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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/8/2013 11:14:42 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

With my ex, I had sub-drop after every time. He did not "do aftercare" ( & yeah, we were dating but he was not a big believer in "PDAs" physical displays of affection. Even holding hands in the car or the mall was a "no go") and I think that made it worse. My current guy is more in tune with me and I don't seem to have the same severe or lengthy drop as before except the one time that I wrote about.


Sounds like subdrop was only a tiny portion of the situation with your ex. There are people who have rewarding relationships without a lot of PDAs. My experience though is that for most people PDAs are essential to a healthy relationship. Aftercare is even more important still. And it is important to cater aftercare to the intensity of the scene. If he has put you through the wringer, a simple hug and an at-a-girl isn't going to cut it.

As with so much in relationships it isn't important how much care is given but how evenly matched two people are. D/s relationships are symbiotic. The more you are in tune with your mate, and they are with you, the more rewarding the experience for both.

But you know this!

Dominants also need to be prepared for the unexpected. Sometimes a scene affects a sub with much more intensity than they thought it would. Early on I had a scene with my slave, which she desired, but she was so mortified that she actually ran into another room and started crying. I followed her and sat on the floor with her and just hugged her and murmured soft endearments letting her know she was still beautiful and perfect in my eyes. What could have been a disaster turned into one of the more binding (pun intended) moments of our relationship.


(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 11:08:49 AM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		i do seem to get a sub-drop often after a play-session. It seems that it usually lasts for about 24-48 hours and during that time i am emotionally a bit more fragile than usual. With age and experience i have come to understand that i need aftercare both from my Dominant and from myself. i need to treat myself nicely, spoil myself a bit in some appropriate way, give myself the permission to be dorky emotionally for a day or two. Aftercare from my Dominant is very important too - the most severe sub drops i've had have been due to too little aftercare with my ex-partners. For me time and affection (words, presence, touch, taste) seem to be the most important aspects of aftercare.

It has been my experience that many Dominant people too appreciate the aftercare. Sometimes the things that have happened during the session have shaken the Dominant one and for example made Her/Him a bit startled of Her/His thoughts or emotions ("how could I want to do that" / "am I a horrible person for doing this"). Most of the Dominant people i have been in an relationship with have been kinda hard to read and a bit seclusive about their insecure thoughts, but it is my experience that affirmation and affection from the submissive one has been important to in these moments of self-doubt ("no sweetie, you're not a horrible person. And next time, can i please have more of the same!" ^_^).

< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 9/11/2013 11:09:33 AM >

_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 11:11:11 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

It has been my experience that many Dominant people too appreciate the aftercare.


He likes to cuddle, and when he's had enough of that, says, "Now feed me." :)

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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 11:31:52 AM   
orgasmdenial12


Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline 		No, I don't get, or even really believe in, sub drop. I get tired after play and sometimes fall asleep, but then that happens after sex too sometimes.

The only time I had a negative reaction after play that fit the description of 'sub drop' was when I felt I had gone a bit far in play, and I felt a bit ashamed and unsure of myself. I think that a lot of submissives have issues about what they enjoy and that play brings these issues to the surface, leaving them depressed and anxious afterwards. I believe it is a mental response, not a physical one.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 12:10:52 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

No, I don't get, or even really believe in, sub drop.


Sub drop is essentially the hangover after large amounts of endorphins and adrenaline. Many long distance runners get the same thing and there are many discussions on the subject. Just as in everything, everybody is different and reacts differently. So, just because you haven't experienced it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 5:52:23 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I think that a lot of submissives have issues about what they enjoy and that play brings these issues to the surface, leaving them depressed and anxious afterwards. I believe it is a mental response, not a physical one.

You can think this, but it wouldn't apply to me. I have no issues at all about why I enjoy play. For me it was physical exhaustion, isolation, and as OsideGirl said, a massive drop in endorphins and adrenaline.

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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/11/2013 10:52:21 PM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

I think that a lot of submissives have issues about what they enjoy and that play brings these issues to the surface, leaving them depressed and anxious afterwards. I believe it is a mental response, not a physical one.

You can think this, but it wouldn't apply to me. I have no issues at all about why I enjoy play. For me it was physical exhaustion, isolation, and as OsideGirl said, a massive drop in endorphins and adrenaline.


i personally think that it can be a mixture of both physical and mental fatigue (for me at least). i tend to experience it especially when getting to know a new person or when exploring a new areas together. Also some more intense forms of play (for instance mind fucks, pain that exceeds my limits of what feels bearable) can bring forth strong emotional responses (fear, anger, desperation) that leave my mind a bit fragile and exhausted afterwards.

And i am a bit cautious with people who have no issues - i certainly do have mine. That's why i tend to pick people as partners who prefer to communicate a lot and value trust. And as far as partners go, i tend to prefer people who have issues and are aware of them and communicate about them. i do like approaching those areas, but with good communication and trust it can be done with caution and with respect for personal limits.

< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 9/11/2013 10:53:10 PM >

_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/12/2013 4:03:56 PM   
TallullahHk


Posts: 572
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline 		I so thankful I clicked on this thread. I never really connected what I felt a few days after a session to sub drop. I guess I always saw my need for closeness or feelings of loneliness as character flaws - I was just SO close to someone and SO connected to someone why would I feel lonely or abandoned SO quickly; there has to be something wrong with me. Or so I thought and I definately have been in relationships that have reinforced that thought process.

Thanks to all who offered suggestions for coping!

(in reply to HeidiAnn)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/12/2013 5:38:27 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		HeidiAnne I completely agree with you about mental fatigue. I experienced that a lot more with the ex owner, but when I did it was pretty extreme. In fact, that usually laid me out more than the physical. Good catch.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/13/2013 7:05:17 AM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		I only experienced sub drop when I was with someone I didn't care about.

_____________________________


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RE: Sub Drop and Handling It - 9/13/2013 7:53:32 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		The lack of aftercare of my sub drop is one major reason I got rid of my ex.

I will never be with anyone again who does not understand this.


(in reply to petitespot)
Profile   Post #: 31
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