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Form of contract - 9/24/2013 6:24:28 AM   
thorneyone


Posts: 48
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline 		I am not really into being a master but the opportunity has arisen and I feel I need to follow it through with purpose and honesty.
Has anyone got a simple set of written rules I could try to get compliance with from my sub.
It does not have to be a long form, just a few simple, mutually binding points.
Bob, UK
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 6:25:50 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Bob,
Just out of curiosity, why are you doing something you aren't into?
best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to thorneyone)
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RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 6:53:28 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. The sub does what the Dom says.

Glad to help.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 9:07:20 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hello Bob,
Just out of curiosity, why are you doing something you aren't into?
best,
sunshine


Maybe his partner is, and he wants to make her/him happy. If so, that's rather sweet.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 10:04:29 AM   
SerWhiteTiger


Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline 		I think knowing why you're doing this when you're not realy into it would be helpful to finding put what kind of advice you could use.

Personally, I could give or take being a Dom, but I have a girl who needs to be a slave, and I'm the only one who can provide that for her, so I have chosen to do so. But I do enjoy it as well, and the more I do it, the more attached I get to all of it.

< Message edited by SerWhiteTiger -- 9/24/2013 10:05:39 AM >

(in reply to graceadieu)
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RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 10:06:50 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		I would never do or say something that I am not into. Just doesn't make sense. Why put yourself into doing this if it doesn't make you happy?

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 10:35:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		If you google 'bdsm contract' or 'bdsm rules' you will get countless pages of other people's ideas of contracts and rules.

When I first started in bdsm all those years ago my first 'dominant' downloaded one of those contracts and me, in my excitement and ignorance, happily signed it. I thought that what I read was what was going to be.

I was more than happy to follow the rules, but he lost interest. After a while he stopped checking on stuff and I became disillusioned and we drifted apart. The reason he lost interest was mostly because it really wasn't what he was interested in, but he didn't have the heart to tell me that.

My advice would be, think of a few things you would like your sub/slave to do, and write them down. It might be something like not drinking coffee, sleeping in her collar, whatever you want. Make the list short and to the point, and most of all be 100% sure that you want to take responsibility for implementing and monitoring those rules. It's not fair to let her down in the future if it's not really your thing.



_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to thorneyone)
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RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 11:00:11 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		No piece of ass can be worth that much trouble. So why are you trying to be something you aren't? In my house it is covered by the COD rule . . . Comply Or Die. Steven put it very well, "The sub does what the Dom says". So now you know all you need to know. Wasn't that simple?



_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to thorneyone)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 12:06:24 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thorneyone

I am not really into being a master but the opportunity has arisen and I feel I need to follow it through with purpose and honesty.



If you are not into being a master, how do you expect to do it with purpose and honesty? Why are you in this position? What brought you to this point?

quote:

Has anyone got a simple set of written rules I could try to get compliance with from my sub.


Put 400 dominants in a room and ask this question and you will get 400 unique answers. Also, you do not try to get compliance from your sub, it is what you must do or the rules are useless. Most here will tell you that above all be consistent. Don't bend the rules, do not compromise once the rules are set and do not be afraid to enforce them once they are implemented.

quote:

It does not have to be a long form, just a few simple, mutually binding points.


What is it that you want your submissive to do? Serve you dinner at a specific time? Serve as furniture? Be naked, on her knees with head bowed and hands out in front of her when you come home? Wash your feet? Keep the home tidy? Dress a certain way for you? Scrub you while you bathe? Hand you a towel after bathing? Hand you an ice cold beer after you come home? Surely you can think of some things that you would want someone to do for you. There is no real set protocol except for what you desire. If you need more information perhaps check out some of the books that are listed in the sticky posts in the General BDSM forums.

I will ask the question again, why are you doing this? Knowing the reasons may help us give you better advice and overall information to help you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to thorneyone)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 1:26:03 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		If I were your submissive, I would much rather my goal be complying with what your wishes and desires were. My thoughts are such that, if I am willing to do as you say, the least you could do is set forth expectations that are authentic to you. I would feel cheated by your masterfulness in obtaining a generic set of rules, simply for the sake of having rules. If you aren't capable of putting enough effort into figuring out what you want, why should I?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to thorneyone)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 2:53:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You're missing the fact that the contract can't be one sided. So if you write that she has to be totally honest, then you had better be able to handle criticism without getting defensive. Can you?

Because the moment you deflect what she says, she will learn that despite what you wrote, you actually don't want her to tell you when there's a problem.

If she has to give you all her money to manage, then you had better be a whiz at budgeting. Are you?

