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RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 2:08:11 AM

SerWhiteTiger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

My first rule for broaching the subject (with anyone, regardless of their relation to you) is to avoid 'proper' SM terminology. 'Dominant' and 'submissive' should only be used as adjectives, not nouns, for example.

Talking about what you want in bed should be kept to a minimum when you are not in bed. Stick to generalities, like "I want to be ravished" or "I like when a Man doesn't think I am fragile". In the heat of the moment, many things that might be an issue come very easily- "Pull my hair!" "Slap my ass!" "harder!".

I have a friend who had a similar problem, and it worked out well for all concerned.

I can't really see a submissive giving commands to a dominant in the heat of the moment. That's pretty much the opposite of submission.

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RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 3:47:52 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

I can't really see a submissive giving commands to a dominant in the heat of the moment. That's pretty much the opposite of submission.

Touche

(. . . unless it's to invoke the safeword)

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Post #: 22

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 8:21:46 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him.

We can't give you good advice unless you clarify whether:

1. You are going to be in an arranged marriage with this man
2. This man is already in an arranged marriage with another woman

(in reply to teacherspet7)

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Post #: 23

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 8:24:55 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I can't really see a submissive giving commands to a dominant in the heat of the moment. That's pretty much the opposite of submission.

In the heat of the moment, I have great success with non-verbal communication.

Afterwards, I'll tell him things like, "I really liked when you did X" or "I think it would be hot if you did Y." I also make a lot of requests along the lines of "I want to suck your cock."

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

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Post #: 24

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 11:36:16 AM

SailingBum

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why am I so confused... Are they married to each other in a "arranged marriage"? Whatever the hell that is?!?!? or maybe he is in the marriage and she is the home wrecker <now that is way to kinked for me> or could it be the OP is a Dolt and will believe the "arranged whatever" line of BS. But you know after thinking about it... It could be she's is just a low down pond sucking slut that enjois breaking up family's.

Any of the above scenarios is just not kool in my world

BadOne

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RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 11:59:02 AM

SerWhiteTiger

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You're confused because different people have assumed different things about what OP meant, but OP hasn't replied to any of it.

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Post #: 26

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 12:45:56 PM

Tinufiel

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Joined: 9/9/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizzSpitfire

Just flat-out tell him. I've never had a negative reaction from anyone.

This.

If he isn't into it he's just not the guy for you. Changing him or yourself would be VERY difficult if not impossible.

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Post #: 27

RE: Telling Someone - 9/11/2013 7:53:52 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

You're confused because different people have assumed different things about what OP meant, but OP hasn't replied to any of it.

Thanks for your thoughts on this. My post was written with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I was showing my disdain for the OP.

BadOne

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Post #: 28

RE: Telling Someone - 9/12/2013 7:41:59 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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OP, all you can do is decide what you can and can't live with. If he's offended by your needs and thinks of you negatively and tells his family and yours how horrible you are, what will you do?

If he decides it's wonderful but he wants you to top him instead of him topping you, what will you do?

If you don't talk to him and hate sex with him, and come to loathe being married to him, what will you eventually do?

My suggestion is that you don't get pregnant right away and get a job to support yourself so you can get divorced in a few years. At which time your parents should have learned not to run your life for you.

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Post #: 29