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Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:16:34 AM   
Protector32


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/22/2013
Status: offline 		I have posted an journal entry on my page if you'd like to read it.
Thanks


< Message edited by Protector32 -- 9/2/2013 11:25:20 AM >
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:21:43 AM   
smartsub10


Posts: 865
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		I'm curious why you felt you needed to post this.

I would understand if a newbie asked how she/he might keep herself/himself safe when meeting someone new. But, no one did.

Just wonderin'.

_____________________________

Beauty fades...stupid is forever
~ Judge Judith Scheindlin
____________________________________________

“Be that self which one truly is" ~Soren Kierkegaard

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:22:29 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I know you meant well, but really the forums are for interactive discussion vs a wall of text lecture that invites no discourse.

I'll also add that there are things that you say should be done that would either eliminate a good person or hive credence to a bad one.

ie: I don't know a lot of people that would give a copy of their drivers license to a stranger and references are too easily faked.

There is no one true way to find what you're looking for and really the answer to the whole thing is "Use common sense".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:28:34 AM   
Protector32


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/22/2013
Status: offline 		I find your question both odd and disturbing. Did you read the post? Maybe it's because I have been exposed to far too many horror stories of female submissives being seriously hurt. That in itself is reason enough. I made it clear that we all have our opinions on safety procedures.
As far as your comment on 'nobody asked you'.
Seriously?
In any case I have removed the post.

(in reply to smartsub10)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:30:34 AM   
Protector32


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/22/2013
Status: offline 		As I said in the post, since removed, you have a right to your opinion. You say some of the suggestions would eliminate a good person. So apparently according to you one should be ok with being tied up helpless by someone they do not know and have no way of identifying if something goes bad?
Yeah ok.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 11:37:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Protector32
. So apparently according to you one should be ok with being tied up helpless by someone they do not know and have no way of identifying if something goes bad?
Yeah ok.



According to me you shouldn't be tied up and helpless by someone you don't know and have no way of identifying. If you need to copy someone's ID to attain that, my view is that you shouldn't be having sex or playing with that person. (If you'd bothered to actually read the forums before posting a "one true way" lecture, you probably would have figured that out)

My philosophy has always been don't play, or have sex on the first meeting or date. My view has always been date, figure out if you actually like that person....then have kinky, wonderful sex.



So, nice try to bash me, but it was a fail.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 12:25:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 1:36:55 PM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline 		Not a newbie but I read your journal....I have played successfully many times on a first meet....

I met a Dom on the net...he came to my home and we played...several months later he came again and spent two weeks with me...then several month later we wound up living together. We are still very close friends as a matter of fact he gave my daughter away at her wedding. No safe calls, no sending an ID to anyone.

After speaking to a Dom for years, we finally decided to meet, I flew to his home state, he picked me up at the airport and we spent four days in my motel room (he had roommates thus the reason for a motel). My closest vanilla friends had my room number and local of the motel and I did call to say my plane landed safely and we did text back and forth with me saying how things were going. Again no ID sent to anyone.

And then there was one time, I traveled 5 hours to meet a Dom and spent a week at his house. Again the same way, I let my friends know I had arrived, they had the house phone number and address...but no safe calls...and in no case did I get a reference.


I see NO point in a reference. I won't give one if asked...nor will I ask for one. It's like a job reference---are you going to really list the employer you called a dick head because he wrote you up for coming in late nearly every day....of course not....you are going to use the employer who is also your best friend that you have drinks with on Friday night. Also just a FYI, John Edward Robinson, Internet Slave Master from Kansas City had lots of references from his pals in a chat room. He murdered his 'slaves' and dumped their bodies in acid. True story.

Honestly, I would be most leery of a married man who was on a site like CM, seeking a slave; especially if his profile mentions nothing of his wife other than he is married.

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 3:09:29 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		meh. I've played with men I've talked to for 5 minutes online. I'm still alive. My experience is that too many people are way too paranoid. Most people are completely harmless.

Then again, I used to leave bars with complete strangers too and never even knew their names or anything else about them except they were hot.

I think the dangers are overestimated. I'm not saying don't play it safe. If you're not comfortable fucking or playing with someone you have never met then don't. But let's not keep the myth going that everyone in the world is out to kill you.

