Punishing Master?

Punishing Master? (Full Version)

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Dyfrynt -> Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 4:26:25 PM)
When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment). The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all? The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable. I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.

searching4mysir -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 4:27:59 PM)
quote: When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Not every D/s or M/s relationship is a punishment dynamic. When either of us fucks up, we discuss it like adults.

kalikshama -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 4:32:15 PM)
quote: what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? ...The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable. I wasn't able to find satisfactory middle ground. I ended our financial and D/s dynamic and lived with him platonically until the time was right for me to move out.

littlewonder -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 6:31:39 PM)
Master takes ownership of himself and fixes what he did wrong. His "punishment" is knowing he did something wrong and now has to figure out a way to correct it. If it's against me then he apologizes to me and goes about finding a way to right the wrong. He has ownership over himself. The worst punishment that anyone has over themselves is guilt and shame. But Master owns me as well so he takes ownership of my discipline just as he has ownership over himself.

DesFIP -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 8:25:42 PM)
Not everyone does punishment. Many of us just deal with the consequences of our actions. The consequence for acting in such a way that your partner loses trust in you is that they no longer trust you. And if that isn't enough, then you need some therapy to learn how to have successful relationships.

SerWhiteTiger -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 8:29:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Master takes ownership of himself and fixes what he did wrong. His "punishment" is knowing he did something wrong and now has to figure out a way to correct it. If it's against me then he apologizes to me and goes about finding a way to right the wrong. He has ownership over himself. The worst punishment that anyone has over themselves is guilt and shame. But Master owns me as well so he takes ownership of my discipline just as he has ownership over himself. [sm=agree.gif] This times 10000000. It's the responsibility that a Dom signs up for in being a Dom. If they aren't responsible enough to bear that burden, you need to leave that relationship. The sub leaving isn't even an extreme answer. They might be an awesome, wonderful, loving person who loves having a submissive, but if they can't do this, they aren't fit to be a Dom.

NuevaVida -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/17/2013 10:18:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all? He's fucked up before. He's human - we all do at times. Usually he realizes it, and like lw said, takes ownership of it, apologizes, and fixes it. There have been times he hasn't realized it, so I bring it up and tell him. We don't expect perfection out of each other, but we do expect honesty. And that means putting my feelings out there on the table when he's messed up. It also means he's accountable for mess ups and doesn't sweep them under an "I'm the Master and always right" umbrella.

Focus50 -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/18/2013 5:12:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment). The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all? The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable. I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip. You're half right - when I screw up, the girl doesn't get to punish me. But I'm a Dom who's burdened by personal pride, morals, principles and a strong sense of justice etc. So when I get it wrong, I get hell from him in the mirror. And what the girl gets is open communication channels to freely voice any concerns or issues she may have. Time and place for everything, of course, but she doesn't just get brushed aside like she doesn't matter. If she did, I wouldn't blame her for just up and leaving me.... Focus.

OsideGirl -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/18/2013 8:43:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Not every D/s or M/s relationship is a punishment dynamic. When either of us fucks up, we discuss it like adults. ^^^This. Or sometimes, we just fight like a married couple.

kalikshama -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/18/2013 10:01:13 AM)
More recently, my tears were punishment enough.

RumpusParable -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/18/2013 8:59:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment). The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all? The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable. I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip. What I would hope is going on even if punishment is involved in a relationship: they talk about the problem. The dom considers what has happened and if they really did mess up in some way they take responsibility for it, take actions to fix it if they can, and whether they can or not go forward trying to reliably not do whatever it was again. Which, whether punishment is involved physically or not, is basically what it comes down to for the sub/slave, too. Not really any different between the two.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/19/2013 5:19:57 AM)
Communication maybe? Doubt there is much that anyone can do to me that equates to the berating I give myself when I fuck up. My fuck ups effect the entire household so it is taken pretty seriously by myself. quote: ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt When a sub/slave breaks the rules, there is usually an expectation of punishment. Often it is corporal in nature (although it doesn't have to be. I know there are those on here who don't believe in physical pain for punishment). The question I am interested in is what happens when the Dominant does not keep up their end of the relationship? Obviously there is not going to be punishment for the Dominant. So what mechanisms does a submissive have to address the lack on the Dominant's part? Or does the sub not have any redress at all? The extreme answer if the Dominant consistently refuses to do their part in the partnership is for the sub to leave. Surely there should be less extreme measures that would be acceptable. I would be interested in thoughts from both sides of the whip.

