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RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/29/2013 11:06:34 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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You've gotten a variety of advice on this thread.

I think your eyes are adorable.

You need to do a little soul searching. Are you interested in female domination because you seek a "female led" relationship, or are you into bondage, S&M, kinky sex - or all of this combined?

Do you have fetishes?

Are you shy or have social anxiety, and need a relationship where a woman will make the first move?

Be careful not to interpret too much fantasy online as how real life "works."

I'm happy to answer any questions about BDSM in private.

Akasha

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(in reply to plutaro)

Post #: 21

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/29/2013 11:29:12 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

As is pretty much always true, I heartily endorse Athena's post. I'd recommend the OP read it until he memorized it. This particular bit resonated with my own initial experiences...

I understand you want a reference point because you don't have much experience with people who do BDSM or D/s.
Yup, I needed some sense of order out of chaos when I first started in on all this too and so I grasped at the same sort of simplistic labels and concepts. So don't feel bad OP... I was quite a bit older and more experienced than you and I made the same mistake. But the truth is, just as Athena said, there are no cookie cutter answers. Let's use the whole "awe" thing as an example. Your website gave you one view on "awe". Here's my view:

Carol is occasionally awed by something I do but then again, she awes me not infrequently also. That has nothing to do with dominance and submission. It has to do with having an awesome partner. Just as Athena said, Carol and I both love and respect and trust each other a great deal. Again, that has nothing to do with D/s. I picked a partner who was worthy of respect and worthy of trust and fell in love with her. That's what she did too.

Here's another more subtle difference in that "awe" thing. Your website was looking at a different form of BDSM than I deal in. In fact, I consider that form "the fantasy version". That, by the way, doesn't make it true. It just means my viewpoint varies SO FAR from theirs that I cannot in any way grasp it as reasonable. Again, I'm expressing different viewpoints not "right" & "wrong". But for me, any construct like, "The sub is supposed to be in awe of the domme" is directly in fantasy land for me. What we're talking about there is hypothetical roles and hypothetical rules. It's smoke & mirrors through and through. Who cares what is "supposed" to be? I want to know what IS. And in reality nobody is awed by anyone unless they find the person awesome. Anything else is a shabby facade. So if you want to be awed by your domme then find yourself an awesome one. Then the awe will be genuine, authentic, and happen all by itself without the need for "shoulds".

One last point... my own entrance into all this was recent enough that I remember the journey. I'll offer you this bit of accumulated wisdom. For the most part my observation of BDSM in the real world bears little resemblance to what I read about BDSM online. That is true even here on the discussion side of collarme and I consider this a very good quality discussion board for BDSM (although I agree it's pretty vanilla). I'd recommend sticking to here and carefully selected groups on FetLife and pretty much ignoring any other random meanderings you run across. Most of them are entirely made up garbage. Even here... take things with several grains of salt. Even those of us who try hard to portray our actual reality find it hard to do so in short text blocks... or giant rambling walls o' text in my case :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 22

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 12:03:35 AM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro
my eyebags are my feature i am most proud of i think its tells alot about who i am to everyone, i dont know anyone else that likes them but i think their cute. I wish i had pale, white ghostly skin like a milk bottle it just looks so innocent and fragile. But i just want to know why do i get so many doms that are old guys looking at my profile be honest tellme why i get so many looking at me. I get a few dom girls looking at me but they never say anything. Tell it to me straight

For the record, I like your eyes and your style.

It looks like you deleted your old profile text, so I can't comment on what it said. If you joined yesterday and didn't have a prior cm account, it's a little early to be complaining that dommes aren't contacting you. But you should know, there are many more male submissives here than female dominants, which means that the competition is pretty stiff for those dominants' attention. The fact that you're not getting messages doesn't necessarily reflect on you.

These forums are a good place to hang out and learn. Welcome.

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(in reply to plutaro)

Post #: 23

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 1:46:05 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

One last point... my own entrance into all this was recent enough that I remember the journey. I'll offer you this bit of accumulated wisdom. For the most part my observation of BDSM in the real world bears little resemblance to what I read about BDSM online. That is true even here on the discussion side of collarme and I consider this a very good quality discussion board for BDSM (although I agree it's pretty vanilla). I'd recommend sticking to here and carefully selected groups on FetLife and pretty much ignoring any other random meanderings you run across. Most of them are entirely made up garbage. Even here... take things with several grains of salt. Even those of us who try hard to portray our actual reality find it hard to do so in short text blocks... or giant rambling walls o' text in my case :)

Yes, always take things here and on other discussion boards with a grain of salt. We are presenting you with our own versions of the truth. The beauty and the limitation of internet discussion comes from the fact we can decide which bits to tell, which bits to hide, which bits to exaggerate or invent entirely. No matter how well someone comes across, until you get to know them in the flesh it's entirely possible they're just spouting convincing bullshit.

