subliminal subconscious programming (Full Version)

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Greta75 -> subliminal subconscious programming (9/18/2013 7:20:58 AM)

I have broken up with my x-dom and been 1.5 yrs without him now. When I was with him, it was a 24/7 thing.
But during my time with him, for some reason, he had always drill in my head that all other doms are evil, the nicer they seem, the more distrustful I need to be of them, he would tell me how many doms are not into consensual slavery but are totally into the real thing and they'll be nice at first and then later they'd blackmail and make you into a real non-consensual slave. And infact he always drilled into me that if I left him, I should just stick to vanilla men for my own safety. It does not help that another dom I trusted alot and was friends for a long time turn out to be one of these "evil doms" he talks about, who tried to blackmail me.

And so..., I don't know what it is now. It's like every dom I meet, even though he seem nice, I just feel this unreasonable distrustful feeling. And I can't explain it. It's probably why I am still only actually getting into bed with vanilla guys and not doms. And the thing is, my x-dom went beyond what regular people will do to make me feel safe when I first met him and even after, I've always felt super safe and secure with him, like I know he'll never go too far and do anything non-consensual, and his like a totally super safety physical welfare person, he practices so many safety measures to make sure I never get hurt. I don't think I will ever meet anybody like him ever again. And he just knows what his doing with everything.

It seems like every new dom I meet do not feel the need to assure me or make me feel safe with him first. Like they just assume, I'm someone's 24/7 sub before, so this is normal for me, so like, I don't know, and I get so paranoid and feel unable to feel comfortable with them which of course spoils the possibility of getting to know them further, because once I feel uncomfortable, I start ignoring them and not want to see them again.

But before I met my x-dom, it was a whole different experience, it was like I was meeting so many potential doms that I would have been happy to play with and I didn't feel this fear, except I chose my x-dom because I don't know, you can call it love at first chat or I don't know, I felt so connected to him from first chat, and then meeting him, he was like a dom right out of my dreams, physical appearance wise and personality too. So I think I have been mind fucked big time somehow during my time with him, so I can never be with any other doms again because this irrational fear is plaguing me. And also why I seem to be going into bad streak of meeting so-called "freaky" doms, maybe it's me and not them. My brain is screwed. On the other hand, am meeting vanilla men who treats me the way a very good vanilla man would treat a lady, they have been fabulous, except I am missing the "nasty" in the bedroom and the mental games a dom would usually do.

The other thing I have been mind-fucked is the way I wear my cunt. And I'm calling it cunt, something he taught me too, I never used to call it that. But I used to get into tears, and big fights and big begging with him about him forcing me to wear it the style he wants, because he knows I hate it. But it's crazy because I have grown to love it now and am still wearing it that way. His kinda like been drilling all those times about how my cunt belongs to him and only he is allowed to dictate how to style it. And like..., I've been unable to go back to my old self and wear it the way I used to wear it and love it, which is completely bald. I've been still grooming it exactly the way he likes it, which is absolutely crazy. But it's like, I am preferring it that way now. I did try to make it bald again, to see if I can just drop this craziness, but I just can't stand it bald anymore and then grew it back. When I've loved it bald all my life since I hit puberty which is driving me nuts how could this be happening?

If this is truly subliminal mind fuck, how do I shake it?

My x-dom was also a trained interrogator in the military. I know they mind fuck people to give up information. And on a conscious level when he deals with me as a dom when we were together, I notice how he plants seeds and play mind games with me all the time to get what he wants. But I enjoyed the manipulation in that relationship, just not liking the residue effect since we are no longer together.

Anybody ever experienced this? And how do you deal with it?




DesFIP -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/18/2013 6:27:57 PM)

I don't know how long you've been separated, and yes, that matters.

Beyond that, therapy to learn to trust your own instincts about people or to learn how to pick good people.

You also need to make a list of things you enjoyed before him, that he didn't let you do. And put them on your to-do list. So every day you do one thing you used to love that you couldn't do with him. And with time, the enjoyment will return.

However, you also need to improve your ability to talk to people. To tell a guy that just because you used to do something with your ex doesn't mean you feel comfortable doing it with a stranger. That you may or may not ever want to do it again and that probably it will not happen until you've been with him as friends and lovers for several years. That should help chase away the guys who just want another notch on their bedpost.

