RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever?

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 5:23:23 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Having read the op's profile, I'd have blocked him too. That line about being a domme only because you can't find a man to submit to is nasty. It shows ignorance. In my book, it's a major red flag.

That's not my interpretation. He's asking a question, and identifying with temporarily switching orientation.

OP - I do think you should reconsider that line, however.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 6:42:42 PM

NuevaVida

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I've gotten a few nasties when I've politely explained that the person is hitting on someone in a committed relationship. So I don't explain anymore, I just don't reply.

Otherwise, the only doozies I've received have been from a few folks here in the forums, but they were all a long time ago.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 6:53:25 PM

slavekate80

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I rarely contact people first, so that hasn't happened to me - the few times I have sent a message to someone who didn't message me first, I either got a polite reply or no reply at all. Knock on wood.

I also don't send replies like that. Ignoring unwanted messages and quietly blocking repeat offenders is much faster, and I don't enjoy being mean. A touch sarcastic once in awhile, sure, but I'll save that for situations in which it's more likely to be appreciated.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/10/2013 8:50:52 PM

DarkSteven

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Not often, but it happens. I used to get a lot more back in the days of Alt.com.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 3:05:46 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
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I'm with you ssm - and you're probably too sweet to give a nasty response - but on the rare occasion that I have, it's been after the guy has been nasty, rude or insulting first. Btw, in less than 4 mos, I've only had to block 2 subs who couldn't take no for an answer. (One kept sending me unsolicited nude photos of his genitals, with offensive little comments such as 'I know you want some of that.') Two 1st contact messages were absolutely vitriolic, a switch & so-called Dom, who started off attacking me based on something they erroneously read into my profile or JE.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I am generally pleasant and complimentary, and I will add something along the lines of, "I am not what you are looking for." and "good luck in your search" as a way to deflate any "she is hitting on me" presumption. And the few times I got nasty responses, I just shrug and go about my business and lick whatever minor wounds I might get from it. Meh.

OP, I wouldn't necessarily take blocking nor a Deleted Unread indicator on your Sent Message status personally. It happens. These features are tools to help manage unwelcome contacts, plain and simple.

I will say this, I don't often view profiles. Don't really care or need to in most cases. I customarily look at stats, go by how someone chose their username (sorry, but toiletslave isn't going to interest me). But I had to see what this reference to Dommes was all about. You used the 'If' caveat, so I don't have a problem with how you phrased what you did. (You listed Actively Seeking Submissive & Switch Women, though, without including Dominant Women.) Chances are this young lady didn't bother to view your profile either. You thought you were being clever, and she might have thought you were being a smartass.

As to what I do take exception to in your profile, for whatever it's worth, is lack of explicit emphasis on seeking or the possibility of forming any lasting relationship. How do you propose for any sentient being to "reach your full potential," ostensibly through aligning herself with you (e.g."Trust should be earned over time with examples and actions."..."real connection be made"), when you speak of how "I can conquer your mind with denying you basic entitlements like the bathroom, water, warmth, etc." Glaringly inconsistent with your opening sentence: I enjoy women when they take care of themselves. [italics mine] Evidently you are seeking women who were better off before they met you.

The coup de grace, however, is this blurb of yours: "if you really want to be submissive, your limits need to be tested and re-tested"
which automatically raises the FAKE DOM red flag. You should read the following current forum thread on Pushing Limits http://www.collarchat.com/m_4519600/tm.htm to better educate yourself and make progress toward reaching your own full potential.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 6:08:33 AM

MrGentle

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Thank you all for your opinions.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 7:02:56 AM

IvoryPearls

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I've experienced two nasty messages here (I'm new, so my guess is they won't be the first)

The first one I reference in my profile - he called me a c*nt for deleting his message without reading it. I thought about explaining that I was new, then figured it would be a lost cause. The second read my profile and wrote "tall and curvy = fat as a horse". Again - lost cause, although I did play with him for a while (he also somehow decided I had no job, lived in the "sticks" and had no sophistication or class)

These kinds of things speak volumes about the sender, and absolutely nothing about the recipient.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 7:20:25 AM

Moonhead

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Stupid's a lot more common than nasty on here, but the two can often go together, particularly with certain types of alleged but inexperienced and clueless fetishist.
If I was you, I'd just forgot about this obnoxious little sow, and concentrate on finding somebody else who you can actually talk to. If they can't hold down a conversation, they're not going be a lot of use for anything else, I'd have thought.
(Don't let a bad first experience put you off, btw. Good luck.)

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 7:44:30 AM

MrGentle

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No need to call her names Moonhead. Some people are who they are, like the folks who blocked me based on my description, they've laid down a judgement based on a blurb. That's a choice they've committed to and good for them if that's what makes them happy. In my experience those closed off to new paradigms or differing points of view (whether they disagree or not) are the people I don't surround myself with, so they're doing me a wonderful service by blocking.
It is what it is, the purpose of this thread/question was to try and gauge how prevalent the sort of behavior I encountered was for others, whether or not I was in the minority or the majority.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 8:40:52 AM

TigressLily

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Nice to have you on board IP, and you have the right attitude in brushing off losers who have the manners & social skills of gnats, if that much.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IvoryPearls

I've experienced two nasty messages here (I'm new, so my guess is they won't be the first)

These kinds of things speak volumes about the sender, and absolutely nothing about the recipient.