The benefit of a discussion forum though, is that at least you are getting lots of differing opinions and versions of the truth. A web page is generally written by one person, or a small number of people with the same agenda. At least here you are hearing more sides to every argument and can weigh up your own thoughts.

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 24

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 2:04:43 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
The benefit of a discussion forum though, is that at least you are getting lots of differing opinions and versions of the truth. A web page is generally written by one person, or a small number of people with the same agenda. At least here you are hearing more sides to every argument and can weigh up your own thoughts.

*nods* And honestly it isn't usually that hard to pick out the real couples portraying something more or less accurately. Reality has a certain grittiness to it and it's unruly and fails to conform to nice neat little boxes. For this very reason I try to air at least bits of my dirty laundry.

sort of tangent
And on that note, for those who have picked up my comments about dynamic issues between Carol and I... turns out to all be a freakin communication error with no substance underneath it. So yeah... near 20 years into a tight relationship and shit still goes wrong and in stupid ways :)

THAT, in my opinion, is what a real relationship sounds like.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 8/30/2013 2:05:03 AM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 25

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 2:08:24 AM

plutaro

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/28/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Seriously? You're all about your eyebags b/c you have pale skin?

Well golly gee welcome to the wonderful world of the discussion board. You can learn a lot here, but we can't give you self esteem you don't have.

The only people interested in those with no self esteem are predators.

Got that? Stop making yourself the victim. You're 22 years old, and you don't appear to have much joy in life or in yourself. Go to the library and find some self help books and start fixing that. Being an emotionally whole person capable of finding joy is your best bet for finding someone who will treat you well.

(BTW Athena you finally have cmail.)

No i think pale skin is attractive it even used to be that way back in along time ago and royalty would try to cover their self's up in the sun to try to remain as pale as possible i think pale skin is beautiful and to rare amongst caucasians as at least in my part of the country alot of people try to be as tanned as possible. And i am naive but i have learned from it now i was just to trusting.
Well my friend is better with computers than me and he could somehow track if images of people were some where else, he is really loyal and he really looks out for me if it was not for my friend that creep would have gotten alot more out of me.
I am glad all you guys seem to really look out for me to try to guide me and protect me. I do have problems it is true but if i listed them i think people would take even more advantage of me, this site really made me feel better about myself so i want to stay here.
It will take along time but i am really trying to read up on everything and when i am ready and think i have a clear understanding of it all i will re do my profile.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 26

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 3:17:16 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

Plenty of great advice here. You're a good-looking guy, you like animals, and if I wasn't twice your age, solely a ProDomme, and in the wrong country I might be interested :D But be prepared for this to take time ... a long time. Don't rush to find someone, as that is how you make mistakes.

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(in reply to plutaro)

Post #: 27

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 3:22:03 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Just for the record, I think you're gorgeous. But you know gorgeous and low self esteem really attracts the predators. I'm glad you have a friend to help out.

You're in GB, where BDSM groups abound. Find a munch and see if your friend will go with you. You have a much better chance of success if you deal in real time. Wading through the online 'dommes' is not an easy job, there are too many predators and scammers and people pretending to be what they are not.

And I am so glad you decided to stick around. This message board sometimes gets a bad rap with newbies, but actually we can be kind and gentle and patient -- that is providing you don't come across as an asshat. You didn't.

I vote we keep him !!

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 8/30/2013 3:43:19 AM >

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(in reply to plutaro)

Post #: 28

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 3:37:40 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I vote we keep him !!

Oh yay! We're voting already?

