The desire to change

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The desire to change - 9/4/2013 6:51:06 AM

littleone14

Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
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Hi all,

I've had a very tumultuous summer, which started off with a breakup. It was sad, because I really thought we had potential. But it wasnt horrible as breakups can be. But it started off a whole chain reaction in myself wanting to really work on me and the things in my life that I'm not happy with (joined a gym, working on finances, working on my patterns that didn't work in the relationship etc....). I know this is a normal reaction to a breakup, but the desire to change is stronger than I've ever felt before.

Since then, a lot of upheaval has taken place in my life outside of my control. Some of it is really good, some really bad but ill get thru it, some not bad or good but requires attention. Thru it all I've still had this overwhelming desire to work on myself and my life. I've also felt the urge to submit stronger than I have in months.

I'm overwhelmed by it all, but at the same time exhilarated.

Anyways, I guess I'm not so much looking for pointers as I am curious about other people's experiences when they've felt an overwhelming urge to work on their lives......

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 10:21:34 AM

SoulAlloy

Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline

This is me this year really, since New Years Eve when I looked ahead and found there was nothing I was looking forward to and everything felt hopeless. My depression seized and I told myself this year would be my last.

Since then I've moved house, rejigged my finances, got my eyes checked for the first time in 10 years, dentist since over 6 years ago and really worked on rooting out the things in my life that feed my depression. It's been good so far, though a hard pace to maintain - support from others has been ace.

It could still be my last year, but so far it's one of the best I've had for a damn long time.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 11:50:01 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

Hi all,

I've had a very tumultuous summer, which started off with a breakup. It was sad, because I really thought we had potential. But it wasnt horrible as breakups can be. But it started off a whole chain reaction in myself wanting to really work on me and the things in my life that I'm not happy with (joined a gym, working on finances, working on my patterns that didn't work in the relationship etc....). I know this is a normal reaction to a breakup, but the desire to change is stronger than I've ever felt before.

Since then, a lot of upheaval has taken place in my life outside of my control. Some of it is really good, some really bad but ill get thru it, some not bad or good but requires attention. Thru it all I've still had this overwhelming desire to work on myself and my life. I've also felt the urge to submit stronger than I have in months.

I'm overwhelmed by it all, but at the same time exhilarated.

Anyways, I guess I'm not so much looking for pointers as I am curious about other people's experiences when they've felt an overwhelming urge to work on their lives......

I have come to many different and extreme crossroads in my life. I have had to almost literally take myself apart and put myself back together again. Each time this has happened I have learned so much about who I am and what I want; it is truly a time for personal growth. What I have learned over time is that when we have moments of crisis, that is when we learn the most. It has also helped me to reassess my value system and to place importance on my needs rather than my desires or wants. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, enough money for bills and expenses... I am doing well. The rest of the things around me are all window dressing and don't mean more to me than my family and friends.

I have a ton of acquaintances, and only a few friends... but the friends I do have would lay down their life for me and I would do the same for them. I don't toss the word friend around lightly, to me it has a much deeper meaning. This attitude has also come from moments of personal crisis when I had to look long and hard at the people around me.

Take the time, work on yourself. It can be so rewarding coming out on the other side and learning things about yourself that you never knew before. Embrace the change.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 8:52:04 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

For me it's an ongoing process. I don't get so much as urges as just reminding myself that I'm off balance and to get back on track. Fixing who I am never stops.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 10:18:37 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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Several years ago I had the most horrible year on earth: I left my 20 year marriage and he subsequently stalked me, my Dad died, 5 other family members and a close friend all died (cancer for all of them), I lost my house, was laid off, my nephew almost succeeded in his 2nd suicide attempt, and I had surgery to have a tumor (benign, fortunately) removed. The hardest moment was when I lost my faith, and everything I believed in.

I completely fell apart. Just too much to process in a single year.

A friend of mine, concerned about how every time I turned around, something bad would happen, said, "Whatever you're doing...do something different!" I thought he was joking at the time, but the idea stuck with me.

I realized I was very angry and I could very easily turn into a bitter old woman. I was seeing negativity in everything. Every time I asked, "What else can go wrong?" I got my answer.

So I made a conscious decision to turn things around for myself. I made a concerted effort to change my thinking. My new mantra became, "I am open to the possibility of goodness." I said it to myself all the time. Instead of planning for the worst, I prepared for goodness. I took a month-long journey to the east coast (I'm a west coast girl), rented a Mustang convertible, and drove from Maine to Georgia and everywhere in between. I learned a lot of things about myself on that trip, and journalled all of it. The two key things I learned: To listen to my inner voice again, which I had stifled for far too long; and to have compassion for myself. There were some pretty intense moments which brought me to that, and I'm grateful for them.

Any time I started thinking negative thoughts about life and what bad might happen, and any time I had a nasty thought about my ex, etc., I would refocus myself and think about something good. I literally retrained myself how to think.

I read a bunch of books that people think are new-agey and cheesy, and I got a lot out of them. I started meeting people who seemed to add exactly what I needed in my life at that time. I started trusting myself, and liking myself, and taking care of myself. I took ownership of my life back, and started making good decisions for myself (and forgiving myself for any not-so-good decisions).

It took a few years, and I'm constantly growing, but I did a complete 180 in my life. Never been happier.

All that bad ended up being a launching point for me, and I wouldn't be where I am now had I not been squeezed so hard out of my comfort zone (even if it was comfortably miserable). I am grateful for all of it.

SoulAlloy mentioned something crucial - the support of others. I would not have made it through were it not for the amazing love people showed me along the way. Family, friends, even strangers (will never forget the woman at the WEAVE (women escaping a violent environment) thrift shop who touched me in ways I'll never forget).

My brother is going through crisis right now, and didn't understand when I told him I'm here for him, but I'm so excited for who he is about to become.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 10:52:10 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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It is very hard to stay positive when the last 5 years were awful and keep continuing.

I tell myself not to lapse into global negativity and just get through one day at a time.

One thing that is really hard is not being angry at myself for certain choices and angry at the world for delivering such bad tidings to a nice girl like me.

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RE: The desire to change - 9/4/2013 11:19:01 PM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
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I started working on myself after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. For those of you that dont know what that is, it is when there is a magnetic axis running from head to toe that you rotate around. (it sounded funnier when I told that to a person I met.)

I started with learning what would trigger a manic or depressive episode, followed by how to deal with them and not go off the deep end.

I actually got through my mother's death 5 years ago with the stuff I had learned on my own, and through therapy.

I am halfheartedly looking for a sub, but that is not my highest priority.

The only thing I can say is that it has been worth it, and just to keep doing what you are doing, and if that dont work blame Obama.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

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