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Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 9:17:45 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Weight is a VERY touchy subject for me (as it is probably for most women). I don't list myself as a "BBW" because the term really means nothing (I saw a couple of women in a BBW group who probably were not even in double digit sizes) and I also believe that many people WON'T respond if you put that term into your profile... I don't hide it. I have several recent, full body photos so they know EXACTLY what I am... Also...from what I have heard from other women..you are almost inviting mean comments if you do that!

So..How many of you will respond to a profile where someone says outright "BBW" or "BHM (Big Hunky Man-I think)
Is weight/body size a deal breaker?
Do you want a Dom/me who is bigger than you or a sub who is tinier?
I always feel like I could potentially "break" some little guy or that I will just be a smartass, at least once, and mouth off with something like..."yeah, right...I would like to see you try to make me _______!"
Are there kinky activities that you wan

PLEASE!!! No.."if you dislike it, change it" replies...that is not what I am curious about! What can I say? I like to see inside other people's minds!

Post #: 1

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 9:26:55 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

BHM is Big Handsome Man.

Weight is a dealbreaker for me, but only if she's very seriously overweight. This preoccupation on each and every pound is ridiculous.

My sub weighs about 50 lbs less than I do, but she's got two inches in height.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 2

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 9:57:21 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

Obviously body image preferences are subjective. Personally, I prefer a woman with a full figure. Again, that is My subjective preference. I tend to lean toward full figured women that also have depth of heart, strength of mind and able to present herself as she is, inside and out; without looking back to those who think of her in a "less than way" due to her full figure image.

Surely, as I noted, body image preferences are personal. AND of course there is just something about a woman who is full figured, carries herself with class, and is strong enough to know her limits in her life, and chooses to live her life without apologizing for her voluptuous full figured body. For me, that gets and keeps My attention; which is not an easy task to accomplish.

Enough said!

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 3

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 9:59:11 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Gee, we have not had a fat thread in a while...I really missed one.

Again we have someone knocking what other women choose to call themselves. Bully for you.

It happens that I like the word BBW. I have used it forever, and have no lack of people writing me because of it. As for inviting mean comments, please. I have size 10 friends called fat online by the assholes who will call anyone fat who rejects them.

The term BBW started in the fashion world. I first heard it when I was plus size modeling. It means as much or as little as you let it. Am I everyone's type? Of course not. Is there something wrong with that? Hell no. People are allowed to have preferences of who they are attracted to, but not to put down what others use as descriptors.

I don't tell you how to describe yourself, so don't tell me or any other woman what to say. If you want to call yourself thick, fat, chunky, chubby, obese, overweight, big, fluffy, whatever, go right ahead. Just don't judge other women on what they choose.

As for whether size is a deal breaker? I prefer someone to be healthy, no matter what their size. Most importantly, I care whether someone is confident about their size. I have had Doms smaller and larger than me and their size had nothing to do with how they were with me.

Even questioning this displays a lack of confidence and to me, that tells you more about a person than anything else.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/25/2013 10:01:10 PM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 10:10:44 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

I never heard that term BHM before; I like it! I prefer bigger men. I have passed by profiles in which men have described their body type as "slender" and "slim". I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, just a strong personal preference. Even though I'm small I like a big man I can climb all over like my own personal jungle gym

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 5

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 10:22:37 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Honestly...I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong in their way of thinking or how they view themselves... Some of the questions/thoughts came from something I read on FetLife, others came from some personal feelings and recent comments...and some other thoughts come from getting older...

My curiosity comes from the fact that...people are a little more honest online. Like I said, I am REALLY sensitive to it to the point that I would say that one of my extreme limits (up there with peas) is making any comments about my weight.

There has been an ongoing lengthy conversation in one FL group where a lot of subs were saying that they get a lot of attention or offers to play/hookup but they feel that the men prefer to "hide" it or will not be seen with them in public (I thought that whole idea had gone the way of the "girls you have sex with and those you marry" )

Again... Red... I am not saying whether or not anyone SHOULD use the term...not whether they should/should not reference their size. I am not trying to get anyone to support or bash the whole "weight" thing...