Most people just wanna get laid.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 3:39:03 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Protector32

I find your question both odd and disturbing. Did you read the post? Maybe it's because I have been exposed to far too many horror stories of female submissives being seriously hurt. That in itself is reason enough. I made it clear that we all have our opinions on safety procedures.
As far as your comment on 'nobody asked you'.
Seriously?
In any case I have removed the post.


I read enough of your most recent journal post to see that it was about rimming. What has that to do with the safety of submissive women?

My experience has been that among the most pernicious of sexual predators in the BDSM world are those who proclaim that their motivation is to "protect" the poor, innocent newbies, but only those newbies of the type that they themselves are sexually interested in.

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 3:44:14 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		littlewonder, you gotta give him some leeway here, at least for being concerned. It was on another thread that you & Kana were both talking about the dangers of sex with strangers or people you don't know very well. Now here, you're saying, meh, no big deal, and people are too paranoid.

But...to the OP, I didn't read the journal. Your intentions may be good but different things float different boats, and a lot of times people just need to feel their way through by way of trial and error. I did a lot of stupid things in my earlier days, and I suffered a price for them, but I'm not so sure an internet blog would have changed anything.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 3:54:36 PM   
leonine


Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker

Not a newbie but I read your journal....I have played successfully many times on a first meet....

I met a Dom on the net...he came to my home and we played...several months later he came again and spent two weeks with me...then several month later we wound up living together. We are still very close friends as a matter of fact he gave my daughter away at her wedding. No safe calls, no sending an ID to anyone.

After speaking to a Dom for years, we finally decided to meet, I flew to his home state, he picked me up at the airport and we spent four days in my motel room (he had roommates thus the reason for a motel). My closest vanilla friends had my room number and local of the motel and I did call to say my plane landed safely and we did text back and forth with me saying how things were going. Again no ID sent to anyone.

And then there was one time, I traveled 5 hours to meet a Dom and spent a week at his house. Again the same way, I let my friends know I had arrived, they had the house phone number and address...but no safe calls...and in no case did I get a reference.


My ex-slave came straight to my house for the first meeting, because she had to travel way too far to want to piss about with meeting in a bar first. (Though she did set up a safecall.) And I didn't intend to play till we'd at least talked a bit, but she got all worried that she was ugly and I wouldn't fancy her now I saw her in 3D, so I cleared that up by taking her upstairs and fucking her right away. Then we could sit down for a sensible discussion of where to go from there.
quote:


Honestly, I would be most leery of a married man who was on a site like CM, seeking a slave; especially if his profile mentions nothing of his wife other than he is married.

Well, that's me ruled out. Lucky not everyone agrees with you. :-}

_____________________________

Leo9


Gonna pack in my hand, pick up on a piece of land and build myself a cabin in the woods.
It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
- James Taylor

(in reply to lilcracker)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 6:00:26 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

littlewonder, you gotta give him some leeway here, at least for being concerned. It was on another thread that you & Kana were both talking about the dangers of sex with strangers or people you don't know very well. Now here, you're saying, meh, no big deal, and people are too paranoid.


We grew up.Stopped doing mind altering substances. Pulled our heads outta our asses (That great popping sound you heard a few years back) and realized the risks involved in some of our prior behaviors.
I'll note that we each did this long before we met.

I should mention too that the specific dangers we were discussing were gangbangs. Which hey, personally i find the idea kinda hot.But the reality of having multiple strangers sharing fluids with mouse-yeah, that ain't a risk I'd care to take.At least,not for the payoff.

Now,that said, we both think people here are kinda loopy about the dangers of meeting up. Get together at Starbucks, use judgement, act like an adult and make mature rational decisions.
From personal experience I can say that most of the chicks I've met from here were the obverse of what seems to be the status quo. These chicks liked to fuck. Wanted to fuck and were more than happy to get it on.
There was nothing shy at all about that shit.

True no BS story here. The first gal I met live offa CM was an ex insex model. Drove a few hours one afternoon after chatting for all of two whole days, met her at the joint she worked at. Loitered for about thirty minutes waiting for her to get off (hehehehehe), made up my mind that I liked what I saw. She must have felt the same because when we got to my carI leaned in to hug her and she dropped to her knees,whipped out my cock and started sucking, right there in the parking lot.
I vividly remember standing there,shitstunned and delighted, thinking, Ya know,I may just really really like this Collarme place."

