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ORIGINAL: lthrpup

If someone is kinky enough to play with you and also judgmental enough to rule you out as relationship material, then that makes them an a-hole.

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ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I would be interested in knowing some of the outcomes and if they followed advice we gave.

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ORIGINAL: theshytype

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ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

I would be interested in knowing some of the outcomes and if they followed advice we gave.

Yeah, me too. Unfortunately it seems they never come back.

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ORIGINAL: Gauge

I don't go around wearing tee shirts announcing to the world that I am into BDSM and like to restrain women and use them whilst inflicting some pain

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Who doesn't go into a relationship wanting to see their own needs met and desiring earnestly to meet the needs of their partner? There is only one way to achieve that in full, and that is to communicate those needs clearly. If being honest with your partner causes them to reject you, they were not the best choice in the first place. Not getting your needs met is one of the top reasons that people cheat on their partner. My feeling is that if they cannot accept me for who I am, then I am looking to the wrong person to be in a relationship with.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I wonder if you aren't talking about self identity? Many people struggle with being kinky. Nice men don't hit women. Do t hit like a girl. Avoid pain, etc. We all have tapes in our heads about what a good person looks like. And kinky rarely fits the message. If we might all simply embrace, "lady in the streets, tart in the sheets," then where would that leave the ladies and the tarts? It's a conundrum!

There are a lot of things that we all must let go of - and for each of us, those things are different - if we are to become who we are. The nature of the beast.

best,
sunshine

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ORIGINAL: theshytype

for whatever reason, would you never consider a long-term, serious relationship with someone you play with?  If not, why?
(In other words, "Their kinks and fetishes are fine during playtime but would never consider a serious relationship because of it")

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ORIGINAL: theshytype

I'm afraid of being lambasted on this question but I'll ask anyway.  

Lately, there seems to be several threads where a person has a significant other without any idea regarding their kink or desires.  I'm sure these questions have always been around and I'm assuming they always will be. 

It's a bit interesting how these threads usually seem to play out differently but the overall consensus is always "talk to your partner". 
I agree wholeheartedly. 
But, a more recent thread mentioned vanity as the reason behind hesitation to divulge ones own desires.  Now, I see many reasons behind it.  Be it vanity, insecurity, trust, internal struggles with portraying a person you were raised to be as opposed to the person you really are...

I've mentioned several times before that it took me YEARS after being married to finally muster up the courage to let him in on my little secret.  It wasn't a multitude of issues but believe vanity was my major driving force.  Always prim and proper, the "good girl", liked by friends and boyfriends and loved by their parents.  The fear of letting it be known, perhaps getting out, just how dirty and "unrespectable" I can be.  Vanity.  An image I created over time and held onto for so long.  An idea that anything but and I wouldn't be respected or well-liked, particularly by boyfriends.  The thought of being used like a toy was fine but being discarded in the same fashion was not. 

I still have this belief, perhaps a bit old-fashioned, that some men have a difficult time respecting a woman that is "slutty", not relationship material, and therefore have a difficult time believing that men into BDSM are any different.  That, if I were single, I would find a relationship much more easily with a vanilla man, portraying the image I created, than openly with someone in the "lifestyle".  

I know everyone, and every situation, is different but curious if anyone ever came across this.  
Or, for whatever reason, would you never consider a long-term, serious relationship with someone you play with?  If not, why?
(In other words, "Their kinks and fetishes are fine during playtime but would never consider a serious relationship because of it")

I don't see myself being single any time soon, if ever, so this is all just out of curiosity.  No advice needed. Perhaps my prior beliefs and fears were completely unjustified.   

(I apologize if my thoughts are difficult to follow on this, or anything else I've ever posted.  My brain tends to be like a roundabout in a road - ideas going in every possible direction but somewhere in the middle there's a flowing thought.  And since I'm the engineer of it all, it always makes sense to me.)

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ORIGINAL: theshytype
Lthrpup - I apologize, when I use "slutty" I don't usually intend it to mean promiscuous. In this case, I'm not meaning a slut to the general population, rather HIS slut. You can take the word out and replace it with kinky. Thank you for bringing that up so I can clarify.