Yeah, I'm on board with keeping him :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 29

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/30/2013 7:45:39 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro

my eyebags are my feature i am most proud of i think its tells alot about who i am to everyone, i dont know anyone else that likes them but i think their cute. I wish i had pale, white ghostly skin like a milk bottle it just looks so innocent and fragile. But i just want to know why do i get so many doms that are old guys looking at my profile be honest tellme why i get so many looking at me. I get a few dom girls looking at me but they never say anything. Tell it to me straight

I used to think my eyebags were the shit, but then (years ago) I bought a Pinto Station Wagon (stick...it was the early 80's) and I looked at that Pinto Wagon one day (having not slept well for a while...may not have been a fair comparison), in the sun (I'd recently waxed it), and it glowed.

Almost as if the sun shown in its presence. Like a gawdamned beacon.

I digress......

We didn't have digital camera's then...anything I may have seen could only be discerned a week or 10 days later (longer if I used a long lense or an F stop that caused light to bend irregularly)....because well....we had to send out.....

Yeah.....anyway.....

So there ya go.....

(in reply to plutaro)

Post #: 30

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 8/31/2013 4:13:52 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

The female Dom's are called Domme's or Mistresses.

Except, of course, for those of them and us who don't care for those words. I know nearly as many dominant women who go by "sir" and "master" as those who use the terms "domme" (which is a silly, made up, faux french word) and "mistress" (which many dislike because of the vanilla connotation of a woman with whom a married man commits adultery).

To the OP: Why do you care who looks at your profile? You put it online for all the world to see.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 8/31/2013 4:15:09 PM >

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)

Post #: 31

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 9/2/2013 3:54:04 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

quote:

The female Dom's are called Domme's or Mistresses.

Except, of course, for those of them and us who don't care for those words. I know nearly as many dominant women who go by "sir" and "master" as those who use the terms "domme" (which is a silly, made up, faux french word) and "mistress" (which many dislike because of the vanilla connotation of a woman with whom a married man commits adultery).

To the OP: Why do you care who looks at your profile? You put it online for all the world to see.

Yeah, I'm a dominant person, so I am a "dom". I am not less of a dominant person than a male by reason of having a vagina so I do not need a diminutive form of the word applied to me.

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(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 32

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 9/3/2013 2:03:59 PM

asanaambitions

Posts: 62
Joined: 8/26/2013
Status: offline

I was going to respond until I saw the OP has deleted his profile. Guess he decided not to stick around after all.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 33

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 9/7/2013 11:56:15 AM

MsGypsey

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline

I was going to take a look at these glorious 'eyebags' but couldn't really see them on those odd profile pictures, so I can't really judge.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 34

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 9/7/2013 7:16:43 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rasciallymisty

The female Dom's are called Domme's or Mistresses.

First, get your grammar right. Secondly, get your facts right. Some ladies do prefer "Dom" to "Domme" because some seem to think that "Domme" is akin to an affectation. Where I come from, we simply call them "women".

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(in reply to Rasciallymisty)

Post #: 35

RE: does anyone like eyebags - 9/9/2013 2:22:00 AM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: plutaro
my eyebags are my feature i am most proud of i think its tells alot about who i am to everyone,

I have generally dark circles under my eyes and perhaps some "eye bags" and no, I'm not particularly proud of them and wish it wasn't so. That all being said women don't seem to find an issue with my horrendously disfigured eye bags. I suspect it's the giant beak nose they can't get past :)

Damn. I went and looked on your profile and there wasn't a SINGLE picture of your giant beak nose and I have a HUGE fetish for giant beak noses.

=(

Especially the really... beaky ones.

You know. Like. (vague finger claw motions) BEAKY.

Uh, I guess my point is, there's someone out there for everyone. OP, if you don't feel like you're getting the replies you want, try sending out messages yourself? Hang out on the forums and make a name for yourself. Join FL and get to know the local community. These things take time. I've been looking for YEARS now, though I've had a few positive leads and made some friends there really aren't a lot of sub guys or bi sub ladies in my neighborhood. Kink sure isn't a one way ticket to an easy date. If I wanted that, I'd have said yes to vampire dude who tried to pick me up in McDonalds. He was pretty hot. But because I want a particular sort of relationship, I'm being patient and discriminating.

BDSM isn't a faster way to love. We're all here because we're in some way or another freaks who don't get enough from vanilla relationships and we wanted something MORE. It's way easier to get a vanilla date. But, surprisingly enough, dominant women are still women, and most appreciate the same courtesy. Nothing tops talking to real people to learn about how things work on this part of the internet. So hang out, chat on the forums and you'll get to know how to 'do it right', as it were.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 36

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