< Message edited by Kana -- 9/2/2013 6:15:40 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 6:38:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		What Master said. How many of us have gone to nightclubs and bars and left with someone we talked to for maybe a few minutes or couple of hours and knew nothing about? Why is bdsm so different? I just don't see the difference.

Now when I was younger yeah, I probably would have done the whole gangbang thing. I was young and wild. I'm older now though and aware of diseases. I can't control what that many do. It's one against a bunch.

But if I was still single I still might have the one night fling thing but I would make sure to use a condom. It's a much different scenario imo.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 6:48:05 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Ah, the infamous references debate. You know, a really funny movie touched this quite stupid idea wwwaaaaayyyy back in 1987. Little flick called Amazon Women on The Moon, segment with Steve Guttenberg

(in reply to Protector32)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/2/2013 7:57:16 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Protector32, your entire premise is that a female sub is meeting someone from online. Your caveats remind me why I suggest meeting people from munches and play groups, getting someone who has a standing within the community, who other people know of.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Darkfeather)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/3/2013 9:22:40 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

littlewonder, you gotta give him some leeway here, at least for being concerned.
I actually admitted that he most likely meant well. But, I also feel that it was a thinly veiled advertisement..."I will do all these things to prove you're safe and if other guys won't, then they're predators"

I expressed my difference of opinion without flaming him and his response was to try to bash me. When that failed, he removed the wall of text lecture to a venue where no one can point out the flaws in his advertisement. (After all it's hard for a married man to find a sub female that's willing to be the piece on the side and having experienced female subs point out the flaws ruins the Guru image)

So, he apparently didn't feel secure enough his position to leave it in a venue where people can disagree and debate his position.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/3/2013 9:30:29 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I read at least a piece of it.. as much as I could take anyway. It set of all manner of red flags in me. Honestly if I were coaching a new sub the #1 thing I'd tell them to avoid is the protectors and the white knights. Why do you feel the need to start from a "teacher" position? I generally take that to mean "I need more power than I think I have so I'll borrow some from this role."

I think most of your actual advice makes sense for someone going out and randomly sport fucking strangers in bars. For someone looking for a relationship it makes little sense to me.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Protector32)
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RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/3/2013 9:44:18 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I read at least a piece of it.. as much as I could take anyway. It set of all manner of red flags in me. Honestly if I were coaching a new sub the #1 thing I'd tell them to avoid is the protectors and the white knights. Why do you feel the need to start from a "teacher" position? I generally take that to mean "I need more power than I think I have so I'll borrow some from this role."
He's married, so to set himself up as an expert gets the newbies to agree to a situation where there will never be a relationship beyond fuckbuddies. (In the OP he made sure to point out that he has written articles about submissive safety)*



quote:

I think most of your actual advice makes sense for someone going out and randomly sport fucking strangers in bars.
Which goes back the whole "Just use common sense" comment I made.

quote:

For someone looking for a relationship it makes little sense to me.
But, we're back to...he's not looking for a relationship since he's already married and doesn't appear to be looking for an "O" poly relationship. He wrote this from the perspective of what gets him laid vs. having a relationship.

* As a side note, I will advise any novice that when someone comes to you saying that they've been the resident expert for a BDSM D/s website, take it with a grain of salt. Another prominent website had a male "Dom" who was personally know to us as their resident expert. Locally he was known to ignore limits and safe words. He was sued by a former submissive for throwing her out and refusing to give her possessions. (On Judge Judy show, no lie) And I personally dislocated his thumb for touching me nonconsentually at a social/munch. He used that position to get to the people that were new and didn't know his reputation. He was eventually removed from that position after the site received complaints about his behavior in real life.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 9/3/2013 9:48:37 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Advice for New Submissives - 9/3/2013 12:22:09 PM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		Fast reply

Bluntly, I think any woman with a modicum of common sense would instantly see behind the OP's posturing and advertising "advice to newbies". Women who can't will be prey here and in the vanilla world.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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