He is to refuse any order given to him. He is to repulse any touch.  No one else drives my car. No one else wears my clothes. No one else uses my tooth brush. No one else uses my sub. If anyone could use him, his submission to me would be worthless.

In response to your statement about respecting some one's station, as I said in an earlier post, since anyone can call themselves anything just giving blanket respect to the title is not realistic. My cat is Master Grand Poobah of the Universe. That is a wondrous title, is it not? Now.. bow to him and show him the respect his title is due! Does THAT put it more into perspective for you?




WayWardSoul -> RE: where has all the respect gone? (7/3/2006 12:05:10 AM)

It seems to me there is a pattern going on with you and your posts
quote:

The internet has become the greatest tool of the centry for making the world a smaller place and meeting people from all walks of life. Unfortunatly, as with every good thing, there are bad things that go with it. The internet has also given anonymity. Which in turn, has fostered disrespect, rudeness, and socially unacceptable behavior. Because of the anonymous nature of the internet, there is no social consequences, as there are in real life situations. Also,  there is no way to really "punish" a person that abuses others in a forum such as Collarme. As with any social setting, I would like to invite users of this website to activly email the webmasters of any disrespectful, or nasty emails you do get, so they have the opportunity to take steps to keep this community free from falling victim to the users that are less than desirable.

I have had numerous nasty emails from males, in fact that is one reason i abandoned my first user account and started another. I have not had this user account for more than a few hours, and got a very disrespectful and rude email.

I invite the moderators of this site to make a clear and easy way for users to report nasty emails.

Mistress A

quote:

Ignoring bad behavior is how Hitler got most of Europe. As a Dominant, it's up to us to keep order within our community.  I don't know what your real life BDSM community is like, but the one I belong to is very old school.  slaves and subs speak only when spoken to, and very little or no direct eye contact. As to the rest, I will let you use your imagination. So you can understand my distress when a male that calls himself a slave has the audacity to dare speak to me in anything other than complete respect. I refuse to "turn the other cheek" in that instance.

Of course, I am always free to move on. I have had no luck finding any "real" female subs on this website. I thought this would be the perfect atmosphere, safe, annonymous.  But all I have met are internet players. I admit to getting frustrated, and having to deal with disrespect adds insult to injury.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistressinwis

Even in this "venue" as you refer to it, I am a Domme, and as such, demand the respect of submissives. You don't have to respect me personally, because you don't know me, but you give respect to my station. It is the same as the President, you don't have to respect the man holding Office, but you have to respect the Office. By disrespecting the man, you disrespect the Office.

If you tell people you are a submissive, then I will expect you to act like one whether in the company of your "Sir" or not.

In my BDSM community, respect and protocol are the first thing a slave and sub are taught. Punishment for disrespect is swift, and carried out by the Dominant that the disrespect was toward, whether that Dom/Domme owns the sub or not. It is to teach respect for all, and get them out of the habit of only respecting their Owner.

Mistress A



You demand what you have failed to earn and you insist its your right to disrepect other D/M's by getting your kink fulfilled using there property. You need to learn some respect yourself.




ImpGrrl -> RE: where has all the respect gone? (7/3/2006 1:50:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistressinwis

Even in this "venue" as you refer to it, I am a Domme, and as such, demand the respect of submissives.


No one has the right to "demand" anything of anyone not in relationship with them.

quote:

You don't have to respect me personally, because you don't know me, but you give respect to my station. It is the same as the President, you don't have to respect the man holding Office, but you have to respect the Office. By disrespecting the man, you disrespect the Office.


Except that, to a great many people, there *is* no general "office".  D/s is a *relational* dynamic, not one that you carry out with anyone in your presence.  I honor your right to expect *your* s-types, and those of the social group you belong to, to "respect the office".  However, anyone else who doesn't agree with your rules?  Not so much.

quote:

If you tell people you are a submissive, then I will expect you to act like one whether in the company of your "Sir" or not.


How does "a submissive" act?  And what right does anyone have to *expect* anything of someone they're not in relationship with?  In my world?  None.

quote:

In my BDSM community, respect and protocol are the first thing a slave and sub are taught. Punishment for disrespect is swift, and carried out by the Dominant that the disrespect was toward, whether that Dom/Domme owns the sub or not.


And I'm sure that works fine for those that decides to stay in your bdsm community.  If it works for them, then go for it.  However, that's *your* social circle, made up of people who have agreed to those terms.  That's where your influence ends.

quote:

It is to teach respect for all, and get them out of the habit of only respecting their Owner.


I know quite a few people - d-types and s-types alike - that would be *less* likely to respect those exacting the punishment for "disrespect" - not more.





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