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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 12:18:32 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
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From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

I'm getting the drift that you're getting more out of the explaining (example: a boner) than she is.

My wife is a very basic type of submissive. Too much chat, too much intellectualization, and her pussy dries up.

Plus, what are you doing that requires prolonged explaining? Just tell her to get her tongue on your feet. Most of this stuff sort of speaks for itself.


Some of us live this outside of the bedroom.

A simple example would be dietary changes for our family. Better to explain why I believe eggs to be healthier than pancakes or simply to tell her we're eating eggs? This is a simple example, and the explanation is fairly simple and obvious. Some things are more complicated.

< Message edited by SerWhiteTiger -- 9/9/2013 12:21:01 PM >

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 12:23:53 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
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From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

Yeah, it may be that an explanation is good but that I have a tendency to overexplain, and that's not.


Does SHE think you are over explaining? I personally prefer more than less or none. I like hearing how his mind works.

At work for non-routine projects, I am much more willing and efficient when I get the big picture.


Yeah, she mostly agrees with your point of view. But on some things, it can be a complicated explanation that is hard to get through without her feeling criticized, particularly if she's inclined to question parts of it.

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 12:38:20 PM   
ante


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		This is obviously something which any sub would feel different about. Some will not wish to have the explanation and perhaps not need one. I personally would need and want the explanation. If it is something which is hard to take in, then maybe it will need revisiting at a later stage. A short explanation at first and an offer to discuss further and to then also ask any questions. But perhaps, if it's complicated, the revisiting it is important for me. The important thing is to be able to discuss it with a cool head.

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:09:05 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		Hey, best of luck with your coma-inducing breakfast discussions.

But you said you have a tendency to over-explain, you're putting me to sleep here, so maybe your suspicions that you're killing your hot little thing dead are you finally catching a clue.

Why not just painfully ask her?

I'm going back in the bedroom now to just get down to fucking. Try not to hate me.

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:14:08 PM   
ivone57


Posts: 279
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline 		explanations are a nice way of doing things, just up and changing things without an explanation would leave me confused and prone to reject the idea

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:14:39 PM   
Domnotlooking


Posts: 249
Joined: 8/11/2013
Status: offline 		....And if the person graciously sucking your dick feels unduly"criticized", I say this self-foot-shooting wants fixing in a hurry.

What say you?

Or maybe just more internet-ruminating instead?

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:17:30 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		Why are you talking about sucking dicks? We're not talking about sex in this thread.

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:36:58 PM   
AaNiMaLl


Posts: 78
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		It is more difficult to listen and really hear what is being said that to explain your views onto her. It is more difficult to empty yourself of your own conditioning and be silent. Stillness. When we are empty then everything opens up. However, I have a sneaky suspicion that this is going to fall on deaf ears. ...To be dominant, we also need to be able to be vulnerable and open to change. Be like water my friend. Water can be still or it can crash. Flow. If she is submissive then she will want to be used for everything that she is, so listen to everything that she is and use her. ...I am watching Enter the Dragon while writing this ...again :). ...When I first started martial arts, I was taught to always go forward and be the aggressor. When they hit your once then you hit them twice so that they learn not to hit you. However, since then I have learnt.

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 1:51:49 PM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		Interestingly, the Wheel of Time shows a wonderful transition near the end of the main character from trying to be dominant and actually making himself weak and brittle and insecure to being an actually dominant person. Too bad it takes 23525 books and 2098234982486 words about other stuff to get there. ;)

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 6:44:24 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Whether it's better to explain or not explain is probably entirely dependant on the people and the relationship, but I was curious to hear other people's thoughts on the matter. Which do you think is better in different situations?


He uses both. It just depends on his mood, his thoughts, views, reasoning, etc...

When it comes to my health he gets annoyed and upset with me and will force me to do things. His normal explanation is that he is doing it for both of us. He doesn't want a dead or ill slave. What good is that to him? And he wants me to be healthy for me.

Sometimes he wants me to do something like...I dunno....do something unusual that I'm not used to him requiring...buying something weird at the store. He may not tell me why and I don't always ask him. I figure if it's important enough he'll let me know. It's not that big a deal.

We've been together for over 7 years now so most of this is a moot point. I know his feelings on just about everything and most things I just simply don't need to know why. I either already know or it's just not important enough to need to know. Most stuff in life is just not that important. I learned that ages ago. Choose your battles wisely.




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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 6:50:17 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger
A simple example would be dietary changes for our family. Better to explain why I believe eggs to be healthier than pancakes or simply to tell her we're eating eggs? This is a simple example, and the explanation is fairly simple and obvious. Some things are more complicated.


Tell her you want healthier breakfasts and that includes eggs and not pancakes. Simple and to the point. What else needs to be said? Two in one whammy.

I would say if you two have been together for quite a long time I would think she knows you well enough that most stuff doesn't need an explanation unless you're one of these people who has multiple personalities that constantly keep her guessing. If that's the case, she's screwed.


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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 7:19:24 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I'm a person that either hates explanation or needs it, depends on the circumstance. I'd prefer he didn't explain anything at all and accept that I'll ask questions if the reasoning is unclear to me - he can't read my mind. Sometimes I find it difficult to complete tasks if they seem unnecessary to me. It's the same way anywhere, especially at work. I'll question, question, question procedures and if I still don't understand the purpose, offer up an alternative. If the alternative isn't acceptable then I'll just leave it at that and the reasoning is "because it's really important to him."

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RE: Providing explanations, good or bad? - 9/9/2013 9:40:57 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I would say if you two have been together for quite a long time I would think she knows you well enough that most stuff doesn't need an explanation unless you're one of these people who has multiple personalities that constantly keep her guessing. If that's the case, she's screwed.

This is Carol and I. And as you note, mostly there is no need for explanation (or even discussion or talk). Sometimes though when I'm turning a particularly sharp corner and I need her to be exactly on target then the whole explanation thing comes up. Real life, in my experience, is nuanced and so her understanding the reasoning helps her to get it right.

To use Knight's really handy distinction, rarely I even justify. Our relationship is not a thing of unchanging permanence and the D/s which happens between us, along with things like trust and respect, ebbs and flows.

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