If it's any consolation, you have my sympathies. I thinks it's harder for submissives to get treated with respect, as if every sub is up for grabs. At least I didn't get disrespected right off the bat, but a few male subs have shown their true colors after I let them know why they didn't match my specs (as contained in my profile) or why I didn't believe we would be a compatible match. Showing how not very subby they really were, indeed.

For MrGentle: Your responses here have been gentlemanly, to your credit. I trust you don't think I was calling you a fake Dom, only that your approach might (wrongfully) give that impression. For example, when I made reference to 'male wife' in my profile, some subs saw that and thought it meant I was looking for one, when I meant that I wasn't so I had to indicate I did not want a sissy nor a male wife.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 11:55:24 AM

IvoryPearls

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Thank you, TigressLily

IP~

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 1:45:40 PM

DesFIP

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Blocking someone isn't nasty. Calling them names is nasty. Issuing death threats is nasty.

If I send penis enlargement cream emails to my junk folder, which blocks them, that isn't being nasty. It's simply managing my inbox so I don't get stuff I don't want.

Maybe you don't mean that line the way it reads, but that doesn't obligate anyone to ask you what you did mean. It's your responsibility to write clearly. It's my responsibility not to waste my time on people I have zero interest in.

Calling her nasty for not talking to you makes it seem as though you believe you are entitled to a response. You're not, not online and not in real life.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/11/2013 3:38:45 PM

littlewonder

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IT depends. What did you say to her? What you think wasn't inocuous, it may not have been to her. I find many times that there are a lot of men out there who don't understand what is and isn't rude. They think because they are on a bdsm site that anything they say is innocent and ok or they just lack social graces in general. Or it could be you did not even read her profile and she had something written in it that you completely ignored.

So without knowing exactly what you wrote, I can't answer one way or the other.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/12/2013 8:03:03 AM

MrGentle

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I said her reply was nasty, and she was immediately nasty, I never called her nasty. Your inference is incorrect.

What I wrote was something to the effect of: "Is your first name actually X or is it a clever reference to Igor's that drop brains?"
Her response was: "You're either ignorant or illiterate."

...I'm paraphrasing both because I can't recall the exact details of the text but you get the gist. Just a simple question.

Her profile made no mention of not contacting her for certain reasons and I certainly met all the criteria other than the fact that we're on separate coasts. However, my intent wasn't to court her, but merely to seek out others with intriguing intellects.

I think this horse has been beaten enough, thank you all for your replies.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/12/2013 2:09:57 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle
I said her reply was nasty, and she was immediately nasty, I never called her nasty. Your inference is incorrect.

What I wrote was something to the effect of: "Is your first name actually X or is it a clever reference to Igor's that drop brains?"
Her response was: "You're either ignorant or illiterate."

...I'm paraphrasing both because I can't recall the exact details of the text but you get the gist. Just a simple question.

Her profile made no mention of not contacting her for certain reasons and I certainly met all the criteria other than the fact that we're on separate coasts. However, my intent wasn't to court her, but merely to seek out others with intriguing intellects.

I think this horse has been beaten enough, thank you all for your replies.

Hahahahahaha.

I've been known to answer those kinds of emails with something similar to the following:

"It's not every day I come across somebody intelligent enough to write an email while at the same time, they are too illiterate to read a profile."

Asking somebody for their real name when you don't know them is not a good way to start a conversation on the internet.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/12/2013 2:19:31 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle
What I wrote was something to the effect of: "Is your first name actually X or is it a clever reference to Igor's that drop brains?"
Her response was: "You're either ignorant or illiterate."

Well, here's the thing, asking something that she considers obvious combined with a reference that she may not have understood or didn't think was funny....and you have a magical combination.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/12/2013 3:04:53 PM

lovethyself

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What Oside said above. Plus, random stranger on the internet trying to guess my real name would come across as creepy to me, and might warrant a discouraging reply before blocking them to hinder any further potential snooping.

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RE: Is it too cerebral, too clever? - 9/12/2013 3:39:21 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrGentle

I said her reply was nasty, and she was immediately nasty, I never called her nasty. Your inference is incorrect.

What I wrote was something to the effect of: "Is your first name actually X or is it a clever reference to Igor's that drop brains?"
Her response was: "You're either ignorant or illiterate."

...I'm paraphrasing both because I can't recall the exact details of the text but you get the gist. Just a simple question.

Her profile made no mention of not contacting her for certain reasons and I certainly met all the criteria other than the fact that we're on separate coasts. However, my intent wasn't to court her, but merely to seek out others with intriguing intellects.

I think this horse has been beaten enough, thank you all for your replies.

I've had men start out in their first email to me by asking my name or what I do for work. I answer neither of those questions, and it creeps me out if they want to know that right off the bat. This is an adult website, there are freaky, nasty people on here. Open a female account and find out for yourself.

You said you met all her criteria except for being on different coasts....that's a pretty big missing element wouldn't you say? I'm not interested in LDR's and do not entertain the thought of anyone outside my location. Ever. There are far too many men for me right here, why fly across country?

You protest that you wanted to talk, not court, well you know, maybe she's got enough friends. I've turned away men who want to chat on there because my time is valuable and I'm not looking for friends, I've got plenty. If I were, I'm not sure I'd take a random stranger from the internet to fill the job. Plus I said earlier, that every single man on here that ever used the tactic of being "friends" with me has stepped outside that concept at some point and its gotten to the point where I see a man approaching the friendship gate and I lock it before he gets there.

I'm not being mean, I'm trying honestly to show you that everything you've said here is a no-fly-zone to someone and that could be the answer to your question of why it happened.

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