RE: Scared, confused, and in need of advice.

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RE: Scared, confused, and in need of advice. - 8/30/2013 1:17:52 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Legal right vrs M/s right. We could do a whole long thing on that and which takes precedence *if* a person wants to end a dynamic.

I am, of course, talking more about M/s right. But that's not what I was really referring to in these two couples cases. In both cases I was convinced that the "right" had actually been removed in an internal rewiring sort of way. That made me satisfied with the self-description of "I don't have the right to leave" or "I cannot leave". Don't get me wrong, the vast majority of "cannot leave" folks make me laugh. These two instances surprised me and forced me to revise my viewpoints.

edited to tie this back to the important point
And while many such checklists would consider that "a red flag for abuse" the bottom line is that both of these couples were healthy, happy, well-adjusted people. Hell, I tick off many items on such checklists looking at my own marriage and the idea that I'm abusive to Carol is beyond ridiculous. But the OP doesn't sound very happy or healthy or well-adjusted. It sounds like things are kind of crappy. Context changes everything.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/30/2013 1:21:02 AM >

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RE: Scared, confused, and in need of advice. - 8/30/2013 1:44:29 AM

LadyPact

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In regard to your assessment of the OP's happiness, (or lack thereof) I'd probably have to agree with you. I think it's highly unlikely that the OP was thrilled with the person's dishonesty. That's enough to kill a relationship and/or dynamic right there.

Yes, context is everything.

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