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Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 8:55:14 AM

MrGentle

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/8/2012
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I won't post the young ladies name on here but this quick story might give some of her name away. So, I messaged a woman on here and thought I was asking a fairly innocuous question because part of her name referenced a Young Frankenstein character, OR, part of it could have been her name. So I asked. Her reply was nasty and when I tried to explain my question I found out she had blocked me. This is the first time this has ever happened before on here so I thought I would ask...

Have you ever tried to start a conversation with someone and they are immediately nasty?

< Message edited by MrGentle -- 9/10/2013 8:56:17 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 10:50:10 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

No, but I've been the person to be nasty when I've received unwanted emails. I even have a section in My profile that says I am only interested in being contacted by those from the forums or those who are local to Me. People who choose to contact Me from the personals side of CM will not like the response they receive. Chances are, some boring ice breaker question isn't going to change that.

I've never received a nasty response from a conversation that I've initiated. I've received plenty of nasty stuff when I've told people that I'm not interested in them. (Yes, even when I've been nice.) That's why I, as well as a number of women on the site, will immediately block anybody that I receive email from that I don't want to interact with.

My suggestion to you if you want to avoid that kind of response would be to read the profile of any person that you would like to potentially contact. If you are outside of the parameters of any category that the person wants to hear from, skip the idea of sending them mail. That includes your gender, your location, your age, your experience level, your marital status, or any other thing that is in their profile that is an indicator that they have preferences about which members they would like to interact with and which ones they don't. It will help you to avoid receiving negative responses.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 2

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 10:52:52 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle
Have you ever tried to start a conversation with someone and they are immediately nasty?

A few times. No biggie from my standpoint. It just tells me that this other person has got some sort of major issue going on that I accidentally stepped into. I just don't contact them any more.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 3

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:14:36 AM

Extravagasm

Posts: 230
Joined: 9/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

MrGentle: Have you ever tried to start a conversation with someone and they are immediately nasty?
JeffBC: No biggie from my standpoint. It just tells me that this other person has got some sort of major issue going on that I accidentally stepped into. I just don't contact them any more.

So true. So blissfully simple.

_____________________________

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The way to a Dom . . is to follow his karma, wallow in his grime, Swim in his heart.©

Yeah, fantasy is not reality. That's how it gives direction to the truly gifted.

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 4

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:14:40 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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Sometimes people don't want unwanted contact, no matter how clever or complimentary it is.

If you were outside of the parameters of what she was seeking: too far away, wrong age, wrong height, wrong weight, wrong gender etc... then you weren't what she wanted and she probably did not want contact from you.

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(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 5

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:33:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Sometimes people don't want unwanted contact, no matter how clever or complimentary it is.

If you were outside of the parameters of what she was seeking: too far away, wrong age, wrong height, wrong weight, wrong gender etc... then you weren't what she wanted and she probably did not want contact from you.

Yup, because a lot of guys here use complimentary or clever as a way in when they don't meet the criteria that the woman is looking for. In my case, I'm wary of emails like that.

My profile says I'm just here for the forums...and I get emails from someone saying something cute/funny/complimentary and they use my "thank you" as an open door to start hitting on me, ignoring what my profile says.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 6

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:37:16 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Sometimes people are simply nasty, sometimes they want to be left alone, sometimes they don't want to banter with other members that are not within the parameters of what they are seeking for a partner, sometimes, well, you don't know why they respond as they do.

It's anyone's right whether or not they wish to engage in light conversation or whether they take offense to it. Would you want to continue conversation with this woman now...probably not. So cool, you found out something valuable to you and can move on.

No, I have never tried to start a conversation where the recipient was nasty. I'm a woman, that seems to work in my favor as social lubrication on this site because there aren't as many women around, and they're more sought after.

I have to add that my experience with men on here is that there is no middle ground. They will contact you and claim it's all on a friendly basis, what the underlying current is though, is that they're looking for anything at all that might lead to something more. I have never had contact here from a man just claiming to be "friends" when they stuck to that and didn't try at some point for more. I remember in a thread that several other women have said the same thing. It's tiring. So, some people aren't very good at diplomacy, and this woman could be reacting to the overload of men trying to get into her pants and just pushing away anyone unsuitable for her from the outset.