And recognize that most guys are not interested in a relationship. They just want some hot sex. Which doesn't make them bad people, because hot sex is pretty awesome in my book. It just means they aren't compatible with you.

But I also suggest that you look at it from their point of view. What if they really believe all other subs really are interested in them for their salary, and will look for reasons to blackmail them out of lots of money. Would you be interested in proving to them that you are trustworthy? Wouldn't you be upset if their first response was to call you an evil person? They're going to feel the same when you believe they are all evil and demand they prove themselves to you. In fact, this attitude means the good guys are going to feel affronted by you and won't talk to you. Only the bad guys, the con men, will be willing to try to get past your attitude so they can do this to you. Your attitude is causing you to meet only the guys you don't want to meet.



DarkSteven -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/18/2013 6:57:01 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I have broken up with my x-dom and been 1.5 yrs without him now.

Good for you.
quote:



When I was with him, it was a 24/7 thing.
But during my time with him, for some reason, he had always drill in my head that all other doms are evil, the nicer they seem, the more distrustful I need to be of them, he would tell me how many doms are not into consensual slavery but are totally into the real thing and they'll be nice at first and then later they'd blackmail and make you into a real non-consensual slave. And infact he always drilled into me that if I left him, I should just stick to vanilla men for my own safety. It does not help that another dom I trusted alot and was friends for a long time turn out to be one of these "evil doms" he talks about, who tried to blackmail me.


Bastard. He tried to use unethical means to keep you from leaving.
quote:



And so..., I don't know what it is now. It's like every dom I meet, even though he seem nice, I just feel this unreasonable distrustful feeling. And I can't explain it. It's probably why I am still only actually getting into bed with vanilla guys and not doms. And the thing is, my x-dom went beyond what regular people will do to make me feel safe when I first met him and even after, I've always felt super safe and secure with him, like I know he'll never go too far and do anything non-consensual, and his like a totally super safety physical welfare person, he practices so many safety measures to make sure I never get hurt. I don't think I will ever meet anybody like him ever again. And he just knows what his doing with everything.


Nope. He fed you a line of bullshit. He did everything he could to make you believe he was safe. He wasn't - he screwed with your mental health. He did not keep you safe - he TOLD YOU he was keeping you safe.
quote:



It seems like every new dom I meet do not feel the need to assure me or make me feel safe with him first. Like they just assume, I'm someone's 24/7 sub before, so this is normal for me, so like, I don't know, and I get so paranoid and feel unable to feel comfortable with them which of course spoils the possibility of getting to know them further, because once I feel uncomfortable, I start ignoring them and not want to see them again.


Therapy.
quote:



But before I met my x-dom, it was a whole different experience, it was like I was meeting so many potential doms that I would have been happy to play with and I didn't feel this fear, except I chose my x-dom because I don't know, you can call it love at first chat or I don't know, I felt so connected to him from first chat, and then meeting him, he was like a dom right out of my dreams, physical appearance wise and personality too. So I think I have been mind fucked big time somehow during my time with him, so I can never be with any other doms again because this irrational fear is plaguing me. And also why I seem to be going into bad streak of meeting so-called "freaky" doms, maybe it's me and not them. My brain is screwed. On the other hand, am meeting vanilla men who treats me the way a very good vanilla man would treat a lady, they have been fabulous, except I am missing the "nasty" in the bedroom and the mental games a dom would usually do.


He got into your head and twisted it. You used to be healthy, and now you're not.
quote:



The other thing I have been mind-fucked is the way I wear my cunt. And I'm calling it cunt, something he taught me too, I never used to call it that. But I used to get into tears, and big fights and big begging with him about him forcing me to wear it the style he wants, because he knows I hate it. But it's crazy because I have grown to love it now and am still wearing it that way. His kinda like been drilling all those times about how my cunt belongs to him and only he is allowed to dictate how to style it. And like..., I've been unable to go back to my old self and wear it the way I used to wear it and love it, which is completely bald. I've been still grooming it exactly the way he likes it, which is absolutely crazy. But it's like, I am preferring it that way now. I did try to make it bald again, to see if I can just drop this craziness, but I just can't stand it bald anymore and then grew it back. When I've loved it bald all my life since I hit puberty which is driving me nuts how could this be happening?

