Gauge
Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
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A few people used the word here and I don't want it to go unnoticed. What we do is a relationship. I don't care if it is Master/Slave or Dominant/Submissive it is a relationship. If you are an asshole in your personal life and you try your hand at a relationship, more than likely it will fail. If you are an asshole in a BDSM relationship someone could get seriously hurt; physically or mentally. It takes a great deal of responsibility on the part of the dominant in order to establish trust and maintain that deep level of trust that the submissive needs to feel. I can't tell you how many threads I have read about people who never established any kind of trust and then end up with someone that is abusive. This is why you will hear the advice from submissives and dominants to wait for awhile until you play. There are too many people that think that people who are kinky are easy lays. Certainly there are a few, but the majority will not have kinky sex until they have established a baseline of trust. (Just a note: My wording on the last two sentences may be a tad shaky but I couldn't figure out a better way to say it.) It takes an investment of time, energy, and communication, in order to establish that trust. Add the Internet into that equation and it becomes harder to do.
The BDSM dynamic is not something you choose to do overnight... "Gee, I am going to be a dominant... I'm going to go get me a slave." I think most people will tell you that either you are a dominant or you are not, it is not something that can be faked. Of course there are those that are Switches who are both dominant and submissive, but that is different than what you are asking. If you want to be a good Master, then be sure you are good at relationships, and that you will care for and nurture your submissive/slave. You should never try to "break" a sub/slave because that could do emotional harm, you build your sub/slave up and support them and help them grow in their submission. You can train them in the things that you expect from them, but do not expect them to know what it is you want without communicating that to them first. There was someone recently on the boards who was getting punished for everything she did, there were never rewards, she was set up for failure all the time because "punishment" is all her dominant knew how to do. Of course he never communicated those things clearly either but this is not about punishment; that is one dimensional. Most submissives will tell you that all their masters have to say is the word "punishment" and their hearts are already breaking because they have let their Master down. Punishment should also never be given in anger, nor should it ever come without an explanation and a lesson.
My best advice is to read, read, read, and read, as many books that you can on the subject of BDSM and if you have a local community get involved in it and learn. It is all well and good to read about being a Master, but it sure will not hurt to read about being a submissive because that will help you be a better dominant. Read these forums and ask questions... and remember that the dumbest question is the one that you don't ask. This is a journey with wondrous rewards and interesting challenges.
I wish you the very best.
_____________________________
"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick
I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.
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