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How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:31:56 PM

Sissywhore21

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/20/2013
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Im sure theres been a topic like this before but here I go. Recently ive been wanting to reveal my interest of femdom and bondage to my gf but im not really sure how to reveal it and/or hint it without freaking her out if she isn't ok with it. Any advise is much appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:35:56 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
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Just talk to her.
Ask her if there is anything she enjoys that isn't considered the norm.

Start simple, ask her if she has any interest in tying you up.

Honesty always works.

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

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RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:49:14 PM

LadyPact

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http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/product-reviews/1890159239

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Post #: 3

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:51:21 PM

OsideGirl

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I second the book.

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Post #: 4

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:53:56 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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It really depends on what it is that you want to introduce her too. Even vanilla folks are usually open to a bit of light bondage or handcuffs. It makes them feel like they have a wild and kinky side. So getting her to do that probably won't be very hard.

I've also found over the years that if I ask a vanilla woman "What if you could get me to do WHATEVER you wanted me to do, would you like that?" They usually say, "Anything?", and I say "Yes, anything". Then their eyes usually light up, and they say "Hell yeah!" From their, it is pretty easy to suggest a topping game in the bedroom. Just say that you want to play a little game where you become her "love slave" for a night. Tell her that while you're her "love slave", you will do anything she says, no matter what it is. She may say that she wants you to spend the evening watching movies on Lifetime with her. But no matter what she asks, do it. Don't be selfish. Make it all about her. Make it enjoyable for her. Once she gets a taste of it, she'll probably say that she enjoys it and want to do it again. That is a great way to open up the conversation to other D/s "games" that you can play.

Just walk carefully. Don't scare her on the first try. For example, don't ask her to dress you up as a french maid and fuck you up the ass with a broom handle on the first night. That may scare her off permanently. Instead, focus on things like doing the dishes, cooking for her, giving her massages, and whatever else she may ask you to do. It probably won't be very kinky, but it will open the door to slowly add kink into the equation.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to Sissywhore21)

Post #: 5

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:55:22 PM

Kana

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Leave a pair of handcuffs hanging from the bedpost

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Post #: 6

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 1:56:02 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

For example, don't ask her to dress you up as a french maid and fuck you up the ass with a broom handle on the first night.

I knew you were one of those fuckin sappy romantics at heart, Roch, I knew it.

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Post #: 7

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 2:17:19 PM

xxblushesxx

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From: Kentucky
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Ask her if you can borrow her favorite panties...

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Post #: 8

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 2:39:36 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Leave a pair of handcuffs hanging from the bedpost

This

Not only will you find out if she's into it, you will find out what side she wants to play for.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/30/2013 2:40:20 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 2:45:39 PM

splatterpunk

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline

you should say "hey yo, i've got these kinks."

then explain what your kinks are.

everything else is some bullshit, yo.

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Post #: 10

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 8:08:08 PM

LookieNoNookie

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Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sissywhore21

Im sure theres been a topic like this before but here I go. Recently ive been wanting to reveal my interest of femdom and bondage to my gf but im not really sure how to reveal it and/or hint it without freaking her out if she isn't ok with it. Any advise is much appreciated.

SW....(gently) tell her....(I know you're seeking so, I'll be kind)....tell her. Carefully.

If she balks....run.

< (moi) 55....old enough to know better....this ain't about cutting and running....it's about your health...mental and other....

If it ain't there....trying to make it so won't change the facts.

Go where you can find peace. Find that....love will follow.

Go where you can find magic/beautiful awakenings/glorious sunrises....go where you can fill your heart.

And.....go NOWHERE else.

Find that girl.

(in reply to Sissywhore21)

Post #: 11

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/30/2013 11:56:59 PM

SomethingCatchy

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Joined: 7/29/2008
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I agree with Roch, but be aware that it might not be Lifetime movies or foot rubs. She might be equally as shy about talking, and you might open a can of worms.

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Post #: 12

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 12:27:52 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey,

If you're sincere about your relationship with your g/f. Can I gently suggest that you amend your profile?

I think the first thing you need to do is ask yourself how she'd feel if she learned that you're actively seeking.

Then, yep, you need to have a talk with her, and at the end of the day if she can't provide you with what you feel you need, no matter how well you might click in other domains, this is going to be a problem for the relationship.

I'd say you should ponder over the posts here, esp Rochsub's and LookieNoNookie's.

Good luck

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Sissywhore21)

Post #: 13

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 6:16:08 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

First has she read 50 shades of grey? if she has and liked it, then she is a little open minded about it all.If she has not well even if she has, bring up the bondage part in a light hearted conversation and see her reaction. Good or bad maybe even say to her that you would not mind being tied up and run with it. She will probably mention during sex etc but you could mention yea during sex and maybe some other times. I'm just interested to see how it feels etc.

I would not mention the wanting to wear women clothing/underwear just yet though.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 14

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 6:29:48 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Before you do anything else, develop some integrity. Your profile does not mention anywhere that you're in a relationship. it just say you want to play online. So you'd be cheating on your gf, and playing online with someone who doesn't know you're involved.

Kudos for trying to work it into your current relationship.

This isn't only about you and your kinks. She could have some as well. Sit down with her for an hour or so, and open with telling her that you'd like to spice up the relationship. Ask her about her kinks while you're telling her about yours. If you're incredibly lucky, she'll be a closet Domme. More likely, she'll either be a vanilla or a closet sub. In each case, could you work something out so you get your kink met while she gets hers as well?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 15

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 11:27:47 AM

TNDommeK

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Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Ha! I'm now imagining a guy with a hard on, sitting on couch with gf, watching the Notebook. He's pissed, she has a huge smile.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 12:24:28 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

Just tell her, then she can break up with you and both of you can get
on with your lives.

< Message edited by Winterapple -- 8/31/2013 12:25:54 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 8/31/2013 3:38:02 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

If she's not into it, she's not into it. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody you can't show your real self to? Tell her. If she freaks out and dumps you, join your local BDSM community and meet people who ARE into kink.

(in reply to Sissywhore21)

Post #: 18

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 9/1/2013 10:18:52 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sissywhore21
Im sure theres been a topic like this before but here I go. Recently ive been wanting to reveal my interest of femdom and bondage to my gf but im not really sure how to reveal it and/or hint it without freaking her out if she isn't ok with it. Any advise is much appreciated.

OK, I know topics of our own sexuality cut deep. But even so, my general rule is that if I can't talk about sex with a woman I probably shouldn't be fucking her either. So I like the "Just talk to her" line coupled with the "Go slow and don't dump her in the deep end of the pool from the get go."

As others have noted, when we say "just talk to her" there is an implied "and listen to her" in there also. This is not just about you and whatever she says back might conflict with your desires (for instance, what if she fantasizes about sub).

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Sissywhore21)

Post #: 19

RE: How do i reveal my kinks to my gf - 9/2/2013 9:36:18 AM

albanysissy

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2013
Status: offline

This is an interesting topic . I have been married for a long time Our sex life has always been boaring . Iv always hidden the fact that I am submissive and like to wear some of her clothes . I have always wanted her to just make me her slave . Ive never cheated on her . I have on occasion over the yrs taken her panty hose and worn them under my jeans . I love the feeling of them . Im really yearning to be dominated and I cant get myself to tell her really I tried once a month ago but she said its to much to process for her and that was the last I heard about it . Its not easy . If i ever told her and she hated me for it what would I do . I think there are some good ideas on here

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 20

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