JeffBC -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/20/2013 7:56:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama More recently, my tears were punishment enough. nods emphatically For me, a tiny loss of respect in her eyes cut worse than any knife I can imagine. It's not exactly "punishment" but it surely is "negative incentive" LOL.

lilBlackbird44 -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/21/2013 9:26:38 PM)
As a sub, I can say that I lose interest quickly if they aren't holding up their end of the bargain. I try talking to them about it, but if they don't listen, they don't get my enthusiasm. And without my enthusiasm, its just going through the motions. They learn real quick!

Kana -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 6:53:01 AM)
I'm a grown man.I engage in regular self analysis.In addition, I have mentors, people who know me and call my shit. Some of these are professional,others personal, a few spiritual. Then there's the mouse, who finds wonderful ways of letting me know exactly how I've gone awry while somehow maintaining humility and a keen sense of servility. (Well that and the occasional smirk and sassy set of her shoulders she thinks I don't see. But I do. I let her keep her illusions though. For now.) Tough balancing act there. She seems to take great joy in spinning my own words against me, simultaneously looking blankly and vaguely angelically innocent as she calls me out. I really do need to beat her more often. So yeah, when I fuck up I own my shit. I do what I can to set things right, own up to my errors, take whatever lumps I have coming and move on. Life is to short to be held back by excess baggage.

sexyred1 -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 7:01:54 AM)
It is nice to read about Doms who take ownership over their fuck ups. After being with someone for so long that never once admitted anything and always tried to blame me or anything that would let him avoid any self analysis, this has risen to the top of things desired in a man.

petitespot -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 7:51:58 AM)
My way of thinking is like this... Certain aspects of a relationship shouldn't fall into the realm of tpe. If either side fucks up, they own up to it and it gets handled like two mature adults. One doesn't get a "pass" because he's the dominant in the relationship and one doesn't get a pass as the submissive. My requirements for a relationship are that both sides own up to their faults and keep an open flow of communication going between the two. It's never one sided.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 9:45:18 AM)
I was in my late 20's and decided to try a full TPE relationship. I found that it was not much different than how I looked at and handled my relationships anyway. I thought that if the female involved knew what the relationship was going to be that it would make things so much better. That relationship failed, I made many of the same mistakes that I had in previous relationships. The new one I made was that I did something that emotionally damaged the girl whom I was supposed to be the master of. It was downright sobering, and I went into a lengthy period of introspection and realized I had been doing circles because I had been refusing to accept responsibility. I made a determination then that part of my personal ethics would always be to accept responsibility, and be accountability for what I am supposed to do. Only then can we learn from our mistakes and grow. I also did a lot of reading into it at that time and learned many people do not accept responsibility because denial is used so they dodge it and their ego is not damaged. Most have a fragile ego or issues with their self esteem that will not allow them to. Not sure if it is for the same reason with your former, but thought I would add my anecdote from a man that used to blame others and other things, rather than accept responsibility. quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 It is nice to read about Doms who take ownership over their fuck ups. After being with someone for so long that never once admitted anything and always tried to blame me or anything that would let him avoid any self analysis, this has risen to the top of things desired in a man.

petitespot -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 10:42:23 AM)
Sometimes even when one takes full responsibility for their mistake and goes through incredible lengths to change themselves to ensure it never happens again, the damage is done, the other can't forgive or forget and the relationship dies. All due to an unintentional mistake. That is the real world.

Gauge -> RE: Punishing Master? (9/22/2013 11:57:34 AM)
Taking ownership over your mistakes is essential. Anyone can play the blame game, but it takes guts to admit that you are wrong. This is why I carry "My Fault" insurance. I have no problem whatsoever admitting a mistake, error, disaster, or place where I have gone astray. I feel no shame for making mistakes, but that is not to say that I am not humbled, or embarrassed when I make them. During my life I have had to take good, hard looks at myself and admit devastating truths about my own character defects and places where I have made some seriously bad decisions. I have worked damn hard on correcting my mistakes and to learn how not to make the same one again. When I was younger, I had this tendency to speak my mind before filtering it through the question, "Is this the right thing to say, in this manner?" I got tired of the taste of my foot in my mouth so I changed this. I still speak my mind, but I have a process that I go through mentally to temper what I say for clarity and tact. This sometimes frustrated people that I talk with because I sometimes pause for long periods of time before I say something, but when it finally comes out of my mouth, it usually is something that I want to say and not something that I will instantly regret. This is just one example of what I have learned from previous mistakes. So, I make mistakes. I know this shocks people, but there it is.

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