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can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 3:44:10 AM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

hi all.....have met 2 a very dom guy...who dosent want to a relationship but when we meet we have the most fantastic relationship vanilla wise but also play very kinky games together..which leaves me wanting more and more.....

I feel physically drained and very emotional...is this common to feel like this...?
I need to understand why iam feeling like this....he has taken me to places in my mind and body that I didn't think I could experience ..
and like I say I want more..
he isn't local and we only meet up when he is in my area....but when we do meet its usually for a few days at a time ...and our play time is very intense for both of us....
so is this natural to feel so emotion......and wanting more......?

Post #: 1

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 3:46:58 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Yes. You'll have to decide if having the fun that you all have together is worth not having the relationship that you want. Only you can answer that.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 2

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 3:53:11 AM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

thank you for the quick response to my mail.....
I would very much like a relationship with this guy yes...but know with his lifestyle he dosent......he meets others when we don't meet and this leaves me very unhappy and sad....I feel very emotional at the moment....and know I need to meet others too.....but feel a bond with him....

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 3

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 3:53:29 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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Most are going to call it "sub frenzy" but I think it transcends vanilla/kink... When we first meet someone they seem perfect, everything they do and say is great. Stuff that normally would drive us to distraction is cute. Jokes are funny...it is called "the honeymoon phase"...can't get enough it each other... It is wonderful until it is not...Enjoy it but know that things will change as they grow and either you will discover more about this person that builds a foundation and the honeymoon phase becomes more or...you wake up morning and realize...that it is no longer enough.

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 4

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 3:58:45 AM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

thank you again for the reply.....I need to revalue my way of thinking..and hope I can sort out my feelings on what I want.....thanks

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 5

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 4:13:11 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Don't keep him hoping he'll change. Either accept that this is the way it will be with him (which may also hold you back from finding someone more compatible with your needs) or break it off. He's told you what he is/wants/needs. Believe him.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 6

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 8:06:14 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

While I did go through a period of enjoying kinky fuckbuddies, it was ultimately unsatisfying. Words cannot express how happy I am that I found a kinky man local to me who shares my relationships goals.

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 7

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 8:21:41 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

When a man tells you he does not want a relationship and still gets to fuck you and hang out, he is actually having a relationship...the way he wants it.

If you want a relationship the way YOU want it, either set boundaries on your emotions and still see this guy when you want to, be busy when he calls, or, if you really feel an intense connection, you may need to stop seeing him.

Always believe a guy who says he does not want a relationship. He is warning you.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 9/3/2013 8:22:16 AM >

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 8

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 8:44:14 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Most are going to call it "sub frenzy" but I think it transcends vanilla/kink...

I'd actually say it's sub drop. If she's just spent a few days pumped full of adrenaline and endorphins, she'd be coming down feeling the way she's feeling like she's coming down off of a great high.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcdesires

I need to understand why iam feeling like this....he has taken me to places in my mind and body that I didn't think I could experience ..
and like I say I want more.. <snip>
so is this natural to feel so emotion......and wanting more......?

This is exactly why I say to date someone and actually figure out if you like someone before playing or committing to that person. BDSM breaks through a lot of walls and drives hormones into the max setting, which gets confused with real emotions. Then three months into a relationship when the shine is starting to wear off, someone realizes that they've confused tingly genitals with love and that they actually don't even like the person they're with.

OP a few words of advice:

1) You're a booty call. I know that's harsh, but it's true. If he's not interacting with you when he's out of your area, then he's not even a friend with benefits.

2) He's probably got other fuck buddies in the other areas he goes to and probably a GF or wife at home.

3) As I used to tell one of my friends: "Never 100% believe a guy that says he never wants to get married. Always believe a guy that says he never wants to marry you."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 9

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 12:50:46 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

He told you flat out what he wants and doesn't want. You are spinning your wheels and that is only going to get you more frustrated. Time to move along because there is definitely nothing to see here.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 1:09:45 PM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

hi all to everyone that has replied to my question.....

I think you are right..in that he only wants a f.... when he is in the area and has other buddies or even a wife when at home..i need to get my mind and soul back in sinc....and move forward in my quest for a more reliable guy...for a more meaningful relationship/friendship...thanks

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 11

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 6:38:59 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcdesires

hi all.....have met 2 a very dom guy...who dosent want to a relationship but when we meet we have the most fantastic relationship vanilla wise but also play very kinky games together..which leaves me wanting more and more.....

I feel physically drained and very emotional...is this common to feel like this...?
I need to understand why iam feeling like this....he has taken me to places in my mind and body that I didn't think I could experience ..
and like I say I want more..
he isn't local and we only meet up when he is in my area....but when we do meet its usually for a few days at a time ...and our play time is very intense for both of us....
so is this natural to feel so emotion......and wanting more......?

Sub-space and sub-drop:
http://chicomunch.com/publ/basic_info_about_bdsm/bdsm_101_subspace_aftercare_and_sub_drop_and_sometimes_top_drop/1-1-0-23

Sub-frenzy:
http://www.submissiveloving.com/subfrenzy.html

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

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30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 12

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/3/2013 11:11:28 PM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

thanks for the very helpful articles.....and which I have read with interest....it is how I have felt.....sub drop..sub/frenzy...I didn't realise how complex our minds are over this... and now I have read the articles I can now realise that my feelings are not silly.....but natural.....thanks again...

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 13

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/4/2013 6:18:37 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcdesires

hi all.....have met 2 a very dom guy...who dosent want to a relationship but when we meet we have the most fantastic relationship vanilla wise but also play very kinky games together..which leaves me wanting more and more.....

I feel physically drained and very emotional...is this common to feel like this...?
I need to understand why iam feeling like this....he has taken me to places in my mind and body that I didn't think I could experience ..
and like I say I want more..
he isn't local and we only meet up when he is in my area....but when we do meet its usually for a few days at a time ...and our play time is very intense for both of us....
so is this natural to feel so emotion......and wanting more......?

acat

Also, you have to remember you only meet up with him for a few days at time every once in a while -- not hard to have a blast when it's just a loose-and-easy, sex-filled, fun-filled long weekend. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's much different than the day-to-day of paying the bills, taking out the trash, being together when you're both exhausted from work, etc. So even if you have more of a real relationship with him, you need to realize that could be very, very different than the relationship you now have. Could be better or worse. That guy who you love being with for three days at a time every other month might be a guy you hate seeing every day.

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 14

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/5/2013 9:04:12 AM

pvcdesires

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2013
Status: offline

yes very true.....like you say could be totally different in every day life....thanks for your comment....

up date..... today I feel more in sinc with myself and feeling more positive.... no more tears! hehe...in fact iam thinking I love meeting this guy when he is in town...but there is more to life than waiting around for him...and so iam going to try and find a more regular guy..for my desires and wishes....and hope I find someone who can indulge in my kinky side...more often than every few weeks!

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 15

RE: can anyone help me...? - 9/5/2013 1:51:05 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvcdesires
my quest for a more reliable guy

He doesn't sound unreliable to me. Rather, he seems honest and direct about what he will and won't do, and makes sure you have a good time when he's around.

It sounds to me as though you want a man all to yourself, and he's already attached elsewhere. But I don't think you chose poorly, in the big picture. He doesn't sound like a liar or a user. He just isn't enough for you, because he is committed elsewhere.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to pvcdesires)

Post #: 16

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