You said she was a young woman. Well, there you go. The insanity of what men will try increases exponentially the younger and hotter a woman is. If she was much younger than you, then she's probably seeing your email in a different light then you are and isn't buying that it's all fun and game on your side.

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 7

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:39:56 AM

needlesandpins

Posts: 3901
Status: offline

the last part of what LP said should be compulsory reading for everyone on the other side, and in some cases whacked onto the foreheads of the stupid with a piece of 2 by 2 wood.

needles

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(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 8

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 11:52:56 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I don't bother responding to 99% of my cmail. I'm not trying to be rude, just don't have time for it.

I've never been nasty, either, I block and move on.

I have received some downright nasty cmail that as far as I can tell I didn't provoke. Again, block and move on.

An online search requires a thick skin, grow one.

_____________________________

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 9

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 12:20:31 PM

MrGentle

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/8/2012
Status: offline

Interesting responses, thank you.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 10

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 12:28:08 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle
Have you ever tried to start a conversation with someone and they are immediately nasty?

I've never had anything like that happen here.

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Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 11

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 1:11:19 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

I once sent a submissive an email stating that I wanted to wear her skin as a hat. She blocked me. Thing is, I was really, really nice about it too.

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(in reply to metamorfosis)

Post #: 12

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 1:23:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

I wouldn't be surprised if she decided immediately that she wanted no contact with a guy who really believes no woman could resist him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 13

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 1:29:50 PM

booklover13

Posts: 78
Joined: 3/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

I wouldn't be surprised if she decided immediately that she wanted no contact with a guy who really believes no woman could resist him.

I was thinking the exact same thing and DesFIP beat me to it.
Also, the bit in his profile about "lecturing" until the sub sees things only from his perspective smacks of disrespect for his sub's ability to think for herself or express individual ideas.

_____________________________

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~Edward R. Murrow

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 1:53:02 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: booklover13

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

I wouldn't be surprised if she decided immediately that she wanted no contact with a guy who really believes no woman could resist him.

I was thinking the exact same thing and DesFIP beat me to it.
Also, the bit in his profile about "lecturing" until the sub sees things only from his perspective smacks of disrespect for his sub's ability to think for herself or express individual ideas.

I actually wouldn't have replied.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to booklover13)

Post #: 15

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 2:00:13 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: booklover13

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

I wouldn't be surprised if she decided immediately that she wanted no contact with a guy who really believes no woman could resist him.

I was thinking the exact same thing and DesFIP beat me to it.
Also, the bit in his profile about "lecturing" until the sub sees things only from his perspective smacks of disrespect for his sub's ability to think for herself or express individual ideas.

I actually wouldn't have replied.

Yup...my bladder and bowels are submissive to no one.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 2:00:49 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Certainly not too cerebral or too clever (although I'd say that you could have opted for either one or the other).

Now if you'd asked her if her name was "Shelley" then that might have been too clever - In a nerdy sort of way.

As for her response, sure I've had a few of those over time. A couple of times they've been kind of deserved - If the profile says "I am tired of getting emails from the UK" and I go ahead and write, then I'm kind of setting myself up. Most times, I assume that the person at the other end is either a) Unendingly pissed off with the emails she's getting b) Having a really shitty day or c) is a basically nasty person.

In those cases where it's my fault, I kick myself and move on.

In the other cases, I work on the basis that it's great that I found out so quickly that the girl in question and I are unlikely to be a good match.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to MrGentle)

Post #: 17

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 2:36:59 PM

ShaharThorne

Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

the last part of what LP said should be compulsory reading for everyone on the other side, and in some cases whacked onto the foreheads of the stupid with a piece of 2 by 2 wood.

needles

Personally, I would use a 2x4...

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(in reply to needlesandpins)

Post #: 18

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 3:49:20 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Yes. I always find it a little shocking, too. I am generally pleasant and complimentary, and I will add something along the lines of, "I am not what you are looking for." and "good luck in your search" as a way to deflate any "she is hitting on me" presumption. And the few times I got nasty responses, I just shrug and go about my business and lick whatever minor wounds I might get from it. Meh.

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 19

RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 4:12:01 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

Damn. This is why I believe in reading people's profiles before answering their thread.

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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