If this is truly subliminal mind fuck, how do I shake it?

My x-dom was also a trained interrogator in the military. I know they mind fuck people to give up information. And on a conscious level when he deals with me as a dom when we were together, I notice how he plants seeds and play mind games with me all the time to get what he wants. But I enjoyed the manipulation in that relationship, just not liking the residue effect since we are no longer together.

Anybody ever experienced this? And how do you deal with it?




Therapy.



Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 4:54:59 AM)

DesFIP, I just want to clarify that when I meet doms, I behave normally with them, talk to them like normal friends. I don't treat them any differently than I treat vanilla men. It's just that when they make me feel uncomfortable, I would kind of not tell them that, and sort of just back away, giving them the impression that I am just not interested after getting to know them a little more.

So I don't know if my spidey senses are just messed up, because they are working great for vanilla guys.

DarkSteven,

Therapy is not really an option since this involves talking to a therapist about my bdsm kinks, and I doubt there is any kink friendly therapist in my area. I am not sure if I feel safe with him because he made me think I was safe with him. But when we first met, he gave me his business card, invited me to his home, showed me his ID even though I never asked for any of these. He gave me his work number and his personal number. Introduced me to his mom on video cam, eventually did take me to meet her and his whole family, sisters and all. And the thing is, he was just a very open and transparent person. He was never guarded around me, he was like an open book with nothing to hide. That I guess develops alot security and trust on my end. But this super openness is rare, because I doubt I will meet anybody as open and unconcern about his own privacy as he was. Not sure if that was manipulation at all. We really ended mainly because, he was trying to take me beyond my limits and I was not willing to go further with him. It was so amicable, we both agreed that we can't fulfill each other in the bdsm side of things.






ChatteParfaitt -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:12:38 AM)

quote:

Therapy is not really an option since this involves talking to a therapist about my bdsm kinks, and I doubt there is any kink friendly therapist in my area.


You don't need a kink friendly therapist. ANY god therapist will be kink friendly. Mine was very new to BDSM and had many misconceptions and allowed me to educate her. This is the type of therapist you need, one that is open minded and non-judgmental, which should be a prerequisite for ANY therapist of worth.

Greta, please try to get your mind around this. The first step in seeking therapy is always the hardest. And if you don't find a therapist that meshes with you, then quit them and find another. I was lucky enough to find a great person the first time. That she wasn't on the 'kink friendly' list does not mean she's not a great therapist.

Best to you.



DaddySatyr -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:20:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Therapy is not really an option since this involves talking to a therapist about my bdsm kinks, and I doubt there is any kink friendly therapist in my area.



My memory sucks due to a few neurological issues but I'm almost positive that this very site had a link to "kink-friendly(or aware) professionals".

I can't seem to find it, right now. That's why I say "used to" but, I would be willing to bet that such a resource exists, somewhere.



Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:22:23 AM)

I don't know, my country is crazily conservative. I can't even have casual sex without being judged by a therapist, like they tend to have so much righteous morals.



DaddySatyr -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:38:40 AM)

I did a quick Yahoo search. I am not in the habit of doing peoples' research for them.

The first thing I found (half-way down the page) was this.

Maybe it will help. Maybe it won't but, I encourage you to keep searching on your own.






SweetAnise -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:51:24 AM)

Greta I agree with everyone you need therapy. The link given to you is a wonderful way to find help from healthcare professionals who are aware and will not judge you. What I read in your post was that your x-dom used some serious mind control techniques on you and you need to be reprogrammed. I would not be seeking out anyone until you felt safe with yourself and the decisions you make. Just in case you need the link again HERE IT IS. Hope you find someone.



Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:53:58 AM)

Thank you, I'll check it up. Zero in my country by the way, but thanks for the link, I might have to slowly find a regular therapist whom I can explain this whole bdsm thingy to.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 5:56:42 AM)

*ALL* of the therapists in your country (Singapore) have righteous morals, or one you visited?

Please don't judge all therapists b/c one was too moralistic for you. Is there anyone you know who could give you a recommendation?

