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Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:36:24 PM

VirginSub830

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible

Post #: 1

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:38:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginSub830

Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible

You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc.....

By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to VirginSub830)

Post #: 2

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:39:24 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

There's a good reading list at the top of this forum.

I would also recommend attending events and lectures in your local community. Possibly even finding yourself a female submissive mentor from your local community.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to VirginSub830)

Post #: 3

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:53:35 PM

VirginSub830

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

Maybe I said that wrong I'm not a virgin because I can't get a "vanilla" date but because the thought of having vanilla relationships is not appealing to me. And I do hang out and party and work and go to school I out am trying to explore something that excites me and that just happens to be this lifestyle. I hope that made it clearer.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:55:15 PM

splatterpunk

Posts: 119
Joined: 7/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginSub830

Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible

You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc.....

By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

yeah basically this. and for the love of god, abolish notions of "the lifestyle" and "the scene" from your mind.

_____________________________

i'll be yr mentor
i'll mentor ya but good

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 2:56:17 PM

Sheela22

Posts: 199
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginSub830

Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible

You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc.....

By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

_____________________________

I type from my IPad.. please excuse my typos

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 3:00:50 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quit thinking in "vanilla" and "bdsm" and "lifestyle" ways. Just find a guy who turns you on, who you find hot and fuck him. No one said it has to be a relationship or anything else more than just a fuck unless you're one of these girls who thinks your first time has to be special.

If that's the case then you will just have to wait it out until you find a guy who fits the bill. That's no different than any other person on the planet be it bdsm or vanilla.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Sheela22)

Post #: 7

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 3:00:54 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Try the reading list. Seriously, and have fun.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Sheela22)

Post #: 8

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 6:45:38 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Why shouldn't she find a bdsm type relationship if that is what turns her on. Just because she's 18 doesn't mean that she doesn't know what turns her on.

HOWEVER, be smart about it. Meet real people, ask questions, read a lot. Basically do whatever other 18 year olds do when dating but smarter.

. And I add that because I wasn't very smart at 18. Just be aware that at 18 you probably aren't going to find the man you want to settle down with for the rest of your life, don't take it too seriously, and don't screw up the rest of your life by sluffing off the important stuff ie. school, family, friends.
Read up the signs of an abusive relationship and avoid people that show those traits.
To the inexperienced, the beginnings of an abusive relationship can seem to be an ideal bdsm relationship - eg dominant male, controlling your behavior.

Good luck and I wish that I knew at 18 that I was submissive.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 9

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/30/2013 7:04:53 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

What great attitude you have. I hope your entry into the world of BDSM is as fulfilling as mine was at your age.

My sincere advice is that you already have it licked. Your attitude, self awareness and willingness to learn is all you'll ever need to get through most anything. Don't let your experiences good or bad jade you and don't let curmudgeons sway you from eagerly forging ahead.

Best wishes, the world is an adventure waiting for you to happen.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to VirginSub830)

Post #: 10

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 3:52:35 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

~FR~

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc.....

By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

I couldn't disagree with this more. When I was 18, hell when I was a lot younger than that, I had no doubt that BDSM was what I was interested in, although I had no idea what it was called or that other people liked it. If I had had the resources 40 years ago that the OP has now, I would probably never wasted my time in vanilla relationships.

My advice to the OP is to find your local BDSM community, take your time, learn what it's all about and what it really means to you and NEVER, ever buy into anybody's bullshit about "REAL BDSM", or let anybody rush you into anything you don't want or don't feel like you're ready for.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 4:08:48 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I just don't see the differences between bdsm and vanilla relationships that so many others seem to see. So imo, she should just go out and experiment, enjoy her life and just not worry so much. She's just way too young to be worrying about such stuff. At 18 you're still trying to figure out who the hell you are.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 12

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 6:42:17 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello OP!