Honestly...my question or thoughts may make you question my confidence level (& I am the first to admit that I am not the most confident person)...but your kneejerk, extreme reaction and sarcastic comments kind of tells me some stuff too!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 6

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 10:26:46 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I never heard that term BHM before; I like it! I prefer bigger men. I have passed by profiles in which men have described their body type as "slender" and "slim". I wouldn't call it a deal-breaker, just a strong personal preference. Even though I'm small I like a big man I can climb all over like my own personal jungle gym

Yeah..me too!! My preference is for husky, "cuddly" types. I usually pass over profiles where the guy is "slender" or "slim" unless he is really tall.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 7

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 10:48:54 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I didn't get the impression that you were criticizing people who chose to use the phrase 'BBW', just that you were explaining why you didn't like it for you. I don't like it for me either, though it's probably my own insecurities (I feel like using my body type and the word 'beautiful' together to describe myself feels somewhat defensive, but I understand some people find the term flattering/empowering etc). I also wouldn't like to be identified as 'short beautiful woman' or 'skinny beautiful woman'. Actually I'd rather not have a label about my body type at all but, hey, this is the world we live in.

As for size being a deal breaker in a partner - yes and no. It's not so much how the body looks (though I'd be a liar if I said attraction isn't important) as the lifestyle it may or may not imply. A person who is very overweight might have become that way due to sedentary interests and too much food. I've been there, I don't want to go back there. I've worked really hard to get to some type of fitness and still have a long way to go, so I wouldn't be compatible with someone that didn't make some efforts at a healthy lifestyle. I know - some overweight people are very healthy, some are overweight due to medical issues - but it's fair to say that most people who are overweight are that way because of lifestyle.

It's not that I'm unsympathetic - I'm still overweight, I've struggled with feeling unattractive, emotional eating etc etc. But I wouldn't chose it for a relationship. 20lbs over weight? Fine. Beer and a burger once a week? Sure. But yes there is a point where my interest would wane. At the same time, I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone with 6% body fat who spent hours in the gym, because I couldn't commit to his lifestyle either.

I don't know what it told you about the OP SexyRed, but she came off as very non-judgmental and thoughtful to me. I know this is an issue you feel strongly about but I think you overreacted to a harmless post.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 8

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 11:00:53 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I don't like insecurity complexes whether it is skinny ones, fat ones, itty bitty tiities etc. I met an awesome girl from new orleans that was self proclaimed as being "two tons of fun". She had appeal and flaunted it. Fat girls that have sex appeal and show it are just as sexy as anyone of any size. If she has some charm in her written profile, I don't care what letters she hand son her self identity. Sexy, passionate and charming are just as hot in any size.

Some physical compatibility to avoid breakage is a reasonable factor, especially for initial considerations. But I am big, like football player or something. I have my own breakage on the slave concerns . . . so I can empathize with Big Bertha and Franky the frail midget fall for each other.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 9

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 11:24:38 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Honestly...I am NOT saying anyone is right or wrong in their way of thinking or how they view themselves... Some of the questions/thoughts came from something I read on FetLife, others came from some personal feelings and recent comments...and some other thoughts come from getting older...

My curiosity comes from the fact that...people are a little more honest online. Like I said, I am REALLY sensitive to it to the point that I would say that one of my extreme limits (up there with peas) is making any comments about my weight.

There has been an ongoing lengthy conversation in one FL group where a lot of subs were saying that they get a lot of attention or offers to play/hookup but they feel that the men prefer to "hide" it or will not be seen with them in public (I thought that whole idea had gone the way of the "girls you have sex with and those you marry" )

Again... Red... I am not saying whether or not anyone SHOULD use the term...not whether they should/should not reference their size. I am not trying to get anyone to support or bash the whole "weight" thing...

Honestly...my question or thoughts may make you question my confidence level (& I am the first to admit that I am not the most confident person)...but your kneejerk, extreme reaction and sarcastic comments kind of tells me some stuff too!

My comments are not knee jerk or extreme nor are they the first time I have expressed them during these types of threads. So nothing new from me on this topic. You read a thread that men may like booty calls with fat chicks and this is shocking to you? They also have them with all sizes. So what? You are treated how you let others treat you.