A friend, parent, older sibling, co-worker you trust, someone from your church?

This really is important for you. Please don't give up on yourself. I think you know you have too many issues for a quick fix.




Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 6:07:11 AM)

I have seen psychologists, counselors and therapists for other personal issues like my issues with having a viscious mom. But I've always tested them just to talk a little about my sex life, not even going into BDSM yet. I find them very moralistic about it, like what I'm doing is self-harm, in regards to having sex for just pleasure with people who are not my husband or boyfriend. Makes it very difficult to even move into bdsm.
So yea, it's a little hard to find someone who is not going to give me that..., look of disapproval and get me into defensive mode about explaining my lifestyle.

And the thing is..., how could they understand? When they don't believe in it? Or can't see any pleasure in it? All they see is I'm just doing shameful things and I need help to stop.

What I need is a sexologist cum therapist, presumingly, a sexologist should technically be very open minded about enjoying sex for sex.






DaddySatyr -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 6:08:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Thank you, I'll check it up. Zero in my country by the way, but thanks for the link, I might have to slowly find a regular therapist whom I can explain this whole bdsm thingy to.



I think you may find that most therapists are scientists (essentially) and that by definition, they run opposed to religious morality or dogma.

Since that link didn't help, just call some therapists and ask: "What do you know about BDSM?"

It might not be a bad way to get an idea about a therapist before you actually go to an appointment.






Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 6:15:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
Since that link didn't help, just call some therapists and ask: "What do you know about BDSM?"
It might not be a bad way to get an idea about a therapist before you actually go to an appointment.

Oh gosh..., that's scary haha! I will have to build up guts to do that.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 6:53:28 AM)

quote:

What I need is a sexologist cum therapist, presumingly, a sexologist should technically be very open minded about enjoying sex for sex.


Please ask yourself what is the real problem? That all therapists in Singapore are moralistic, or that you are ashamed to seek therapy?

quote:

So yea, it's a little hard to find someone who is not going to give me that..., look of disapproval and get me into defensive mode about explaining my lifestyle.


If you don't have shame, why do you get defensive?

You don't need anyone to give you a look of disapproval, you're doing a great job of disapproving yourself. Learning to be less disapproving with yourself is difficult. I know, it's one of the things I am right now working on with my therapist.

But as long as you make excuses as to why you can't be in therapy, the longer you will suffer. Take that hard step and make some calls, please, please?

There are many of us on this forum pulling for you.



angelikaJ -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 7:15:20 AM)

My suggestion would be to research groups where you are that list themselves as LBGT Organisations.
Then ask them for a referral to counselors that are LGBT friendly.

My guess is that if they are LGBT friendly, they will not have moral qualms about other "alternative" sexualities.



Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 7:34:24 AM)

quote:


Please ask yourself what is the real problem? That all therapists in Singapore are moralistic, or that you are ashamed to seek therapy?

How can I possibly be ashame of seeking therapy when I have been to several counsellings on my own free will?

quote:


If you don't have shame, why do you get defensive?

Because I felt insulted that they are judging what they don't understand and moving into a certain conservative conclusion. I am suppose to be in a non-judgemental safe zone with a counselor but it's never that way once sexual stuffs are brought out. Makes me angry and agitated. It's like being accused of something you are not. If you are not guilty, you get angry.

quote:

Take that hard step and make some calls, please, please?

I'm just paranoid about outing myself. I mean, fact of the matter is, in society eyes, there is shame in being in this lifestyle, where I am anyway. I guess being Asian, we are always taught that we can't always do what we want because whatever people think of us, also reflects badly on our family. It's not just shame to me, but shame to my whole family, my siblings, my parents.
The consequences are never just suffered by us alone. If it was just us alone, then no issues.
We still live in a society where tattoos are not accepted for example. And there was this female local singer who loves tattooes and has beautiful tattooes (in my opinion) all over her body, but now she is lasering them all off, because her child in school has been ostracized because his mom has tattooes. It's not fair to the child that her decisions cause her kid harm. That's kinda how we are wired.