So you've had some conflicting advice, from some awesome posters.
Littlewonder's advice is superb... first, (and I'm not doubting your maturity or your attitude - both of which seem tickety boo) lw is making two points, the point that, relatively, you're inexperienced and the point that pretty much all of the tips you'd give to a vanilla person about finding a relationship also apply to kinky relationships.

RS also makes a fucking excellent point... if you know you want ds then go for it! Now, I will say that it is a load less risky for a tough gnarly (I've no doubt rs has looked like his avatar since birth) 18 year old sadist to dive into kink than an 18 year old sub fem. That shouldn't stop you though.

The two sets of advice aren't that incompatible.

Yep, I think you should go for kink... but keep a level head. Your age means you'll be really popular with lots and lots of dudes..you will probably be deluged with attention. Don't let it go to your head, or turn you off... the right partner is out there.

I would definitely say you should look at the reading list. Do a search for "sub frenzy" on here (I'm not saying I think you have sub frenzy but you should know the symptoms!)

Bear in mind that kink can place you in sketchy and sometime fucking dangerous situations - and as a woman you do need to be careful. A simple rule is that if either your head or your heart ever say "danger" you should listen.

The key is for you to decide up front what kind of relationship you want and go for it. Of course your idea of an ideal relationship will evolve, and sure you'll have to make compromises.

But the key is... whatever your role in the relationship (sub or dom) you have an equal right to fulfillment. Don't sacrifice your happiness, fulfillment or personal growth for anyone - ever.

Good luck and enjoy your adventure!

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 13

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 7:16:52 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Don't rush anything. Find a local munch, meet people, see how real D/s relationships work (a lot of what you see online or in erotica is bullshit). Read some books. Think about what appeals to you, what you're curious about, what you don't want to do. Don't commit to anyone right away.

When you find someone you want to be with, start out by treating it just like vanilla dating. Go out to dinner, go to the movies, get to know each other. If the relationship is going to work, you have to compatible in more than just your kinks.

And like I said, don't rush into anything. Don't submit to someone right away, and don't do things you aren't comfortable with. If you want to take your time before having sex, just be straight with the guy (or girl) about it.

Have fun!

(in reply to VirginSub830)

Post #: 14

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 7:30:34 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle

~FR~

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc.....

By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

I couldn't disagree with this more. When I was 18, hell when I was a lot younger than that, I had no doubt that BDSM was what I was interested in, although I had no idea what it was called or that other people liked it. If I had had the resources 40 years ago that the OP has now, I would probably never wasted my time in vanilla relationships.

My advice to the OP is to find your local BDSM community, take your time, learn what it's all about and what it really means to you and NEVER, ever buy into anybody's bullshit about "REAL BDSM", or let anybody rush you into anything you don't want or don't feel like you're ready for.

Totally agree. I've known that I wanted "this", for some value of "this", since I hit puberty (possibly earlier). It just took me until my mid-twenties to understand that I could do the things I fantasized about in real life in a healthy, loving way with a healthy, normal person. If she's figured it out already and is taking constructive steps towards it, all power to her.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 15

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 7:49:43 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I do agree with going to munches and play parties.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to graceadieu)

Post #: 16

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 8/31/2013 11:28:00 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Honestly? I fell madly in love for the first time at 19 and I already knew I was into this stuff, without having a lot of experience. My love was 24 and I suggested we try D/s and it was fantastic.

I experienced sex, BDSM, and first time mad love all at once.

Ah.....memories.

So it can be done, OP.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 17

RE: Inexperienced but eager - 9/2/2013 3:19:26 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I just don't see the differences between bdsm and vanilla relationships that so many others seem to see. So imo, she should just go out and experiment, enjoy her life and just not worry so much. She's just way too young to be worrying about such stuff. At 18 you're still trying to figure out who the hell you are.

The only difference between BDSM and vanilla relationships is the presence of BDSM. If the OP already knows, as I would have had I had the resources she has when I was her age, that she does not want a relationship without BDSM present, then there's no point in her engaging in relationships without it.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 18

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