You can search the Internet and real life and you will get as many different thoughts on men and their treatment of larger women as their treatment of thin women.

If you need validation for your insecurity, you will find in the FL groups or wherever.

Or you can work on your confidence and live your own life.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 10

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 11:35:12 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I didn't get the impression that you were criticizing people who chose to use the phrase 'BBW', just that you were explaining why you didn't like it for you. I don't like it for me either, though it's probably my own insecurities (I feel like using my body type and the word 'beautiful' together to describe myself feels somewhat defensive, but I understand some people find the term flattering/empowering etc). I also wouldn't like to be identified as 'short beautiful woman' or 'skinny beautiful woman'. Actually I'd rather not have a label about my body type at all but, hey, this is the world we live in.

As for size being a deal breaker in a partner - yes and no. It's not so much how the body looks (though I'd be a liar if I said attraction isn't important) as the lifestyle it may or may not imply. A person who is very overweight might have become that way due to sedentary interests and too much food. I've been there, I don't want to go back there. I've worked really hard to get to some type of fitness and still have a long way to go, so I wouldn't be compatible with someone that didn't make some efforts at a healthy lifestyle. I know - some overweight people are very healthy, some are overweight due to medical issues - but it's fair to say that most people who are overweight are that way because of lifestyle.

It's not that I'm unsympathetic - I'm still overweight, I've struggled with feeling unattractive, emotional eating etc etc. But I wouldn't chose it for a relationship. 20lbs over weight? Fine. Beer and a burger once a week? Sure. But yes there is a point where my interest would wane. At the same time, I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone with 6% body fat who spent hours in the gym, because I couldn't commit to his lifestyle either.

I don't know what it told you about the OP SexyRed, but she came off as very non-judgmental and thoughtful to me. I know this is an issue you feel strongly about but I think you overreacted to a harmless post.

Sorry Athena, I most definitely perceived a judgemental tone, no matter how "cute" it came out. I did not overreact, I reacted with the amount of explanation I thought this post warranted.

I am also an advocate of anti body shaming and when I hear someone discuss this, I have to jump in.

An interesting point: there never were blogs from big women back in the day. Now, there are tons from really smart, empowered confident young women who take back the body shaming that goes on in fashion and in life.

I admire these young women, whether they are soft spoken or militant about it.

There is an amazing online mag out there called www. volup2.com which shows beauty in all it's sizes in super fantastic photography and art and writing.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 11

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/25/2013 11:40:09 PM

TeaseAndSpankMe

Posts: 25
Joined: 4/14/2013
From: St. Pete/Tampa Bay Florida
Status: offline

Thank you for posting this and asking for feedback...as for myself, truly not sure where to 'throw myself in to the masses of size', but I tend to say I am more thick...or even curvy. I have a flat tummy, but have hips and thighs. Ever since I was growing up, and even in my college days.... ok, here's an example of what happened to me in college in NYC... I was living with my boyfriend & I worked at a popular retail store where a guy came up to me and said, "damn you're thick"...I was at the time between a size 3 or 5...my boyfriend told me what a huge compliment that was & that I have curves. So, me being closer to a size 10 today, yes, I can be a bit self conscious, but, I am very happy with that. Sure I'd like to be a size 8....a size 5/6...no, too skinny for me honestly, today. I eat healthy...no fast food & cook from scratch.

I think we are each attracted to what we are attracted to... for me, body/attraction/chemistry is a combined thing. I can't separate them. If a man is good looking, but brain dead communication wise...well, that will never go anywhere. No chemistry? Then Hell no. I have met various 'body' & 'mind' types.... "overly" in any one direction will not garner a second meeting. ;)

I will say that I have never had anyone walk away meeting in person...have been told I look better in person. I am my own worst critic. I think women in general are their own worst critic.

Keep in mind while some consider anyone above say a size 14 fat & obese, others deem that as healthy. I think a lot more men are accepting to females body size than we, as women are, of our very own bodies.