Greta75 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 7:42:39 AM)

And I remember all my counsellors say to me that everything is confidential until they believe I am doing self-harm. Then families have to be contacted and informed. Like WTF seriously? What if they interpreted my BDSM lifestyle to be self-harm? Ok yea, I live in alot of fear when I entered this lifestyle. Took me years to even seriously step into it, since I already knew I was into this since a kid.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 12:01:32 PM)

I don't think you need a therapist.

I think that there is no point forcing yourself to rush into a new relationship if you're not getting that feeling from the guys you are considering.

After I broke up with my ex, I met a lot of really nice guys, who were very guarded and, to my mind, players. I wondered if that's just how guys were now and what was wrong with me. And then I met my current Dom, who welcomed me into his life, was completely open and transparent, and made me feel safe and trusting. And I realised that it wasn't me all along, it was just that I was meeting the wrong guys.

It also sounds like you enjoyed a lot of his mental control and that you are not really over him. You're not going to meet someone new if you're still half in love with your ex. What's more, no-one is going to want to date you if you're still following your ex's orders and doing things the way he likes them. If I were you, I would make a complete break with all of the habits he gave you. It might feel strange at first, but you will quickly get used to it again.

That is, if you want to get used to it again. The feeling I'm getting from your post is that you're not over him and you don't really want to break with his habits, or see someone new. It sounds like you just want to go back to being his submissive. If that's the case, you need to face up to that and make some hard decisions. Either get with him, or get over him. There is no halfway measure.



Gauge -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/19/2013 2:49:31 PM)

This is a Fast Reply:

OK, you got good advice. Therapy.

If there is a real problem with finding someone that is understanding of kink then don't mention it. You sound intelligent enough to explain your feelings without using BDSM terminology. So, if you will indulge me, I will show you what I mean by rewriting your original post.


quote:

I have broken up with my x-dom and been 1.5 yrs without him now. When I was with him, it was a 24/7 thing.
But during my time with him, for some reason, he had always drill in my head that all other doms are evil, the nicer they seem, the more distrustful I need to be of them, he would tell me how many doms are not into consensual slavery but are totally into the real thing and they'll be nice at first and then later they'd blackmail and make you into a real non-consensual slave. And infact he always drilled into me that if I left him, I should just stick to vanilla men for my own safety. It does not help that another dom I trusted alot and was friends for a long time turn out to be one of these "evil doms" he talks about, who tried to blackmail me.


I broke up with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. During that time he convinced me that all other men except him are evil and are out to use me and take advantage of me. He told me that I would only ever be safe with him. He also told me that other men were not to be trusted.

quote:


And so..., I don't know what it is now. It's like every dom I meet, even though he seem nice, I just feel this unreasonable distrustful feeling. And I can't explain it. It's probably why I am still only actually getting into bed with vanilla guys and not doms. And the thing is, my x-dom went beyond what regular people will do to make me feel safe when I first met him and even after, I've always felt super safe and secure with him, like I know he'll never go too far and do anything non-consensual, and his like a totally super safety physical welfare person, he practices so many safety measures to make sure I never get hurt. I don't think I will ever meet anybody like him ever again. And he just knows what his doing with everything.


I have tried dating other men, but somehow I always have this feeling that I am unable to trust them because of what my boyfriend said. My ex-boyfriend went out of his way to make me feel safe and secure. He was very protective of me and so I felt very comfortable with him. What is strange is that I do not think that anyone will ever care for me the same way ever again. I felt like he knew exactly the way to keep me happy and now I don't think anyone else is capable of measuring up to him.

quote:

It seems like every new dom I meet do not feel the need to assure me or make me feel safe with him first. Like they just assume, I'm someone's 24/7 sub before, so this is normal for me, so like, I don't know, and I get so paranoid and feel unable to feel comfortable with them which of course spoils the possibility of getting to know them further, because once I feel uncomfortable, I start ignoring them and not want to see them again.