Do you want the responsibility more than you want the blow jobs on demand? Because starting this and not keeping up your end of the bargain is much worse than telling her you don't know if you're up to this and want to start out slow and see how far you get.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Form of contract - 9/24/2013 4:26:52 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		Rules? There ain't no rules in a knife fight!

(in reply to thorneyone)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Form of contract - 9/25/2013 2:54:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP - this thread might give you some ideas. We had a fairly lively discussion about "improvement" recently although the discussion was about being single. Give her/him ways to self-improve, and check on the progress. Is there progress? Does the sub have what is needed in order to continue improving quality of life? One step at a time.

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Form of contract - 9/25/2013 7:07:50 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thorneyone
Has anyone got a simple set of written rules I could try to get compliance with from my sub.

Yeah... my list of rules contains exactly one and there's no vagueness.

"Obey"

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to thorneyone)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Form of contract - 9/26/2013 1:24:21 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		A BDSM contract is not real. It does not legally bind the parties. Since it is merely an expression of fantasy, and does not dictate the reality of anytyhing that shall happen, you can write down anything you want. You can say, "my partner promises to build me a rocket and fly me to the moon."

If you want to engage in non-fantasy interaction, non role-play, where you each manifest the deeper truths of your disposition of the control-surrender dynamic, then just authentically be who you are.

< Message edited by aldompdx -- 9/26/2013 1:32:32 PM >

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Form of contract - 9/26/2013 2:21:33 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		1-The only contract I've ever needed is a verbal one. If I can't trust the cunt, why would I want to be in bed, much less a relationship with her?
2-I have three rules, all of which apply to her role in my life. Serve, please, obey. That's it.
Mostly though, if you're a dominant type, the rules will kinda write themselves as the relationship progresses and it's usually a wise idea to let them. Otherwise one can find oneself in that awkward place where the rules set down now restrict the potential of the relationship and the Dominant party is now bound by word and integrity to do things that hinder rather than aid. Which just fucking sucks. This is one thing newer folks miss all the time-those rules, that stricture, it cuts both ways.
Over years of digesting my own crow, I've learned to set less and less hard strictures and let things evolve as they progress.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to aldompdx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Form of contract - 9/26/2013 6:11:02 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

A BDSM contract is not real. It does not legally bind the parties. Since it is merely an expression of fantasy, and does not dictate the reality of anytyhing that shall happen, you can write down anything you want. You can say, "my partner promises to build me a rocket and fly me to the moon."

If you want to engage in non-fantasy interaction, non role-play, where you each manifest the deeper truths of your disposition of the control-surrender dynamic, then just authentically be who you are.


No. Your premise is that all contracts must be legally binding.

The word "contract" might be problematic. "List of rules" might be better. And it's very useful as a discussion tool.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to aldompdx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Form of contract - 9/28/2013 2:18:46 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		No and No again! it either is a contract (real) or it is not a contract (imaginary). I thought this post used the word "contract" rather than "non-contract."

As every little kid learns from Dr. Seuss -- say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Only a narcissist would imagine they are above the law, and a contract is only whatever they say it is, and to hell with what society or mere language has defined as a contract -- because a narcissist (cough: dictator/tyrant) is better and above the standards, redifines the standards, and arbitrarily make their own rules whenever they feel like it. -- OBEY THE SUPREME LORD AND RULER OF ALL!

Generally speaking (not pointing to Steven):
Man, in the few years I have been gone, this entire board has really gone downhill. There are a bunch of cynical nasty disrespectful bullies trolling around (see example in my above paragraph), many of whom are the same old participants of many years ago. It would seem that many Americans really have it easy, with few responsibilities, and loads of time to cyber-relate rather than relate in the real world. Oh how easy it is to be an armchair critic.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Form of contract - 9/28/2013 4:19:40 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Actually, the OP asked for a list of rules, not a contract.

I was the first to mention the term 'contract', merely because a quick google search using 'bdsm contract' or 'bdsm rules' could give him the basis of some rules he could apply to his situation.

Everyone else (who are mostly in long-term, real-life bdsm relationships) have actually given some good advice. He now knows where to get the rules he wants. He has also been given food for thought, since he has clearly stated this is not really something he's into.




_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to aldompdx)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Form of contract - 9/28/2013 6:02:55 AM   
lilcracker


Posts: 243
Joined: 4/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Actually, the OP asked for a list of rules, not a contract.

I was the first to mention the term 'contract', merely because a quick google search using 'bdsm contract' or 'bdsm rules' could give him the basis of some rules he could apply to his situation.


The title of the post is Form of contract.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 20
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