Still to this day, I am unsure how to 'properly' categorize myself. So, for now, I shall let it be as it shall be. :)

and by the way...this reply I found not nourishing or helpful to your post:

quote:

Even questioning this displays a lack of confidence and to me, that tells you more about a person than anything else.

yeah, pretty mean-spirited type comment & I do not know why. Hopefully, others will reply with more insight. ;)

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 1:08:49 AM

splatterpunk

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline

some fat people are hot and some aren't. some skinny people are hot and some aren't.

i've no problem with whatever euphemism people choose to use to describe themselves and i try to avoid fat-shaming people as much as possible.

that said, i do think that euphemisms like "big beautiful x" or "big hunky y" or whatever sound dorky as shit. i get why people use them though. i mean, there's so much damned stigma attached to just calling oneself/someone else "fat" that people want a non-judgmental way to express the concept. in a perfect world we'd eradicate the disease of fat shaming/body obsession rather than treating the symptoms (such as hurtful language) but this side of paradise we have to do what we can.

_____________________________

i'll be yr mentor
i'll mentor ya but good

(in reply to TeaseAndSpankMe)

Post #: 13

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 7:06:17 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline

I know this is going to sound like a cliché, because it is. For me it's personality that counts. As MasterSadist said, a person has sex appeal, style & panache whatever size they happen to be. It works in reverse as well, they can be right twonks!

The only proviso I would make is that if a persons weight, or lack of it, is proving to be injurious to that persons health then it has to be dealt with. Eg. The parents in England that allowed their ten year old daughter to become 24 stone need bloody shooting.

Medical issues aside. Be happy in the skin your in

.

Corrected for three grammar & spelling mistakes, what am I doing?

< Message edited by garyFLR -- 8/26/2013 7:09:31 AM >

(in reply to splatterpunk)

Post #: 14

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 7:11:27 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

4'8 to 6'
85# to over 250

It's all fun if the brain is hot.

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Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to garyFLR)

Post #: 15

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 7:36:26 AM

WebWanderer

Posts: 255
Joined: 5/20/2011
From: Fort Worth, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I also believe that many people WON'T respond if you put that term [BBW] into your profile...

I am one of those people. Before the lynch mob gets me, let me explain: I don't hate or dislike overweight people - it's just that there's no sexual attraction, and that's all there is to it. Granted, my background is quite different: I moved here from a country most of you know very little about. Back home, there was no fast food and a lot of exercise (at least for the younger crowd). As a result, when I grew up, my peers were all slim and athletic (a few went on to become models later on) and that was the body image I'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

Old habits are really hard to change. I've met plenty of intelligent, kinky BBWs but that spark, that vital element of attraction was never there. I realize that my point of view on this issue is in minority (as always) but I figured I'd provide another perspective lest this turn into a black-and-white haters-vs-lovers bar fight.

*awaits the pitchfork committee*

_____________________________

Author of Introduction to Self-Bondage and Nine Tales of Submission - now available on Kindle! :)

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 16

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 7:59:47 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WebWanderer

*awaits the pitchfork committee*

I've said this many times, but I firmly believe every person has the right to use whatever criteria they like to pick a partner. Nothing wrong with not being attracted to bigger women.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to WebWanderer)

Post #: 17

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 8:07:24 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

Weight is an issue for me. If a lady looks like she's so thin she's about to fall through her asshole, it's a deal-breaker.

I want to take a lady out for a meal because I'd like to have some nice, relaxing time to talk to her and get to know her; NOT because I'm afraid she might starve if I don't take her out for a meal.

As far as the BBW acronym; I find it to be a double edged sword. It used to mean: Delta Burke or Anna Nicole or Kirsty Ally. To me, it still does but the term has become so over-used and corrupted that a lot of times, I believe it should stand for (B)ig (B)lue (W)hale.

Peace,

Jonah

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 18

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 10:22:40 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline

Whatever happened to the term 'Rubenesque'?

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 19

RE: Weighty Titles and Thoughts - 8/26/2013 11:03:52 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

Rubens never had any money, according to the stories I've heard. He was Baroque.

Peace,

Vinny Van Gogh

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to garyFLR)

Post #: 20

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