My ex-boyfriend conditioned me so well, because I now compare every man I meet to him, that it has ruined any dating or relationship I am seeking. Once I get uncomfortable with someone I shut down and break off any contact. I am not sure if that is rational or not, because my ex convinced me that he was the only man for me.

quote:

But before I met my x-dom, it was a whole different experience, it was like I was meeting so many potential doms that I would have been happy to play with and I didn't feel this fear, except I chose my x-dom because I don't know, you can call it love at first chat or I don't know, I felt so connected to him from first chat, and then meeting him, he was like a dom right out of my dreams, physical appearance wise and personality too. So I think I have been mind fucked big time somehow during my time with him, so I can never be with any other doms again because this irrational fear is plaguing me. And also why I seem to be going into bad streak of meeting so-called "freaky" doms, maybe it's me and not them. My brain is screwed. On the other hand, am meeting vanilla men who treats me the way a very good vanilla man would treat a lady, they have been fabulous, except I am missing the "nasty" in the bedroom and the mental games a dom would usually do.


This irrational fear of never finding someone to treat me the way he treated me is destroying my ability to be as intimate as I want with potential partners. I like the man to be in charge and to control me sexually but my fear always stops me from being able to let go of myself and try to get close to them.

quote:

The other thing I have been mind-fucked is the way I wear my cunt. And I'm calling it cunt, something he taught me too, I never used to call it that. But I used to get into tears, and big fights and big begging with him about him forcing me to wear it the style he wants, because he knows I hate it. But it's crazy because I have grown to love it now and am still wearing it that way. His kinda like been drilling all those times about how my cunt belongs to him and only he is allowed to dictate how to style it. And like..., I've been unable to go back to my old self and wear it the way I used to wear it and love it, which is completely bald. I've been still grooming it exactly the way he likes it, which is absolutely crazy. But it's like, I am preferring it that way now. I did try to make it bald again, to see if I can just drop this craziness, but I just can't stand it bald anymore and then grew it back. When I've loved it bald all my life since I hit puberty which is driving me nuts how could this be happening?


My ex-boyfriend controled me to the point that he made me change things about the way I groom myself, from the way I dress to the way I wear my hair. He even changed the way I prefer to groom my private parts even though I had loved the way I kept myself before I got involved with him. I fear that I have totally lost my identity because of this man and I am terrified that I will never be able to go back to the way I want to be.

quote:

My x-dom was also a trained interrogator in the military. I know they mind fuck people to give up information. And on a conscious level when he deals with me as a dom when we were together, I notice how he plants seeds and play mind games with me all the time to get what he wants. But I enjoyed the manipulation in that relationship, just not liking the residue effect since we are no longer together.


My ex-boyfriend was a trained military interrogator. I feel that he used his training to destroy who I am and what I want. I think that I can no longer trust anyone because he convinced me that I couldn't. I feel trapped and alone because he isolated me and I have no idea how to get myself out of this situation.

************************************************

Of course some things might be a little better worded but you get the general idea. Notice that I only very generally mentioned your preference to be controlled?

What happened to you was abusive. He systematically took your identity away from you and replaced it with what he wanted. He took away your ability to confide or trust in anyone but him. You saw him as your savior. In other words, he did use his military training on you. They are trained to break down their subject and to make their subject believe that the only one that cares about them and is worthy of their trust is the one who is trying to extract information from them. They basically destroy everything that is natural to a human being and replace it with a new set of rules and beliefs. His actions involving every detail of your life right on down to you shaving yourself was a tactic to make you depend on him and to actually want to please him. He made you love the changes even though you never wanted them or discussed your desire to make them happen... he forced you to want and love them.

His tactics really are not what a dominant should be doing. Completely breaking down a submissive and creating an atmosphere where the personality and trust of the submissive are all but destroyed is harmful. You were masterfully deconstructed and replaced with what you have now... and that is obviously not what you expected or wanted to happen... nor should it have happened.

So, yes, therapy. You do not have to mention your kink at all. And if you perhaps hint around it in very general terms your therapist might begin to ask you a little more about it. Those answers should then be carefully thought about and expressed in general terms. Over time you can reveal a little more if you believe that your therapist is open to it, if not, keep it basic and only centered around the abusive relationship you were in.

You could break out of this on your own, but I am not sure that is the wisest thing to do. You need to be "reprogrammed" to understand what happened to you and how it has taken control of your life now. In the meantime, if you can get a copy of The Loving Dominant by John Warren, you will learn a little about what BDSM is about and understand that your experience is not what it is we do.

I wish you the very best.



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